Work Text:
My writer wants me to introduce myself. But I'm not going to do it, so I'll simply ask Wilson to do it. Go ahead, Wilson!
House, seriously, you can't make me do this! Not unless you do something back for me. And paying for lunch for once is not enough, understood?
Jimmy... I promise to take care of you tonight. I'll cook. And afterwards maybe even more.
I'm not simply doing this for sex. It's not something you can use to pay people with and you know it.
Come on.... Pretty please? If this wasn't simply words I'd use my puppy eyes one you. And you'd give in immediately, you know that.
Fine, people of the interwebs, meet the jackass Gab House who has somehow turned out to be my girlfriend.
Yay, you're amazing!
Don't interupt me or I stop.
Sorry.
So, like I was saying: Gab House has asked me to introduce her to all of you. She is a bastard, mean and manipulative, but she has also been my best friend for almost .20 years now and I still don't have a clue what made me stay with her.
But you did.
Yes I did, and I don't regret it now.
...
Gab, we were doing the writing thing!
I like kissing better, come and kiss me again.
No, I want to finiish it now. Please?
Fine...
Yes! I love you!
I love you too, Wilson.
So like I said, I liked her so much - and she obviously liked me too - I mean, what's not to like?
The fact that you blow-dry your hair at 6 in the morning, the fact that you're an adulturer, the fact th-
That was rethorical!
Don't push me away while I'm typing! I wasn't done yet!
Gab, just let me type this out for a bit okay? And you pushed me away as well. Mutliple times.
I'm going to get you back for this, Jimmy.
I don't care how, just let me finish it. So. Jackass. She's also a cripple - like she likes to remind us ever five seconds - and addicted to Vicodon. Don't even try to deny it, Gab, don't even try. But when you get to know her, she's loving and adorable.
I am /not/ adorable!
Shush. And yes you are. So I've been stupid enough to get married three times before I realized how I felt - but to be honest, Gab did have me fooled for a while since she was close to being married to Stacy - a woman, yes. But she left right after the leg accident. That was the part where she became a cripple, so now she limps around in the halls of Prinston Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, where she works as a diagnostician, the only one in the world.
It's almost like Sherlock Holmes, I invented my own job.
You're not like Sherlock Holmes, Gab, don't even think about that comparison.
Oh but mommy?
Gab, no. I think I covered everything, right? Or didn't I?
I think you got everything apart from the fact that I'm a genius and that you totally are an idiot to put up with me.
I'm not an idiot; I may be in love, but I'm not an idiot.
Really Wilson?
Yes. Now shut up or I really spill the beans about you here. I could tell them all how nice you are in real life.
NO! Don't you dare.
Then apologize.
Fine, you're not an idiot, Wilson, I'm sorry.
Thank you. Now, I think we were doing something in the middle of this.
Yes we were, we really were. And this is something the reader doesn't need to know or see.
No. So that's it from the two of us - Gab, wait, leave my trousers alone, I'm not done yet!
Too late.