Work Text:
13th
re: Dazai Osamu
Two years ago on this date, we had accepted Dazai Osamu as an official member of the Armed Detective Agency.
Originally, my opinion of him wasn’t particularly positive. I considered him a slob, unfit for society and working in law enforcement. I thought he was a bother I’d deal with for the President’s sake. Though his presence itself still annoys me, I have realized that there is more than what meets the eye and the quote applies to no one better than Dazai.
When glancing at the young man, he is a foolish buffoon that distracts you with ludicrous actions. While this stands true in most scenarios, there's more to him. He's multifaceted, showing traits such as cunning, intelligence and aptitude in a wide array of areas. In the two years I've known him, I’ve learnt that, when the situation calls for it, he is astounding.
Shibusa’s beauty comes from being unobtrusive and quiet, contributing a lot while silent. While some would argue this description differs from Dazai, who's obtrusive and loud, I’d say Dazai would still fit under the adjective Shibui .
Shibui is characterized by misleading, simple designs. Shibui pottery may seem simple, but under closer inspection, you'd see the complexity of the creation process. For example, the texture of the paint, form and colours are all things considered when creating Shibui .
Similarly, Dazai’s mind, personality and even values were products of his upbringing. While one may dismiss him as a fool, as I had done before, a more precise assessment reveals his depth and intricacy.
As a member of the Port Mafia, Dazai must have committed deeply horrific atrocities, ones that I’ll never learn of. Though, one must keep in mind that Dazai must have also had atrocities committed against him.
It’s no secret that the Port Mafia is a strict environment. Over there, there’s no room for error. Dazai was only 20 years old when he joined the Armed Detective Agency and claimed he was previously unemployed for two years. This implies that Dazai must’ve spent his formative years in an illegal organization. He must've had countless abuses directed towards him. There must’ve been horrors he’d seen - ones he’d never dare to tell me.
I am no believer in the death penalty. It’s written right on my Ideal that murder is not a rightful punishment and reformation is essential. But, I am ashamed to say that once I had learnt of Dazai’s past I couldn’t help but think: would the death penalty be a rightful punishment?
I’ve concluded that no - it wouldn’t be. Dazai is human and the number of crimes on his criminal record cannot overturn that objective fact.
Seeing him interact with Atsushi and Kyouka, two orphaned young adults whose lives would seem utterly hopeless to any other individual, with such care and compassion would be enough to convince anyone that Dazai still has humanity left in him.
No matter his motivations, intent or past actions, Dazai’s current actions are what make him who he is. Dazai's intelligent, courageous and tender towards those who need it. He's more than deserving of kindness and peace.
Some may believe the intent weighs over the action, but I disagree. My Ideal , though my guide for life, would be nothing if I did not take action and uphold it.
One can pray for a better world, but if they refuse to take action then how can they be a good person? Or, if the most cynical person in the world only committed acts of generosity towards others, would they be considered “bad”?
Dazai may be considered evil, a monster, or even a waste of space, but that does not erase the fact he goes above and beyond to save others. He's accomplished a plethora of good deeds, something I've seen with my own eyes.
As annoying as Dazai is, he’s remarkable nonetheless. Never will I meet someone like Dazai again. Someone who is both deceptive and kind. A fool yet a genius. Inhumane yet still so warm. He is a living contradiction, one that I can't help but be fond of.
While I do think Dazai has reformed, it's completely possible that he has ulterior motives for his kindness. I have never trusted myself to judge others, it’s something I’m practically incapable of, thus, maybe Dazai has been fooling me this entire time. Disguising himself as a kind man the same way he disguises as a clown.
Even whilst aware of such a possibility, I can’t help but felt keen towards Dazai in spite of it. He's admirable, almost everything I'm not. As much as I’d like to control the future, I know it’s impossible for mankind, but maybe not Dazai. He is more than a man, more akin to the divine. I’m incapable of understanding such a thing, much less becoming one.
I truly couldn’t have asked for a better partner. I would not say this to his face though, it’s not worth fluffing his ego. God forbid he reads this; he’d never let me live it down. Though he may be astonishingly competent and skilled, he is still a nuisance to have around.
Continuing to find the best in others leads to finding the best in myself. I will strive forward with my ideals. I hope one day, I can become someone Dazai can rely on and admire, the same way that I respect and admire him. I can't help but selfishly wish for him to open up to me. Hopefully, my fondness and feelings towards him will become mutual with time.