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Caitlyn Kiramman's favorite place in the world used to be the massive bay window on the north facing wall of her bedroom. The space was piled high with the most comfortable blankets and pillows she owned and she'd often passed hours reading a book or simply staring out into the expansive backyard, dappled with gardens, topiaries, and a pool.
The window used to be her favorite place. Since the beginning of summer it had fallen in favor, below the back end of a rumbling motorcycle, a sturdy deck chair, or (a new favorite) straddling the deep end ridge of a pool with her back to the tiled wall as a girl kissed her languidly in the chaos of a party around them.
Yeah, that was hard to beat.
The coolness of the water against her heated skin made the touch of Vi's hand at her waist feel like silk. Her gentle pressure kept Caitlyn's head from fully detaching and floating up, up, up into the clouds. But oh, what a way to go.
People milled around along the pool patio, talking, laughing, and drinking (from plastic cups) as music drifted through the back screen door. The heady, yet relaxed atmosphere made the rest of the world feel like it was squashed down and dumped in a forgotten corner of the basement, the party above it, a comparative stormcloud of frivolity and peace.
Vi kissed her and Caitlyn saw lightning bugs drift slowly through a grassy field at dusk.
Vi kissed her and Caitlyn tasted sticky marshmallows as she licked her fingers.
Vi kissed her and Caitlyn smelled chlorine, caustic and inviting in equal measures.
Being with Vi was diving headfirst into the deep end and knowing the breath of fresh air chased after. A cold shock and quick relief.
A series of loud hoots and hollers drew the attention of the entire pool area up to the roof of the ranch style house where Ekko and Mylo jostled close to the rain gutter. Everyone cheered and Caitlyn laughed, turning in Vi's arms to press her front to the tiles. Vi's body pressed reassuringly against her back the moment she was situated.
It occurred to her how perfect she felt in that moment. A laugh huffed into the shell of her ear, the screams of the boys as they cannonballed off the roof, the champagne bubbles that dotted the surface as others joined them.
There were no rules to having fun besides showing up.
Morning light was a harsh reminder that the dreams of night couldn't stick around. When she stretched her legs experimentally, her bed was empty, but the unmistakable smell of chlorine clung to her skin and hair which served as concrete proof the night before hadn’t been a figment of a runaway imagination. She remembered locking her arms around Vi's middle as the motorcycle raced down abandoned roads with only streetlights to color them in a warm glow.
Caitlyn hummed with contentment. It had been a good night. But, alas, the sun couldn't break the habit of rising up and she couldn't either. One last stretch, one last sigh, and with a defeated groan, Caitlyn slipped from her bed and left the sanctity of her room.
Smells of crispy toast slathered with margarine and the fresh scent of a recently parted orange climbed the stairs faster than she could descend them. Caitlyn nearly flew into the kitchen with how her hungover stomach grumbled. She paused in the doorway, taking in the sight of her father munching happily on his own toast as he read through his morning emails on his tablet with her mother across from him, stirring a spoon through her dark coffee. Both of them turned at her awkward stop.
“Good morning!” Her father beamed at her and returned to his emails.
Her mother’s attention lingered, considerably less enthusiastic than her husband and looking miffed enough that Caitlyn wondered if she’d been loud in getting into the house last night. She hadn’t thought so. Even with the alcohol coursing through her veins, she made a conscious effort not to lose her faculties, which meant she was only a little buzzed when she let Vi crowd her against the front door and kiss her there for a few minutes longer than she’d intended. Once actually inside the house, she hadn’t bumped any furniture, turned on any hallway lights, or thumped up the stairs. The look didn’t make sense.
“Morning.” Caitlyn chose to ignore it. She crossed the tiled floors to make her plate of food and pour her own cup of coffee. After all, if her mother had something to say, she’d say it.
“You were out again with the pool girl last night?”
Case and point.
“Vi. Yes,” Caitlyn answered sharper than she meant to.
She had been seeing Vi for months by that point and her mother had been present for their first kiss (well, the first time Vi kissed her). It wasn’t like they were keeping their relationship a secret or bothered to hide it in any way. Most days of the week, Vi either came over to clean the pool or picked Caitlyn up for an afternoon in the limited time warmth. Caitlyn found she quite liked the way Vi tasted like the sun when she smiled into a kiss.
Yet, in recent weeks, her mother had started to grow somewhat disdainful when Vi was mentioned. Caitlyn could feel her disapproval like a summer storm, impossible to avoid, destructive, a rumble of thunder in the distance with a sense of foreboding.
“Mm. Yes, Vi.” Her mother’s lip curled around the name like it was a bad word. The sour taste of it left a permanent impression on her tongue. Caitlyn took a slow sip of her coffee and waited for her mother to continue. “I must say I am surprised.”
Caitlyn raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “Oh?”
“I thought you’d have grown tired of her novelty by now. Two months is far longer than most dalliances go.”
