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They were lying on their side on the bed in their dimly lit bedroom. She was pressed up against him and his arms were around her holding her close. They hadn’t spoken in a long while but they didn’t need to. They were warm, but then Edward was always warm despite his slim frame. They had finally had time to be like this together.
He called her name suddenly in a quiet whisper.
“Hmm?” she replied languidly and almost reluctantly pulled away to look up at him. He only stared at her as his hand gently caressed the side of her face. She closed her eyes and allowed him to do as he pleased as a small smile played at her lips. A long moment later her eyes opened slowly to find him still staring at her face, his face unreadable. Her smiled dimmed and her eyes took a trace of worry. She lifted a hand to place it on his cheek gently. “Edward?” she asked sounding a little concerned. She didn’t like it when he became like this, it usually meant he was thinking about the past or something unpleasant that had happened recently. While she didn’t know much about his past she knew enough to know it wasn’t good.
“I am fine,” he murmured though he slid his gaze away from hers. Generally, he was able to make and keep eye contact with her.
She let out a silent breath as she shifted from her position and raised herself slightly. Keeping her hand on his cheek she reached up and kissed him softly. He seemed to hesitate a moment as he sometimes did before he kissed back in the same fashion with warm but dry lips. The hand on the side of her face moved to rest gently on her waist. She always felt so cared for and loved when he held her. He was always so careful with her, as if he couldn’t quite believe she was with him. She thought the notion silly but never asked about it in case she was right and made him uncomfortable by bringing it up.
They continued kissing softly, her hand sliding into his hair as she carefully shifted them until he was on top of her. She cupped his face briefly before she instead began carding her fingers through his hair when he pulled away and began pressing soft kisses along her jaw and then down her neck. Then he pressed his face into the crook of her neck. In the silence of the room she heard him inhale deeply to take in her scent. While most people might find it creepy, she actually quite liked that he did this, if only because she liked doing it to him too. One of her hands kept running a hand through his hair while her other hand rubbed up and down his back in a soothing motion.
She absolutely loved this with him. There wasn’t anything sexual about it, it was simply a mutual need for physical closeness. While sometimes things did become sexual, this between them never started out with the intention of being so. They only wanted to share a physical connection with each other and just be.
They stayed like that another long while where she had allowed her eyes to close just to enjoy the moment. When he began pulling away she slowly blinked her eyes open to look up at him. He was a lot closer considering his glasses had been placed on the nightstand. He hesitated briefly before he leant down to press a kiss to the corner of her mouth. This confused her as he was usually much more sure of himself when they were together like this. “Edward?” she again asked quietly.
His eyes flickered to hers briefly, then down to her lips and then back up to her eyes. He didn’t say anything before his eyes slid away from her. “Eddie? Won’t you kiss me?” she queried softly. It wasn’t a demand, she was only asking. She didn’t want to press him about what was wrong but she was worried.
He held her gaze for a moment. “You want me to?” he mumbled.
She didn’t even try to hide her concern. “Of course I do. I always want you to,” she answered earnestly.
“Even when we have a disagreement?” he teased though he didn’t smile.
She giggled quietly at that. “Well, maybe that depends on the disagreement,” she allowed. He allowed a small smile at that.
He suddenly sat up and brought her up with him. She let out a soft sound of surprise and gripped his shoulders even though his hands were securely on her waist. She didn’t have time to question him as he suddenly pulled her into a firm hug, one of his hands burying into her hair to bring her as close to him as he could. His face buried into the crook of her neck again.
She decided not to say anything. She hugged him back and rested her cheek on his shoulder as she rubbed his back in what she hoped would be a comforting manner. At least now she knew something had definitely happened. When they spent time like this together he was usually relaxed and comfortable.
She was kneeling in an uncomfortable position and after a while she needed to move so she shifted to straddle him, which would actually bring them closer. It seemed though, as if he thought she was pulling away because his grip on her tightened almost reflexively at her movement. “I’m not going anywhere,” she assured soothingly. And just to accentuate her words, once she found a comfortable position she pressed her own face gently into the crook of his neck. Her hands continued to move comfortingly on his back and through his hair.
They sat like that for a long time. So long she had stopped her ministrations and had just decided to hug him to her. She was even debating whether to doze off for a little bit. He’d tell her what was wrong in his own time and not before. She had learned that pushing him didn’t end well.
“I love you,” his words interrupted her thoughts. The words were spoken so quietly that even with how close they were and how quiet the room was she barely heard them.
