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The first thing Miles hears upon waking up is Alex’s light familiar snore beside him.
Second is his alarm, which he realizes is what woke him in the first place, trilling softly on the bedside table.
One by one his senses return to him, the softness of the sheets beneath him and the touch of Alex’s forehead against the back of his shoulder, his and Alex’s indescribable natural scents filling his nose. The shadows on the ceiling cast from the open window look perfectly geometrical where they cross above the bed, a strip of morning yellow sunlight crossing the bed and just barely missing Miles’ face.
It’s early, and Alex must have forgotten to close the window before he got in bed last night, as the brisk air is pricking against their bare skin where it sticks out from beneath the duvet. The warmth from Alex against his back, arm thrown loosely over Miles’ hip, contrasts the chill he feels coming from the window. He wishes he could live in this moment forever. In this peaceful moment Alex is not even aware of, an almost bittersweet feeling grips Miles’ heart every time they wake up together, like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Even though it is the most normal thing in the world now that they’ve been together since early in the winter of 2020. But it wasn’t always this way, and there were points Miles thought it may never be this way. He still feels so incredibly lucky to be the one person who gets to experience this, who gets to love Alex like this.
His alarm goes off again, sounding very shrill this time, and he dramatically throws his hand across his phone and fumbles till he hits snooze on the screen. He has a full morning on his calendar today. First he has gig rehearsals – booked studio space to practice with his new band for his tour that’s starting in a few weeks. He hasn’t been on tour since the before times – he’s done an acoustic gig here and there but there’s nothing like performing on stage under bright lights, hundreds of people singing along. He’s really been enjoying playing with his band and he honestly can’t wait to perform with them. His new album is out and it’s what he considers his best work to date, the most unique in terms of style and sound, and he’s absolutely buzzing at the chance to finally get to do these ones live.
After his rehearsal he’s got a boxing session scheduled, a much needed one if he’s honest. He loves boxing – it lets him exert all his pent up energy in another way from his usual workouts. It helps him get out of his head, energizes him, and usually puts Alex in a frisky mood when he gets home all gross and sweaty. He’s planning to go back to his own house afterwards though, to retrieve a book and a jacket Alex forgot there the last time they spent the night at Miles’, and truthfully, because Miles likes his shower better than Alex’s.
He groans and stretches as he forces himself to awaken, turning onto his back slowly so as not to disturb Alex. Lying on his side with his long strands of hair falling over his face, lashes fluttering on the tops of his cheeks, he looks so serene and beautiful that Miles almost forgets to breathe for a moment. He truly cannot believe how fortunate he is to have the privilege of living with Alex and how grateful he is that they were able to work out their issues and finally come home to each other.
He decides to let Alex sleep instead of selfishly waking him, even though he’s desperate to see Alex’s eyes and hear his voice right now, and instead presses a gentle kiss to his forehead before untangling himself from their loose embrace and lifting himself with great effort out of the bed and getting dressed. Alex is fully aware of Miles’ plans for the day, but Miles still finds himself scribbling a note to leave on Alex’s bedside table telling him where he is and when he’ll be back, with a little heart and a few x’s at the bottom. He brushes a piece of Alex’s hair back and drops a light kiss on his cheek before continuing his way out the door, locking it behind him with his key, and heads off to the studio, which conveniently is closer to Alex’s house anyways.
~
The first thing Alex hears upon waking up is a crow shrieking outside.
Second is his own thoughts, his brain already fretting that he’s running late. Twisting around in the sheets, registering the fact Miles is missing, he starts reaching for his phone to check the time, barely having opened his eyes. He fumbles around on the bedside table for that weird brick he always has near him. He first grabs what feels like a sheet of paper though, forcing his eyes open so he can read it.
