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Y/N absolutely hated the fact that she was distancing herself from Bang Chan. Hated the fact that as a result of her distancing herself from Chan, she was distancing herself from the rest of her beloved group. She hated the fact that she had decided that she couldn’t see him as much anymore, hated the fact that her feelings had stopped her from seeing her best friends.
Y/N had first met the group known as Stray Kids a few years ago when a mutual friends of both her and the group of boys had decided that they’d be better suited annoying each other than them. It hadn’t bothered her, an almost instant bond made between her and the group of 8 and they were best friends.
Fast forward two years and Y/N knew absolutely everything there was to know about the group Stray Kids. Every single little thing, the good things and the bad. How Minho can’t swim, even though he likes to pretend he can, how Changbin is ridiculously good at math- like crazy good- how Hyunjin is one of the absolute softest people you’ll ever meet, how Jisung is absolutely obsessed with anything cheesecake(no matter the flavour), how Felix can fix anything with a brownie- and he’ll try to, doesn’t matter what it is-, how Seungmin loves eggs and how Jeongin is probably the only one that can say anything to Minho without getting their asses beat. Most of all though she knows Chan. How he loves when the leaves change from the beautiful summer green to the sweet sunset orange of autumn. How he loves the nickname Koala. How he would spend his whole life in a recording studio if you’d let him, stressing himself out so much that he can’t sleep. How he loves the vibrations of his guitar and the sweet sounds of the piano. How whenever he washes his hair he always uses conditioner twice just to makes sure that his hair is just that soft. All of his smiles, the ones for his members, for his loved ones. The ones for her. All of the things that nobody else knew. She knew them.
She knows absolutely everything about him. And it makes her fall in love with him over and over again, every single day. Everyday since she met him.
And now here she is. Locked inside her shitty flat, wrapped in the softest blankets she could owned, watching the saddest movie she could find on her shitty Netflix account. Which is also shit. It was extra shit because he whole Netflix account was full of movies that her and Chan were meant to watch. Together. Or with the boys. Not by herself. Never by herself.
It wasn’t the movies that she was planning on watching with him. It wasn’t. It was the fact that it was always Chan. With everything that she wanted to do, she wanted to do with him. They’d been friends for years before and she’d never once let her feelings get in the way of their friendship, she’s never let her feelings get in the way with spending time with him.
But here she was. Sitting on her sofa, crying over some stupid line in some stupid movie that Chan would absolutely love. And she missed him. She missed him. She missed him like crazy.
Y/N knows that she has always been pretty open about her feelings. She always talks about how she feels, she’s always the first one to express her wants and needs. Most of the time she’s talking to Chan about her feelings, and Chan always- most of the time- talks to her about how he’s feeling. Sometimes it takes a little longer for him to open up but their always there for each other. No matter what. They were each others person. The one person in the whole entire world that they could trust and count on no mater what.
And as of right now Y/N didn’t have anyone. Chan wasn’t here. She hadn’t spoken to him or anyone of their little group for days. And she missed him. And she loved him so much. And all of these things she kept to herself.
Y/N is so engrossed with sobbing her feelings out to the shitty movie playing away on her tv, wiping at her nose and eyes with a snot soaked tissue, that she doesn’t hear the door open. She doesn’t hear the door sticking and Chan having to shove it the last few meters so that the door opened enough for him to actually squeeze through. She doesn’t hear him taking off his shoes and gently placing them next to hers by the door. She doesn’t hear him shuffle his way down the hallway or the fact that he stops just short of the sofa she’s curled up on. What she does hear though is the soft little ‘oh sweetheart’ that Chan let’s out when he sees the state that she has managed to work herself into.
Her head snaps round. Staring at Chan as he stands behind the couch, she had no idea how long he’s been standing there. Has no idea what he’s seen. She feels her whole body tense at the sight of him, Chan notices and his already furrowed brows pinch together even more at the sight. She knows why she’s so tense, knows why she’s reacting like this. She just doesn’t want Chan figuring out why.
“What are you doing here?” She sniffles, reaching up to wipe at her eyes again.
“You’ve been ignoring me sweetheart,” he shrugs back her, as if it’s the perfect response to her question.
As the term of endearment slips out of Chans mouth Y/N feels herself tense even further. It’s somethings that she usually loves coming out if his mouth, the pet names that he doesn’t even think of, they just happen, Chan’s always calling her something. They usually make her feel soft and warm inside. Right now, as the words slip past his lips they make her panic.