“I love you too, Edward. So much,” she reassured. She kept the times he said ‘I love you’ close to her heart. Even though he’d shown her many times and in different ways that he loved her, he wasn’t much for saying them. Even though she secretly would prefer he said ‘I love you’ more often, actions spoke louder than words and by the way he treated her she was certain that he loved her. In return, she made sure to show him and tell him how much she loved him because she knew it was something he needed.
She wondered if someone had said something about their relationship. It didn’t happen often but the few times someone had made a comment or pass at her when she and Edward were together, he’d begin overthinking their relationship and wondering if she was going to leave him for someone he deemed ‘better’. She wasn’t sure why he thought that when she’d never showed signs of wanting to do that and they had been together for a long time. It was probably one more of his insecurities. Even though she didn’t mind taking the time to tell and show him that she loved him and wasn’t going to leave him, she wished he was much more secure in their relationship. She wanted to marry this man for goodness sake!
He pulled back just enough so his speech wasn’t muffled. “Someone commented on the photograph on my desk,” he began and sounded almost reluctant.
“Photograph?” she queried confused pulling back slightly to rest her cheek on his shoulder again.
He didn’t answer right away. “The photograph we took the night we became official,” he explained and sounded a little embarrassed.
She giggled and couldn’t help feeling happy that he’d actually placed it on his desk. “I changed the photo on my desk to that one too. It’s my favorite one of us and we look cute,” she said with a smile in her voice.
“Really?” he asked curiously.
“Yeah. It’s an important date and I really like how the photo turned out,” she answered.
“You have it on your desk?”
“Of course. I want to show off my amazing boyfriend to everyone,” she told him honestly. She placed a kiss on his cheek and nuzzled his temple briefly.
“Amazing boyfriend?” he asked sounding slightly confused.
She grinned. “Yes. Amazing boyfriend. I said what I said. They know it too, I brag about you all the time,” she admitted.
“You talk about me?” he queried like he couldn’t quite believe that.
She snickered quietly. “I sure do. Some of my coworkers are probably tired of it, but the older ones just fawn over us being ‘so cute’ and about what a ‘nice young man’ you are,” she told him.
He pressed his face to the crook of her neck and she could feel him smiling. She happily pressed herself against him to bring them closer even though that was near impossible with how close they were already. They stayed that way for a little while before he eventually pulled back slightly to speak again. “Do they ever say anything…?” he trailed off but she knew what he wanted to ask.
She smirked at that, remembering the comments she’d received at the beginning and how she’d shut them up quickly. “Not anymore. They’ve learned not to. They don’t have any right to judge me, you or our relationship. They don’t matter. Besides, their partners or spouses probably wish they were half as amazing as you are. All those rumors I’ve heard about them are frankly disgusting,” she said to him. She felt a light kiss underneath her jaw and she smiled. “Did whoever made that comment about the photo on your desk think we looked cute too?”
His sigh tickled the side of her neck. He spoke after a moment. “They thought you looked… cute. I found no reason to disagree when they are right,” he recounted sounding a little awkward.
She giggled quietly and pulled back enough to place a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “You’re such a sweetheart Edward. I love you for that,” she said feeling a surge of affection for him. She wasn’t quite sure why but when he awkwardly complimented her like that it made the compliment seem sweeter and much more genuine. He gave a small, shy smile and it made his boyish features seem more so. She couldn’t help stealing a quick kiss. He was adorable!
“The compliment is well deserved,” he commented before pressing his forehead to her shoulder.
“Aww, Eddie. You’re going to make me melt into a puddle of goo from how adorable you’re being right now,” she complained but there was clear amusement in her voice and she began running her fingers through his hair as she usually did when they were close like they were at the moment. He only chuckled quietly at her dramatics.
“Perhaps that is what I have been planning,” he mused.
She snickered. “Congratulations you brilliant man, it’s working. If I could fall in love with you anymore than I already am it would definitely be right now,” she admitted pressing her cheek to the side of his head. How did she get so lucky?
“Do you mean that?” he asked with slight surprise in his voice.
Her eyebrows raised in her own surprise before she pulled away to cup his face in her hands. She placed a soft kiss to his lips. “I mean what I say, Edward. Every time,” she told him earnestly hoping he would believe her.
His eyes were flickering across her face trying to gauge her expression. She didn’t know what he saw. “Others would say otherwise,” he said simply.
Her eyes hardened and her gaze slipped from his so he wouldn’t think the look was directed at him. “Edward… what did they say about the photo on your desk?” she couldn’t help but ask. To her credit her voice was calm and quiet.
