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A quiet evening awaited Luke and Jocelyn after they’d gotten home for dinner. Clary had moved out just two weeks before and already they were finding th ere was more time in the day for themselves.
Neither felt like settling down for the night yet, so they ended u p sitting together on the couch. They could usually talk through the night if they wanted, or read sitting next to each other, or watch a movie, but tonight they were content with just being close.
Jocelyn was curled into Luke’s side and his arm was loosely around her back. He sighed for maybe the hundredth time that day, or at least Jocelyn thought so. It wasn’t exactly hard to tell when Luke was distressed or had something on his mind, but Jocelyn was one of the only people who would actually say anything about it.
“What are you thinking about?” She asked, looking up at him and seeing the deep crease in his brow, a familiar sight, unfortunately.
He blinked and his eyes fell on her, a little surprised to be taken out of his reverie. He smiled after a second and mumbled his answer into Jocelyn ’s hair. “I never thought …” He trailed off for a moment, wrapping his other arm around her, bringing her snug against him.
“What?” She pressed on while making herself comfortable.
He visibly stopped himself from exhaling again and continued. “I never thought I’d feel like…I don’t know, with Clary gone, I think I’m feeling the beginnings of our empty nest. ”
Jocelyn saw the genuine smile on his face and she couldn’t help but smile herself. Yes, together they had an empty nest. It was entirely too gratifying to be able to say those kinds of things, even now.
“I feel the same way.” She said, laughing as she did. He started too, and both were grateful for these moments. They often found times where they would discover something new, even after all these years, and instead of living in the past, they would laugh about it. All those years of tension led to this absolute openness and gratefulness between them, so neither would change a thing of the past if they could.
Jocelyn rested against her husband’ s chest and closing her eyes after a moment . They lay there, Luke having grabbed a book from the coffee table, and after a while, Jocelyn’s thoughts started to wonder. She supposed mothers with recent “empty nests” would think along the se lines, but to be honest, she had given thought to it before...
“Have you ever…” Jocelyn started, her throat a bit dry, but that wasn’t the cause for her hesitation.
Luke put his book down. “Oh come on now, you made me talk.”
Jocelyn looked up at him wryly. “You may regret that.”
“Try me.” He challenged.
Her eyes darted from his gaze only slightly, seriously thinking about what she’d just now gotten herself into before speaking again. “Have you ever wanted kids? ”
She didn’t have to say “kids of your own,” she knew this was a sensitive subject for him already. In all their years of knowing each other, even after a few years of being married, they’d never talked about having children together.
Luke didn’t answer right away, which was a sure sign that he had conflicting thoughts, usually very quick to answer anything. She gave him time without pushing, but stayed persistently in the position on her elbows , which told him that she most definitely wanted an answer.
“Honestly?” Luke said, waiting for her nod to continue. “I’ve thought about it. Never seriously, just, in passing sometimes. I haven’t really dare d to hope, because it should be more your decision then mine. You’ve been through more than any mother should bare already. I couldn’t possible ask you anything more than what we already have.”
Jocelyn, emotional as she could get sometimes and usually against her will, felt tears begin to well. Before she could even register, she leant forward and kissed Luke, tenderly, as thanks. He was always so considerate, always thinking of her, and she could never tell him enough how grateful she was for him.
Luke was quick to answer, and soon their lazy embrace was becoming heated, but controllably so. They’d worked out a comfortable rhythm between them over the years, one they never tired of. Right now, they could do with just holding each other .
“Have you thought about it?” Luke mumbled almost incoherently against her lips.
She gave him one last kiss before pulling away. “Mostly recently, but I’d be lying if I said I’d never thought about it before. Years ago.”
“Years ago?”
“When Clary was younger, I always thought she’d be a good big sister.” She paused, her memories taking her far away for a moment.“ And even when we were younger, I knew you’d be a good father. And you are. ”
All she could here was Luke’s heavier breathing. She hugged him tightly and settled at his side again. When he spoke, she guessed he’d sounded fainter then he would’ve liked. “You’d…want that?”
Luke could feel one of Jocelyn’s hands going up and down his side, to comfort him. “I’d want them to have your eyes.” He heard her and thought he might shed a tear that night, just thinking about all this. “I just keep thinking about how perfect it might be. We’re not hiding anymore, the wars are over, we’re happy and in love. ”
“This is… a lot to take in.” He finally said.
“Yeah.” Jocelyn breathed out.
“You’d really want to be pregnant again?” Luke said after a beat, a wry smile gracing his lips. He was still a little overwhelmed, but he had to make the mood lighter somehow.
Jocelyn smiled at him, thankful for the lighter tone in their conversation. “I wouldn’t mind. My last pregnancy was completely normal, and my cravings aren’t totally insane, so you'll live.”
Luke's smile became only slightly less at the thought of her last pregnancy. “I do regret not being there for you then. I wish I had been.”
Jocelyn sighed. “Me too, but I was...stubborn. I blame myself--”
"Don't. It's in the past."
Another few beats passed between them.
“So, are we…thinking about this?” Luke asked, a glimmer of hope in his voice as he sat up, making Jocelyn do the same. She fixed her hair out her eyes and swung her legs over the side of the couch to sit upright.
“Well, if we are, we don’t have a ton of time to make a decision.” She said. She was in her early forties now, they'd have to act fast if they really wanted this.
“Right." Luke nodded. He looked her over, making a decision, and took both her hands in his. "Jocelyn, I love you so much. If we are so lucky, and i f this is something you’re absolutely sure about, then I..."
He can't quite find the words, but he doesn't have to. She knows how much this would mean to him, what it mean for them. So they'd wait and see what they wanted, and whatever happened, they'd be together.