The room fell into a heavy silence.
A ‘dalliance’? Was that what she thought? That her relationship with Vi was a summer fling with the pool girl? That she intended to discard the most amazing woman she’d ever met after a handful of weeks?
“Nearly three months, and not a ‘dalliance’,” she bit, careful not to snap despite how her frustration crawled over a restless tongue. She gripped her mug tight.
“Oh,” her mother said simply, lifting her own mug to take a delicate sip, “if you say so.”
Caitlyn rolled her eyes. That was enough for one morning.
She slipped out from her place at the kitchen table, leaving her coffee and breakfast, and marched across the house to slam open the sliding glass door to the pool patio.
At its summer peak, the pool was a continuous cool blue, a perfect rectangle in the well-manicured lawn that was often filled with guests. When it was lonesome, Caitlyn felt its pull. It called for her. It wanted to wrap its refreshing body around her in a comforting embrace she usually kept reserved for the underside of the pillow.
At its peak, a tattooed, muscular woman stood at its side and cleaned out the leaves and bugs that had fallen in.
“Vi,” Caitlyn sighed in relief.
The pool cleaner looked up and her face lit like the sun. Just hours since seeing Caitlyn last (since kissing her silly) and she marched across the pavement like it’d been years. Caitlyn marveled at how she felt Vi’s warmth felt deeper than the sun’s rays and for far longer. She felt it in the ends of her hair and the pads of her feet. She felt it in each deep breath and roll of her stomach. She felt it over and over and over again, and she had yet to reach a level where she was satisfied.
“Hey, pretty girl.” Vi’s arms were solid around her shoulders and even though Caitlyn had a few inches on her, she buried her face in Vi’s safe shoulder. She enjoyed the way her girlfriend's (they never said they were girlfriends, but her inner monologue wouldn't be redirected) voice vibrated between their bodies.
“I missed you,” Caitlyn mumbled pitifully. She tried to be subtle about the way she nestled in even further.
Vi hummed and ran a palm over the flat of her back. “Are you hiding?”
“No.”
“Looks a little bit like hiding.”
“She can find me if she wants.”
“Ah, not hiding, running away.”
Caitlyn harrumphed and pressed herself further in.
“She called you a 'dalliance'.” She hated the way the word fit in her mouth like an ice cube, with its sharp, frost bitten corners, too big for the cavern it existed in. Caitlyn prayed she could spit it out before the edges melted and it defrosted to be comfortable there.
“Well, as long as we know different, and we do,” a gentle knuckle under her chin raised her eyes to meet Vi's easy light blues, “then it doesn't matter what she calls me.”
“You're not upset at all?” Caitlyn pouted and Vi shrugged.
“She doesn't have a say in what we are. I like you. A lot. No one but you can change that.”
There were few times in Caitlyn's life where she felt completely overwhelmed and overtaken. Vi was responsible for no less than three of those. Standing in Vi's arms with the water reflecting over her clear eyes blasted any words from Caitlyn's head. She was firm and real and SURE in a way no one ever had been with her before. When Vi looked at her with all kinds of plans spinning in her head, Caitlyn was never more sure than her decision to jump in.
Whole hog, 100%.
Vi pressed a swift kiss to her cheek and stepped out of her space.
“I gotta clean your pool now.”
Caitlyn sighed, wishing it was a euphemism, and watched Vi go about her routine. She lifted leaves and other fallen debris out of the water, she checked the pH levels, and she emptied the filters. As she worked, her face smoothed in perfect concentration. Her movements were practiced but never robotic. She moved with a confident grace that Caitlyn admired from her seat at the pool's edge, her legs shifting listlessly in the water.
In three months, Vi had become such a staple in her life that Caitlyn wondered how she could ever live without her. Whether it was a party, a meandering walk through the park, or just sitting in the open trunk of Caitlyn's SUV cuddling and watching the sun cross the sky, each moment carried with it an irreplaceable diamond of a feeling. Caitlyn wanted to drape herself in those priceless jewels.
Watching Vi work was still as good as it had been the first time. Vi was still so good to look at and so competent in her work, Caitlyn could do nothing against the full weight of her image. The difference now was that she knew what Vi tasted like, and, sometimes, Vi would purposely splash herself with water so she could lift the hem of her beige polo to wipe it off, her well-defined abs on full display.
Listen, Caitlyn felt no need to be coy about it.
Things were good. Really good. But Caitlyn could still see the gaps of where things didn't quite meet flush.
Vi never came into the Kiramman house. Never. It was unclear if that was because of her job or if Caitlyn's mother was scary, but she always found an excuse to duck out for the night when the option was presented. Caitlyn also suspected it had something to do with the house itself, being so big, empty, and opulent. But there was very little to be done about that.
