Chapter Text
Since when is there a box on my floor? When did it get there? I think it's been a week. But why is it there? I don't know when it got there or how. I'm not sure how long many things have been where they are. I've spent weeks in my bed, maybe. I'm not sure how long I've been here. I feel like my skin is crawling today. I close my eyes as all my thought swirl. Listening to them rummage through my head and my room, it makes me dizzy, nauseous. I reach to my floor and grab my medication. It's been 2 weeks since I've taken it, I'm sure of it. I take my allergy and eczema meds before forcing myself to sit up. I stretch for a second before grabbing my phone. Six notifications from discord, a missed call and an angry text from missed caller. It's 1:52pm. I reach to the floor and shove my hoodie on over my shame. Hopefully my skin won't leave me yet. I lay down on my right side, hearing everything and nothing at the same time. Miscellaneous noises, some real, some not. It's hard to tell the difference. All I know at this point is that it is caused by my lack of sleep.
I grasp at my phone before unlocking it and checking my discord. People were excited about something, I skimmed quickly before marking the channels as read. I go to my dms, seeing someone asking if I was okay, another was ranting about a cute girl at the bookstore they go to.
Snow
HE WAS SO CUTE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HE LOOKED LIKE THE ONE GUY FROM BLOOD IN THE INK
Lancelot_Loser
I haven't read that in so long dude, you know this lol
Snow
WELL YOU SHOULD IT'S SO GOOOOOOD
also, good morning sleepy head :)
Lacncelot_Loser
It's 2pm
Good afternoon Snow
Snow
dbgiuwegfuydhbiuefh
i know idiot, but i haven't heard from you in a bit so, good morning, i feel honoured
Lancelot_Loser
Sure you are
Snow
D:
I throw my phone face down on the bed. Snow is too much. They are always fawning over someone new, each week. I roll over in my bed, planning on some much-needed sleep. Unfortunely, my plan has to be ruined. My phone is ringing. I grab it and mute the call. No need for a phone call. It's ringing again. Muted again. I wait a minute or two before getting comfortable. The phone rings again. I grip my phone and stare at the screen. I answer it and put them on speaker.
"Hello"
"WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER MY CALL???"
"In my defense, you know I don't like calls."
"In my defense, I don't care. I'm calling to tell you we're going somewhere"
"You're calling to say you're going somewhere? Good to know, have fun, goodby-"
"We, you idiot. We're going whether you like it or not."
"I don't like it, so no"
"Sucks, I'm outside and I'll be here until you come out here too"
"Hope you brought a blanket, it gets cold at night"
I hang up before they could say anything. Hopefully they'll get the memo this time. I plug my phone back up and cover my head with my blanket to finally get some shut eye. My thoughts are only startled to a stop when an excruciatingly loud honk rings through the house. The horn continues for a few seconds before I hear my phone ringing, instead of my ears.
"My neighbors are gonna kick your ass"
"They'll blame you"
I can hear their smartass smile through the phone
"Come outside, I promise it'll be worth your time."
"Anything with you, is not worth my time"
"Ugh, fine, I guess you don't want this delicious lemon drop I got you. I'll just give it to-"
"What do I need to wear"
"Anything comfortable"
I hang up again. The silence leaves my thoughts to whirl wind around my room once more. It's a vicious hurricane. I clamp my eyes shut as I once more sit up and throw my blanket off. I stand in the one spot of my room where the floor is clean. My carpet is an ugly green blue. I rummage through the mess on my floor looking for pants, any pants to be honest. I feel like I might pass out from exhaustion, simply from the thought of hanging out today. Next thing I know I'm out of my room. I have my sweater on, it was a gift from someone, but I don't remember who anymore. It has something embroidered on it, a word that I can't make sense of. My old ROTC sweatpants from high school loosely hang onto my waist. My shoes. Where are my shoes. I found my shoes. I grab my keychain, it has a small plastic sunflower thing on it, my key hangs alone with the galaxy print. I feel something pulling me from my front door as I hold the handle. A firm grip on my shoulders. It's yanking so rough, almost drawing me back to bed. Is this really worth it? Is anything worth it? Maybe they just pity me. If I go they'll just be slowed down. I let go of the handle and place my key on the hanger. My phone goes off. It's a picture. They have a lemon drop in a small plastic case and their mouth is open as if egging me on. I stare at them for a bit. It might've been 5 seconds, maybe even 10 minutes. I'm not sure. My phone goes off again. "Come out here, I promise I'll make it worth your time!" I take a deep breath before shoving my phone back in my pocket. I grab my key and force the door open, the grip on my body strains to keep hold on me as I take a step onto the porch. Suddenly everything hits at once.
