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Tapping his feet, Wonjin checked the time once again. 8:35pm. Serim was now 20 minutes late. He considered sending another text, but he didn’t want to seem like he was desperate. He sighed.
The waitress was looking at him again. Clearly, she thought he was lying about having one more joining him, but she decided not to bother him this time. She had already asked him twice if he was absolutely sure somebody else was coming, and that he shouldn’t be embarrassed to tell her if he’s eating alone. Both times, through gritted teeth, Wonjin replied that he was definitely sure and his ‘company’ shouldn’t be long.
What a joke.
Wonjin and Serim have been dating for the better part of a year. When they first met, they were smitten. They were the kind of couple other people hate, because they just liked each other that much.
Thinking back, Wonjin probably shouldn’t have gotten himself too used to Serim’s affection. For quite some time, Serim has been treating him like an afterthought. Like he wasn’t important.
Wonjin wasn’t sure if it was something he did, or if Serim was just losing interest in him. Either way, he felt awful. The feeling of not being wanted by somebody you still love and care for is one he couldn’t describe.
The restaurant door flung open and Serim walked in, not even sparing Wonjin a glance until he sat. Wonjin tried to smile at him, but it wasn’t returned.
“Um… Do you wanna tell me why you’re so late?”
Serim groaned. He did seem to genuinely feel bad. “Sorry. Something came up, I tried texting you I was going to be late but I guess it didn’t go through.”
“Oh. It’s okay, don’t worry.” Wonjin cleared his throat, and the waitress came back over. He was secretly pleased he was able to prove her wrong.
“Can I start you two with any drinks?” She asked, pen and paper in hand.
Serim looked at the waitress, then at Wonjin. “Do you want some soju?”
Wonjin shrugged. “…Sure.”
“A bottle of soju please. Two glasses.”
The waitress scribbled on the paper.
“Alright. I will bring that and you can tell me when you’re ready to order some food.” She pasted on a fake customer service smile before walking away.
She probably hated her job, and Wonjin couldn’t blame her.
The waitress reappeared not long afterwards. Wonjin watched as Serim immediately poured himself a shot. Drinking it made him grimace, but that didn’t stop him from pouring another one.
“What happened?” Wonjin questioned.
Serim froze. “Huh?”
“What made you late?”
Serim cleared his throat. “Ah… It’s a lot to explain.”
Wonjin raised an eyebrow. “You know, if there’s anything going on, you can tell me.”
Serim nodded, after throwing back his second shot. “I know.”
The conversation ended there, and while Wonjin would usually give up at this point, he felt like he couldn’t this time. Or rather, he didn’t want to. He sighed, reaching for the soju bottle and pouring a shot. After drinking it, he buried his head in his hands.
He hated feeling like this.
And as much as he was trying to hold them back, Wonjin could feel the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.
“Wonjin? Hey… Are you okay?” Serim asked, placing a hand on Wonjin’s shoulder. The fact that he even cared took Wonjin by surprise.
Wonjin shrugged. “I’m fine. Just… Why aren’t you like this all the time?”
Serim let out a nervous chuckle. “What?”
Wonjin lifted his head up. His eyes were red, and there were tears running down his cheeks.
“Don’t you find it strange? That we’re supposed to be having fun like every other couple does when they go out but instead we’re sitting here, barely even talking and wishing we were anywhere else? I’m your boyfriend, so why do you always make me feel as if I’m a stranger?”
Serim sat for a moment. He wasn’t sure what to say. His eyes started welling up with tears.
“I’m sorry, Wonjin.” He croaked out, reaching for Wonjin’s hand. “I can explain if you want me to.”
Wonjin nodded. “That’s all I’ve been wanting this whole time.”
Exhaling heavily, Serim took a moment to find the right words.
“Lately, I’ve been struggling quite a bit. I just… Haven’t really been feeling like myself. I just didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to worry.”
Wonjin’s eyes widened. “Serim… You should have told me. I could have helped you.” Wonjin said, giving Serim’s hand a squeeze.
“I know. And now I realise how much worse I’ve made things by not telling you.”
Wonjin shook his head. “It’s okay, it’s nothing that can’t be fixed-“
“No, Wonjin, listen to me. I love you, I never stopped. But… I think you deserve somebody who can meet all of your needs. Somebody better than me.”
Wonjin’s heart stopped. “Are… Are you breaking up with me?”
“I’m sorry.” Serim said again. “I’m just not in the right headspace right now.”
Wonjin nodded, biting his bottom lip. His mind was racing. Surely they could figure something out. He loved Serim so much, a lot more than he should. There had to at least be something he could say to change Serim’s mind and let him have another chance—
“It’s okay. I’m glad you told me. We could, um, still be friends?”
Serim gave Wonjin a slight smile. “Of course. I do still want you in my life. I’m just sorry that things ended up like this.”
Wonjin chuckled. “Me too.”
Silence fell over them after that. Wonjin exhaled, and slowly stood up. Serim looked at him.
“Are you going home?”
“Do you mind? I know we haven’t really been here long.”
“Of course I don’t mind. Just look after yourself, okay?”
Wonjin nodded. “I will. See you later, Serim.”
Leaving the restaurant, Wonjin saw it was raining. He wasn’t sure if he did want to go all the way home after all.
Jungmo wouldn’t turn me away, right?
Jungmo’s apartment wasn’t far, only a few minutes away, and he most likely wouldn’t be busy. Wonjin just hoped that Jungmo didn’t have a grudge against him for all of the time he turned him down in favour of spending time with Serim.
Sniffling, he started to walk through the rain. He was trying his hardest not to cry, even though he really wanted to.
By the time Wonjin reached Jungmo’s apartment building, he was soaking. He was probably going to catch a cold, but that was the least of his worries.
He got in the elevator, since there was way too many stairs, and got off at Jungmo’s floor. Reaching his front door, Wonjin inhaled heavily and knocked.
He could hear some shuffling around inside, and then the door flew open.
“Hey Mr. Kim, here’s your pa- Wait, Wonjin?”
Jungmo stood there, with a cardboard box in his hand, looking slightly bewildered.
Wonjin tried his hardest to smile at him. “Hi. You weren’t expecting me, huh?”
He tried to hold it back, but Wonjin couldn’t stop his lips from quivering.
“No, but… It’s fine. You can come in.” Jungmo said, placing the box down and allowing Wonjin to come inside.
Wonjin paused.
Once Wonjin saw him standing there, he wasn’t sure if it was fair for Jungmo to have to deal with him like this.
Reluctantly, he walked in and went straight over to Jungmo’s couch, collapsing onto the soft material, as Jungmo closed the door behind him.