There was also Caitlyn's schedule. The whistleblower court case she'd kickstarted had only officially wrapped up a week ago and, unable to work, she spent most of her days filling time until Vi came to whisk her away. Some days, Vi was exhausted and didn't want to do things. Caitlyn accommodated that even as she felt her own body vibrate with an excess of pent up energy. It felt like a delicate balance constantly on the edge of teetering. Perfectly tranquil for only a moment before it was all thrown off again.
She decided not to focus on it. At least, not when she could watch Vi's forearms, glistening with sweat and water as they tensed with quiet strength. Yes. That was vital. In a scant few minutes, Vi would finish her work and disappear to other pools at other houses. Caitlyn would be left to spend another day whiling away the hours or searching fruitlessly among job sites for a diamond in the muck.
Learning to live in the moment became a valuable skill.
Silently and with a feigned air of indifference, she pulled her legs from the water and stood up. There was movement in the corner of her eye as Vi looked up, but Caitlyn didn't acknowledge it. Slowly, and with the awareness that Vi's eyes were glued to her, she shimmied her sleep shorts down her legs and stepped out of them. Then she took the hem of her shirt and peeled it up, away from her body. She risked a glance across the pool and bit back a grin when she caught sight of Vi, mouth open and eyes wide. So fucking cute.
Caitlyn hadn't exactly planned such a display when she went to sleep the night before, so her sports bra and underwear leaned more towards 'comfortable' than 'aesthetically pleasing', but Vi's voracious visage indicated that it didn't matter. Pressing her hands together, Caitlyn tipped forward, diving smoothly into the water.
She surfaced right where she expected to, breaking for air just in front of the steps where Vi hadn't so much as breathed. Eyes locked like a predator's and adding more of a sway in her hips as she climbed the steps out of the water. Caitlyn tried to channel Denise Richards' swagger from when Jayce made her watch 'Wild Things' with him during his Kevin Bacon obsession. The low saxophone rang in her ears.
Clearly, it worked. The pool filter cap that had been in Vi's hand clacked to the ground, but she made no move to pick it up or even acknowledge it. Her eyes were glued to wet skin and grew darker each step closer Caitlyn took.
“Hey, Cait?” she said, her voice thick. A thrill shot up Caitlyn's spine, but she kept her cool as she bent to pick up the towel she'd accidentally left out the day before. Oops.
“Yes?” She turned to level her girlfriend with a too innocent gaze. Vi had stood, her own eyes hungry and itching to give in to the temptation before her.
“You're fucking hot.”
Caitlyn hid her grin in the towel but didn't stop her laugh from bubbling out.
“Thank you. What a shame you have to leave soon,” she teased, watching the way Vi's throat bobbed with a dry-mouthed swallow.
“What if I just-”
“Caitlyn? Oh-”
The rough hands that had just reached Caitlyn's waist snatched back at the sound of her mother's voice. “Hello, Vi.”
“Mrs. Kiramman.” Vi offered an awkward half wave and laced her fingers together behind her back. She shot Caitlyn an uneasy smile. “Text me later. Good luck on your job search.”
All the good humor and amusement drained from Caitlyn's body as she watched Vi pick up the filter cap and place it back over the hole. A silly moment that should have left her buzzing for the rest of the day was shattered by her mother’s stark disdain. Vi put back the pool skimmer and nodded stiffly to the Kirammans before heading out of view.
“Caitlyn, I think we should talk,” her mother said the moment she was gone. Caitlyn rounded on her, furious but not in the mood to duke it out. Whatever plans that were about to be forced upon her would be grating and unnecessary, she was sure.
“Maybe later, mother.”
She circled the pool and didn’t spare her mother a glance as she ducked back into the doorway. If she was careful, she could spend the rest of the day hiding in her room, and Caitlyn was nothing if not careful. After a rushed shower, she dropped into her desk chair and didn’t move for hours, clicking page after page and thoroughly investigating every promising listing.
Job searching felt fruitless mostly because she didn’t quite know exactly what she was looking for. Caitlyn had all the training to be a police officer, but she was sure no precinct in the country would be eager to hire a whistleblower, even if she was proved correct and every person accused was found guilty (Marcus could rot). Besides precincts, private companies she was sure would also be wary of hiring her and it meant that despite her name, she hadn’t gotten a single reply in the short time she’d been searching.
Panic mode was a long way off, but nerves clenched at her teeth and picked at her cuticles.
When she texted Vi that afternoon, she was at the end of her rope. Five completed applications and countless more clear duds, her eyes were swimming from staring blankly at her screen. Something had to change.
Today, 4:32pm
How has your day been? I’m exhausted
Today, 4:39pm
busy 😓 ekko had a whole filtration system crap out on him and weve been here for two hours trying to fix it
Today, 4:40pm
i think hes unearned the boy genius nickname
Caitlyn dropped her head into her hand and imagined the pair of them elbow deep in a system like hers, desperately rooting around to try and get it running again. There had been few opportunities for Caitlyn to know Ekko outside of parties or smaller gatherings but Caitlyn found she liked him. He was quick witted and easy-going. If he found a problem to solve, well then, by god he’d solve it. He felt like a kindred spirit in that way.