He didn’t answer right away. He took her hands and held them between his and he looked down at them thoughtfully. “They made a superficially encouraging comment that held an underlying insult. They meant to let me know that you are in a relationship with me until you could find someone better. I was meant to be practice for you until you found someone you truly wished to be serious with,” he answered.
Okay, that hurt. None of the comments they’d received before had ever alluded to that. There had been comments about him not being right or good for her. There had been comments about how they wouldn’t last long or that she deserved or could do better. Comments telling her not to settle for someone like him. Those comments hurt, they always hurt. Even if they didn’t mean it to be that way, those comments suggested they didn’t think she could rightly choose a partner. Not only that but, most importantly, their comments suggested that they thought her chosen partner whom she loved and cared for wasn’t meant or enough for her. Like they knew what he was really like by just looking at him.
This though. This was different. “They think I’m using you,” she breathed and felt like the breath had been knocked out of her. She also looked down at their hands. He was still holding her hands between his. She didn’t know what to do. How dare someone make an accusation like that? Who were they to assume something like that? Did Edward think so too? Oh gosh! Had he been rethinking being with her because he thought maybe that was true? She didn’t know how to fix this. She didn’t know what to do or say to make him realize that wasn’t true. He couldn’t possibly leave her because of a suggestion someone made about her, right? Edward was an intelligent man, he wouldn’t do that… right?
Edward watched her carefully. He couldn’t see much of her face because she was looking down at their hands. This was new for them. Nobody, as far as he was concerned, had made a comment like that about them. The usual negative comments they received were aimed at him and she usually shut those down quickly and then when they were alone she would be there offering reassurances in words and actions. Quiet whispers against his ear and gentle affections. Even though he always felt surprised when she told him she loved him, even though he no longer should be with how often she said it, he didn’t doubt that she did.
He’d been hesitant at first because he didn’t know where things were going between them. He’d known where he wanted things to go but he quickly found she was not one to be easily manipulated and, even in his intelligence, he was inexperienced when it came to relationships. That meant he hadn’t quite known how to steer things in the direction he’d wanted them to go. To his surprise he hadn’t needed to because things had worked out between them so well. Of course, things had not been easy for either of them, they were used to different things and having their own space so it was natural that they would have disagreements. However, they had worked hard to be where they were now. He loved her, so much so that he wasn’t sure what he’d do if she left him. He wasn’t sure he’d let her leave. Conversely, he was absolutely sure she loved him too, it was just that he had an almost reflexive need to seek reassurance from her. It was most likely unhealthy. He didn’t care.
He couldn’t take her for granted, ever. He just couldn’t. The odds of them ending up where they were now, from the very beginning, were so low and dependent on so many variables that he was sure that in his lifetime their circumstances could never be recreated with anyone else. He was sure he could never encounter someone in the manner that he did her; therefore, there was never going to be anyone else that could captivate him in the manner in which she did from the very beginning.
He was brought from his thoughts when he heard her breathing shakily. Oh. She was crying. Before he could think of something to say she spoke. Her voice was quiet and small, almost a whisper. “What can I do to prove to you that they were wrong?”
He stayed quiet a moment in his surprise. The comment that person had made had bothered him and stayed with him, but not because he considered that they were right; rather because they had said something so unpleasant about his girlfriend.
Did she think he actually considered that person’s words to be true for any amount of time? To be fair, he’d never contested anyone who’d made ill comments about him to her. His own insecurities, whether he wanted to admit to them openly or not, had always left him with a nagging feeling that maybe those people were right. He might not doubt that she loved him but he certainly wondered if he deserved her. He would feel comforted when she would willingly offer him reassurance about their relationship and secretly it pleased him to see her upset and angry on his behalf.
For the first time though, things were reversed. It made him realize that this, like their relationship, was give and take. Perhaps he should make more of an effort to tell her he loved her. Maybe it wasn’t something she needed to hear but maybe it was something she would like to hear more often.
“Edward?” she queried quietly. He shook himself from his thoughts and paused again. She was looking at him with a hesitant expression. She was crying silently and he could see the uncertainty in her eyes.
“Nothing,” he murmured after a moment. She looked a little panicked at that. Before she could speak he continued, “There is nothing you need to do or prove to me. I know you love me. They do not have a right to judge either of us or our relationship. They do not matter.”
