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It was 11:32 PM when I poked my head past the threshold of my bedroom and out into the hallway. I strained my ears for any sounds of life. Silence. I looked around to double-check no one was nearby, but the area was deserted. Drawing the door closed behind myself with a soft click, I started towards the hangar as quietly as I could.
I thought I was doing a good job at being sneaky. I’d waited a long-ass time for everyone to go to bed before leaving my room, for starters. All of the lights were off, except the few that stayed on permanently, and it seemed likely everyone else on the ship was asleep. But as I passed the darkened kitchen, someone grabbed my wrist and jerked me to a stop.
My heart leapt to my throat as I whirled around. My eyes landed on Spike, barely illuminated by the strip lights along the floor on either side of the hallway. He had a bottle of water in one hand and my arm in the other, and he was looking at me curiously.
“You nearly gave me a heart attack!” I hissed, giving my arm a yank. He didn’t let go.
“Not my fault you’re jumpy,” he said, unbothered, making no attempt to be quiet. “Where ya goin’?”
“That’s none of your business,” I whispered, irritated. “Let me go.”
He cocked an eyebrow at me. “Oh? It’s a secret?”
I rolled my eyes. “Sure, it’s a secret. Can I leave now?”
“Nope.”
“Spike, c’mon.” I really wasn’t in the mood for this.
“What? I just wanna know where you’re sneaking off to so late at night.”
“I told you, it’s not your business.”
“A lovers’ rendezvous, perhaps?”
“What? No, nothing like that!”
“Hmm. You’re acting suspicious.”
“Oh my God, Spike.” I gave my arm another hard pull, putting my body weight into it this time. He was apparently prepared for it, though. “Just let me go,” I whined.
“I just wanna know where you’re going,” he repeated easily, taking a drink from the water bottle.
“It’s not interesting, I promise.”
He made a thoughtful noise, leaning back to put the bottle down on the kitchen counter. “I can be the judge of that. Seeing is believing and all.”
I looked at him incredulously when I processed his meaning. “What, now you want to come along?”
“Yeah. If it’s a secret, it’s gotta be interesting, right? I’m gonna call your bluff.”
“Have you considered just going to bed?” I asked, losing hope as my shoulders started to slump.
“Nah. Not really tired, honestly.”
I heaved a sigh. I didn’t know what had gotten into him tonight, but it was clear be wasn’t going to let the conversation—or me—go anytime soon. “Fine. But you’re probably gonna be disappointed.”
He smiled, looking cocky in his victory. “We’ll see about that.”
I resumed my walk to the hangar with Spike in tow. He kept a hold on my arm for a few seconds more, then dropped it. His legs were so long that even if I did run, he’d catch up to me in no time at all.
I climbed into my ship as Spike headed towards his. “Not gonna try to lose me, are ya?” he called over his shoulder.
I chuckled. “Not much reason in trying after Jet installed those trackers for all of us.”
“Fair enough.”
Once I’d gotten into my ship and started the engine, I pressed a button to open the airlock. After a few moments of waiting for the doors, I set off careening into the night sky. A second blinking dot on the navigation screen told me that Spike was following close behind.
The Bebop was docked at a port on Jupiter, in one of the planet’s more densely populated cities. The crew would be staking out a bounty head tomorrow, when the target was expected to be moving. Tonight had just been about getting into position.
It was somewhere we’d docked twice before since I’d joined the crew, apparently being a hotspot for criminal activity lately. Tonight was the first of those times I’d been caught leaving.
I directed my ship to the opposite side of the city, more or less into one of its suburbs. After we’d touched down and clambered out in a dirt lot, I set off towards my destination. I didn’t make any show of waiting for Spike, considering he was crashing my peaceful evening alone.
I weaved quickly through a few dingy alleyways and neon-lit streets. It was an easy route; I knew where I was going by heart. Within a few minutes, we were stood in front of a shop with glowing yellow windows and a weathered, impossible-to-read wooden sign hanging over the double doors.
Spike caught up to me and came to stand by my side. “A bar?” he assessed. I nodded. He frowned at me, confused. “You were being all secretive about going to a bar?”
