Chapter Text
I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life, tell me how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while
Emma hadn’t thought about Alyssa Greene in a few months, her heart finally knowing that this was for the best. That their breakup saved her the heartbreak of winding up at a second prom alone, saved Alyssa the trouble of having to not only come out, but admit that she was seeing Emma. There were parts of their relationship that Emma missed, and so what if those parts added up to every last second of it? She wouldn’t admit it to anyone, not even herself. There was too much to unpack there, it was better if she just kept pretending that she’d moved on. She was here to celebrate Christmas anyway, so her focus would have to be on her grandmother anyway.
“Emma?” Betsy called from the kitchen, trying to snap her granddaughter out of the daze she seemed to be in. It worked, because Emma shook her head quickly, trying to ignore that her grandmother had forgotten to take down the picture of her and Alyssa that she hung when they were still together. She’d been staring at it, fighting tears for a little over twenty minutes, and it was beginning to sink in that she really hadn’t let go. “Emma could you get the door please?”
“Sure Gramma!” Emma called, running a hand through her choppy blonde locks, mentally preparing herself for whatever carolers were going to be on the other side. Despite living outside of the city limits, they always seemed to get carolers on Christmas Eve. What she didn’t prepare herself for was seeing Alyssa Greene standing on the other side of the door with a bouquet of roses.
“I-Emma,”Alyssa started, thrusting the bouquet out in front of her with a shaky hand, “I wasn’t sure if you were here, I was just going to give these to your grandma and ask her to make sure you saw them when you got in. I know that we aren’t together, but I didn’t want you to go through Christmas thinking that you didn’t have anyone, because I-I still care about you. Emma, I-” She looked scared, a look that Emma had only seen her have when she was talking about her mother. She reached out and took the flowers, her heart hammering and head foggy as she did something she knew that she shouldn’t do.
Setting the roses to the side, Emma cupped Alyssa’s cheeks in her hands and pulled her into a tender kiss. She knew that it was risky and she knew that she would end up regretting it, but it felt right. The kiss only lasted a few moments before the blonde had realized what she’d done and stumbled backwards, staring at Alyssa as she attempted to form words. Alyssa was the first to find them, simply taking another step forward, eyes pleading as she saw the path Emma’s mind was going down. “Emma please, I- I missed you. I missed us. I wasn’t expecting you to be here but Betsy... Uhm, Betsy had told me that you’d be coming home for the holidays and I wanted to.. try again?”
Emma took a deep breath as she thought about what that would entail, what trying again would mean. It would fill the hole in her heart, but it could set her up for a bigger failure than she’d anticipated. She came back home to see her grandmother, not get a girlfriend, but if that girlfriend was Alyssa would it be so bad? “I-I don’t know Alyssa... it’s been almost a year. We can’t just pick up where we left off like it’s nothing,” Emma frowned, knowing that as much as her heart wanted to do exactly that, she needed to use her brain and decide if this was what she was meant to do. If getting back into a relationship with Alyssa was best for her mental health and if she could even do a long distance relationship. Alyssa was probably busy with new college friends and she probably could have anyone she wanted at the Ivy League school she ended up choosing to appease Veronica Greene.
“Emma, please at least think about it? You’re here until the 10th, right? That’s right around when I go back to school too. Maybe we could get together for some coffee? Or lunch? Just talk and catch up and if it leads to anything then we can figure it out from there,” Alyssa’s voice was pleading, like this was the only reason she really came back. Emma felt a pang in her heart, glancing back toward the kitchen as Betsy finished up dinner. Her eyes panned through the dining room and saw three plates laid out, but her grandmother was nowhere to be seen.
“Alyssa,” Emma sighed, running her hand through her hair, “I think that would be a good idea. I’ve missed you too but I don’t want either of us to get our hopes up that this is going to sort itself out because at the end of break we’re going to end up going our separate ways and you’ll go back to your Ivy League friends and I’ll go back to Indiana State. I don’t want to get my hopes up that we can work anything out but I-” Emma knew she was rambling and that she needed to stop before she said something that really hurt her or Alyssa, but there was so much built up in her that she needed to get off her chest that it all came pouring out at once, “I still love you and it hurts but I know that you’re destined for better things than just little old me.”
You've been good, busier then ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why
Betsy came around the corner, giving Alyssa a soft smile as she motioned toward the table, “Girls,” she spoke softly, “would you like to come join me for dinner or are you going to keep letting the cold air into the house Emma?” Emma’s face turned red and she moved to the side to let Alyssa inside. Her ex-girlfriend slipped into the house, still keeping her gaze on Emma, almost as if a part of her hoped that Emma would ask her to leave instead. The blonde wouldn’t, she had too good of manners for that.
Dinner was awkward to say the least, Emma tried to make small talk but it didn’t really work all that well. Alyssa was quieter than normal. Apparently her mother had been planning dinner for them but had to stay late at work, again. Which lead to the questions of, how was her mother? That evidently became a sore spot, as Alyssa nearly shut down entirely. So then it turned to Betsy asking about the weather, if it was any nicer in New Haven. That seemed to get a laugh out of Alyssa, who then proceeded to explain that New Jersey was better weather wise for winter time, but summer was entirely a different ball game.
It perplexed Emma a little, the way Alyssa spoke now. It was more East Coast than Midwest, and maybe she’d always had that slight leaning, but hearing it more clearly now struck a chord in Emma. This Alyssa was different. She couldn’t quite pinpoint why, or if it was a good thing, but this Alyssa was someone that Emma would have to relearn. She had assured herself by the end of dinner however, that her Alyssa was down there somewhere and she wanted to find her again, before she lost her chance at a happy ending.