Chapter Text
It's a day Lim Youngmin had been waiting for for a long time.
The day he could finally intergrate into society again. The day he could finally be a regular civilian again.
That day, is the second of May, the day he officially gets discharged from the army.
Youngmin woke up with a lot of excitement racing through his whole body that day. He looked forward to bidding his fellow soldiers goodbye, secretly feeling superior to his team mates who were still in the hell that is the military base. He can still vividly remember his first day in the army. He felt so small and worthless hearing all those lieutenants and officers shouting at him. He felt absolutely crushed, and the second he got to use his phone to call a loved one, he immediately bursted into tears once Donghyun picked up the phone.
This time around however, he gets to smile while speaking to the man he loves.
Youngmin is well aware of his disadvanted position as a bisexual man in South Korea. He knows people here don't think it's okay, and that's why not even a single soul on this planet knows who he truly is. Keeping his true identity hidding is exhausting, but he's gotten used to it. He had to adjust quicky though, he only realized he liked men too about a month into his service.
You see, Youngmin had gotten a weekend off, free to either go home to visit his family in Busan, or spend time with his beloved best friend and favorite dongsaeng out of the four remaining AB6IX members, Kim Donghyun.
Unlike what most people think of him, Youngmin is a sensible man, which is why he decided to meet up with Donghyun.
One night, Youngmin and his best friend had found themselves in a gay bar, not realizing it was one until they entered. You had to pay to enter the bar, so both men figured it would be a waste of money to leave once they realized what kind of bar it was. Their expectations were surpassed, the duo not thinking they'd have so much fun there. In fact, they even decided on visiting the bar again another evening!
However, the next time Donghyun would see his favorite hyung, he wouldn't know who he was talking to.
On the bus ride back from the military base, Youngmin recalls the event that ruined his life. It was a late night in May, and Youngmin had taken a bit too deep of a look into the shot glass. After all, his group's new album was coming out soon, and Youngmin was stressed beyond belief. He was nervous and scared, knowing that AB6IX's last comeback prior to Vivid was nearly eight months ago from then. The eldest member was worried that fans might've lost interest in the group because their music releases weren't frequent enough. A part of him was excited to see his beloved ABNEW again, but after all, he ended up never seeing them again. All because he got into the car when he knew deep down he should've just called a taxi.
He was left on his own. He has his family and friends, but not fans. Youngmin loved having fans, he loved being adored even more than his parents ever have adored their own son. The love from a fan is so strong and powerful, that it singlehandedly kept him going.
When that love was taken away from him, so was his will to live.
Youngmin's self-harm addiction is no secret to his best friend, Youngmin begging Donghyun to not say anything to Woong, Woojin, and definitely not Daehwi. The youngest member had understandably estranged himself from his eldest hyung after he got arrested, but that does not mean Youngmin doesn't care about his maknae anymore. In fact, Youngmin adores Daehwi, the maknae being the first member Youngmin asks about whenever he speaks to Donghyun. He keeps tabs on the youngest AB6IX member, using a secret twitter account to follow fansites of the four remaining members. He also follows AB6IX's official twitter accounts, and he decided to even follow MXM, even though he'll never post on the brandnewboys account again. Youngmin still remembers the password for MXM's twitter, having memorized it. Daehwi changed the password for the AB6IX members account, so he doesn't have access to it anymore. Truthfully, Youngmin's heart aches knowing Daehwi will never respect him again. It hurts terribly, because Youngmin simply loves Daehwi. He loves Daehwi's cuteness, how sweetly he smiles, how nice and soft he always felt whenever Youngmin hugged him. Daehwi was like a teddy bear with perfectly soft and smooth fur, cute and loving eyes and most importantly, a warm and kind heart. As Daehwi got older, he changed. He became cold and started concealing his emotions, keeping a very fake image of himself towards others. Daehwi became very professional, keeping a giant barrier between his job and his private life. Of course idols do not have to disclose everything about themselves to their fans, but anyone could tell that Daehwi changed, and not for the better if you asked his hyungs. Only small fragments of the bright, courageous and daring teenage Wanna One member were left. As Daehwi jumped into adulthood, he became a shell of who he used to be.
" Hyung! I'm so excited you see youuuuu!! When's the bus arriving?"
" Don't be impatient~ there's only about ten minutes left Dongdong-ie!~"
Youngmin smiles as his dongsaeng speaks on the phone. Donghyun's voice is laced with anticipation and impatience, the younger struggling to contain his excitement regarding seeing his hyung.
This time around, his hyung would never have to leave him. After all, Donghyun has a plan.
