Archive of Our Own ^beta

If you had told the Kaoru Hakaze that existed six years ago that he’d be sitting on the beach, itching for a cigarette as he skipped out on what was meant to be the most anticipated ceremony of the year. He wouldn’t have believed you. The Kaoru Hakaze that existed six years ago was long dead, a shitty little kid in a white button-up and a tie as he tried to live up to his dad’s standards. 

The idea of being an idol had been foreign. And he’d never imagined doing anything that wasn’t what his brother or dad did. 

However, if you told the Kaoru Hakaze from a year and a half ago the same thing?
He’d know it was true. Second-year he had slipped into anger and denial, picking up habits that could kill him or ruin his career, but it didn’t matter at the time. 

The Kaoru Hakaze from a year and a half ago was a lot closer to the man he was currently, after all. 

That Kaoru hadn’t died yet, and he doubted it ever truly would. Desperate for validation and also desperate for something, anything to numb the pain of his small world. That relief came in the form of a cigarette. A slim white stick resting in a half-empty box in his pocket. Well, his other pocket. He’d left them in his jeans, now just itching for something more.

Yet, despite that, he knew it was true. He could hardly believe it himself. 

Attempting to go to the graduation ceremony had been a bust. 

Kaoru’s emotions had taken over before he’d even properly arrived at the venue. And he knew the tears pricking at the backs of his eyes would do him no favors.
The final straw had been looking at his phone and seeing a long-winded text from his father. Although it started with a ‘Congratulations, Kaoru.’ it felt hollow. It was an empty sign of gratefulness, and he had a bad feeling that the text itself would be ten times as bad. 

So he avoided it. His dad, his thoughts, his problems. He avoided them all. Confrontation was hell, and he wanted to live a little longer in the blissful ignorance of his teen years. The stupidity that came with high school was familiar. It was welcome. 

And god, was it leagues better than having to think about what would come of him after this.

He avoided this just like he avoided all his other problems, hiding away to think about it all. The beach was his go-to, it always had been, but he knew the dangers of running into someone he knew. Or, rather, someone he knew trying to find him out here. 

He could only hope everyone else was far happier with the celebrations than he had been. 

Sinking down into the sand, Kaoru found a strange comfort in the feeling. He shrugged off the stuffy black suit jacket he was wearing, tossing it somewhere off to the side. His dad could pay for the dry cleaning anyway. 

He reached up to loosen his tie, a breath of air escaping him as he did so. That wasn’t taken off, rather it just hung loosely around the collar of his shirt. He pushed up his sleeves, settling his hands into the sand beneath him. His fingers curled loosely into it, and he let out a soft sigh as he rested his weight on his palms. 

His eyes stayed trained on the horizon for some time, watching the sun dip below and eventually disappear completely. The process was fast, too fast, and he wished it could stick around longer. 

He counted every orange streak he saw, counting the times they kissed the pink clouds that hovered above the water. 18. 

18 orange streaks. And three times that they seemed to blend with the pink. 

It meant something to him, a soft smile playing on his lips even as the tears seemed to grow, welling up in his eyes and threatening to tip over the edge and spill onto his cheeks. 

Eighteen years ago he was brought into this earth, and barely three years ago the most important person in his life had left. Three times that he swore he could still feel the warmth of his mother, her soft kisses on his forehead. 

She’d promised to be with him in all these moments, even as she took her final breaths. She’d promised to be in the sunset, watching over his favorite time of day. The clouds he pointed out with a laugh ( “Look! Look! Mom! The clouds got all warm and pink!” ) and the hugs he’d received as a result, her own laughter cutting through the air of the beach as she did some work. 

She’d promised. 

And he knew she had always kept her promises.  

He wouldn’t have seen this at graduation. 

She wouldn’t have been there. It wouldn’t have been worth it to go alone. Not when the people most important to him were gone or busy.

A shaky breath left him, and although his laugh was no longer as bright as it had been as a child, it rang out in the cool breeze of the sea. The tears spilled over onto his cheeks, and the blond pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his face into the fabric of his pants and finding comfort in being small again. Even if it was only for a little bit. 

