Chapter Text
Being alone in a rowboat gives you time to think. Maybe too much time.
Stede was free. He left Barbados knowing that his family would be fine. They’d be better than fine. They’d be happy. He felt good knowing that his bit of fuckery helped to repair the damage he’d done there.
But he’d left more damage in his wake and, if he were being honest, he didn’t think fuckery was going to be the answer. For the first time in his life, he had something he didn’t want to lose. Something he loved. Something… no, someone he needed and wanted more than he could verbalize.
He stopped rowing for a moment. He couldn’t afford to waste time but his arms weren’t used to this type of work. He would be the first to admit he was soft and his body weak. His arms and shoulders ached and his hands were well beyond sore. He was headed in the direction that he believed the Revenge was anchored but he couldn’t be sure. He learned a bit under the tutelage of his and Blackbeard’s crew, but, his skills as a seaman were wanting. He would have to work on that. Surely he could find a book or two to give him more guidance.
Blackbeard. The bloodthirsty pirate. Scourge of the seas. Men ran in fear at the very mention of his name. And he was running towards him. Calico Jack had called him “Blacky” and the very thought of it made him recoil. Blackbeard was a role he played. Nothing more. Underneath the swagger and bravado, he was Edward Teach. His Ed. His beautiful love.
Love. He’d read about it in books and even fantasized about it from time to time but, frankly, he didn’t know what it was. Not really.. He never felt anything like love from his father. Maybe if his mother had survived his birth he would have stood a chance of knowing tenderness from someone who loved him. Mary tried but their marriage was one of duty and station, not even really affection. In his darkest moments he had to admit to himself that he wasn’t even sure he felt love for his children. They were a requirement of a “happy” marriage and so he fulfilled his duty and sired two children - a girl and a boy - and felt that his responsibilities were done in that area.
He shook his head to clear the unpleasant memories and started rowing again. He’d spent enough time looking back. It was time to look forward.