Hey babe, off at the studio and the gym, will be back round 12. text me if you need anything. love ya xxxx M
Alex smiles at Miles’ messy handwriting and the kisses and little heart drawn next to the M, immediately wishing he had been awake to receive this message from Miles in person. They so rarely spend the night apart anymore that Alex always feels a bit off when he wakes up alone. When his brain is still booting up the first thing he usually thinks is something something Miles , embarrassingly enough. Even after all this time. Being quarantined together since the very beginning of their official relationship forced them to deal with all their issues head on, and now that they’ve talked through and soothed all the hurt, there’s nothing but endless space left for their deep love and fondness for each other. He’s pretty sure he’s never felt more in love, in love with his perfect boyfriend and for the first time with his own life. For the first time in maybe his entire adult life, he feels fully out of the public eye – his band have been on hiatus long enough that they don’t get bothered for very many things, and due to everyone being at home for two years Alex rarely gets recognized when he goes out, and even less frequently approached when someone does spot him. He feels a kind of anonymity he’s never really had before, and getting to live in domestic bliss – something that would have made a younger Alex wretch at – with Miles is now the most exciting thing he can think of. With everyday that passes Alex feels closer to Miles, even when they do nothing all day but make out and fiddle on their guitars and watch tele. No day with Miles is ever a wasted day. They could spend the whole day in separate rooms doing their own things but just knowing Miles is there, only a few steps away, brings him a kind of comfort he didn’t realize he needed.
That being said, the calm, love filled bubble he and Miles have been living in is about to be very abruptly popped. Miles starts his tour in a few weeks, and Alex is going to be back on tour by the end of the year - which is what he’s late for, he realizes. He has a “meeting” with his bandmates and tour managers this morning to go over the upcoming festival announcements, interviews management plans to book for them, album release logistics and blah blah blah . Alex couldn’t care less about that part of being a musician. He appreciates the fans, he really does – after all, nothing in his life would be what it is without the people who have supported him and his band – but Alex makes music because he loves it, not because he wants to make beaucoup bucks off it as their now fired manager told them while criticizing the last album. He grumbles a bit, finally grabbing his phone, and discovers he’s not as late as he thought he was. He drags himself out of bed slowly and unremorsefully, fighting the jittery feeling stirring in his bones and wishing Miles were here to make him a cup of tea. It’s always better when Miles makes it.
He goes into the second bedroom they’ve converted into a studio/office, where they keep the laptop Alex despises. It’s Miles’, of course, and Alex does know how to use it, thank you very much, it’s just much easier to use with Miles’ help. He dreadfully realizes he’s going to have to navigate the stupid video chat program by himself, and his bandmates are going to give him so much shit if he’s late not because he overslept but because he couldn’t figure out his computer.
~
Miles unlocks the door and pushes it open, heavy takeout bags strung over his arm with his gym bag over his shoulder and a bouquet of flowers he impulsively bought on his way back for Alex in his hand not holding the keys. He’s certain he’s making plenty of noise to announce his arrival as he ungracefully drops the gym bag to the ground and lets the keys jangle in the door a minute too long, and only calls out to Alex when he closes the door and doesn’t hear anything coming from anywhere in the house. In fact, it looks exactly as he left it, not a single book, glass, pillow, or instrument out of place. He sighs, putting the takeout and flowers on the table and climbing the stairs. The bedroom door is swung open and Miles can only see the tops of Alex’s bare shoulders and the back of his head, so he’s not even sure he’s awake. “Al?” he asks softly.
Alex groans, answering to Miles that yes, he is most definitely awake. Miles walks over when he hears Alex mumble “come here” without moving, ridding himself of his jeans, and lifts the covers to join Alex. He curls up right behind him, chest pressed to Alex’s back, and wraps an arm around his waist. Alex sinks into the embrace and slides back so his calves press into Miles’ shins, arse against Miles’ thighs, their bodies touching from head to toe. Miles tightens his arm around Alex and pushes his nose into Alex’s hair. He inhales the familiar scent, closing his eyes as he feels Alex rest his hand on the arm Miles has wrapped around him.