“‘Ve not been feeling too well,” was her mumbles response, she doesn’t want to give too much away to him. Doesn’t want to make him upset- she knows that as soon as she even mentions anything about being a little upset he’ll get upset, and she hates when he’s upset because of her.
“Could’ve called me love. You know I’ll always help you,”
Y/N squints up at him, “Your not even meant to be home for a few days,” she whisper, the fact that they were away was another benefit to her already fragile heart and another one of the reasons why she’s was currently- not now at least- ignoring and not talking to her boys, she knows that by the time he was due home she was going to be fine. She knows that she would’ve pulled herself together by then. She was planning on Chan absolutely never, ever seeing her like this.
Chan nods his head, shuffling his way closer to the sofa before he slowly lowering himself down next to her. He doesn’t touch her and for that she’s grateful.
“We finished a little early. You weren’t answering any of my or the boys texts so I came here as soon as I dropped my stuff at home.”
It’s now Y/N’s turn to stare at Chan. She doesn’t know what to say to him, he’s seen her cry before, she knows he had, she’s also seen him cry as well. But he’s always there when she first stars with the emotions or he’s there to comfort her when she’s done. He’s always the first person that she calls, the one she relies on. She’s never been the one to ignore him on purpose when she gets upset. And it’s because of this that Chan has no idea what’s going on with her.
“What’s going on love?” Chan whispers, shuffling closer to her on the couch.
Y/N shakes her head, tears burning back into her eyes at his question.
“Don’t call me that. Please Chan,” she croaks
“Talk to me then. Your scaring me lo-“ he cuts himself off before the pet name can creep its way out of his mouth.
Y/N reaches up and brushes at the few tears that have managed to escape, trying her best to get rid of the tears before they trail down her cheek. She doesn’t know how to talk to Chan about this, she doesn’t know what to say to him.
“I’m not- I’m. I don’t know what to say,” she stutters, moving her hands away from her face and putting them back down in her lap, gripping at the blankets sitting across her legs.
“You can start by telling me whats wrong, please.” Chan starts, moving his body so that he was more angles towards her, sitting so that he was almost completely facing her now.
“I, I- nothings wrong. My feelings are just a little confused right now. That’s all, it’s nothing Chan. I promise I’m fine,” she rambles, getting most of what she wanted to say out. She’s doesn’t want to come out and say that she’s completely and utterly in love with him. Completely and utterly in love with her best friend who she knows, obviously doesn’t feel the same about her. Chan doesn’t feel the same as her, that much she’s sure of. She doesn’t want to get her feelings hurt and her heart broken.
“It’s not nothing is it love. Your clearly upset over whoever or whatever this is so talk to me about it. Tell me what’s happening in that beautiful head of yours,” Chan chooses to ignore the sharp stab of jealousy that tugs at his heart at the mention of Y/N being in love with or having feelings for someone.
“Can’t. Don’t wanna talk about it,” she whispers, not even paying attention to, or really hearing the pet name again.
“Can you tell me who it is then?” He prompts, trying to get her to tell him what’s wrong.
Y/N shakes her head, she definitely doesn’t want Chan knowing that it’s him. Doesn’t want the words slipping out.
“Why not love, you know you can always talk to me. You know I’ll never judge you for anything.” He murmurs, moving his hand over to hers, gently resting it on top of her own hand against her blankets.
“I know. I know I always can Chan. Just not about this. Not about this one,” she sniffles.
Chan nods at her, he wants to know what’s wrong with her best friend. He wants to know exactly what’s wrong with her so he can at least try and help her fix it. He wants to fix it.
“You wanna watch a movie then? We don’t have to talk, okay? We can just watch something,” he asks, trying to help her calm down a little.
Y/N nods again, moving back into the sofa so that Chan can shift and sit more comfortably on the couch next to her, moving the blanket back she folds her legs closer to her, letting Chan slide under the the fabric as well, it so warm from the heat if her body.
“Something funny yeah?” Chan questions, picking up the remote from where it sits on the coffee table in front of the couch, right next to a stone cold cup of no doubt vanilla coffee. Scrolling through the list of films on their watchlist after clicking back off the film that she was watching.
“Maybe something, like- romantic? Or happy?” Y/N replies, wanting to watch something happy or somethings with a happy ending. Something that wasn’t going to make her cry. Potentially. Maybe.
Chan nods at her, “okay love, something happy it is,” and he continues to scroll through their list.
