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Hinako wasn't sure when she started being bullied at school, but it felt like it had been that way her whole life. Maybe it was because she naturally had difficulties getting along and relating with the other kids. Maybe it was because her relationship with her parents turned sour. Maybe it was because she was negative and antisocial as a result of all that. Whatever it was, her peers hated her, and she just didn't have the energy to try and like them in spite of that.
She tried to be kind to others, and be helpful in group projects, but the repeated exposure of other kids picking on her anyway made her lose both patience and compassion. They'd call her useless, a hindrance, even worthless, then they'd laugh it off, saying they were just teasing. At first she'd tried to retaliate, but her verbal jabs at the other kids always got drowned out by the barrage on herself. So she gave up and just accepted it every time it came her way. For some of the meaner kids, they thought it was boring that they couldn't get a reaction anymore. So then they'd hide her belongings, or vandalise her drawings and tell her to lighten up since it's just a joke.
She knew there were other kids, ones that wouldn't actively bully her, but just watch it happen. She hated that. Although, inside she knew that if she was in their position, she would probably do the same, too scared to raise a concern.
Her parents had the same attitude, but not because they were scared , but because they couldn't be bothered to raise a concern over Hinako. Sure, her parents provided shelter and food and everything to make sure she stayed alive, but beyond that, they didn't really care.
She had been told when she was eight years old that she was adopted, so maybe it was that her current parents just lost interest in her. They were so excited at the thought of fostering a poor child back up to health, but after realising how much work and suffering it was for them, they gave up. Hinako wondered if that's how her biological parents felt about her. So worthless that they didn't want to keep her. In any case, it seemed like neither of her parents—biological or adoptive—wanted her anymore.
Her school had caught wind of the fact that she was, as they put it, "going through a difficult time", so they made her visit the school counsellor once every week. At least they weren't terrible about their student's wellbeing, but Hinako didn't seem to get anything out of what was their attempt at free therapy. Maybe she didn't want to. Maybe she didn't even want to try.
The only things she did care about was being able to play video games she liked, and the online world. There, she could escape the dreariness of existence and people who hated her so, and replace it with a loving community of people who were interested in whatever she had to say. Most importantly, she could talk to her only real friend who she had made in this online space.
But they disappeared without a trace one day, and no matter what Hinako did to try and contact them, they never responded.
This absence of a single light made Hinako's world ten times darker. If she didn't have someone to share her worries, turmoils and thoughts to, why should she even try to suffer through it? There was nothing exciting about school to ease her worries. She would either be subjected to abuse or shunning at lunch. The only club she was interested in joining was the art club, and of course, one of her bullies was a member. Despite having a less than favourable relationship with her parents, they still cared enough to force her to go to school every morning. Of course, she always went anyway, as her teachers were really strict about attendance and punctuation. Although, she had skipped classes before, but only one or a few a day, and never for days in a row.
Not like what she was doing right now. She didn't want, no, couldn't go to school.
On a couple of days, she would go to the public library and read the books there and play on the computers. She got the feeling that the people working there were concerned why a middle school kid was not at school when they should be. Eventually, one of the employees actually asked her about it. Hinako lied that she's homeschooled and is allowed to come to the library independently.
If she didn't want to go to the library, Hinako would just wander around outside. It was autumn, and while it was getting colder as each day approached winter, it was warm enough that there was no problem staying outside for extended periods of time.
One time she passed by an ice cream shop, catching the figure of the clerk inside and having a double-take, as he looked exactly like the guidance counsellor at her school. But what drew her attention more was a green-haired girl and what Hinako assumed was her sister inside the ice cream shop. They looked like they were having a good time. Hinako wished she could have a friend, or a sister who would care for her. The ice cream also looked delicious.
As the two sisters exited the shop, the green-haired one happened to notice Hinako, and a look of surprise briefly appeared on her face.
"What's the matter, Kanna?" her sister asked.
"H-huh?" Kanna snapped her gaze back in front of her. "Oh, it's nothing," she brushed off. "I… thought I saw something."
Kanna quickly glanced back behind her, before setting forward again. And with that, the two continued on their way.
Nothing, huh, Hinako thought as she watched the two figures become smaller and smaller as they walked farther away. The orange setting sun cast warm light onto the two vanishing figures.
This is stupid. Any stranger would ignore another stranger. You aren't special. Hinako then left.
When the day would go on and the sun would start to set, Hinako would return home. It became almost a routine.
It was good, it was fun, to have the whole day to yourself, no one to bother you, and no responsibilities to worry about. As much as she tried to ignore it, Hinako knew she wasn't gaining anything. Her relationship with her parents certainly wasn't getting better.
The first day that Hinako skipped school, her parents received a phone call that she was absent. Admittedly, Hinako forgot that was a thing they did. Her parents were angry. They shouted, scolded her, and made her promise not to do it again. They never asked her why she didn't go to class.
After a week, her parents gave up on trying anything at all. They stopped talking to Hinako, and Hinako stopped talking to them. It was mutual. Not like it was much better before.
Hinako could pretend living like this was fine. But plainly put, it was not. There had to be something better out here for her than wasting away like this, right?
