Chapter Text
You love her. You love the way she grins and shouts whenever she wins a game in Apex. You love the way the she laughs, because the next thing you know, you're also laughing too. You love her smirks and the way it makes your heart beat loudly in your chest. You love her voice, the raspiness of it. You love it when she sings, especially Disney songs, you can see it on her face, that she's definitely having fun. You love it when she goes dragon training, you see a serious side of her. You don't tell her this, but you also love it when you see her lose a match against Elira, seeing her whine and pout makes you want to squish her cheeks. That's why you're going to tell her. That...
"I love you."
"I love you too." She says back.
"No. I love you."
It takes a second before she gets it. Then...
Shock.
Confusion.
Then you see it. An expression that you've never seen on her face.
"Finana..."
She can't look at you in the eyes. Those lovely eyes of her looking everywhere, but at you.
Just from this you already know her answer. It's a...
"I'm sorry... I love someone else." She finally looks at you.
Scared.
Afraid.
"I love you, but not in the way you do with me. I only see you as a-"
Stop. You don't want to hear it. Saying she likes another person is enough for you, it's an enough reason. Selen doesn't need to say the she only sees you as a-
"-sister."
It hurts more. To know the fact that you'll never be more than that with her. Does she think those words are going to make you feel better?
"It's okay, Selen." You try your best to smile, but inside you're dying inside. You feel like crying, it hurts so much. The pain is too much. It makes you want to go back to the ocean.
The next time you see her it's like nothing happened. She still gives you those annoying grins that makes your heart jump out of your chest. She laughs like she didn’t shatter your heart into pieces. Like she didn't hear those three words from you.
You knew this would happen. She's had alot of people confess to her and she's done the same thing, every single time. So why did you think you would be an exception? You're so stupid, you're probably the closest friend she's gotten a confession from, of course it applies to you the most. Yet, you're an idiot to think that you would be different.
Yes. You know, if she did avoid you everything would be awkward in your group of friends. It's selfish of you, but you just want something, that maybe she at least acknowledged your feelings, even just for a little bit, that with the time you spent you she felt something similar the same way you did.
But nothing.
It makes you hate her a little bit, just a little.
That night, you really can't sleep. So you just say screw it and play Valorant all night. That night convinced you that maybe, you're so close to hating her. You hate it, the way you get a good game and win, then here goes your brain flashing back to your rejection and everything turns sour.
You know it isn't really her fault, it's your fault. Maybe if you just didn't fall for her you wouldn't be up all night thinking about what you did wrong or why you weren't good enough and it's not her fault when something good happens the thought of her suddenly comes up and it just messes you up.
Why did you have to fall?