For a while neither of them move, simply basking in the presence of the other and enjoying the cuddle they were unable to have this morning. Alex knows he’s ridiculously clingy, but it’s just so hard not to be when Miles so willingly showers him with affection, and he’s a simple man who simply loves his boyfriend. A lot. He’s always been one for touch, especially with Miles, always touching him in some way while they’re out, all the time on stage - it always made their relationship like an open secret everyone knew about but no one ever explicitly mentioned. And now that they’re happily together and no longer trying to hide their feelings for each other, Alex finds he gets even more comfort from Miles’ touch, no longer burdened with the anxiety of overanalyzing their behavior so as not to seem too eager and expose themselves and the depth of their relationship to their peripheral girlfriends and the thousands of strangers watching their every move. Now Miles’ touch is just that - a touch he loves, one he’s never going to stop proudly seeking out, made all the better by the fact he knows his feelings are fully reciprocated.
Miles’ breath against the nape of his neck makes him shiver, the strong arm wrapped around his middle keeping him from floating away. The scent of Miles’ shower products fills Alex’s nose and humiliatingly quickly calms his frazzled nerves, settling the bumbling moths that have been fluttering around aimlessly in his stomach since the meeting ended. He breathes in once, twice, and then a third time for good measure before he detaches himself a teeny bit, just enough so he can twist in their embrace to face Miles. He finds Miles already staring at him, huge amber eyes locked on his face as his head hits the pillow, their noses almost touching.
“Hi,” Alex whispers. Miles smiles at him, lighting up the room more than the midday sun, and leans forward to peck Alex’s lips briefly, watching him carefully as his eyes flutter shut.
“Hi,” he whispers back. “You alright?”
“Yes,” he responds. Miles lifts his hand to run his fingers through Alex’s hair tentatively in question, pushing his fingers against his scalp when Alex leans into his hand in permission. He hums softly. “Nothing’s wrong. Just a bit stressed. Had that tour meeting earlier.”
Miles nods in understanding even though Alex can’t see him. He continues running his fingers through Alex’s hair, delighting in watching every minuscule shift in Alex’s expression. “How’d it go?” he asks.
“Well. I was late cause I couldn’t figure out fucking zoom, or whatever. Guys wouldn’t let me hear the end of it,” he grumbles, but visibly relaxes into Miles’ hand. “I don’t know. It was just… a weird meeting. Weirder morning. I miss you when you’re not here. Wish you’d been here to make me tea,” he says softly, his mind clearly not filtering the stream of consciousness leaving his mouth. “Feels nice, that,” he hums as Miles pulls ever so slightly on the hair near his nape.
He smiles brightly and leans forward again, this time using his grip on the back of Alex’s neck to guide his face forward so he can kiss him properly, mouths meeting softly and noses brushing against each other. Alex melts into it instantly, opening his mouth beneath him and letting Miles kiss him easy and slow. His eyes fly open when Miles pulls back, a sparkle in those dark eyes as he takes in the beautiful, kind, wonderful man before him. “Missed you too,” he says quietly, smiling wider when Alex smiles dazedly at him.
“You did?” he whispers.
“Of course,” Miles responds instantly, returning his fingers to their place in Alex’s hair. “I always do when we’re apart.”
Alex’s smile grows even wider, his arm curling around Miles’ waist. “Me too,” he says, giggling when Miles’ fingers brush over a sensitive spot on his neck. “Tickles,” he mumbles.
“Sorry,” Miles whispers back, but doesn’t stop touching Alex. “Have you eaten?’ he asks gently, remembering the takeout downstairs, and how Alex always forgets to feed himself when he’s anxious.
Alex chuckles, knowing Miles already knows the answer. “No, I suppose I haven’t.”
“Well perfect, because I brought back lunch,” Miles tells him brightly. “And it’s probably getting cold.”
Alex grumbles and rolls onto his back when Miles sits up and starts to get out of bed. He turns and dramatically holds a hand out towards him to which Alex rolls his eyes playfully but still takes Miles’ outstretched hand, letting himself be guided into standing on his knees on the bed, making him the same height as Miles, who is standing on the floor beside the bed. Miles brings his hands up to cup Alex’s face and can’t help himself from stealing another kiss from Alex’s lips. Alex falls into sync without hesitation, holding Miles’ shoulders as they kiss, nuzzling against his face when Miles pulls away to breathe.