" I miss you every time I'm not with you! It's almost like you're my boyfriend!"
Oh God, imagine how great it'd be to be Kim Donghyun's lover. Lim Youngmin is irreversibly, hopelessly and insanely in love with Kim Donghyun after all.
" Aigoo how did you grow so attached to me in the first place...not that I mind though. It's cute."
Donghyun's breath stokes at the other side of the line.
" Li- Lim Youngmin! You cannot just say stuff like that I'm far too grown for you to refer to me as cute!"
" Does it matter? Cuteness is for all ages!"
" I'm not cute hyung! I'm a big, strong and tall guy with chocolate abs and eyes and a dick every girl in South Korea wants inside of her. You cannot threaten my image like that by calling me something I'm not!"
" Speaking of girls, how's your situationship with Vivienne going?"
" Vivienne said she's returning soon from Hong Kong! I think I wanna pick her up from the airport and bring her to her apartment. She found something pretty affordable. Apparently rent is about 665 thousand won, that's cheap for a city like Seoul."
" I see I see. When is she flying from Hong Kong to Incheon?"
" Three days from now! I'm so excited to see her! Not more than you of course. You know, there's one thing that's bothering me though about her."
" It's that you guys haven't fucked yet?"
" EXACTLY! I've literally known her for 1,5 years yet we still haven't had sex! We've made out, but she kept not letting me undress her..."
" I mean you gotta respect that she has boundaries. She has a valid reason to take things slow with you."
" Yeah but this is VERY slow hyung. I'm slowly starting to consider fucking some other people while I wait for her."
Youngmin's heart drops.
" I- I don't think that's a good idea. It's gonna make her think you value sex over her as a human being."
Exactly Youngmin, he just needs to wait until he knows you are Vivienne.
" Alright. You know Youngmin-hyung, she really, REALLY looks like you. Besides I think you'd get along well, are you SURE you don't wanna meet her?"
" It's okay!"
" But hyung, there's a high possibility that I'll be her boyfriend soon. How can you expect me to not introduce my future girlfriend to my best friend? You two are the two people that I love and cherish most!"
" I love you too my Dongdong-ie, your hyung is gonna be home in a few minutes so let's hang up okay?"
" Okay- WAIT! I CAN SEE YOU IN THE BUS!"
" I CAN SEE YOU TOO!!"
Youngmin exclaims, frantically waving his arm as he looks at his best friend. While the busdriver parks the bus, Youngmin almost screams from pure excitement as he sees his favorite dongsaeng. Despite the mask covering his face, Youngmin can immediately tell there's a giant grin on his best friend's face. The smile on Youngmin's own face is growing by the second, the elder of the two nearly sprinting out of the bus once the doors have been opened.
" LIM YOUNGMIN!"
" KIM DONGHYUN!"
Youngmin lets out a deafening, ear-piercing scream as he jumps into his dongsaeng's arms, the duo eventually ended up screaming together. The elder is far too heavy for his younger friend, Donghyun laughing his head off as Youngmin accidentally tackles his best friend to the ground.
" Wah, I'm so happy right now I could kiss you hyung!"
" Really? You wanna kiss me? I guess that means you're not so straight as you say you are-"
" I AM straight! Just kissing someone is not gay! It WOULD be gay if i was in love with you, which I'm not."
" On the other hand, you fell in love with a girl who you said looks so much like me that you thought we were siblings when you first met her. Don't you think it's a LITTLE gay to fall for someone who looks EXACTLY like your best friend?"
" If it's a girl it doesn't count!! Listen, I'm more than comfortable with gay people myself, I'm just not one of them. It's not like I've ever had a desire to do romantic stuff with a guy-"
" Kissing is romantic. Especially because you said this to me while you were sober."
" L-Let's just change the subject hyung. I have a surprise for you."
" Really? What's the surprise?"
" You'll see then~ anyways, let's drive you back to the apartment okay? After all, I actually know how to drive, Youngmin."
" I already have my license back I can drive too!"
" We shall see about that~ but for now I'll be in charge of driving!"
Donghyun helps his best friend load his bags into the trunk, afterwards getting behind the wheel. Ever since Donghyun got his driving license (purely to spite his DUI-committing best friend, not because he needed one), he's used it against his hyung every time cars are involved. Truth is, as long as Donghyun is under Brand New Music, he doesn't have to lift a single finger to go anywhere. Rhymer adores his most popular artist so much, that Donghyun's every wish is Rhymer's command. Within the snap of a finger Donghyun could have a driver arranged for him, but for today Donghyun wanted some alone time with his best friend. He needs every bit of privacy with the man he might love in more ways than one.
