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So, how was your vacation?
“It was terrible,” Erik said.
Charles rolled his eyes. “Oh, don't listen to him. We had a wonderful time.”
“We had a terrible time. I hate Cape Cod.”
“You say that every year.”
“And yet we keep going back.”
“I don't hear you suggesting anything else.”
“I suggest we don't waste three weeks lolling around on the beach every summer.”
“I happen to look forward to taking a vacation with you every year, but if you don't enjoy it, then next year I will go without you.”
“Don't be ridiculous.”
“The weather was perfect. The food was delicious.”
“I don't eat lobster.”
“And whose fault is that?”
“I'm Jewish. I don't eat shellfish.”
“But you do eat pork and you don't observe Yom Kippur. Or any of the holidays.”
“I light the menorah.”
“For the first three nights then you forget about it.”
“I don't see why we drive five hours out to Wellfleet to eat lobster for three weeks when I don't eat lobster.”
“If you hate Cape Cod so much then why did we buy a house there?”
“It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“We've spent three weeks there every year for the past nineteen years. That's 57 weeks. That's more than a year of our lives. If you would like to go somewhere else next year, I am open to suggestions. What about Paris?”
“You know I shouldn't leave the country.”
“Fine. Why don't we go west, then? Arizona, maybe? They have beef out there. No shellfish. Not an ocean for miles.”
“I don't want to go anywhere we'd have to fly. I don't like to be without the car for so long.”
“We could rent a car.”
“I don't trust rental cars.”
“We have a perfectly good apartment in Washington. We could go there.”
“I don't care to be accosted by politicians and protesters in my leisure time. Besides, it's too hot down there in the summer.”
“Fine. What about the Berkshires? It's cool in the mountains.”
“You're forgetting that you don't like the mountains with your chair. It's too hilly. Besides, you know we'd end up running into Emma Frost.”
“We could go to the Finger Lakes. There are some excellent wineries out there now.”
“No.”
“That's it? No?”
“No.”
“All right, well, if you want cool temperatures in the summer in the northeast and the mountains are out, that leaves the beach. How about the Hamptons?”
“Snobs.”
“The Jersey Shore?”
“Trash.”
“What about Maine? Bar Harbor?”
“That's just Cape Cod, but further.”
“Then I guess we're sticking with Cape Cod.”
“Fine.”
“You know, no one has to go on vacation for three weeks in the summertime. No one is twisting your arm and making you go to the beach. I like to get away from the school and relax and think about other things for a couple of weeks each year. I am not going to sit in my office all summer when I could be on the beach in a t-shirt enjoying the sun and, yes, a lobster roll now and then. Like I said, if you hate going on vacation with me, then you are welcome to stay home, and I will go without you.”
“I don't hate going on vacation with you.”
“You do nothing but complain.”
“I do not!”
“You just said that you had a terrible time, you always have a terrible time, and you hate Cape Cod.”
“But you love Cape Cod.”
“Yes, I do.”
“So we go to Cape Cod.”