“Go on and set the table then, my darling,” Alex sings in a ridiculous accent, leaning his forehead against Miles’. Miles laughs and lets go of him, reaching down to grab his discarded jeans. Alex watches him struggle to get them back on before getting up himself, a hand brushing against Miles’ stomach as he walks past him into the bathroom. Just because he can.
Miles decides to set the table outside, since it’s turning out to be a beautiful day. He sets out all the food he brought back and pours them drinks, and then sets up his little speaker that Alex is always impressed by. Not even five minutes later, a bright eyed, fluffy haired Alex emerges from the back door. Miles can’t help the dopey smile that takes over his face as Alex approaches, looking like an absolute vision in his tight jeans and loose t-shirt, the sunlight highlighting all the different shades of brown in his hair. A small smile warms his face and rounds his cheeks out as he sees Miles, the shadowplay making him look practically angelic.
Before Miles can regain his ability to think, Alex has reached the table and swoops in to press a firm kiss to his lips, cheekily pulling away when Miles instinctively tries to lean into him.
“So what’s for lunch?” he asks, turning to look at what Miles brought.
Miles stares at him for just a second too long, mesmerized by the glow practically emitting from Alex’s skin before registering his words. “Right,” he fumbles. “Lunch, yeah. So, I was between that cafe we got those amazing omelets from and that new Peruvian chicken place I’ve been dying to try, but I remembered you said you wanted to try that one jalapeño omelet on the menu next time, and I loved the garlic potatoes I got so much I ended up going back there. It was closer anyways. We will have to try that chicken sometime soon though.”
“Sounds great,” Alex says, smiling brightly. They sit across from each other at the small garden table, the food arranged so it’s more of a buffet rather than two distinct meals. They start eating, Miles commenting on the food like he’s reviewing it for a Food Network show, Alex listening thoughtfully as he enjoys the meal with him and throws in his own comments. Alex asks Miles to tell him about his morning, prompting every detail of his rehearsal and gym session out of him, hanging onto Miles’ every word. Miles enthusiastically shares, and Alex lights them a cigarette to share once they’ve finished eating. When they go inside to clean up, Miles notices Alex has gotten a bit pensive and quiet, and so he’s not surprised when Alex announces he’s going to go read his book outside, understanding that’s their shorthand fo r I need some time alone.
Miles smiles softly at Alex and nods. “Okay,” he responds, taking Alex’s hands in his own and kissing his cheek once, and then twice when it makes Alex smile. He lets him go, watching as Alex picks up the book Miles had brought back from his own place for him and goes back through the patio door, seeming a bit smaller than he usually does, making Miles’ heart swell a little bit with that ever present urge he always has to protect Alex.
~
A few hours pass, and Miles is in the living room with the television on and a guitar in his lap when Alex comes to find him. The shadows cast through the window are much longer now than when he originally came in here, so Alex must have been out there for some time. He himself has not been keeping close track of time, instead strumming around on the guitar while half-listening to David Attenborough’s smooth voice narrate a documentary about the ocean. He glances up when Alex starts to push the door open hesitantly, as if concerned he’s interrupting. Miles immediately perks up upon seeing Alex, which must be encouragement enough as Alex confidently strolls right towards Miles’ spot on the loveseat.
“Hello you,” Miles greets him warmly. He puts his guitar aside and makes room for Alex to lay down beside him without even thinking about it.
Alex curls up against his side like it’s instinct. “Hey,” he says back, resting his hand on Miles’ stomach and feeling his torso rise and fall as he breathes.
“How was your book?” Miles asks, pressing a kiss to Alex’s head and wrapping his arm around Alex’s shoulder.
“Pretty shite,” he mumbles. Miles laughs, and Alex can feel it beneath his hand. Alex continues, “Thanks for grabbing it though. I didn’t actually read much of it. Just sort of sat out there, for a bit. Thinking.”