If they were spending so long on one property, it was likely a number of others had piled up behind it and Vi would be too tired to hang out. Caitlyn never wanted to make being together a chore and that included knowing when to let Vi go home and veg, despite her own desire to do something.
A picture came through in the conversation and proved her right. Vi pinched a selfie where the sun was fully in her face and made her squint as she grinned into the camera. Her exposed ear was a little too pink and her neck shone with a layer of sweat. Ekko was behind her right shoulder, scowling at her phone as he tightened or loosened a PVC pipe on the filter. His shirt looked a shade darker in some spots, clearly splashed with water.
Vi would certainly be in no mood to entertain her tonight. She could offer to go to Vi's and pamper her, and that was certainly a possibility, but hot days working directly in the sun were generally prime for passing out on the couch with a bowl of cereal at nine.
Today, 4:33pm
You look very hot
Today, 4:34pm
😏
Caitlyn laughed. She'd meant the temperature, but Vi hadn't been wrong either.
Today, 4:36pm
Drink some water, stay safe please
Today, 4:38pm
ʕ ͡•ᴥ ͡• ʔ
She set down her phone and sighed. With no Vi and no end in sight to her job predicament, it would certainly be a dull evening. Dinner with her father was easy since her mother was out at some event and he never peppered her with absurd expectations, and afterwards, they watched a movie together. It was a favorite of her father's; The Outlaw Josey Wales.
Zoning out for most of it besides the parts her father spoke in sync with the film, Caitlyn tried to imagine the rest of her life.
Her future was hazy and indistinct, but she could see a few things. There would be a comfortable house, smaller than her parents', with walls of warm colors and interesting art. A thick blanket would lay over every piece of seating and maybe there'd be a cat or dog to curl up with. She would go to work every day and come home to her wife and they'd cook together, eating dinner on the sofa as they talked about their days. It was the kind of soft existence that didn't hurt anyone. All it did was provide comfort to those living in it.
The job was hazy, but the once vague outline of her partner had started to grow broad shoulders and pink colored hair.
She tried to push that development out of her mind for the time being. If she could do anything, she wanted to do good, solve problems, not be stuck behind a desk. When she'd started as a cop, she was SURE she'd found it, the THING she was meant to do. But reality crashed in hard and there was no coming back from that.
“Dyin' ain't much of a living,” her father said suddenly as the TV echoed him, his voice a thick, exaggerated Western accent. Caitlyn snorted.
The front door jiggled open and the relative peace gained through daydreaming and hanging out with her father slipped away. Her mother appeared in the doorway, an elegant dark dress draped over her body. She looked every inch the politician. Her hair was pinned painstakingly in place and her jewelry was understated but beautiful. It was easy to see the woman Caitlyn had idolized as a little girl. How could anyone look at her and not strive for the perfection she demanded?
“This movie, Tobias? Again?” she sighed, crossing the room and perching herself in an armchair.
“Of course, my love. It's a classic.” With all his favorite people in one room, her father seemed to sit up straighter and smile wider.
“Hardly. I don't believe it ever won any awards.” Her mother's words were pointed, but the tone was more muted, her attention dragged into the plot of a movie she'd surely watched a hundred times for her husband.
Caitlyn looked between the two. Was this what they had imagined at her age? Watching an old movie together with their adult daughter after a long day? She turned back to the screen. Maybe it wasn't so bad.
Days continued to evaporate in job searching insanity. She filled out applications for Animal Shelter Volunteer, Account Manager, Receptionist, and Retail Clerk and not a single one asked for an interview or even a phone call. It was a far cry from when she’d had her pick of the police litter. It was incredibly demoralizing. She was damaged goods.
Only the warmth and strength of Vi’s arms comforted her. The old blankets on the ground kept away the scratch of the drying grass as insects, birds, and other nocturnal animals buzzed through the air, only visible when they blocked out a distant star. The pair of them lay entangled in a field they knew they weren’t supposed to be in. Vi had taken her there one night after a movie where they waited for the overstimulation to fade in the silence of a forgotten piece of the world.
Vi’s rough hand was gentle as it traced up and down Caitlyn’s arm absently. Her face was slack and relaxed, the barest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. Caitlyn might have thought her asleep if not for her touch.
“Good day at work?” Caitlyn asked quietly. She wanted to preserve their dome of serenity, but she ached to hear Vi’s voice.
Vi hummed in response. “More clients than usual. Most of them are chill, so today was pretty easy. I wish Vander would get off his ass and hire someone new though.” She pulled Caitlyn closer. “I feel like I’m sprinting everywhere.” A sigh, and she turned, resting her own head on Caitlyn’s shoulder, who took the opportunity to bury her hand in Vi’s soft hair, her fingers scratching lightly at her scalp.
“I hate seeing you so exhausted.”
