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Andrew in public was the most touch averse person known to man. He was called “ Monster.” He was a general terror to those around him. He was too much to handle.
But to Neil, Andrew seeked touch. He was “‘Drew” and on rare occasions he was “Andy.” He was complex, yes, but Neil understood him effortlessly. He fit with Neil perfectly. They understood each other in a way nobody had ever tried to understand them before.
He was affectionate in his own ways, he had his own complex love languages born out of fear. Neil would spend the rest of life figuring out Andrew Minyard if he allowed it.
It was a slow process to get Andrew to accept affection. It took almost the entire summer after Baltimore for Andrew to be okay with wanting to hold Neil’s hand. They developed non verbal ways to ask yes or no which helped more. Andrew would poke at Neil’s thigh if he wanted to
hold hands.
After their first match of the new season Andrew started hovering near Neil in the locker rooms. Neil assumed he was worried about a Baltimore repeat. But one trip to Bee later had Andrew revealing he wanted to hug Neil. So whenever Andrew stood too close for too long Neil would turn around and open his arms.
It was a practiced system that made Neil realise how much and how often he wanted to touch Andrew. It was startling when he realised how often he thought about wanting to hug Andrew’s back.
He wouldn’t let his own wants get in the way of the progress Andrew was making. Wasn’t willing to risk Andrew clamming back up because Neil wanted to cling to him.
They were opposites on their bad days, Neil wanted so badly to just lay in his bed with Andrew next to him, whereas Andrew wanted to lock himself in his room and speak to no one. Neil was the only recent exception to that rule and even then, Andrew simply sat there while Neil did his homework.
He should’ve expected it when Andrew finally got tired of Neil’s overthinking. He could read Andrew so well he often forgot Andrew was just as tuned to him.
It took Andrew almost a week to get tired of waiting for Neil to speak his mind. He brought it up during one of their late night drives. “Spill whatever’s in that head before your brain melts from thinking more than normal.” Neil could hear the playfulness and concern hidden in the words.
“Are you ever gonna talk to me without insulting me? It’s rather hurtful, ‘Drew.” Andrew glanced at him and Neil knew he was telling him to cut the bull shit out.
“I really like that you’re getting comfortable with affection y'know? It’s nice to see you get more comfortable and confident in yourself.” Neil said after a moment. Andrew poked his thigh and Neil immediately offered his hand for Andrew to interlace their fingers.
“Wonderful. Now get to the reason you’ve been stuck in your head for a week.” Andrew replied like he knew Neil was trying to avoid the subject. He was rubbing his thumb up and down Neil’s hand and Neil revelled in the soft touch.
Neil took a moment to soak in the softness they’d developed, wholly different from the people they’d been a year ago. “Sometimes I look at you and I get this really intense urge to wrap my arms around you and rest my head on your shoulder. Especially when you’re baking and you look kind of sweet.” Andrew said nothing and Neil knew he was being asked to continue.
“I just don’t know how to ask. I don’t want to get in the way of the progress you’ve made.” Andrew responded by releasing Neil’s hand and flicking his forehead. “Asshole. Honesty for honesty Minyard, your turn.”
It took Andrew a few minutes before he pulled the car over to reply. “Honestly? You’re a dumbass.” Neil rolled his eyes but allowed the insult to pass. He knew Andrew had more to say.
“This is a two way street. This isn’t just about me and my shit. You wouldn’t be getting in the way of shit it’d help. We’re both learning to do this. It’s not a big deal.” They both sat in silence for a moment. Unsure what to do next, this kind of vulnerability still being foreign to them. After a minute Andrew reached his hand out to poke Neil’s thigh, Neil flipped his hand over for Andrew to hold.
They sat like that for a few minutes. Absorbing the rare show of vulnerability neither wanted to push the other before Neil decided to break the silence. “So hugs are good, holding hands is excellent. Cuddling is still a no right?” Andrew nodded and Neil would be lying if he said he wasn’t relieved.
“What about if I play with your hair? You’ve got pretty soft hair y'know.” He tried to make the words sound like he was joking but with the atmosphere they’d created in the car that was hard.
Andrew hummed before responding. “We can try that but no guarantees it’ll go well. I’ll only do it under the agreement that you let me play with your hair.” Neil nodded, he wanted to smile. This was probably the best conversation they’d had about boundaries.
“Now that we’ve got that established, how about ice cream?” Neil asked, the conversation could be tabled for now. They’d established the important things.
It was weird at first, seeking Andrew out when he needed the comfort. It felt awkward to want to hold Andrew in any way, odd to want another person as comfort. But they quickly added it into their ever growing non verbal language.
Neil would tug in the back of Andrew’s shirt and wait for Andrew to nod or step into Neil’s space before he wrapped his arms around Andrew. It always made Neil warm how much they’d grown. For once excited about what his future could look like. No matter how many bad days they’d have, these moments outweighed them. The trust they’d built and would continue to build far better than anything Neil could’ve ever imagined.
Eventually the private affection turned into small public displays. Neil would rest his head on Andrew’s shoulder on the bus after away games. Andrew would play with Neil’s fingers during half times or anytime they had to sit in one place for too long. Anything that made them feel vulnerable was kept private. But sometimes they couldn’t help themselves from seeking out the other.
It would be a never ending learning process for them both, but they’d get through it together. They’d learn to accept that sometimes they just needed the other person there.