“That’s not always good.”
“No,” Alex agrees, fingers playing with the hem of Miles’ shirt. “It’s that meeting I had this morning. They’ve booked so many shows for us and… it’s just… kind of overwhelming. I feel like I might not have it in me anymore. To do this.”
Miles thinks for a moment. “To be on tour?” he asks.
“More just, like…,” he pauses, clearly struggling to find the right words. “Yeah, I s’pose. To tour. To be back on stage and have everyone’s eyes on me. To be scrutinized so closely again.”
“I get that, babe,” he starts. “It’s gonna be kind of weird to be back on stage after so long, and I know we don’t feel quite the same way about performing but being on stage for the first time after a while feels like coming home for me, and I think it will for you too. You are a natural performer in your own way.”
Alex is quiet. Miles runs his fingers through Alex’s hair as he lets him think. After a moment, Alex simply says, “I guess.” Another pause as he sorts through what he wants to say. “I’m just not really ready to be back in the cycle. All the traveling, the people. I'm dreading it a bit, actually. Feels like whiplash compared to what my life’s been like since the last tour ended.”
“I understand,” he says. “A change of show , you could say,” Miles tries, but doesn’t get the laugh he expected from Alex, just a soft chuckle. “Are you at least excited about the new songs?” he asks.
Alex shrugs. “I’m gonna miss the world being only the two of us,” he answers instead.
“Hey,” Miles starts, cupping Alex’s sharp jaw and turning his head so Miles can look him in the eye. “As far as I’m concerned, the world is only the two of us. My world, at least.”
“You love touring, though,” Alex whispers.
“But I love you more,” Miles says immediately, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “What’s going on, babe?”
Alex grumbles and fiddles with the hem of Miles’ shirt. “I’ve really enjoyed getting to be a normal couple with you. I like having you to myself like this. Guess I nearly forgot at some point I actually do have to go back to being a ‘rockstar’,” he explains, wincing as he says the last word. “Just worried I’m gonna be a miserable bastard on tour without you.”
“Well with that attitude you will be,” Miles points out. Alex rolls his eyes and tucks his face into Miles’ neck. “Kidding. Sorry you’re stressed, love. Give yourself some time to process everything, though, it’s not like you’re hitting the road tomorrow. And I’m sure once you and the guys start rehearsing and get back on stage you’ll remember why you love performing so much and the tour won’t feel so daunting.”
Alex hums but doesn’t respond. He instead turns and starts attentively watching the documentary Miles has on, only speaking up again to comment on what’s happening and ask Miles questions. “Do you want to go for a walk in a bit?” Miles asks him when a round of commercials start.
Alex turns so he can meet Miles’ eyes. “Sure,” he says, curling closer into Miles.
After it ends, they don up in their coats and brave the cool London spring evening. They hold hands and amble their way through the park by Alex’s house, and mostly don’t talk. Alex still seems quite contemplative, but Miles knows better than to try to pull it out of him rather than let Alex tell him when he’s ready. They pass a little coffee shop that Alex insists they go into, ordering them hot teas and holding Miles’ hand on top of the table. They lucked into a table right against the window, and sip their tea as they chat, making up stories about people that pass by. Alex fiddles with Miles’ rings the entire time without even really noticing he’s doing it.
They get back to Alex’s house once it’s nearly dark. “I bought some groceries yesterday that we can cook, if you want?” Miles suggests as they walk through the threshold.
“Are you gonna let me help this time?” Alex asks. Miles snorts, remembering how the last time they cooked a full meal together Alex kept messing things up to the point Miles just insisted he sit back and let him do all of it.
“We’ll see,” he quips back. “I’m feeling in need of some assistance tonight.” A bright smirk forms on Alex’s face.
“Is that so?” Alex wraps himself around Miles as he starts pulling items out of the fridge. “Tell me what to do then, Chef Kane.”