Maybe thinking about that made Hinako get a tinge of guilt. She remembered her guidance counsellor. He had actually tried to help her.
Even if she didn't go back to school, maybe she should go back and see him.
That's what Hinako decided.
Entering his room at the appropriate time, Hinako sat down in the plush chair of the green-haired man's office.
"I'm glad you came back to school, Hinako. I was worried about you."
"…Thank you for putting up with me, Mr. Hiyori."
"Aw, don't put it like that! Remember, you have to affirm yourself positively. That is a vital thing to do in order to improve your quality of life."
"R-right."
"So first off, is there anything on your mind you'd like to talk about?"
"Um… actually, I'm curious about something. The other day, I think I saw you working in an ice cream shop? Was that you?"
"Oh, what a good eye, Hinako! Yes, I work in an ice cream shop some days. Other days, I'm here, providing guidance to you! I like having multiple jobs, you see."
"O-okay, thanks. That was just a little thing I saw wondering about. The more important thing is," Hinako shifted in her seat, intertwining her fingers in nervousness, "well, I guess I can talk about why I missed school."
"Great! Go ahead!"
Hinako's throat tightened and the inside of her nose prickled, and when she tried to get the words out, they stuck in her throat. "The- the kids in my class, they—" She swallowed, and managed to cough up the words still. "They bully me all the time. I hate them. I wish they'd stop."
Hiyori waited. At Hinako's prolonged silence, he prompted, "Do you want to talk about what they do?"
"Okay, um, they, um, they— they insult me, a-and wreck the art that I make, and— ignore me when they get bored of that."
"Oh dear," Hiyori said sympathetically.
"B-but, I could put up with it because—um, I-I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but—back in first year, I became friends online with this person who was- who- they were the same age as me. We never met in person, but they became my best friend. We got to know a lot about each other, almost as if we were friends in real life. I always looked forward to chatting with them, and they always made me feel better. They were really the only thing helping me get through each day. And they kept doing that every day, for a long time. Definitely over a year now. But, not too long ago, they just completely disappeared. They didn't tell me anything about it. They weren't active in any of the social spaces we were in, either, and no one else knew what happened to them. For days, I tried as much as I could to contact them, but they never responded. I guess after that, I went into withdrawal or something. There was just- there was just no point to anything anymore if I couldn't look forward to talking with them anymore."
Hinako breathed heavily after finishing, like she just ran a marathon with those words. With apprehension, she stole a glance at Hiyori's face. He looked thoughtful.
"I see. Thank you for telling me all that. That was a brave thing you did."
"It… it was?" The compliment dug into Hinako's chest with warmth.
"Yes. It takes a lot of courage to talk about something as upsetting and close to your heart as that." Hiyori smiled. "What if I told you there's a way to restore lost aspects of your life? Do you know the Asunaro vow?"
"The Asunaro vow? No, I don't."
"It goes like this: "Who I want to be today, "asu-naro" — tomorrow, I will be." Pretty neat, right?"
"But what does that even mean?"
"It means that if you sign off on this vow, your wish will be granted."
"Er, just like that?" Hinako tilted her head with scepticism.
Hiyori nodded. "I should also mention, you get to participate in an exciting activity as well! It's all a benefit project that we do for special people in need."
Hinako laughed self-loathingly. "And you're taking pity on me? Well, if I've got nothing to lose, then I guess…" She paused to think of what exactly to say. "As awful as this sounds, I wish for a reason to live."
"No, that's a wonderful wish, Hinako. Truly, it's great! The first step to rehabilitation is believing in your future."
Hiyori then pushed an ornate piece of paper and a pen towards Hinako. "Just to make the process official, all you have to do is sign next to where it asks for your name."
Hinako read the words above the blank provided for her name. "I promise to devote myself to Asunaro". What a creepy thing to say…
Hinako's heart beat loudly in her chest as she picked up the pen and readied her hand.
Hinako signed the form.
Hinako continued to see Hiyori for counselling every week, but he never mentioned the Asunaro vow or her wish after that one time. Hinako began to wonder if it'd even come true, since life seemed to go on the same as normal. Well, that wasn't exactly true. She still didn't feel any happier, and she still didn't make any friends, but at least she was going to school again and could talk to Hiyori every so often. The teachers got the bullies to ease off on her, but they still persisted. Every passing day was still yet another mundane task to get through.
Until finally, a few months later, something monumental happened. It was getting close to the end of the school year, and Hinako was walking home from school as normal. As she turned onto a smaller street, devoid of people, out of the side of her eye, she saw a black car pull up.
Suspicious , she thought, but kept walking. Who cares, anyway.
And then two people came out of that car and assaulted her.
As much as Hinako thought nothing could faze her anymore, this certainly did. She didn't struggle much at all—she had grown too apathetic for that—but due to the unfamiliar stimuli, fear raced through her heart as she was gagged and thrust into the car.
And her consciousness slipped away from her.
Hinako awoke with her head swimming and throbbing, like when you wake up after having a really long dream. Wherever she was, it was really cold, and the ground was hard like concrete. Not to mention, there was a horrific constricting feeling around her neck. Tracing her fingers around it, she noticed she was wearing some kind of collar, with no clear way of taking it off.