She watched him carefully for a moment before she looked away and sniffled. She chuckled quietly after a pause. “You’re using my words against me,” she joked.
He allowed a small smile at that. “Yes. I am using them because they are true and it would be hypocritical of you not to believe them.” If she didn’t believe them it meant she had been lying to him all this time. She had also said she’d always meant what she said, which would be a lie if she couldn’t believe her own words.
She laughed wetly and looked back down at their hands. “Being as intelligent as you are I know you wouldn’t have any trouble knowing if I was lying to you,” was all she said.
“I know you are not lying,” he assured. He let go of her hands and gently took her face in his hands. He carefully wiped the tears away from her eyes as she lifted her gaze to his.
There was a small smile tugging at her lips. He hesitated a moment before he kissed her gently on the lips, much like she had done before. There was no hesitation from her as she reciprocated and her hands were placed delicately on his shoulders.
Her lips were soft and warm and her hands delicate as they slid from his shoulders, up his neck and into his hair, carefully bringing him closer. She had an odd liking of his hair, not that he minded, it was a quirk of hers he’d gotten used to and missed when she fell asleep before him. He didn’t have room to say anything though when one of his odd quirks included being absolutely fascinated by seeing her wearing his clothes. He’d discovered that early in their relationship when he’d let her borrow a sweater. There was a possessive feeling that came with seeing her in his clothes. Not just oversized clothes but his clothes.
She pulled away but stayed so close he could feel her breath on his lips. “I love you Edward, okay? Never doubt that. Never doubt me, please,” she whispered hurriedly.
He brushed his thumb gently across her bottom lip. His eyes followed the movement before he met her eyes. “I know. I do not have any doubt of your feelings for me. I love you too,” he reassured. He was usually hesitant when admitting how he felt about her, more of a residual fear of being rejected, but at the moment it was something he knew she needed to hear.
“You won’t leave?”
He raised an eyebrow at that. Leave her? That wasn’t an option for him. “No. Never,” he promised.
The relief and vulnerability in her expression were so visible it hurt. That wasn’t an expression she should have, ever. Before he could say anything more she was kissing him soft and slow but there was a quiet desperation in the way she pressed herself closer to him and her hands slid from his hair to his back and fisted into his shirt.
His hands left her face and slipped underneath her shirt, his fingers splaying at the small of her back. It was something he often did when they were alone. He liked the skin on skin contact, feeling the smoothness of her skin against his calloused fingers. It was something that usually brought him a sense of comfort and closeness. He hoped it would do the same for her.
They stayed that way for a little while before they pulled away and he pressed his forehead lightly to hers. They closed their eyes simply reveling in the closeness. “Wanna stay like this,” she murmured.
He chuckled. “Agreed,” he answered shortly. It would be nice if they could do this more often. Granted, he’d taken the overtime because he’d needed the money and there was still some time left before he could stop. He needed to save up and he wasn’t quite where he needed to be yet.
He pulled away just to press his face into the crook of her neck. It was one of his favorite places. Her scent was strongest here. Her scent was warm, he couldn’t quite explain it but it was his favorite. He associated her scent with comfort, home and softness. Three things he’d never had until he met her.
He inhaled deeply and a satisfied feeling settled inside him. He could do this with her because she was his. He could be this close and this intimate with her because she was his. Only he could have her like this. She would only allow him this close. She only trusted him to be this close to her. “Mine,” he murmured and pressed a light kiss to her pulse point.
She giggled quietly at that but her grip on his shirt tightened a little. “Only if you’ll be mine too,” she teased gently.
“I am,” he admitted quietly, glad she couldn’t see his face and know he was blushing. He hadn’t actually meant to call her ‘his’ out loud, it was something he oftentimes thought but hadn’t voiced, afraid she might not take it well. However, since she hadn’t reacted badly, he could at least admit that he was hers. He might even go as far as to say she had him since she bought him that coffee upon their confusing first meeting.
“Then yes, I’m yours. I’m yours but only for as long as you’re mine,” she told him but there was a smile in her voice.
He wanted to tell her that would most likely be for a lifetime but didn’t say so. She might think he wasn’t serious or worse, he might scare her off. “I did mention I would not leave,” he reminded instead.
“You did,” she acknowledged quietly and felt her gently kiss the side of his head. He smiled against her neck and suddenly got an idea.
He wasn’t really the playful type and any teasing was usually kept light and generally started by her. He’d never tried anything like he had in mind before, at least not intentionally, but it might be worth it. He hoped she liked it. He hesitated… what if she didn’t? She might not. What if he made her upset instead? He’d just managed to make her feel better. Maybe he shouldn’t do it.