I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, a small, sad smile on my face. “Not just any bar. My favorite bar in my hometown.”
Spike’s eyes widened slightly. Without waiting for a response, I pushed open the doors.
We were greeted by a welcoming cocoon of warm air and the sound of chatter. Even on a weeknight, the place was lively. We took two empty seats at the end of the counter.
I signaled the bartender, and his eyes lit up as he came our way. “Robin! Good to see you back, it’s been a while.”
“Same to you, Geoff! How’s your family been?”
I exchanged pleasantries with my former classmate for a few minutes while Spike observed us in silence. Eventually, the conversation turned to him. “So, who’s this with ya, Robin?” Geoff inclined his head towards Spike.
I waved a hand airily. “Oh, just some guy who followed me here.” I laughed it off to let Geoff know I wasn’t actually in a bind. When we were through catching up, I ordered us two of whatever was on special. He went to grab the drinks, and I finally turned to Spike.
In my estimation, he looked surprised but was trying to hide it. “So, you said this is the town you’re from, then?” He looked around, appraising the bar.
I nodded, my eyes wandering over the familiar selection of bottles on the wall. “Yep. More or less. We moved around a lot, but this is what I consider home.” I thanked Geoff for the drinks as he slid them across the bar, sipping at the foam on top of mine.
“I didn’t even know you were from Jupiter. You’ve been with us for, like, six months, but you don’t ever talk about yourself.”
I barked out a laugh. “I could say the same thing for you, Spiegel. Hell, or anyone in the group, for that matter.” I twisted in my seat to scan the crowd at the bar, tables, and booths, looking for more familiar faces, but came up short. Each time I was here, it seemed less and less likely I’d see anyone I knew other than Geoff. It wasn’t the nicest part of town; most people moved away when they could. The thought always twinged my heart a bit, what with the inexorable march of time and all that.
“Why do you come back here?” Spike asked, after downing a quarter of his glass in one go. He was watching me watch the crowd.
I leaned back against the bar. “I dunno. Nostalgia, I guess. I used to be close to a lot of people who came here, back in the day. There’s lots of good memories. Just about everyone’s gone now, though.”
Spike nodded, looking at me thoughtfully. The expression made me want to squirm, like I’d accidentally revealed something I shouldn’t have. “What?”
One corner of his mouth turned up. “Nothing much. But this was interesting, after all. I got to learn you’re a sentimental sap.”
I scoffed as my face heated up, sticking my middle finger up at him before returning to sipping on my drink. We were quiet for several minutes.
“You okay, Robin?”
Beneath the joking veneer was a hint of actual concern. It caught me off guard, and I answered truthfully. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. I end up missing my old friends sometimes. I lost contact with just about everyone in the years after we graduated. And once I became a hunter, well… I’m not sure too many of them would want to see me now, anyways.”
Spike hummed in acknowledgement. “Yeah. Just about everyone I used to run with has disappeared, too.” His usual voice had grown quieter for the first time that evening. Soon enough, he held up his half-full glass in a toast. “To old friends?”
I hesitated for a moment, searching his eyes, but they were honest. He wasn’t making fun of me—this was real commiseration. I smiled tiredly and clinked my glass against his. “To old friends, indeed.”
We passed the next hour in companionable silence, watching a darts tournament and a few arm wrestling matches between the other patrons. More people continued to come and go through the double doors, but no one else I recognized ever did show up. Nevertheless, it was soothing to just be able to soak in the atmosphere of the bar. The familiar tape of memories replayed in my head, no doubt rose-tinted and smoothed-over from time. Contrary to what I’d assumed he’d do, Spike seemed content to just let me enjoy it. For that, I was quietly grateful.
By the time I was two full drinks in and he’d finished his third, the crowd had dwindled. It was getting very late, and I glanced at the clock on the wall. Closing time was fast approaching. I caught Spike’s eye. “Ready to head back?”
He shrugged. “Whatever you want. I’m just along for the ride today.”
I signaled to Geoff that we were ready to pay up. He brought us one tab, which I should’ve seen coming. As I opened my mouth to ask him to split it, Spike passed over his wallet. The bartender scanned it and wished us both a good night, clearing our empty glasses away.
