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You just came home from a series of hunts, some easy, some harder, but it was nothing you couldn’t handle. When you swung the doors open and called out for your brothers, you were just greeted by a quiet bunker with all the lights turned off. “That’s weird”, you thought, “the key was still in the usual hiding spot, they usually take it with them on hunts.” You just shrugged, calling Dean’s phone as you put your stuff down, going straight to voicemail. Maybe he’s in a fight or something, you tried to call Sam’s cell instead. Still nothing, maybe they were busy.
With a bag in your hand, you sat in your favorite chair in the library. The bag had all the gifts you bought on the way here. It was nearing Christmas and you wanted to surprise your brothers and friends with personal stuff you bought them. A few hours had passed and there was still nothing, no call back, no text, no nothing, just radio silence from your brothers. You shrugged it off again, maybe their cells died. With a book in your hand, you decided to test your senses and memory again so you took a walk inside the bunker without taking your eyes off the book.
You’ve lived in the bunker for years now and you knew that you could walk around without bumping a single wall, and you did. Your mind painted the picture of the halls and furniture so you could expertly avoid them. You remember when you told Dean to not mess with the furniture ever again because it messed with your senses when he moved a drawer and you hit your knee against it. You laughed at the fond memory, wondering when your brothers would come home from their hunt.
It’s been months, maybe years, since you came home. The gifts you bought were stored in the corner of your room. You rarely went out of the bunker, only going when you really needed to buy food. You walked aimlessly, letting your body take you to some part of the bunker.
You were feeling empty, overwhelmed with emotions so you involuntarily turned it all off. Your body led you to the path to the library, you knew why you wanted to go there, Dean’s booze was there. Maybe you just wanted to forget, maybe let all your emotions out when you finally get drunk, or maybe you just wanted to sleep comfortably numb. When you saw the bottles, your body moved faster, only stopping when you bumped into Sam.
“Woah, careful there. Where you heading in such a hurry?” You said nothing, your voice was too tiring to try and find. Sam noticed your inability to talk or even focus your sight on him and put a comforting hand on your shoulder. “I think I want some ice cream, you wanna come with?” A small nod from you made him smile, dragging you out of the bunker to buy some ice cream.
It was like magic, every time you were sad it was like they knew. So you would always bump into them before you could even reach what your mind wanted to use to forget every problem you had.
You were rushing to the bunker’s infirmary like it was calling your body. Absentmindedly walking to where the medicine was kept, you were greeted by Dean’s chest as you bump into him. He looked confused as to why you were here, surprise etched on his face. “Why’re you here, kid? You hurting somewhere?” Worry crept into his face when you didn’t answer, then realization when he met your hazy eyes, unfocused and blank. “Oh, I forgot to tell you that I found this movie. I think it’s an action rom-com movie, you wanna watch it? I bought popcorn.” He immediately smiled and dragged you out of the infirmary when you made a small sound of approval, barely audible but he heard it.
You forcibly walked slower today when your legs wanted to bring you to the library, where most of Dean's alcohol was. But of course, no one bumped into you, no one was there to stop you from reaching the bottle and drinking straight from it. They were gone, you knew that they weren't gonna come back but you can't really accept that truth. So every time you mindlessly walk somewhere, you walk slowly, wanting someone to bump into you and stop you from reaching where your mind wanted to go.
And every single time, there was no one there, no one but yourself. It wasn't just your brothers you expected, you needed anyone, Jack, Garth, Jody, Claire, Donna, even Alex. You needed anyone to stop you. Noone did. Their gifts were still in your room where you barely even sleep in anymore, you only slept in your brothers’ room, alternating every night. They were gonna come back, they needed to, they’re supposed to.
You didn’t want to leave home, they might come back for you.