“I love you, mom.” His voice was weak, tucked into his knees. 

The tide was rising, and the waves that crashed at his feet and soaked the too-expensive leather of his shoes were proof enough that she’d said it back. He forced his breathing to even out again. 

By the time he looked back up, the sun was gone completely. If he squinted at the moon, he could still make out the thin orange streaks in the sky, but he knew they were fading with every passing second. A fitting time of day for her. As fleeting as ever, he knew he couldn’t tie down the sunset. Not unless he wanted to risk getting burnt. 

Slowly, he let out the air in his chest, letting his body and mind catch up to one another, chasing each other as they slowly settled back into sync.

Although his cheeks were still stained with tears, and his eyes were puffy with the toll crying took on him, he’d managed to reel himself back together. Crying wasn’t inherently a bad thing, no (Kanata-kun had fussed at him enough over that one), but this was something he should have done in the comfort of his own room. Locked away so his dad couldn’t get onto him about it. 

And so no one had to see that he was so easily affected. Giving away your weaknesses was something he tried not to do, and although he had his slip-ups, his mask tended to hide what he needed it to. Maybe a bit more, but that wasn’t quite his issue. Whatever managed to slip past was out there for the world to see. 

He’d painted himself as an open book when in reality he’d locked the diary and tossed the key years ago.

He rested his chin on his knees, keeping track of the slowly rising tides lapping at his feet. He finally let his eyes flutter shut, a moment to relax when he heard shuffling behind him. 

Immediately, Kaoru was on the defensive. He shot to his feet, stumbling and nearly falling face-first into the water. He managed to catch himself, saving himself the embarrassing fate of clumsiness, turning on his heel to face the beach entrance right behind him. 

Why hadn’t he chosen a better spot?

Whatever he expected (some kid and his dog, a happy couple, a kid and their mom, a happy couple, or a group of teenage friends) was far from what he got. 

What he did get, however, was someone who was far too familiar. A classmate of his (who should be at graduation). 

He seemed to have his eyes trained on the ground, and Kaoru couldn’t quite see his expression. He kicked some sand as he stepped off of the wooden path and onto the sand, kicking up dust and sand that got into Kaoru’s eyes and burnt. He coughed, quick to cover his mouth as he observed him. 

“...Mikejima-kun?” Worry superseded anything he had been feeling before, and although he kept his distance it was obvious there was some concern creeping into his tone.

Madara looked up, the action more of a jerk than what Kaoru would normally associate with his quick movements. His face was still, almost threateningly so as he fixed Kaoru with a look. The almost flat look on his face was gone just as soon as it had come, a bright smile taking over his expression. His eyes glinted, and Kaoru might have been fooled if he didn’t know how to do the same.

Even without him stepping forward, Kaoru could make out the worsening bruise on his cheek (he had some cream for that at home, dammit) as well as a few other injuries that were scattered across any piece of exposed skin (whether that skin was on purpose, though…). 

“Kaoru-saaan~?” He tilted his head slightly as if he were just as confused as Kaoru. And by all means, it made sense. There was no reason for either of them to be here. Unless, for some reason, Madara was skipping out. Just the same as him. 

Kaoru couldn’t help it, eyes scanning over his face. More than that bruise, he could see scratches. A cut lip, one right above his eyebrow, and the way he was holding his arm just slightly behind his back was more closed off than he’d ever seen Madara before. Blood peeked out from below the collar of his shirt, and a frown tugged at the edges of Kaoru’s lips.

It was a little easier to be closer to a guy now, that was for sure, but he wasn’t exactly close with Madara. He felt as if he were intruding on some aspect of his life despite the fact that Madara had accidentally bumped into him on the beach. 

“You’re skipping.” Kaoru’s voice held no room to deny it, knowing full well that Madara was likely in the same boat. But why? He was so friendly and open with the world, he was hard-pressed to try and find a reason he wouldn’t be at graduation with everyone else. Of course, Kaoru didn’t know him well enough to decode that. The two of them had gotten closer, yes, but that was purely through games and the one or two times they’d worked together. And playing billiards against a friend was a lot different than talking them through their emotions.