I slid off my barstool as Spike did the same beside me. We’d drank slowly enough that I was just barely feeling the effects of the alcohol. It registered more as a dull buzz than anything else. I looked up at him and frowned. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know. Consider it payback for busting in on your night out.” His hands went into his pockets, and he wasn’t quite meeting my eyes. It was like he’d realized he may have actually intruded on something.
I chuckled at the thought, punching him lightly in the arm once we’d made our way through the doors. “You are a nosy one. But thanks, Spike.”
The silence between us returned on our walk back. Across the street, I noticed a boarded-up building that had once been a popular restaurant. Wooden planks covered the dark, busted windows, and I wondered if the same fate would befall my beloved bar someday.
Not wanting to linger on that eventuality, I turned to my companion for a distraction. “Where’s your hometown, Spike?” I considered it an unwritten rule among the crew to not ask personal questions like this, usually, but figured I had earned some quid pro quo.
“On Mars. Nowhere special.”
“Do you ever want to go visit?”
He chuckled bitterly. “Doesn’t matter. Too many people there want me dead for any sort of social trip.”
I shut up quickly. It was common knowledge that Spike’s past was shady, but I knew little beyond that. Visiting my hometown always gave me a hurts-so-good type of feeling. I couldn’t imagine not being able to go back at all.
“Sorry,” I muttered at last, knocking my shoulder against his arm.
“S’okay.”
We lapsed into silence again, but I found it somehow less peaceful and more stuffy this time. I considered bringing up the next day’s bounty hunt, but on the slim chance someone overheard us, it could have jeopardized the plan. I decided against it, mulling over ideas of distance and disconnect, instead.
We made it back to our ships. I went to climb into mine wordlessly, figuring Spike would do the same. When I felt his presence stay behind me, though, I turned.
He was a few paces away, but closer than I’d realized. I took a half step back to lean against the ship. “What’s up, Spiegel?”
Spike didn’t quite seem to be looking at me, his expression unfocused. He fidgeted, popping the joints in one of his hands. “I dunno. Just, you aren’t so bad, y’know?”
The comment seemed to come out of left field, and I was more confused than before. “What?”
“I mean…” He huffed out a sigh. His gaze and voice were focused when he spoke again. “Let’s cut the shit. You’re alone, right? You miss your home. You’re worried it’s fading away, and you’re afraid of what that’ll mean if it does.”
My stomach somersaulted unpleasantly at his bold, accurate statement. I crossed my arms, not caring if I looked defensive. “What’s it to you?”
“I’m lonely as hell, too.”
“Yeah? Well, pretty sure we all are,” I grumbled.
“Do you want to be?”
The question gave me pause, if only because it was a stupid one. “Of course not. But I lost touch with everyone who meant anything to me and I’m a bounty hunter now. I might die any day. It’s not really a good framework for deep connections.”
“Fine, then. Fuck deep connections. What about any connections at all?”
I studied him closely. There was something wanting, maybe even bordering on desperate, in his eyes. “What’re you saying?”
“I want to know you, Robin. And I think part of you wants to know me, too.”
I felt my face grow warm. My traitorous body had certainly wanted to know Spike Spiegel since I’d first met him, but that was almost certainly not what he meant. Besides, he was moody and annoying and someone I had to live with. That was a recipe for disaster.
But as if hearing my thoughts and wanting to prove me wrong, he stepped into my space, hands braced on the ship on either side of me. He cocked an eyebrow. “Well?”
He looked confident. Bastard. Okay, maybe that was exactly what he meant. I wondered if there had been something telling in my reaction.
It may have been the alcohol taking over—perhaps those drinks were stronger than I’d thought—but I’d had a weird night, and my willingness to resist was slipping away quickly. I put a hand in his hair and brought him down to me.
The first thing I felt from kissing Spike Spiegel, oddly, was relief. As if this was something I was supposed to have done a long time ago, and thank God it was finally happening now.
The second thing I felt was his tongue sliding along the seam of my lips, and I let him in without a moment’s hesitation.