She did her best to stay calm, by first focusing on her surroundings. She surveyed the room, determining that this must be some kind of locker room. All the lights on each individual locker were red. And as soon as her eyes gazed over to the device on the shelf, a strange voice blared out of it.
"This is the First Trial."
"First… Trial?"
"You have 5 minutes. If you can not escape in time, you lose your life. You are not alone. Your fate is tied to someone you cannot see. However, if you refuse this connection and are willing to betray them, you can leave safely. Follow the voice in your heart."
At that, the door to the room opened on its own, revealing a dark hallway on the other side of the wall.
"I'll… die…? In 5 minutes?" Hinako asked aloud. But there was no response from the voice that came from the speaker.
Hinako had considered death many times. But thinking about it, and being faced with it for real, particularly when it's not your choice are completely different things
"Is this finally it? Is this what's going to give me meaning?!" Hinako realised. "I have to do it! I have to solve this puzzle! After all, there's another person relying on me!"
Rejuvenated for the first time in a very long time, Hinako eagerly looked around the room again.
"Hey, these papers here! They must be important!"
Hinako reached for the two beige papers on the ground, but just as she was about to pick them up, an immense force pulled at her neck and she was sent flying upwards with an intensity that flung her shoes right off her feet.
Her head hit the black ceiling with a sickening thud, and she grasped at her collar with confusion. She quickly gave up, however, her body feeling limp from the magnetic pressure. Warm blood dripped down her face from her searing wound.
"Oogh… Ahaha… of course… why would I possibly have been given… a real chance…?". She coughed. Her throat continued to tighten. How did I get my hopes up even for a second? This was going to happen anyway. This is… the best outcome for me, after all.
With her hazy vision, she saw a boy enter the room and look up at her. He had unruly orange hair and looked like he could be about 18.
He stared for a while, before speaking. He wasn't smiling, and the tone in his voice showed disappointment. "Ahhh, worthless… You had to die so easily. Struggle some more, cling to life, put up a miserable resistance! What a boring human… a worthless life… I don't need your damn clothes."
That's right… that's what everyone told me… boring, useless, worthless. I was right. I was never going to amount to anything anyway.
Hinako mustered a weak laugh.
The boy's eyes flared in surprise. "Ehh?"
"…you… did this…?" she asked.
"…Eheehee. Sure did. You mortified? Regretful?" he smiled devilishly. Or rather, he held up a card to his mouth with such an expression on it.
"…I was just… wanting to die… thank… you…"
The smile was immediately wiped off the boy's face, replaced with an expression of pure rage. He screamed out in confusion. "Hwaaahhh?! You should be MISERABLE…!!"
He threw a punch, making direct contact with Hinako's stomach. She simply swayed lifelessly in response.
"Disgusting… disgusting!! This is pissing me off!! I'm pissed off!!" He punched her again and the ceiling trap deactivated, causing her body to splat on to the floor with an ugly squelch.
"SUFFER!! Go to hell!! GO TO HELL!! You're gonna REGRET thanking me!!" The boy beat her and beat her, every pounding filled with anger and jealousy.
Soon enough, Hinako was in such a state distorted far beyond her original self, that you couldn't really call her Hinako anymore.
The boy gazed at his bloodied hands, his mouth showing no emotion but his eyes burning with disgust.
He left in a huff, leaving the locker room to reverberate with suffocating silence. Hinako laid unmoving, her discoloured limbs contorted nauseatingly.
Once he was well out of sight, another girl removed herself from the shadows and was the next visitor to this poor girl's grave.
She kneeled down next to Hinako, closed her eyes and sat in silence, as if she was mourning the black-haired girl. She sat there for what seemed like an eternity, collecting her thoughts.
Finally, tears began to well in her eyes, but they didn't fall. "I- I didn't know you had gotten involved in this messed-up thing, and seeing you after such a long time like this… it's just awful, isn't it? I'm sorry, you must have been hurting so bad, you probably hated me. I wish I could have told you what happened all that time ago. That I wasn't allowed to communicate with you anymore because I'm connected to this stupid organization that put your here. Maybe if I was able to tell you, this wouldn't have happened, or maybe if I never reached out to you in the first place, this wouldn't have happened. I know it's not really, but it feels like it's all my fault."
For a split second, Hinako seems to twitch slightly, as if in response. The girl was hopeful, but only briefly, her rationale quickly taking over again. Hinako was dead. There's no other possibility.
"I don't know why I'm dumping this on you all of a sudden, when you're dead and all. I wish I had the chance to properly express this to your face. You were the best person I had ever ment, the one who made me feel like a normal kid. You were the most wonderful person to have as a friend, Hinako. I hope we both have better luck in our next lives."
Of course, Hinako didn't respond, but the other girl stayed there even still.
Unfortunately, the private silence was soon ruptured. "Hey, Pinky! Get out of there, we're cleaning up the body now!" a childish voice called out from the hallway. "Pinky" groaned with annoyance. She took one last moment to give her best wishes to Hinako, before leaving the cold locker room and entering the shadows once more.
"I'm coming, Hiyori."