“Mhm.”

“Why?”

“I could ask you the same thing, you know~?” That bright smile on his face didn’t waver, and for the first time, Kaoru could tell it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He had to wonder how many times he’d missed out on something as simple as that. He’d been at the school the same amount of time as him and had spoken to him on multiple occasions. 

Were his eyes always that empty? Or was he just too tired to feel?

“You’re quite a bit worse off than me. So, no, you couldn’t ask me that.”

“Aweee, but your eyes are all red, you know~☆ If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were cr-”

“Shut up.”  His tone was harsh, words snapped out quickly before he could really pull them back. Now was not the time to get into his own selfish issues. He had bigger fish to fry. Like the man in front of him who looked like he’d just been dragged into some back alley. 

The silence between the two would have been deafening if Kaoru didn’t have the crashing waves behind him to ground him. 

“I’m fine.” He noticed the tension in his jaw, as if Madara were gritting his teeth.

“If you’re fine then Rei-kun’s actually a vampire. Come on. You’re not going home like that.” It was odd to feel this worried, but Kaoru reasoned that it was just because he had just cried. He was vulnerable at the moment. That was it. There was no reason he’d be doing this otherwise. 

Well, almost no reason.

( “Look mom! I found a cat. It was fighting another one! So her leg is broken though… can we help it?”
“Of course we can, Kaoru, where is she?”)

(“….She’s a beautiful calico. What’s her name?”
“Hmm… I don’t know! Let’s just call him kitty for now!” 

“Well, she is a calico, so she’s a girl. Kayda? Since she was roughed up in a fight?” )

He pushed the memory away. He’d always had a sweet spot for others, he supposed. It wasn’t purely because it was Mikejima-kun that he was helping.

Kaoru began to walk, reaching out to grab Madara’s elbow and pull him along. The contact with another man was awkward and burnt his hand with shame as he did so, so he was quick to drop the arm and let Madara walk on his own. 

To his surprise, Madara followed along. He would have almost been proud of himself if the brunette didn’t open up his mouth and ruin the feeling again. 

“Wowww~” He genuinely sounded impressed, “A date with Kaoru-san, huh? ♪ I’m truly honored. Didn’t you say you didn’t do ‘dates’ with guys? Am I really the first?” His tone was upbeat, but without turning around, Kaoru could feel the dropped smile. He knew the feeling intimately well, but the difference was that Madara was a professional at it. If he didn’t know, he wouldn’t have been able to tell. 

Kaoru scoffed, just shaking his head as he continued to walk. He had a destination in mind and briefly wondered if they would show up too early to be able to do what they needed to do. 

At the very least, this would take his mind off of his own issues. It was a lot easier to deal with what other people had going on. 

“No. I don’t do ‘dates’ with guys. This isn’t a date?”

“Oh- What is it?”

“It’s a doctor's appointment. Now shut up.” 

True to his command, Madara did grow quiet, even if it was only for a little bit. The pair had reached the front doors of a live house, something tucked away. It wasn’t far from the beach, not when everything was in Shinkai territory anyway. The silence was nice, but it felt odd. Like he was expecting Madara to pull some shitty joke on him again. 

No matter. He had reached the doors of the live house. The same one Kaoru used to manage, and likely one that the other had visited before. 

He fumbled in his pockets, pulling out a key ring and flipping through the various keys on the ring. Finally, he found one: a small little bronze key that slotted in perfectly into the front door and let him pull it open

It was a bit of a wreck inside, admittedly, but Kaoru had closed with far worse. However, he did have to wonder why no one was doing their damn job and cleaning up. He rolled his eyes, ushering Madara in and letting the door slam shut behind him. 

The noise didn’t bother him, not when he’d heard it so many times, but Madara seemed to be more skittish than usual. Not that that was his issue, but he made a note of it so he didn’t run him off. 