After all, Donghyun's not actually 100% sure he's straight, but he wouldn't dare admit that to anyone.
The drive to Youngmin's apartment is filled with joy and laughter, the duo laughing and joking around together like they've always done. Even before Youngmin got arrested, back when life was normal, that's how it feels in the car.
" So his pants ripped so badly his dick jumped out?!"
" Yeah! I don't know why he wasn't wearing underwear but it was funny as shit bro you should've been there!"
" To be honest I'm glad I WASN'T there. It's a bit awkward staring at the penises of strangers."
Donghyun chuckles as he parks the car, opening the car door. Both of the guys exit Donghyun's car, making their way to apartment number 17. Donghyun picked the apartment for his friend, going with apartment 17 because that's when they became one as MXM in 2017. Obviously Youngmin doesn't know this, Donghyun finding it a rather embarrassing thing to admit to his friend.
" Our apartment..."
" Our?"
" Yeah, ours."
Donghyun grabs a form out of his bag, Youngmin's jaw dropping in utter disbelief as he looks at it.
This is a lease contract.
And Kim Donghyun's signature has been put on it.
" Now...if you put your sign on that dotted line on the bottom left...we'll be room mates~ just like the old days you and I can finally live together~"
" So- So... you're moving out of the AB6IX dorms?"
" Uh huh! The older two know I'm moving in with you, but I told them to tell Daehwi that the apartment is only mine, you know how he thinks of you. God it's so fucking frustrating. Just because he treats people like they're disposable objects doesn't mean I have to do the same. You cannot just ditch someone like that just because they did one shitty thing-"
" Donghyun, I'm fine with it. I've accepted it."
" But you shouldn't! Daehwi always has to be the victim in these situations acting like he can say whatever he wants because he's young and cute?! He's allowed to jab at the four of us as much as he wants but the second I ask him to stop interfering in my relationship with you I'm the bad guy who's inconsiderate! I don't get why he's like this, why can't he just be the Daehwi we all know and love?! He's honestly so tiring to be around that I feel relieved when the day's over and I don't have to speak to him. I also don't get why I feel so irritated by him because I do still love our maknae it's just... I'm so tired hyung. I want to just be with you without Daehwi accusing me of "not caring about AB6IX" I just wanna spend time with you as your best friend who loves you and cares about you but Daehwi always has to act like me being your friend is the reason behind all injustice on earth. I'm sorry for rambling on but I just need to stay away from him for a while... I think I can decrease the amount of time I have to spend with him if I could move in with you."
" It's okay Dongdong-ie, don't apologize."
Youngmin could never get mad at Donghyun. Even if Donghyun's rant was four hours long the elder would happily pay attention to every single word he said.
However, Youngmin is now extremely troubled.
Youngmin living with his crush means he could spend several hours of the day with Donghyun (yay), but it means that he has to be even more careful regarding Vivienne (nay). After all, if Donghyun walks in on Youngmin as he transforms into Vivienne, he'll be fucked. Donghyun does ABSOLUTELY not need to know that he's in love with a boy.
Lim Youngmin's biggest secret, is Vivienne Liu.
Once Donghyun mutters a soft "hyung?", Youngmin comes back to his senses, having spaced out completely for a few seconds. He profusely apologizes to his friend, Donghyun pointing to the dotted line on the form so Youngmin can sign it. Donghyun excitedly watches his friend sign the form, letting out an excited squeak. Youngmin is not exactly thrilled about what is gonna happen soon, putting up a fake smile as his crush hugs him.
" I'm so EXCITEEEEDDDD!! Hyung you have zero idea how long I've waited to be with you like this! It's gonna be so much fun we can share a room, borrow each other's clothes, oh! We can TOTALLY order takeout together and have meal parties! In fact, let's do chimaek tonight! Some fried chicken and beer to celebrate your return-"
" You're my best friend yet still unaware I prefer chicken with soju after all these years?"
" Sorryyyyy!! But of course we can get soju instead of beer!
" Or both!"
" Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Lim Youngmin."
" It's not like I'm driving anywhere!!"
" Yeah but you're not fun when you're drunk you're too touchy! We all know about what happened between you and Woong now don't we?"
"...I tried to make out with Woong."
" And what did that lead to?"
" Woong avoiding me like the bubonic plague for two months."
" Exactly, do you want your beloved best friend and favorite dongsaeng to avoid you like the bubonic plague for two months?"
" NOOOO!!"