"DUDE COME ON"
Their head is poking out of their window, a grin slapped on their face. I lock the door before clamoring into their stupid van. Their fluffy hair covered their eyes, but I could feel a hole burning into me as I buckle up. "Here." They handed me the lemon drop. I feel my stomach twist and turn like a maze, too many emotions at once. I place it under my seat before turning to them. They had pulled out at some point. They are talking about something, but I can't hear them over the music. They glance at me for a second. I turned off their music, they have a rule about no one touching their music, I think. They keep talking.
"So what I told her was-"
Their phone starts ringing. They sigh before answering.
"Hey what's up"
A long pause of silence on our side. They turn towards me, their mouth moving. I don't know what they're saying. I shrug. I don't think I really have a choice when they're driving. They hang up the phone.
"We're gonna meet up with them at-"
I don't remember what they're saying after, I focus on the fact that we were meeting someone. Who? I have no idea. I look down at my hands in my lap, they are talking again. The car comes to a stop, we are here. Suddenly we're sitting at a booth. The red cushions firm underneath us. They call the waitress over and ask for menus. Sticky plastic menus are put on the tables. She gives us a warm smile, meeting my eyes. I feel my mouth move but I'm not sure if anything comes out. I look at them and they're smiling again. Their black lipstick shines in this light. I can almost see their eyes through their mass of fluff. Their smile stretches even more when I feel their eyes leave my form. I turn to see what they're looking at.
"So how have you been? It's been so long."
"Eh, the usual, keeping this one under control."
"I'm not that bad"
Names were thrown across the table, everyone introducing themselves to whoever didn't know them.
"And this is my friend, I had to force them to come. Although this wasn't the plan for us, but that's alright."
Everyone's eyes are on me now. I look down at the sticky menu on the sticky table. I don't want to be here. They all continue talking, the attention off of me for something more significant. I glance to my right, watching their fluffy hair bounce as their words animated their form.
"Do you want a refill?"
The waitress has a sweet look in her eyes as she looks beside me. They charm everyone. Their water gets filled and then mine. Everyone is eating around me, slight conversation sparking once in a while. Something nudges me in the wrist. I glance down to find their hand next to mine. Their fingers are shaped into a half heart. I look to their face and catch sight of their ember eyes staring through me. I look back down. They're smiling again. I made the heart complete, and they smiled. Almost as if my action lit the room alight, conversation sparks brighter than before. They're all talking about relationships. I feel myself hunch over. Two of the four other people are dating, each other, but still. The third isn't interested, they explained but I didn't hear why. The fourth catches my attention, his eyes glued to his fidgeting hands, as if he's nervous. He stumbles out some kind of sentence, everyone at the table gets louder, some of his friends poke at him, jostling him around. They cut through all the noise as they let out a laugh. Honey practically spilling from their lips. the attention is on them now.
"I mean, being in a relationship would be nice, but I don't think either of us are ready."
Their smile falters as they pick at the edge of the sticky table. Their tall form seems to be slouched. I can feel the air get cold, but I don't understand why. We're in the parking lot now and they're speaking as if nothing happened. They stand at least a head taller than everyone else. Their personality explodes like a million fireworks as they drape their arms over two others. They reapplied their lipstick a second ago, it had faded. A black kiss was on one person's cheek. i could've sworn their face was the colour of a rose. Sitting in the car with them, I can feel my energy at empty. I feel myself sink into the seat as they tap their fingers on the steering wheel. Their nails painted a lovely shade of black. They look good in black and they know it. Sitting in my driveway I try to gain the energy to say goodbye. I turn to them and see their attention focused on the front door. They pulled back their hair into a fluff ponytail, a few loose strands earned the attention of their hand. I lightly touched their arm, and their tired gaze fell on me. A loose smile tugged at my lips, trying to convey how I feel. I don't know how I feel. I feel tired. They smile at me and let their hand fall to their lap.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know they were gonna call. I shouldn't have forced you to come."
They ramble on for a bit about how they messed up or whatever. I push my palm into their arm to get their attention, pulling away after a few seconds. I smile. a better smile this time. Hopefully one that reads somewhere between "it's okay" and "thank you". They let out a sigh and smile. "Bye." Their voice has less honey this time, almost none now that I think about it. I open my front door and step inside, the darkness engulfing my vison, opposed to the harsh light of their headlights. I sit on my bed, tossing off my bland sweater and sweatpants. I let myself sink back into my bed and let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Why is my phone ringing? It's 8pm. I answer it and hear their voice again.
"Hey, sorry, uh, can you come and open the door? You left your lemon drop."
I feel my mouth move. Did I say something? I walk back to the front door, my hoodie suffocating me. I open the door and take the lemon drop. They say something, well, they mumble a bit. I'm back in my room. I set the lemon drop on my desk with a few others. I should throw those away. I'll do that tomorrow. I lay into my bed, feeling the dark envelope me. I'll do it tomorrow.