He pushed past some chairs that hadn’t been stacked, shoving them aside as he led them both to the back office. His key popped open the door once more, and he stepped in to flip on the light. 

He pulled out the computer chair, sliding it into the center of the room as he nodded with his head for Madara to sit down. He hesitated, but watched as the man slid into the chair anyway. Kaoru was then on the hunt for a first aid kit, one he’d hidden in here last year. Lots of kids came his way with a need for something, so despite acting tough he kept it around. Just in case anyone ended up needing patched up. 

“Who kicked your ass?”

“Aaaaand what if I told you I ran into a lightpost, Kaoru-san~?” 

“I wouldn’t believe you. Answer the question.”

“So mean to me, you know?” Kaoru could hear him sniffle as he was still looking for something, but he was no stranger to crocodile tears. He ignored it, finally finding the little metal box that had been tucked to the back. It was dented up, and had a years worth of scratches on it, but he didn’t care.

He dragged over another chair in front of Madara, sitting in front of him and looking over his injuries. 

“I’d be nicer if you dropped the act?”

“Whaaaaat? There’s no act! It’s just Mama being Mama!” 

Kaoru sighed. Madara was always so ingenuine, and he didn’t know how he did it. His own mask was different, flirtatious jokes to mask everything beneath. But even he couldn’t be so bubbly and happy all the time. So how the hell did Madara do it?

He switched tactics. He didn’t ask before grabbing his wrist, pushing up the sleeve of his shirt. 

Too late, he realized he’d left his blazer out on the beach. Oh well, he’d ask someone to run back and grab it. His left arm was mostly fine, other than bloodied knuckles. He elected to focus on those first. 

He grabbed a little alcohol pad, gently swiping it over his knuckles. Madara didn’t wince, to no one’s surprise, so he continued to clean out the wounds. He noticed little bits of rock, and scrunched up his nose. Had he punched a wall? 

“Cut the act.” It was a command more than a question, leaving no room at all for Madara to try and worm his way out of this one. “You drop yours, I’ll drop mine~” Madara said. An even enough trade, at least that’s what he thought.

He paused, looking up at his expression.

“You’re faking it all, Mikejima-kun. Doesn’t it ever get tiring?” 

“Takes one to know one, Kaoru-san~♪” His tone was still bubbly and bright, but that Nikon-worthy smile had dropped. It was almost jarring, so used to seeing him with that plastered on grin. 

More than what he expected, he looked deadpan. Completely emotionless as he stared at the blond. He would have commented had the situation been anything else. But. Well, he supposed he did ask for it. 

He would have been more taken aback, but hey – he wasn’t here to judge a guy’s persona. He was just patching him up. 

The strained smile on his own face was quick to go too, and he let his wrist go in order to grab the other one and begin working on the injuries there. Madara’s arm was tense, and Kaoru knew it was likely that he didn’t want to let someone else help him. He’d been there before, though. This hand was just as bad as the last, but his index finger seemed slightly crooked and swollen. Broken, maybe? He only wrapped it loosely, not wanting to splint it wrong. He’d get Madara to get that checked out properly. 

Silence stretched between them as Kaoru cleaned up his injuries. He couldn’t do anything about the bruise, but he could get some ice for it in a bit. It was almost comforting to let the silence grow, Kaoru falling into a rhythm. 

At some point, Kaoru had started to hum to himself, some UNDEAD song that was stuck in the back of his mind. Madara didn’t seem like he’d interrupt, until he opened his mouth to speak. 

“...Why’d you skip?” 

Kaoru had to pause at that, the hand holding the little prep pad (now coated in his blood) stopping in its tracks. He hadn’t expected the conversation to continue, yet here he was. 

“An eye for an eye?” 

“..and a tooth for a tooth.”

The statement being finished off just drew an odd silence from Kaoru, and he nodded. He had to think about the phrasing of this, knowing he’d just sound like a bratty teen if he explained exactly what he’d been thinking. 

That he just wanted to spite his dad?

That he missed his mom? 

( “Oh- Kaoru, I don’t think her leg is broken.” She gently pushed aside some fur, showing the young boy a cut on the cat’s leg.
“That’s good? Right? We can help her?” 