It had been a running theme. The pool service took on more clients but not more employees, so everyone ran around like headless chickens and Caitlyn’s phone sat dormant until the evening.
“Yeah, I hate BEING exhausted. Shouldn’t last long though. I think the old man’s finally giving in.”
A cricket hopped over them. It chirped when it landed in the tall grass.
“I don’t know what I should do with my life,” Caitlyn admitted into the empty air. “I’ve always had a plan, a path, and now…” She trailed off. What did she have now? A vague notion and no specific ideas.
“It’s okay that you don’t. I don’t. I think even Vander doesn’t really. He’s just going with what he’s got. You want something that’s like what you did before without the shitty, corrupt parts, right?” Vi asked, shifting so her voice collided into the skin of Caitlyn’s neck. She shivered with it.
“I want to help people,” she sighed.
Frankly, that had been all she ever wanted. Before Vi, before being a cop, she just wanted to be someone others could rely on, she wanted to fix the things that were wrong in the world, to do her part and more to make it a better place. What was the point otherwise?
“Hm. Charities, social service stuff, investigative journalism. That might actually be good. You did all that digging when you brought the case down, papers might actually really want that. I feel like the writing part is easier than knowing what to look for or the right questions to ask.”
Caitlyn thought about it. When she realized what evidence she had and what it all meant, she took it to the city paper, knowing its reach was farther than anything she could post online. The reporter she had talked to was shrewd and detail oriented and honestly, it had been the most validating part of the whole situation. For once, someone wasn’t telling her she was seeing things and reading too much between the lines. There was someone who saw what she did and agreed that it was important.
“I think I’ll look that up tomorrow,” she said, trying to guess qualifications and seniority steps. Vi’s hand found hers and squeezed.
“You’re gonna find something so good. Sometimes it just takes a while,” she smiled.
Her powder blue eyes were clear and sure and Caitlyn wasted no time in pulling her into a kiss, there in the open for the old gods of the stars to play witness. With Artemis as their guide, maybe this could be their forever.
She held on to the feeling as she clutched Vi’s middle on the back of her motorcycle. She searched for it in the streetlights they sped through. She breathed life into it as Vi kissed her on the front step.
The front door opened and threatened everything.
“Caitlyn. Vi,” her mother deadpanned. She was in her ‘loungewear’, an impeccable white button down and well-pressed slacks. It didn’t look like she’d ever lounged a day in her life.
“Mother,” Caitlyn greeted hesitantly. In a half step, she’d put herself between her mother and Vi, hoping any wrath might be directed away from the girl who absolutely didn’t deserve it. The thunderous look on her mother’s face guaranteed trouble.
“You missed dinner.”
“I was out with Vi, I told father,” Caitlyn said slowly, like being too loud might set off a bomb, right there on the doorstep. Her mother’s face pinched.
“Caitlyn, I must put my foot down.”
“Mother-”
“No.” Caitlyn’s heart jumped into her throat with fear. “This relationship is holding you back. She is convincing you to skate by and forget your ambitions. This is why you haven’t found a new position,” her mother declared.
Several things happened in Caitlyn’s mind.
- Her whole body shut down, brain included.
- Her brain powered back on, blossoming with a deep, flashing red of fury as her body remained numb.
- She registered Vi gripping the back of her shirt, whether to pull her away or provide comfort, she couldn’t tell.
- Her mouth opened.
“I have a job.” Both her mother and Vi behind her went still. “I’m starting with the Lane Pool Services next week.”
“What?!” said her mother.
“What?!” said Vi.
“Yes. Now if you’ll excuse us, mother, I am going to say good night,” Caitlyn snapped. A pregnant pause settled like a layer of snow, cold and wet and so fucking uncomfortable. Her mother backed through the door and closed it behind her without another word. It was almost a full minute after she left that Vi managed to speak.
“What was that?” she asked quietly. Her eyebrows pinched together in an expression she made so rarely that Caitlyn had to actively try and decipher it as concern.
“It’s not as if it’s a bad idea. You said Vander needed someone and this will get my mother off my back, it’s perfect!” She threw her hands up. It was a clean choice. It made sense. But Vi only frowned and shook her head, shoulders sloping low as she looked anywhere but at Caitlyn.
“Cait, you don't actually want this,” she said softly. A crack split between Caitlyn’s lungs.
“I want to feel wanted!” Her hands flew around until Vi caught them firmly in her own.
“You are absolutely wanted. I want you, your family wants you. A job won’t make you feel that. I know it’s shitty, but you don’t have to force yourself into a situation you totally don’t have to,” Vi countered, pulling herself close.
Tears began to pool in Caitlyn’s eyes and there was nothing she could do to stop it. The ground felt like it was breaking under her feet. Why was she panicking so much? Why was her mother pushing her? Why didn't her mother trust her?