Chan stops at a film that piques his interest, stopping to look over at Y/N to see if she wants to watch it as well. She doesn’t even bother reading the snippet of information on the film, nodding her head automatically watching him click play. If Chan notices that she’s staring at him he doesn’t say anything. Letting her sit there, him facing the tv with the softest expression on his face.
As Chan clicks play on the movie, he snuggles closer to Y/N so that he’s pressed against her. Y/N leans against him, moving her head down so that it rests against his shoulder. Focusing on the opening credits of the film Y/N can feel her heart pounding away in her chest. It’s probably a movie that Chan’s already seen, he’s watched most of their films on their list- just to see if they’ll actually enjoy them. But he’ll always sit through them again, he’ll always watch them with her.
She spends about 10 minutes looking at the tv screen, pressed again Chan before she shuffles her body around, moving so that she was further away from Chan, pressed back against the arm of the sofa so that she can watch Chan as he watches the film. And that’s exactly what she does, she moves around, presses against the arm, her body still slightly pressed against Chan but her head moved so that she can angle it perfectly and watch him.
Chan doesn’t comment. Doesn’t say anything, he can feel her watching. He can always tell when somethings bugging her, he can always tell when she needs to talk. He wasn’t going to push or pry, he was going to sit and wait. Watch the movie playing away to itself, wait for her to relax and wait for her to talk.
It’s about 45 minutes into the film before Y/N even makes a noise. A small whimper slips past her lips before she can even stop it. Tears snaking back into her eyes as she stares at him, a few already dripping down and sliding across her cheeks. Chan snaps his head around, looking at her face. A sharp pain hitting his own heart at the look of pure sadness on her face.
“Oh love. What’s the matter,” Chan pleads, begging her to talk to him.
Y/N chokes on another sob, shaking her head as more tears work down her face.
“I’m scared,” she sobs. Her head shaking backwards and forwards as Chan attempts to sloth her. “Don’t want you to leave me,”
Chan is the one shaking his head now, an even bigger frown on his face, “I would never leave you Y/N. Never. Talk to me.”
“I’m so in love with you and it scares me so much,” she whispers, not looking up from her hands to meet Chans eyes as she finally lets it out. She can feel his body tense, can feel it as they’re pressed against each other. She knows that out of all of the things that could’ve been wrong with her, Chan definitely was not expecting this.
“You-you love me?” He stutters, his brain not fully comprehending the words she had just uttered.
Y/N knows that without a doubt there’s no way she can take back what she just said. There’s no way that now the words are out there, in the open, that they’re ever going back into her mouth, there’s also no was that she could even play off what she just said. And Chan definitely heard what she said, and it’s definitely not how she usually tells him he’s loved.
“I- I’m. Yes. Yeah I am,” she’s still looking down at her hands, whispering the words to her chipped nail polish. There’s no way on Gods Green earth that she’s looking at him anytime soon, there’s no way that she wants to see the look of rejection on his face.
“Look at me,” he murmurs to her, as if he’s reading her mind
Y/N shakes her head, silent tears still sliding down her cheeks.
“Look at me, please love,” he pleads.
Chan can tell that she’s being stubborn, he knows that she’s not going to move her head. He knows that as soon as those words wormed their way past her lips her eyes were going to stay rooted looking down at the blankets. So he makes the decision for them, moving so that he’s sitting even closer to her. His leg basically on top of hers at this point, he slowly lifts his hand, gently grasping her chin so he can force her to move her face and finally look at his.
“Say it again,” he whispers, eyes begging hers as they stare at each other.
Her eyes slip closed as he looks at her, shaking her head she try’s her hardest not to open her eyes and look back at Chan. If she did, she would’ve seen that he was looking at her with so much love, so much emotion that his gorgeous dark brown eyes are almost fully engulfed by black.
“Say it again so I can finally say it back,”
Y/N’s eyes snap open, looking straight at him. Finally looking at him for the first time since she’d let those little worlds slip out.
“I- what.”
Chan smiles down at her, softly dragging his thumb across her cheekbone to swipe away any left over tear tracks. “Say it again.”
“I-“ she stutters. Not really sure if she can manage them a second time. Not even sure if she’s heard Chan right. He’s got to be joking. This has to be a joke or something.
“I love you,” she whispers, moving her eyes down to look at his nose, not looking away but not looking him in the eyes anymore.
Chan laughs. Actually laughs. A small puff of air gently shifting and moving the hairs that have fallen out of her bun in her emotional half hour and are now resting on her forehead. Y/N can see that his lips are spread into a grin, can see that his dimples are beaming and that he’s no where near mad, not a single ounce of rejection on his face. He’s happy. So so happy.