“You can always help if you know how, Kaoru. Let’s clean her up and get her to a vet, okay?”)

No. Both of those sounded stupid. He wasn’t here to be a big crybaby at some dude he barely knew. 

“Big fight with my dad.” The words were simple, and he leaned back to toss away the prep pad and grab a bandaid to apply over some wound just under the collar of his shirt. 

There was a beat of silence as Kaoru smoothed the bandaid over the area. 

“Oh! We’re more similar than you think, Kaoru-san~ ☆” His face hadn’t shifted, but Madara seemed to have defaulted back to that bright, bright tone. 

“A fight?”

“Worse! Disowned!” He put that bright grin right back on, and Kaoru pressed into the wound in retaliation, drawing a wince from Madara whose expression quickly dropped right back to how it was before.

“Don’t put on the face again.” It’s nicer to see you being genuine. “It weirds me out.” 

Kaoru didn’t press for more information just yet, beginning to clean out some other cuts and scratches that were littered over his collarbone. Anything he could see with his shirt still on was fair game as far as he was concerned. The two fell into a comfortable silence again for a bit, and at some point the AC kicked on above them, filling the room with its dull hum. 

( “Mom?”
“Yes, dear?”
“You told me I can help anyone, right?”

“If that’s what you set your mind to, why?”

“Then why can’t I help dad…” He sniffled, tears beginning to well up again. “He’s always so mad at me.” He was quickly pulled into a hug. 

“There, there… He’s just grumpy at the world. He loves you just as much as I do, okay? And I’ll be here in case he gets too grumpy.”
“Promise? You’ll be here forever and ever?”
“Promise, Kaoru.” )

“The injuries from your parents or…”

“Nope! Went searching for trouble.” His tone seemed to dip into bitterness at the end, and Madara kept his eyes trained on the wall behind Kaoru, as if he were avoiding thinking about the situation. Kaoru knew how that felt. Just trying to avoid exposing those little vulnerabilities. 

“So you got into another fight?”

“Hahaha ☆ What else would someone like me be good f-” Kaoru dug his nails into his skin, a gentle reminder to shut up. 

“You’re not just good for starting fights. That’s so stupid.” He rolled his eyes, tossing away yet another little alcohol pad. Despite the scolding, his own tone was surprisingly gentle. He felt as if he were patching up a friend back here, something he’d been intimately familiar with during his years at the live house. Patching up Moricchi when he came back here, sniffling about some bully. This… was a little different, though. He didn’t know Madara nearly as well as he knew Chiaki, and this… was not a situation he ever thought he’d be in. But, he’d always been told he could help if he tried.

But, some people were resistant to being helped. 

As Kaoru finally pulled back from his neck and collar, Madara adjusted his shirt, and Kaoru swore he saw something shift in his expression. But nothing had changed when he looked back. He shrugged it off, not letting himself linger on that for too long. He was never someone he had understood. His experiences with him had been dumbed down to billiards and whatever Kanata’s complaint of the week was. It was never anything kind, but he tried to listen anyway. 

“You don’t have to treat me like a child, Kaoru-san~” 

“You were hurt. I wasn’t just going to let you go off like that.” 

“And what? You took pity on me?” The word dripped from Madara’s lips, slow as honey yet as bitter as a swear. A scowl tugged at the corners of his lips, and Kaoru knew he’d said something wrong. Some people were just resistant to that kindness, that he knew, but this was different. Vitriol coating his words as if being helped by another was the worst thing he could deal with.

“No.” His own words were just as harsh, snapping at the man in front of him. “Because I’ve been there. And sometimes. You need a kind hand. Not a harsh fist.” 

Tension spread between them, razor-sharp daggers that refused to let them go, but also refused to allow them to make it any better. The two stared at one another, and Kaoru refused to lose this dumb staring match between the two of them. 

“You’re not the only one in the world who’s been hurt, Kaoru-san. ” He spat his name out, and Kaoru pressed his fingers into his thighs, desperately trying to keep himself from snapping at him. Desperately trying to keep himself from truly becoming his father’s son.