“I don't feel good enough for anything. Not you, not a job, not my mother,” she sobbed.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Vi hushed her and pulled her in for a hug, her arms secure over Caitlyn’s back and shoulders as she trembled. Caitlyn melted into it. All of her fear and insecurity and the pressure of keeping up with things finally felt like too much. “I’ll take you to meet Vander. You can talk to him about it and see what he says,” Vi said quietly into her ear. Caitlyn held her tighter.
Vi left after she calmed down enough to breathe freely and she stole up into her room, desperate to avoid her mother. The night was spent in a sprawl of bizarre dreams that had Caitlyn fighting through broken teeth, being chased, and menacing creatures lurking around corners.
She was hardly well-rested when Vi’s bike rolled to a stop at the curb the next morning. She smiled as she handed out her spare helmet, same as always, but there was something hollow about it that Caitlyn shoved on the helmet to avoid looking at. The drive wasn’t as breakneck as usual which gave Caitlyn enough time to rehearse her speech in her head. There were the points she absolutely needed to hit if she was going to get this, and a few others she intended to throw in for good measure.
Vander’s office was in a back room in the house he shared with Vi, Jinx, Mylo, and Claggor. It was packed with shelves, each stuffed to the point of overflowing with old documentation. The desk was a cheap thing that had seen better days, but the chair was clearly a splurge. Well-worn and beginning to sag in spots, it was clearly used every day and cared for. Vander still managed to make the room seem smaller with his sheer size. Even his beige polo screamed to fit over his body.
“Caitlyn,” he greeted with a gesture towards an empty folding chair, “good to see you again.”
They’d only met a handful of times, but Caitlyn may have been a little inebriated most of them, so she couldn’t be sure of his impression. Whatever it was, it was likely less than stellar.
“Good morning, sir,” she said, taking the fold out chair. His eyebrow quirked in surprise.
“Miss Kiramman, could you explain why we’re here?” he asked after a moment as he crossed her arms. Caitlyn frowned.
“I thought Vi explained-”
“She did, she did,” Vander waved his hand dismissively, “I want to hear it from you.”
It was odd. In many ways, he was eerily similar to Vi. She could see her in the way he sat, in the measured way he stared her down, in the way he spoke right to the point. Yet despite that, he was an animal all to his own. His eyes were blue like Vi’s, but like looking into the ocean as opposed to her sky. The satisfying lilt of his accent made him harder to read, even if his body language remained casual.
“I want to work with the Lane Pool Services,” Caitlyn stated strongly and with intent. No stuttering, no second guessing. Vander leveled her with a hard stare.
“Miss Kiramman, why would I do that?” She watched him reach for a pipe on his desk and begin to stuff it.
“Well sir, I earned a spot with the most prestigious-”
“No, no, no, no.” Caitlyn swallowed her words at his interruption. “I don’t want your elevator pitch, I’m sure it’s timed and everything.” It was. “I want to hear why we’re really here.”
Her right thumb immediately began tapping against her knee.
“You need another worker, Vi said so. I need a job, something I can put on my resume and placate my mother. I believe this would benefit everyone,” she said in a rush.
And there was another thing that Vander and Vi shared; the ability to penetrate a person’s soul with a stare. She was sure every piece of herself was exposed for the world to see. He gazed at her like he understood everything she was and wasn’t saying and Caitlyn struggled not to squirm in her seat. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees.
“Caitlyn, I like you. I think you’re great for Vi. You’ve been nothing but kind to our family and I hope you stick around.” Her heart sank at his tone. “But I can’t do this for you. I want someone who needs this, someone who will actually benefit from it. For you, it would be a temporary measure until you fulfilled your potential somewhere else. And that’s fine, but it’s not for us.” He cocked his head. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
The let-down was gentle, even though Caitlyn’s heart had plummeted into the floor. She stood absently and tried not to hear her mother’s voice ringing in her head.
“Yes, I understand. Thank you for your time.” He didn’t stop her from leaving or call out to her to say he’d changed his mind. She closed the office door behind herself and felt her body sway uneasily.
“Caitlyn?” A brush of a hand against her own and Caitlyn felt the world become a little more solid.
“He said no,” she said simply.
“Fuck,” Vi hissed. “I’m sorry. I can talk to him again, we’ll find something else-”
“No.” Caitlyn was tired. She was kidding herself if she thought she’d be successful here. “You need to work, please don’t worry about it.” Vi’s face was tense, her apprehension obvious as she nodded.
“Okay,” she said. Caitlyn’s body itched for motion, to use her energy. She needed to leave.
“I’ll text you when I get home.” With her final promise, she began to walk back home, letting the morning sun soak her to the bone and fill her with something reality couldn’t touch. Her feet met the pavement at a steady pace and she let herself get lost in the easy rhythm of it. The whole world melted away from her awareness.
