Work Text:
It doesn't work.
"I love you." How you've been there from the start.
"I love you." How you've seen me for who I am, just Bam.
"I love you." How you've never invalidated my feelings.
"I love you, I love you, I love you." I hate how I let this happen.
—
He doesn't stir.
He doesn't wake.
He doesn't move.
He sleeps.
Bam stares. He stares and stares and stares. He wonders what kind of miracle it would take for Khun to wake up. Then he wonders what a miracle it was that Khun was even a part of Bam's life.
"IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou"
—
Blue floods his vision.
He loves blue. It's the colour of Khun's hair and eyes. It's the colour Khun's bathed in during those late nights when they chat till dawn with their little inside jokes bound to annoy Rak. It's the colour that got him through his FUG years. It's the colour of Khun's old suspendium earrings. It's the colour that mesmerised Bam the moment he saw it.
He hates blue. It's the colour of the Hell train's walls. It's the colour of the case Khun is trapped carried in. It's the colour of the blue thryssa who tried to break him. It's the colour he last saw before being dragged into FUG. It's the colour Khun's bathed in when he overworks himself at his lighthouse. It's the colour he can't live without.
He begs, screams and cries.
It doesn't work.
—
Blue keeps him sane.
He visits everyday, till he can't, So he takes one of Khun's used shirts, no one would notice. And if he wraps himself with that shirt when he gets his panic attacks, that's no one's business but his own. Unironically, the shirt is blue, just like Khun. Even then, he calls Shibisu daily to ask about Khun. It's gotten to the point Shibisu would update him every morning before Bam even wakes up.
He wishes, prays, sobs.
It doesn't work.
—
Khun wakes up. Bam is happy. He lets the words slip out, "I love you".
Bam thinks he's ruined it all. That it doesn't work, that they wouldn't work. Khun stays silent. One beat, two, Bam hears Khun's heart rate quickening.
Khun says it back. "I love you too." Oh. Oh is all Bam can think, he's speechless. They love each other, but were they willing to try being together? It wouldn't be perfect, but maybe it'd be enough?
They try, maybe it doesn't work. But they try, and maybe they will work. They try, and that's enough. Enough for them, enough for Khun and Bam.
—
They tried, they did. But it wasn't enough, was it? It would never be enough, the Tower would never be satisfied. It takes and takes and takes from Bam, and he just wants it all to stop.
Khun sleeps, but he never wakes.
Khun sleeps, but this time it's eternal. Khun sleeps, and Bam? Maybe he wants to as well.
But he won't, all for Khun, everything for Khun. He won't, at least until he fulfils the promise they made. At least until he reaches the top, maybe he'll wish to join Khun and sleep.
He begs, screams and cries.
It doesn't work.
After all, even if Khun could come back, the Tower doesn't deserve a miracle like Khun.