Alex doesn’t actually end up helping very much. Miles instructed him to busy himself with chopping up the vegetables while Miles gets to work on the sauce, but when he gets to the onion his eyes start burning and he has to leave the room, declaring dramatically that he can’t do it . He instead decides to make them drinks, slicing limes and pouring tequila, shaking and not stirring, and then watching as Miles prepares their meal happily, commenting nonstop on how good it smells, all while enjoying his margarita. Alex acknowledges that he may not be the best cook, but he can confidently say that he knows how to make a good fucking drink.
“Bon appetit,” Miles announces theatrically as he sets their plates onto the table. Alex giggles a bit and mumbles a “thank you, chef,” and then stops as if remembering something, tapping his foot against the floor out of Miles’ sight. Miles starts eagerly digging into his plate, closing his eyes as he tastes his first bite.
“The Monkeys are gonna be announced for Rock en Seine tomorrow,” Alex abruptly tells him, watching the confused frown on his face as he swallows.
“Oh?” he prompts, unsure why Alex has picked this moment to share that information.
Alex ducks his head, pushing the noodles around on his plate. “Haven’t performed there since our tour together,” he says bashfully.
“Oh,” Miles breathes, immediately understanding. Alex is dwelling on their tour, reliving it as a peak he’s constantly sinking down from rather than a beautiful foundation for which to build his life on. “Oh, but Al. You were so radiant that night.”
Alex blushes slightly, still not meeting Miles’ eyes. Miles decides to try a different approach since flattery is not getting through Alex’s melancholy. “Must have been all the amazing sex we were having,” he says, kicking Alex’s leg lightly under the table. Alex sputters a bit into the margarita he was in the middle of taking a sip from.
“Had to be that,” he teases, twirling his fork around for a second before looking up at Miles with a little grin on his face. “Those shows with you were the most fun I’ve ever had,” he says, watching Miles’ face.
“Me too,” Miles smiles. Alex twirls his fork some more before a little smirk flits across his face.
“What would you say if I told you I wanted to do another Dutronc with the guys?” Alex asks, a glint of mischief in his eyes that lets Miles in on his lighter mindset.
Miles laughs boisterously at the suggestion. “Babe, no offense,” he starts, unable to resist laughing a bit more when Alex starts to pout, “but I don’t know if a massive crowd of native French speakers is a good place for you to butcher the French language.”
“Oi,” Alex huffs. “Says you, Mr. Shavambacu .”
“That came to me in a dream,” Miles says, swiping a pepper from Alex’s plate. “You can’t use that against me.”
Alex laughs, and finally takes his first bite. He praises Miles’ cooking again, swearing this is the best meal he’s ever had. They continue their meal with Miles’ cooking playlist on his phone serving as their background noise until they start talking again.
“Oh I love this one,” Miles exclaims when a song in Italian that Alex doesn’t recognize starts playing. Miles starts dramatically belting out the lyrics, and Alex may have no idea what he’s actually saying but he knows exactly what Miles is feeling right now. He always does, able to read Miles like he’s his favorite book, but also because he genuinely does feel like they can read each other’s minds sometimes. He’s so attuned to Miles that right now he feels the joy Miles is radiating as he sings along, theatrically throwing his arms around and starting to sing directly to him. He forgets all about his earlier anxieties and finds himself fully captivated by the man in front of him, the man he is so happy to share his life with. At some point the song ends, but Alex is barely aware of it, still too focused on Miles to notice such unimportant details. “Wanna dance?” Miles asks as the next song begins, delighting in the hazy look on Alex’s face. “C’mon,” he says, taking a hold of Alex’s hands and pulling him from his chair. He gently drapes Alex’s arms over his shoulders and wraps his own around Alex’s tiny waist, holding him close. They watch each other for a moment, swaying slowly along to the easy rhythm of the song playing now. Something stirs in Miles as he focuses on the warmth of Alex against him, and he can’t help but bury his face against Alex’s neck, hugging him tightly and feeling his blood turn to honey, his entire body going soft and pliant in Alex’s arms. “I love you,” he whispers into Alex’s skin, reveling in the shudder he feels run through Alex’s body.