She unlocked the front door of her home and closed it behind her with a near inaudible click. With slumped shoulders and a heavy chest, she trudged across the foyer to the stairs, no longer able to find solace in the weighty stares of generations of dead Kirammans that populated the walls. Each of them had found unparalleled success in their lifetimes, unwavering determination in pursuit of their world changing goals.
Caitlyn was turned down for a pool cleaning job.
“Caitlyn.” Her mother's stern voice was literally the last thing she wanted to hear in the moment and didn't stop, or even slow, her trek up the stairs.
“Not now, mum, tired,” she sighed, dejected.
For once, no argument followed her. Caitlyn collapsed face first into her sheets, praying to whoever might listen that they would swallow her up and deposit her somewhere far away. Somewhere she could just BE with Vi and not worry about whatever snapped at their heels. Somewhere they could drive beneath the waves and find enough air in the bubbles that raced to the surface.
She fired off a quick text to Vi and slept for ten hours.
When she woke up, it was to her phone buzzing insistently on the nightstand. Her eyes were crusty with sleep but she slapped out blindly until she found it.
“Hello?” she greeted, her rough voice doing her no favors.
“Did I wake you up?” Vi asked softly, a hint of amusement peeking through. Caitlyn sank into her pillows and wished she wasn't alone.
“Yes, but I shouldn't have slept for so long. Did you just get home?”
“Yeah. I just- I wanted to check in on you. I know this morning wasn't what you wanted.” It was a vast understatement, but Caitlyn had just slept for ten hours and the world had a habit of looking different when waking up.
“Yes, well, it's alright. Vander did what he thought best. I can hardly fault him for that.” She didn't talk about the lingering sting in her chest. “How was the rest of your day? Tell me about the dogs that wouldn't leave you alone.”
Vi's laugh soothed the sting. She listened to Vi talk about her day; dogs, cats, and the bird that pooped on her shoulder. Her light-hearted taunt of 'poop girl' only earned Vi's snort. When Vi told a story, Caitlyn was right there beside her, experiencing a tetchy client right there with her. The smooth voice floated over the phone, enveloping her heart and leveling her emotions.
The longer they talked, the more she could feel her body loosen. Tension that had seemed insurmountable that morning looked far less intimidating in the rearview.
But Vi wasn't there with her.
“I heard about the pool service.” Her mother's voice invaded the space as she crossed her arms in the doorway. Caitlyn dropped her head.
“Of course you did,” she sighed. She tapped her phone screen to end the call and set it on her nightstand. There was no way Vi hadn't heard her mother's tactful entry.
“Did Vi make you false promises? That she could get you hired if you did something for her?” Her mother took a step into the room and Caitlyn shot up from the bed, bristling at the accusation.
“No, she didn’t promise me anything.”
The heavy truth to that statement wasn’t lost on her: no declaration of an exclusive relationship, no assurance of Vander's acceptance. Nothing she couldn't guarantee.
“She is going to lead you down-”
And that was enough for Caitlyn.
“She’s not!” She slipped out of the bed and stood tall in front of her mother. “She is a good person who has only ever been kind to me! I like her. I really, really like her and this isn’t some fling with the pool girl. This is real and we both mean it,” she exploded.
Vi was something right, and true and Caitlyn was sick and tired of being second guessed about someone she felt so strongly for. There was no hesitation as she shoved her feet into shoes and grabbed her phone, blasting past her aghast mother in the doorway. Her car tires squealed as she zoomed out of the driveway and into the night, her head a pounding mess of fury and hurt.
All this and her mother still thought the worst? What motivation did Caitlyn have to keep fighting?
The sky was shifting into night, painted with shades of blue and dotted with emerging stars that twinkled readily for their grand reveal over the roof of Vi’s house. It was as much a balm to Caitlyn’s soul as her voice. The sight of Vi throwing open the front door as she parked nearby meant that there was barely a breath before she was out of the car and in her arms, clutching shoulders and ribs like a lifeline.
“Hey, pretty girl,” Vi whispered.
Caitlyn nearly started crying right there.
“Vi-” she choked.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay, let’s get you inside.”
Vi gently steered Caitlyn through the house to her room, carefully dodging the eyes and questions of the house’s other inhabitants until the door closed behind them with a click, Vi’s bedroom silent and comforting. Caitlyn sank onto the edge of the bed and watched Vi putter around the room for an extra blanket that she draped over Caitlyn’s shoulders, taking the spot next to her.
For a long moment, they leaned into one another, soaking in whatever comfort the other was able to provide. The world narrowed to Caitlyn’s place on Vi’s shoulder, the contact between their hips and thighs, and the tangle of fingers between her own. The rasp of calluses over her knuckles grounded her, made things feel real.
“Cait, I don’t know if you realized, but you didn’t hang up when you talked with your mom.”
Caitlyn snapped her head up to look properly at Vi. Something in her eyes looked heavy, like a guilty kicked puppy. Suspicion and fear flooded her body.