Youngmin panics at the thought of Donghyun avoiding him. However, even if Youngmin got drunk tonight, Donghyun knows he cannot stay mad at his best friend for that long. By day 2 of ignoring the elder, Donghyun would have to be physically held back from jumping into his best friend's arms. The younger finds his friend's reaction funny, giggling and patting his hyung's head.
" This is your reaction to me saying I'd ignore you but I'M the overattached one?"
" I never said you were overattached!!"
" Yeah yeah sure ya didn't. We are both VEEEEEEEERY attached to each other~ I don't see a problem with being attached to someone as lovely as youuuu~"
Donghyun giggles and ambushes his hyung, backhugging the taller with a huge smile. Donghyun's ambush is a pleasant surprise, Youngmin smiling as his friend has latched onto him.
" You're in a good mood today, Donghyun-ah."
" Always when my hyung's involved~ I'm so happy to see you! I really missed you so extremely much during your military service I felt like I was losing my mind! In general just not being with you all day made me so SAAAAADDDD!! I have so much fun with you! Now that we officially live together, we can only have even more fun~!"
" Always in for a good time huh?"
" You know me, I cannot say no to some fun of course."
" That's one of many reasons we get along so well~ how about we do this. We head to the dorms so you can grab your stuff and-"
" Actually, I already have my stuff."
" You're joking."
" I'm not!"
Youngmin stares in disbelief as Donghyun shows him the five separate suitcases he packed. Donghyun stands behind them proudly with a grin, opening them with a smile.
" How about we start the afternoon by setting up our apartment? Other than my own belongings I also got several cute little knick knacks from IKEA to decorate our home with!"
Our home.
Youngmin thinks those words have a nice ring to them.
Donghyun happily dumps the contents of the IKEA shopping bag out on the floor, several lanterns, pillows, fairy lights, little baskets, board signs, scented candles and even a projector staring back at the duo. Donghyun happily boasts about how that's not even all, because he apparently bought so much stuff that IKEA had to ship some of it to the apartment.
" You and your overspending..."
" I make great money so I make great purchases!"
" You always buy more than you actually need."
" Who CAAAAAARES?! At least our home will be the COOLEST home in this entire building! It's exactly what we want after all!"
It's exactly what Donghyun wants, but Youngmin is fine with that. Personally he's a bit more simplistic, not being the hugest fan of lavish decorations. Donghyun however exudes extravagance, the younger of the duo being a bright and outgoing young guy. Of course he has his serious moments, but for the most part Youngmin's dongsaeng is a happy and easygoing guy.
His presence is enough to make people smile, so of course it's not surprising that he's so famous. His role as Woo Gaon in the drama Let Me Be Your Knight made him a superstar overnight, and before he knew it Donghyun couldn't even set foot outside of his dorms without being swarmed by giant crowds of fans. In the past, even though AB6IX has always had some popularity from Woojin and Daehwi's time in Wanna One, the members were yet to be famous enough to the point they got mobbed every time they were seen. All the members whether that be ex or remaining have had a few fans spot them and ask for a picture and autograph from time to time, but the fame Kim Donghyun currently has is larger than AB6IX's fame has ever been so far. The other three remaining members had ensured to Donghyun that they're not jealous of his fame, but Donghyun can tell that they're not being honest. His sudden rise to stardom has changed AB6IX's group dynamic massively, and especially AB6IX's youngest member sees green of jealousy whenever he's reminded of his hyung's fame.
" Hey Donghyun, about Vivienne yeah."
" What about her?"
Donghyun asks as he puts two matching pillows onto the couch.
" You know, I don't think it's far fetched to say that the reason she's not ready to have sex with you is because she's transgender."
" Tra- Trans?! Where did that come from?!?"
" You sent me a few pictures of her. One day I took a closer look and I noticed she has an Adams apple."
Youngmin comments, every drop of color disappearing from his friend's face. Donghyun buries his face in his hands feeling horrified, his friend sighing and pulling the younger closer.
" What's wrong?"
" I...I just don't know how to feel right now. We've been spending time together so frequently for 1,5 years yet she didn't say anything?!"
" I mean you have to understand that Korea isn't exactly the safest place to be queer-"
" But she cannot just assume that that means she can do this to me! It hurts man! I thought she trusted me and thought I was safe to talk to but apparently even me...even I am too much of a threat to her. I hate that, I want her to trust me."
Donghyun sighs, Youngmin secretly feeling relieved. It'll be hard for Donghyun to suspect that Vivienne is his best friend as long as he's convinced Vivienne is a trans woman, but he himself is aware that it's a temporary solution only. At a certain point, Donghyun is gonna find out who Vivienne Liu actually is.
And once he does, things will never be the same again.