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“You know what’s funny?” Cassie says, knowing deep down that it isn’t funny at all. “Nate broke up with me before I even went on that stage.”
“Don’t worry,” Maddy says; her voice level, her tone cool. “This is just the beginning.”
Cassie keeps looking down at the tile floor. She can feel Maddy’s gaze on her, eyes burning holes right through her. After another moment, she forces herself to meet them. She doesn’t look away, even as she feels rivers of tears running down her cheeks. Maddy’s expression doesn’t change. There’s no judgment present anywhere in her face; if anything, there’s pity.
Maddy places the Coke can she’d been using to ice her foot aside and picks her shoe up off the counter. She slides it back on and methodically straps it into place, then moves to push herself off the bathroom counter. Before she can reach the floor, a timid voice Cassie barely recognizes as her own pipes up.
“I should’ve opened the fucking door.”
Maddy stills. She doesn’t say anything, not for a moment. She doesn’t look at Cassie, either.
“I shouldn’t have run away that day. I’m sorry, Maddy, I really am, I was just scared!”
A sob forces its way out to punctate the last sentiment. Cassie notices Kat bristle, then sees Maddy finally land and turn towards her, tossing her hair over one shoulder as she does so.
“Of me?”
“Yes, of you! You said you were gonna fucking kill me!”
“You should’ve known I didn’t mean it!”
“Then you shouldn’t have said it!”
Maddy looks like she wants to refute that point, but instead, she takes a deep breath, then sighs. “Okay. I get why you ran away. But why wouldn’t you open the door?”
Cassie looks back down at the tile. It feels like there’s a weight around her neck, forcing her head down, refusing to let her meet Maddy’s heartbroken stare.
“I was scared that if I opened it, I’d lose the only person that loved me.”
“Bitch, I fucking loved you!” Maddy roars.
Everyone in the bathroom freezes. Cassie is the first to move, looking up at her like a deer in headlights.
“I fucking loved you, Cassie. So did Lexi, so did Kat, so did all of us. And you threw all of us away for this idea of love that’s not fucking real.”
“I know you loved me, but it’s not the same,” Cassie says. Sobs begin to wrack her body, causing her to choke out each word.
“Yeah, it’s not the same, because we’d be fucking there for you. Through anything. Nate dropped you the fucking second things got tough, yeah? Kept you as his dirty little secret for months?”
Tears start flowing freely down Cassie’s face once more. Maddy takes a step closer, then another. Cassie feels her bottom lip start to quiver.
“You’ve been so desperate for this love that doesn’t exist that you missed out on the love you’ve had all along,” Maddy says. “I almost feel bad for you.”
“Don’t feel bad for me,” Cassie says, voice hardly above a whisper, body shaking as she tries to suppress her sobs.
Maddy gives her a far too sympathetic smile. “Don’t worry. I said almost.”
She stands there, a few feet away from Cassie, staring right at her. Cassie doesn’t move, doesn’t avert her gaze. For what feels like an eternity, they stare at each other, then Maddy surges forward.
It takes Cassie a few moments to register the fact that she’s hugging her. She’s hugging her; arms flung around her body, head buried in the crook of her neck, squeezing her so tightly that she might pop.
It takes her another moment more to hug back. She squeezes Maddy just as tightly, gripping onto the soft fabric of her romper like she’s about to disappear forever.
“I don’t know what made you think you needed him,” Maddy says, her voice unusually small, “but I’m sorry for whatever it was.”
“It’s not your fault,” Cassie says, feeling the start of yet another swell of raw emotion. “I promise, it’s not your fault. I just…I just wanted to be loved!”
Her cries become deafening, echoing through the small space. She squeezes her eyes shut as she feels the unmistakable warmth of tears dripping onto her shoulder; tears that aren’t her own.
“I know you all loved me and I know I took it for granted and I know I shouldn’t have needed him, but I did. I just should never have let it be him.”
“I don’t disagree,” Maddy says. She pulls away, letting her hands trail behind, lifting them up to hold the sides of Cassie’s face. “Because that’s what hurt. The fact that you threw everything away for him, after watching me do the same.”
“I didn’t know how bad it was. Really,” Cassie squeaks.
Maddy gives her the saddest smile yet. She picks up her thumbs and gently drags them underneath Cassie’s eyes, attempting to wipe away her still pooling tears.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I don’t need your permission,” Maddy snaps, stopping her motions. However, she swiftly softens and resumes. “But I appreciate it.”
Cassie sniffles, her whole body shaking. She doesn’t know what to say, so she stays quiet.
After a moment, Maddy breaks the silence and lifts her hands from Cassie’s face. “I’m gonna go join Kat and BB outside. But maybe I’ll give you a call in a few weeks, so long as you don’t go back to Nate.”
“Wait, when did they leave?” Cassie asks, whipping around to look at where they’d been sitting.
“A minute ago,” Maddy says. “Do me a favor and don’t go any crazier, okay?”
“Okay,” Cassie murmurs. Maddy strokes her mussed up hair, just twice, then turns and walks away.
Cassie waits to get down from the counter until she no longer hears the click of high heels on the tile floor. With a shaky breath, she turns to look at herself in the mirror. Miraculously, her waterproof mascara held out, but pink and blue glitter trail down her face. Out of habit, she combs her fingers through her hair and brings it over her shoulders. She’s not sure if she’s ready to face Nate, or her mom, or Lexi. But she faces herself, head on, and smiles.