“I’m in love with you too,”
Y/N’s eyes are locked back with his, her own filling with happy tears this time around. She sits and stares at him as his mouth spills the things she been dying to hear for as long as she can remember, she knows that he’s saying something, she can see his mouth moving as he rambles. But her brain isn’t fully comprehending the words.
“I love you. I’ve loved you for so long it’s crazy. I love everything about you. I love you hair, and the way that you hate having it down even for special occasions or when you absolutely have to. I love that you get fidgety when your bored and how you always have some form of book on you phone to read for those exact situations. I love how you always waste half a cup of coffee and how you always need at least three sugars in anything hot to drink. How you always make the silliest jokes that make Felix cackle and how I always steal them and tell the others,” he continues to ramble, the least few things have finally registered with Y/N’s brain and she laughs, her smile finally working its way onto her face for the first time in days.
“There she is. I love your smile,” Chan grins at her, the thumb that was still gently resting on her cheeks moves down to swipe at her bottom lip as she smiles at him.
Y/N can feel the blush as it spreads across her face. She also knows that she doesn’t care.
“I love you.” Chan repeats, “I love absolutely everything about you. My heart feels so full whenever I’m with you,” He whispers down at her, his beautiful smile still on his face.
Y/N feels her heart swell, she can feel herself falling in love with Chan all over again. Can feel every single happy or good emotion she’s ever had with Chan come rushing to the surface. She so full. So full of love for him. So in love with him.
“I know. Me too. I love you too,” she whispers back, the emotion thick in her voice.
“I’ve never loved anyone as much as I do right now. In this moment with you,” she states, her voice finally confident in those words as she knows that he loves her too. She knows that he’s not going anywhere.
“Yeah?” Chan grins, “you really love me?”
Y/N nods, her own hands coming up to grip at his wrists where his hands and still gently resting on her face. She rubs her thumb agains his own wrist, feeling the heat of his skin against her own she shivers.
“I really really love you Chan,” she smiles.
“I really really love you too,” he grins back. Bending his head down so that his forehead rests against yours he slides his hands down, resting them against the skin of her neck, your own hands still gripping his.
Chan stares down at her and she watches right back. Both of them not saying anything more, both sitting and basking in the glow of their finally- out in the open- shared feelings. Both absorbing the emotion and love that they know each other feels, and they’ve never been happier to sit in silence. They’ve never been happier as they are right now, with each other.
“Y/N…” Chan murmurs.
She hums, choosing not to say anything just continuing to stare at him.
“Can I kiss you?” He asks, his voice barely above a whisper. Just about loud enough for you to hear. But you do. You hear him. Once again she chooses not to answer with words, she shuffles her body around, moving her knees so that she’s sitting astride Chan. She moves closer, her head near his as she nods. Feeling a little desperate she wants break her silence and actually beg Chan to kiss her.
Chan bites his lip before he finally- finally- bends down and connects their lips together. It’s gentle. It’s sweet. It’s absolutely everything Y/N had ever wanted, it’s everything she’s ever wanted in another person. It’s everything she’s ever wanted with Chan.
It doesn’t last very long, neither of them having any experience in kissing the other. Neither of them really knowing how completely right and good the kiss was actually going to feel. But it does. It’s feels so good that Y/N moves to reconnect their lips as soon as Chan back away a little, moving her body up further she sits in his lap. Her arms come up and wrap around his neck, deepening the kiss Y/N can feel Chans tongue swipe at her bottom lip and she opens her mouth with a quite moan. Slowly moving her tongue with his, Y/N let’s herself relax against him, her body dropping down to sit in his lap fully.
Chan pulls away again, “I love you,” he repeats, both of their eyes are blown wide with love and lust. Completely and utterly lost in each other. And they’ve never been happier. So deeply in love with each other that the world around them doesn’t exist anymore. The film on the tv playing away to its self. Chans phone buzzing away in the table with messages from the boys asking if she was okay. It’s just them. Forever. Chan finally knows what’s wrong with her now, knows that all she needed was him. And all he needed was her. He knows how to fix it now. And he knows that he always will.
They’ve got each other now. Completely and utterly in love with the other. They both know this is it. They both know that their never going to love another person as much as they love each other right now in this moment. They’re completely wrapped up in each other. Nothing else matters. Nobody else matters except them. Always.