“I know. But I can try and help those who have been, right?”

“Why? So you can be such a good person ? Shut up.” He looked away, sitting back in his seat. 

“Why do you have to be the villain, Mikejima-kun? What do you get out of it?” 

“And what do you get out of being a kiss-ass?”

“You’re avoiding the question.”

“Good, you don’t need an answer.” 

Kaoru let out a sigh of annoyance. He wanted to scream , but he held himself back, knowing that letting that out would get him nowhere. His need for a cigarette hadn’t lessened since his time on the beach, and every word out of Madara’s mouth was making him feel more stressed. He felt far too wound up. Almost like he was going to snap in two if he had to hear anything else about this. 

He pushed himself to his feet quickly, grumbling as he unlocked a drawer and pulled out a lighter, followed by a pack of cigarettes. It had been months, but he needed one. Just this once. 

“You smoke?”

“It’ll ruin your voice, Kaoru-san~” Madara paused, moving to his feet in the next moment as well. “Give me one.” That taunting lilt in his voice had dropped, and Kaoru just shrugged, nodding to the door as he began to walk out. Heading for the back door. It was still broken, and he propped it open.

Kaoru had to actually open the box, peeling the plastic off easily. He tore the sticker on his side with the nail of his thumb, shoving the trash in his pocket. He took out one cigarette, flipping it back upside down, keeping that one tucked into the back. Habit, he supposed. Finally, he took out another one, putting it between his lips. He held the carton out to Madara, enjoying the brief silence that had bloomed between the two of them. 

The carton was shoved into his pocket soon after that. Kaoru fumbled a bit for his lighter, shielding the cigarette from the wind as he lit it up. Madara wasted zero time in moving closer. As Kaoru was still lighting his, he leaned in and stole that small flame. He pulled back leisurely, as if he were oblivious to their sudden closeness. It drew some color to Kaoru’s cheeks, and he was grateful for the fact that the dim light of the night shielded him from it being noticed. 

The lighter was shoved away just as quickly as Kaoru drew in a hit off the cigarette, letting it sit in his throat for a few moments before he slowly let it out. The tension in his shoulders slowly started to melt away, and he leaned back against the brick wall of the live house with his eyes fluttering shut. He let the silence between them continue to sit, at least until he was calm enough to slowly bring it up again. 

“It’s because I care.” The back of his throat itched a bit from the nicotine, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. “I know we’re only acquaintances, but I care.”

“That’s a dangerous path, Kaoru-san. When’d you start smoking?” His voice was low, and Kaoru could tell that the two were just about side by side on the wall. He shifted away, just slightly. Kaoru took in another long hit of the cigarette, wanting to sink further into the bricks behind him.

“Second year. On and off. I keep quitting and coming back. You gonna answer my question now?”

“Hm? About what?”

“The whole.” Kaoru motioned vaguely at him with the hand holding the cigarette. “Villain thing.”

“...” Madara let out a slow sigh, and Kaoru heard him take another hit of the cigarette beside him before he spoke again. “It’s a lot easier to accept being disliked if you play the villain, Kaoru-san.” 

Kaoru paused, taking in those words. He had to think about it, but he hadn’t realized just how many people he’d heard shit-talk the guy (Izumi, Kanata, and probably a million more). So it made sense, As much as he wished that it didn’t. The idea of it twisted something odd in his chest, and he fought to push the feelings down. 

Cautiously, he opened his eyes to turn his head to look at Madara. He was slumped back against the wall, and he wasn’t looking at Kaoru. His eyes lingered on Madara’s lips as he took another hit, and he had to forcibly tear his gaze away from them. 

“It’s a lot easier to deal with being disliked if you flirt with every girl you meet~” There was some amusement underlying the bitterness in his tone. 

“We’re not so different, Kaoru-san. But I was born to be hated. At least you have your dad still.”

Kaoru winced at that but didn’t bother to comment on it much, just shrugging his shoulders. He wasn’t going to admit just how tense that relationship was. Not when he hardly knew much about Madara to begin with. 