“What did you hear?” She hated how her voice sounded scratchy and insecure. The broadcasting of her emotions was usually welcome with Vi, but not when she looked like she did. Vi traced an old scar on the back of Caitlyn’s hand.
“Enough.” The word grew vines that took root in Caitlyn’s lungs and squeezed around her heart. “Caitlyn, I don’t want to keep getting between you and your mom,” Vi sighed.
“Nothing about this is your fault, Vi. She has expectations that are wrong and that isn’t about us.” Caitlyn was already shaking her head, desperately trying and daily to make eye contact.
“I don’t have my real parents anymore and you love yours so much. I don’t want to be the thing that gets in the way. I refuse.” Only then did Vi lift her gaze and Caitlyn thought she might blip out of existence right there. Tears clung to the corner of powder blue eyes as a hand came up to brush her bottom lip with a thumb. “I think we should stop seeing each other.”
The world fell out from under her. She fell into a pit and kept falling down, down, down, down-
“Vi,” she choked. The tears in Vi’s eyes looked on the verge of falling.
“I know this isn’t what either of us wants, but it can’t go on like it is. I won’t let it ruin your relationship with your mom.” Her thumb brushed over Caitlyn’s chin. “Maybe this doesn’t have to be forever,” she mumbled.
But what did it matter? It shouldn’t have been happening at all. What they had was good and Vi was just- she was just-
Caitlyn shot up from the bed, out of reach from gentle hands or comforting warmth.
“I don’t agree with this,” she stated flatly. She could hear how dead her tone was.
“I know, I’m sorry.” Vi didn’t look better.
Before she could change her mind, Caitlyn turned on her heel and left the house. She didn’t look back, she didn’t acknowledge Claggor greeting her amiably. She left. Her car rumbled to life and she hit the gas without looking.
For almost almost an hour, she navigated through backroads and got on and off the highway with no destination or goal in mind. She just drove and tried to forget what had happened.
It was well after dark when she pulled back into her own driveway, her body and mind numb. The key turned in the lock automatically, her feet kicked off her shoes without a spare thought, her legs carried her towards the stairs on a mission of their own.
“Caitlyn?” Her body went rigid at the sound of her mother’s voice. “I was hoping I could apologize to you. I never meant to question your motives or feelings. I am…unsure of Vi as she is a stranger to me. Maybe she could come to dinner this week? It may be beneficial to get to know her.”
She could have laughed. Now? Now?
“That’s unlikely considering she just broke up with me,” she deadpanned. Her mother gasped and Caitlyn finally looked at her over her shoulder. Her mother actually seemed genuinely distraught, her usually impassive face laced with concern and sadness as she began to reach for Caitlyn’s hand. But that was not happening. “I’m going to sleep.”
She darted up the stairs and closed the door firmly behind herself, launching herself into her sheets. Any moment, the bed would start to dissolve her, to break down who she was and eat away at all the things she thought were irreplaceable. In its wake, her bones would arise and find new pieces to take as their own.
Who would she be when she had new muscles and skin? Who would she be when her hair sprouted and her eyes opened?
Caitlyn spent weeks evolving. She waited for the nerves to grow and bring feeling back to her body. She waited for tendons to get her moving. She waited for her lungs to inflate with enough air to finally bring her back to life.
Suddenly, she was alive again and weeks had passed.
Two separate emails sat untouched in her inbox and only when she was able to draw full breath did she even think about opening them. The first was from the city paper, a publication with national outreach that Caitlyn had sent an email to on a whim in the weeks of her rebirth. They’d replied oddly enthusiastically and set up an interview within the week. The email she scanned was an offer, a hope for a new beginning in a position that wanted her to ask questions no one thought to be asking. The second was an application acceptance from a landlord on the other side of town. Both needed answers. Caitlyn used her last spoons of the day to reply yes to both of them.
She closed the lid of her laptop and moved to her bay window. The pillows cradled her and she sank into them with a sigh. The pool below was pristine in the night. Lights lit the water from below the surface and gave it an otherworldly glow. The patio lights were off and the pool was all the more striking. Vi hadn’t been back since that night, her sister Jinx having taken over her Kiramman pool duties. Jinx was good at the work (even made the filters run more efficiently somehow), but she spent a lot of her time shooting Caitlyn weird looks that she didn’t know what to do with.
Alone as it was, Caitlyn felt the pull again. She felt the draw of the water and its ability to block out the world. There was nothing for it, Caitlyn swung her legs out of the window seat and all but floated down the stairs and out onto the patio. The water felt as good against her legs as she expected. Chilly on a warm night, it chased thoughts of almost everything else out of her head, kept at bay for another day.
Almost everything else.
Caitlyn sat at the edge and imagined for a moment Vi, bending low over the edge to unclog a filter with a determined grimace. She pulled out her phone and couldn’t resist snapping a picture of the empty pool before her. There was no stopping herself from sending it in a message.
There was no stopping her heart leaping into her throat when she received a similarly wordless text of another empty pool across town.