“Edward? Is something wrong?” she asked worriedly. He stilled and wondered how she knew something was wrong. “Eddie, you’re flexing your fingers and your breathing pattern’s changed,” she explained carefully.
“I…” he wasn’t sure how to explain what he’d wanted to do without sounding like a complete idiot but if he didn’t tell her what was wrong she might assume it had to do with their previous conversation, about that disrespectful comment.
Deciding to risk it, he thought it’d be better to just show her. He slid his hands to her sides, still underneath her shirt, and began wiggling his fingers. She jerked slightly at the sudden motion and let out a surprised yelp. “E-Ed?” she asked confused but also trying not to laugh. He didn’t stop tickling her and he watched her carefully.
She began squirming trying to get away from him as she finally laughed. He didn’t let her go though and continued his unexpected attack. He kept that up for a little while, silently fascinated by her. There weren’t any convincing words to explain why he felt so fascinated but he simply couldn’t keep his eyes away from her. Meanwhile she kept trying to get away, and when he finally let her she threw herself backward landing back onto the bed and bouncing slightly. He followed her movements and stopped tickling her, instead choosing to brace his weight on his forearms as he hovered over her.
She took a moment to calm and even when she did she kept giving the occasional giggle. When even the giggles stopped the warm, affectionate smile didn’t leave her face. He hadn’t realized he was also smiling until she gently placed a hand on his cheek. Her eyes were soft and that ever-present smile lit up her face. “Is that what you were debating? Whether to do it or not?”
He felt embarrassed and couldn’t quite form the words, so he only nodded and slid his gaze away from her. He reluctantly looked back at her when she laughed quietly. “You were trying to make me feel better, right?” she queried but she seemed to already know the answer. He shrugged and focused on a point somewhere above her head. “Thank you,” she told him quietly and when he looked back at her, her eyes and smile were kind. “If there were words to accurately describe how much I actually love you, I would use them, but there aren’t. So I guess you’re just going to have to deal with me telling you I love you repeatedly, even if you get tired of hearing me say it. I love you and I don’t think I’ve ever met a man that could be as sweet and adorable as you.”
He only raised an eyebrow at that even as he felt a warmth in his chest at her words. No, he didn’t think he’d ever get tired of hearing her tell him she loved him. “I could not tire of it as long as you mean it every time,” he told her.
She looked at him and it unnerved him a little how focused on him her gaze was. “I’ve told you before Edward, I mean what I say. I’m not the kind of person who throws around the words ‘I love you’ at anyone until they lose meaning. That’s not who I am,” she reminded.
His head tilted to the side. “I know that,” he conceded. Given the fact it had taken her nearly eight months to say the words after they became official (though to be fair, it had taken him longer), he was well aware of the fact she was careful to whom the words were spoken to.
She nodded once and let the subject drop. “So,” she began in a playful tone, “I’m feeling happy, you have me trapped underneath you, all to yourself, and tomorrow is your day off. What do you plan to do with me?” Even if her tone was light and playful, her eyes held a sultry edge to them that made his body react on instinct.
He shifted his weight before he settled one of his hands on her waist. “I have a few suggestions,” he answered. His eyebrow raised in question and he wondered what kind of mood she was in.
There was a little smirk playing at her lips. “I bet you do. We could test them… or…” she trailed off as she studied his face a moment even as her hands slipped under his shirt and began sliding up. Her touch was soft and teasing. She certainly knew the best way to make him react.
“O-or…?” he prompted after a sharp inhale. His voice wasn’t as steady as he would have preferred but she didn’t seem to mind. She never did. It was the reason why he could comply when she asked him to be vocal, because he knew she didn’t mind, preferred it even.
“Or,” she began in her bedroom voice. He just managed to suppress a shiver at that. “I could give you a reward for being such a good boy.”
He inhaled sharply. Oh. He liked the idea of that. He leant down to nuzzle the hollow of her throat. “Yes please, Mistress,” he breathed against her. Even if he was about to give her control he very much enjoyed seeing the way goosebumps formed on her arms.
“My good boy,” she murmured as her hand snaked into his hair and tugged on it only hard enough to make him gasp.
He was looking forward to how this would go. He always did. Being rewarded meant she’d be gentle and give him what he wanted (as long as he asked) but would torture him in the best way possible and be no less commanding than other times.
He wanted that. Yes, he was definitely her good boy.