I wasn’t sure what had gotten into either of us. Sure, I definitely found him attractive, and I’d caught him looking at me more than once over the past few months. It wasn’t like he made any special effort to hide it. I hadn’t taken it to mean much, though, considering we spent a lot of time stuck together in close quarters. Nothing had ever come of it before, and I’d been operating under the assumption that nothing ever would.
Regardless, I moved my second hand to grip his shoulder, keeping him close as he stepped in and pressed his body to mine. It was nigh on euphoric to be close to another person like this after so long. The fact that he was a talented kisser—which I registered as utterly unsurprising—made it even better. My legs felt wobbly, and I clung to him to stay upright.
Spike’s hands had gone to my hips at some point, pulling me to him even as my back was pressed to my ship. I pulled on his hair, probably harder than I needed to, and he mumbled a curse against my lips. My eyes met his dark ones for a fleeting moment as he shifted just enough to move his mouth to my neck.
“Shit, Spike.” I bit my lip—the man never did do anything halfway. “No marks,” I protested weakly, half-hoping he’d ignore me.
He grunted in reply, but stopped, hot breath fanning my neck. “You sure, sweetheart?” His tone was low and teasing, lips scarcely brushing my skin.
I groaned in frustration, pulling him back up to me. “Your damn voice will be the death of me, you know that?” Not giving him time to reply, sure that I’d regret what I said if I did, I leaned forward to kiss him fiercely again.
It wasn’t until after I’d learned that Spike enjoyed not only having his hair pulled, but also fingernails down his back and teeth on his neck, that we finally broke apart. I held him back with both hands on his shoulders as I tried to catch my breath.
I was glad to see that he seemed a little dazed, as well. “That the sort of connection you had in mind?” I asked, once my brain was finally capable of forming words again.
Spike chuckled after a few seconds, pushing against my hold and leaning forward to rest his forehead on mine. “I mean, it’s what I was hoping for. Didn’t expect I’d actually get it.” I resisted the urge to hit him and just scoffed, instead.
“I meant what I said earlier, though,” he continued. “About wanting to know you more. Wouldn’t have followed you here in the first place, otherwise.”
I felt my grip on his shirt loosen at the sentiment. “Who’s the sap, now?” I asked. He chuckled again. “Still you, sweetheart.” Belying the statement, he pressed his lips to mine more gently for a moment before stepping back. I felt the loss of his warmth immediately.
“Wanna get out of here?”
I nodded. “It’s late.”
“Yeah. And my bed would be a lot more comfortable than the side of your ship, so—”
“In your dreams, Spiegel. No way am I gonna make it that easy for you,” I said, wondering if I was trying to convince him or myself more.
He shrugged, smirk firmly in place as he started to walk off towards his ship. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”
We headed back in the direction of the Bebop as I tried to collect my thoughts. Maybe this wasn’t a completely terrible idea. I knew I could really use somebody. It seemed like Spike could, too. And all rationale aside, it would be a Herculean task to forget how good it felt to have him close.
I made it back to the Bebop just behind Spike. When I caught up to him in the common area, he gave me a meaningful look.
I knew what he was thinking; or at least, I thought I did. It was an open invitation. But I also knew neither of us could rush into this so casually without getting burned. Gathering my resolve, I grabbed his hand, not sure how my request would be met. “Just hold me tonight?”
In another rare display of gentleness, Spike’s eyes softened, and he pressed his lips to my forehead. “Of course.”
He led me down the hall to his room. We undressed enough to be comfortable—I tried and failed to not stare, while he didn’t try at all—then slid into bed. Spike wrapped an arm around my middle and brought me close.
My heart, which had been ready to hammer out of my chest two minutes prior, quieted down. With the pleasant warmth of another body nearby, I was suddenly feeling sleepy. Spike leaned over to turn off the light and settled next to me. I tucked my face into the crook of his neck, placing a kiss on his jawline.
We didn’t say anything in the dark. We didn’t need to, for now. Having the other there was enough.
The renovated fishing trawler we were on should have been a cold, impersonal space, but it wasn’t. Tonight, it was starting to feel an awful lot like home.