“Disowned, just like that?”  

“I was always a problem kid~”

“You and me both…” 

The conversation lapsed again, and Kaoru let his eyes shut. He sighed softly, slowly sucking in another breath of nicotine and a shitty filter. Ugh. Why had he bought these again?

An odd warmth drew him back to reality, and he opened his eyes, nearly jumping back when Madara was much closer to him, studying his face and his expression. Kaoru’s brows furrowed in confusion, and he couldn’t quite figure out why he was so close. 

A calloused hand came up, wiping away a bit of ash with his thumb off of his cheek. Kaoru wanted to pull back, but found himself staying still, just staring at him in complete disbelief. 

“I don’t usually get this close to guys, Mikej-”

“I don’t usually get this close to anyone~” 

Kaoru bit back the snarky comment on the back of his tongue, about how Madara didn’t let himself get close with anyone, but he held himself back. As petty as he was, he wasn’t in the mood to be fussed at by him for something like that.

A fake grin broke Madara’s expression, “Sorry for this-” He didn’t really sound sorry, and Kaoru barely had a second to react before a pair of lips were pressed over his own. The cigarette fell from between his fingers, tumbling onto the cement below. 

Although his reaction was a bit delayed, he leaned into the touch, hand coming up to curl into the front of Madara’s shirt as if trying to get him to stay still. 

He tasted like smoke and nicotine and all the terrible things he'd been warned to stay away from since he was a kid. He was a hypocrite at heart, however, and the smoke still trapped in his lungs seemed to long for freedom, pressing closer to Madara as if he needed him. And really, he needed this brief contact. He knew he should pull back. This was a guy and yet Kaoru found he was unable (and unwilling) to give up this brief, stolen moment. 

It was over much too soon for his tastes, and he felt a little dazed as Madara finally pulled away from him. And for the first time since the pair had arrived, Kaoru noticed a genuine shift in his expression, a real smile flickering over his lips. It was gone in a heartbeat. But Kaoru would take what he could get. 

He almost spluttered, stumbling over his words as he tried to pull himself together. “You- I- Huh? ”

He finally managed to breathe, crushing the fallen cigarette under his foot to quell the flame. An addiction he didn’t need, interrupted by one he was slowly developing – the need for companionship. 

“Well-” Kaoru paused, and he watched Madara hesitate as if he knew he was going to be rejected. 

He tossed the idea around in his mind, unsure of how to proceed from here. As much as he wanted that again… Madara was a guy. And it felt weird to think about kissing a guy (but not Madara – how weird).

“You can’t tell anyone I just kissed a dude. But… If we’re both gonna skip. And if we’re both gonna run from everything.” Kaoru shrugged, pushing a hand back through his hair. “Let’s make the most of it..”

He was hesitant, but it seemed Madara caught on quickly enough. Kaoru nearly fell forward as he was tugged, lips crashing with Madara’s once more. The closeness was something they both desperately needed, even if it was hidden away from the world in the back of his stupid little live house.

And maybe, just maybe, this night could be their little secret. Vulnerabilities tucked away beneath this tense friendship that was slowly developing. Far too similar to part ways, yet not similar enough to truly bond on that deeper level. No one would say anything to them if they ended up crashing on a couch in the back of a live house, not when it wasn’t open the next day anyway?. 

A brief escape from their hectic lives, and it felt normal…. Just for a little bit. Even if normalcy was tumultuous feelings that never seemed to end, slowly falling for someone you hardly knew. Falling for an acquaintance turned friend when you didn’t even like guys.

Yet. Even just one night had been enough to convince him that he was slipping further and further into those odd feelings. They were wrong, but when had Kaoru ever bothered to do things the right way?

( “How did you know you were in love?”

“You feel… comfortable, Kaoru. Like their presence makes your day brighter.”

“Will I ever fall in love?”

“You will. And you better tell me all about it~”

“I will! Promise!” )

It’d be a little hard to tell the sunset, but… he had made a promise. And he would never break that.