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Harry hated funerals. He didn’t understand the concept of them. Why did people cry over the loss of there love ones, when they could celebrate their life and the memories you have of them?
Nevertheless, Harry scanned the small turn out. Sad faces, glum faces, faces showing no emotion at all. He wondered what he looked like, whether he looked as sad as what he was feeling. He knew Louis wouldn’t want him to be sad. Lou is...was such a happy person, always willing to cheer you up. He didn’t have to do anything, all he had to do was be Louis, and that would be enough happiness to last Harry a lifetime. Harry then came to the realization that he took Louis for granted. He didn’t get the chance to cherish him the way he should’ve. Harry then wondered how everyone else was coping. He certainly wasn’t.
* * * *
To say that Lou’s eyes were blue was like saying that the sun was yellow, sufficient yet not accurate enough to capture the burning. Harry’s favourite feature about Lou was his eyelashes. His eyelashes, gosh his eyelashes are so wonderful. It was if God crafted each one by hand. Harry was convinced that he could sit and admire Lou all day. Every single feature about him mesmerized him and he didn’t think he would ever get used to that.
* * * *
It was time for the eulogies and to say Harry was nervous was a complete understatement. He took notice of how sweaty his palms were getting, so he wiped them on his trousers, hoping no one could notice. Harry’s heart was pounding so rapidly that he could hear the beating and wondered how no one else could. As he made his way up to the podium, he became aware of how shaky his breaths were becoming.
* * * *
It was days like these, when neither Lou nor Harry had any plans, this allowed them to just sit and enjoy each other’s company.
“What would you do if today was your last day?” Louis questioned Harry.
Harry pondered for a moment before responding; “I think I would, uh, maybe go bungee jumping and uh…probably just spend time with friends and family.”
Louis stared at him with a questioning look, hoping there was more to his response. “What else Harry? You have a whole twenty four hours mate.”
* * * *
One step. Two steps. Three steps. The entire church was silent and as Harry looked out into the audience. He could see that every pair of eyes were on him. With a big breath and dry mouth he looked down at his trembling hands that were grasping a page that now just seemed like a bunch of blurry words through his tear filled eyes.
* * * *
Louis stared at Harry as they lay on the couch trying to imagine the thoughts running through his mind.
“What are you thinking?” Lou queried Harry.
“How I don’t want to lose you” Harry looked down at his lap and started to contemplate whether he should’ve said that. “I'm sorry I didn’t mean-”
“Its fine Harry” Louis whispered with a reassuring smile. Minutes pass before Louis broke the silence.
“You know, I don’t really like funerals,” he admitted.
“Don’t speak like that Lou”, there was a quiet that filled the air, but words didn’t need to be spoken. Louis’ eyes began to become glossy, and Harry knew he was scared, even if he wouldn’t admit it.
“Promise me something?” Louis asked Harry.
“Anything”, he replied.
“Not to cry. Celebrate the time we shared together, all the memories and the laughs.”
* * * *
He wouldn’t cry. He can’t. He promised Louis he wouldn’t. Harry blinked away the tears before taking another shaky breath and began his eulogy.
“Louis was and still is, the greatest person I have ever known.” Harry started, “I made a promise to Louis, to celebrate the time that we shared together, because in reality funerals aren’t for the dead, they are for the living. Although it hurts to know that Louis will no longer be around to make us smile, we can make ourselves smile knowing that he lived a great life. We should smile because he died knowing he lived. He never failed to make us laugh, and we know we had the privilege to know him. Not everyone is fortunate enough to know the good of someone, and the bad. The ones who do get that opportunity don’t know this at the time. Now I realise how happy I am that he happened.” Swallowing the lump in his throat, he paused before finally saying,
“I have always believed that you cannot really define love, it just kind of happens.”