“Love you too,” Alex whispers back, one of his hands cradling the back of Miles’ head. The song switches again and on comes one of Miles’ own songs, one of his new ones in fact. Alex has always found it amusing and endearing the way Miles puts so many of his own songs in his playlists he regularly listens to. Alex personally can’t stand listening to his own music, but he loves listening to Miles’, so it works out well.
“This one’s gonna be boss live,” he says energetically as Alex comes to recognize the song. Alex can picture it immediately – Miles screaming, belting out the lyrics on stage, dancing and jumping around with that look on his face he only gets while performing. He starts singing along, his energy infectious and Alex can’t help himself, singing along as well and indulging Miles ridiculous dancing, letting himself be pushed and twirled and dipped. Never he did he think he would ever be dancing and jumping and shouting in his fucking kitchen for crying out loud, but nothing is ever as he expects with Miles. It’s always better, in fact.
The song ends, and they crash against each other, catching their breaths. “I’ll never get tired of dancing with you,” Miles whispers breathlessly in his ear, arms tightening around his waist. Alex blushes and tightens his arms around Miles, and they stay like that, swaying ever so slightly in their embrace through the next couple songs, until Alex pulls back with a warm pink flush lingering in his cheeks. They finish cleaning up, arms brushing against each other as they wash dishes and put leftovers away. Miles brings their glasses into the living room, settling them gently on the coffee table, where they begin their nightly routine of Miles showing Alex things he’d bookmarked on instagram, to ‘make sure he stays in touch with the outside world.’ Miles understands Alex’s aversion to social media but insists he be kept in the loop at least a little bit, so every night he shows Alex things that made him laugh, things his band members and their friends have posted, or anytime a band they both like announces something. Alex always insists on seeing Miles’ profile as well, arguing if he’s being forced to be on “instant gram” he might as well get to see Miles’ page as well. And so Miles does, always rolling his eyes at Alex’s praise.
Two more margaritas each later, they’re halfway through an obscure science fiction movie Alex insisted they watch, and Alex is sound asleep on Miles’ chest. Miles had been hoping Alex might be in the mood for a nice shag tonight but alas, there’s always tomorrow. When it ends and he stirs Alex awake, he simply rubs at his eyes and drags Miles upstairs with him to get in bed, mumbling something about doing the dishes tomorrow and wanting to lay down already.
Once they’re both settled comfortably in bed, Miles turns his table lamp off, plunging the room into darkness. It takes a second for Alex’s eyes to adjust enough to be able to see more than the outline of Miles’ figure as he settles into bed beside him. Alex reaches forwards and brushes his fingers along Miles’ face, now able to see him well enough to make out his soft expression as he watches Alex and moves to brush some hair out of his face, thumb tracing his widow’s peak gently.
“Hey,” he whispers, cupping Alex’s jaw briefly, noting the heavy energy that seems to be coming in choppy waves off of Alex. “You sure you’re okay?”
Alex blinks and his hand stills for a moment but then continues moving, tracing Miles’ features lightly. “Yeah,” Alex mumbles. Miles waits, sensing there is more coming. “Do you ever, like… I don’t know. Do you ever worry… about us? Going on tour?”
Miles pauses for a second, not really understanding the solemness in Alex’s voice. “What do you mean?”
Alex starts to pull his hand away, ducking his face, and Miles moves to twist their fingers together before he can move too far. Alex stares at the joined hands.
“Like do you worry… about us being apart for so long?” he continues. Miles’ runs his thumb over the side of Alex’s hand.
“Babe, we’ve spent loads of time apart over the years,” he points out.
“I know,” Alex says quietly. Miles opens his mouth to say something but Alex beats him to it. “I love you,” he says firmly, looking up at Miles. “And I just – well, I’m… I don’t know, I'm a bit nervous about us being on tour at the same time. I’m not… I’m not used to being apart from you for such long stretches of time anymore.”
“Oh, Al,” Miles breathes, holding Alex’s hand tighter. “We’ll see each other plenty, I promise. I’ll make sure of it.”
“But what if we don’t?” Alex continues, fiddling with Miles’ rings again, not meeting Miles’ eyes. “What if… like… fuck. Do you ever worry we might break up?”
“Do I need to worry we might break up?” Miles asks, a bit taken aback.
“No!” Alex insists immediately. “No, god. I’m not explaining this right. It just… hit me earlier, during the meeting. We’re gonna have to spend so long apart once I’m on the road too and we’re across the world from each other for weeks or months at a time.” Miles listens attentively, tangling his legs with Alex’s beneath the sheets, suddenly overcome with the need to scoop him into his arms and squeeze him so hard he can barely breathe. “I love what we have,” Alex whispers, “and I’m scared to risk it.”
Miles thinks for a moment. “Why does tour have to be a risk to it?”
Alex snorts. “It’s been the kiss of death to all my previous relationships.”
“Alex… I’m not like your other relationships,” he assures him.
“I know that.”
“Then you know you don’t have to worry,” Miles continues. “Things will be different when we’re both doing gigs, inevitably, but you and I will always be good. We're us. We always figure it out.”
“This is the first time we’ll be touring as a couple, though,” Alex points out. “The first big test of our relationship. What if we can’t figure it out?”
Miles sighs. “Look, Al, I mean, I can only speak for myself here, but I’m all in on this, on us–”
“I am too,” Alex interrupts, looking Miles dead in the eyes.
Miles smiles comfortingly at him. “Then see, you have nothing to worry about. Tours aren’t forever, and both of us want this enough that we will make it work while we’re apart. I’m not saying it’ll be easy all the time, but you and I… as a wise man once put it, are too intertwined for any severance to be everlasting.” Alex snorts, recognizing the words as his own. “It’ll be okay,” Miles whispers, stroking his thumb gently across the back of Alex’s hand. “You’re stuck with me, I’m afraid.”
“Yeah?” Alex asks, loved-dazed eyes glued to Miles’ face.
Miles tugs him closer. “Yeah,” he affirms. “Not gonna let anything get between us.”
“Okay,” Alex says softly with a nod, still staring at Miles with those huge dark eyes. “Thank you for always knowing what to say.”
Miles simply leans forward and kisses him, letting go of his hand to wrap his arms around him and pull him even closer. “Love you,” he whispers against Alex’s mouth, feeling rather than seeing the smile those words always elicit. They continue kissing for a few minutes, Alex’s hand warm against the side of Miles’ neck, feeling the veins beneath his skin, until Miles suddenly yawns into Alex’s mouth.
Alex giggles. “Sorry,” Miles mumbles, fighting another yawn. “Some of us actually stayed awake through the entire movie.”
He feels a light kick against his leg beneath the duvet as Alex rolls his eyes. “Mr. Kane requires his beauty sleep now,” he drawls in an exaggerated accent. Miles laughs, but agrees, getting slammed by both his post rehearsal and work out exhaustion all at once. He rearranges them so Alex is flat on his back and Miles can lay across him, head resting right over Alex’s heart. Alex’s fingers start scratching circles against his scalp, strong arms wrapping around his shoulders and holding him there.
“Goodnight, babe,” Miles whispers, words beginning to run together as he starts falling asleep, eased into unconsciousness by the steady rhythm of Alex’s heartbeat and the expertly skilled fingers in his hair. “Please don’t stay up stressing ‘bout the future all night. I love you,” he says again, “so very much. You’re my Al. Irreplaceable. Never wanna lose you.”
Alex’s heart skips a few beats at Miles’ words and as his voice fills with sleep. “Love you more,” Alex whispers, tightening his arms when he feels Miles’ hand slide beneath his shirt to rest against his skin, relaxing into the touch and finding sleep come to him just as quickly as it did to Miles, making the last thing both of them hear before falling asleep the others’ quiet breathing.