Archive of Our Own ^beta

The door to the Disciplinary Committee room weighed about a hundred tons that day.

“Mr. President…Hirano-senpai,” Miyano greeted uneasily as he walked in. Putting his things down on the desk felt like shedding his armor.

The two upperclassmen looked up from their work at the sound of his voice.

“Oh, there you are, Miyano!” Hanzawa beamed, trademark smile on his lips.

“Hey,” Hirano acknowledged before looking back down at the papers he was holding.

“What’s with the expression?” Hanzawa asked, smile growing wider as he rested his face on his palm. “Something troubling you?”

Miyano turned his head away, now conscious of the face he was making. “I...just wanted to let you know I won’t be able to come here much around the time of the cultural festival.”

“Oh?” Hanzawa pressed, head tilting left slightly. “Why is that?”

“Um...” Miyano began. “Our class is going to be putting on a play. And it won’t be for a while since there’s still some preparation to do and they’ve got to work on the screenplay, but…once all that’s done, I have to start staying back after school to rehearse.”

“You’re going to be in it then?” Hanzawa asked.

“I am. And I’m really sorry if it means more work for the Disciplinary Committee!” Miyano apologized, whipping his head up to look at them. “But just so you know, I didn’t volunteer. It was the rest of the class who voted for me to do it.”

“They must have a lot of faith in you!” Hanzawa remarked, getting up to take a look into the box next to him filled with lost and found items.

“I…suppose so,” Miyano acknowledged, pulling a chair back and taking a seat, if only because it was getting awkward to stand. Though the simple act of sitting made him quite fidgety. There was so much running through his mind that being at rest somehow felt wrong.

“Is it going to be an original play?” Hanzawa asked as he pulled items out of the box and inspected them.

“Um, no...it’s…” Miyano replied, the answer stuck behind his tongue, eager to stay down but he knew he had to say it. “...Romeo and Juliet.”

Hanzawa paused, almost dropping a stuffed bear. “R…Romeo and Juliet?” he exclaimed. “At an all-boys’ school? Well, that’s sure to garner an audience.”

Which was exactly the whole point. Karasubara and the rest of the class wanted to guarantee they’d be more popular than Class A in the cultural festival. They’d been taunted by the other class and it got on their nerves, lighting a fire to come up with something great. Something larger scale like a play would definitely do the job, they decided. Especially one like Romeo and Juliet. Miyano couldn’t disagree with the strategy. After all, if it were another class putting on a play like this, he would absolutely be first in line to see it.

“So, which role are you going to play?” Hanzawa asked.

Miyano went quiet.

“Don’t tell me you’re…” Hanzawa trailed off, eyebrows disappearing even further up his bangs. His eyes widened, a rare sight for anyone. “...Juliet?!”

“That’s…right,” Miyano confirmed. The idea of sliding down and disappearing under the table was looking pretty tempting.

“Oh dear,” Hanzawa expressed, hiding his mouth behind his hand. His tone along with the look on his face suggested the situation was much more serious than Miyano thought. He wondered why that was.

“Playing one of the lead roles is going to be a lot to handle. Think you’re prepared for it?” Hanzawa challenged, lightening up from his initial shock.

“...Not in the slightest,” Miyano admitted.

“Well, not to worry. That’s what practice is for!” Hanzawa remarked with encouragement. “But since you’re playing a woman, won’t you need to wear a dress? I thought you hated crossdressing.”

“I do, but…” Miyano started. He shifted in his seat. “My classmates are all counting on me, and they said they’d do their best to help me out, so...if it’s just this once, then I guess it’s fine.”

“You’ve changed your mind about it,” Hanzawa concluded. He smiled wider, and slyly, he asked, “Anyone in particular that spurred on this change of heart? Perhaps you’ve fallen in love?”

Miyano paused. “L-love— no! That’s not it!” he stammered, face going beet red.

And it wasn’t.

He just wasn’t as hung up on his feminine face as before.

The thought of having to get onstage in a dress was nerve-wracking, but he surely wasn’t going to be the only one who had to do it. There were bound to be other guys who were going to have to as well since there were other female roles aside from Juliet. Kuresawa volunteering as his understudy in case he ever really wanted to bow out helped him feel a lot more at ease about it too.

Though what encouraged him to be less sensitive about his face in the first place was…

The memory of what Sasaki had told him flashed in his mind.

‘Maybe you’ll get taller than me, and maybe you’ll lose all of your looks, but even so…’

Miyano froze up, embarrassed at the sudden thought. He ducked his head behind his hands in an attempt to scrub it away.

“You okay?” Hirano asked, looking up from his work.

“I-I’m fine!” Miyano choked.

“So,” Hanzawa pressed on as Miyano recovered from his flustered state. “If you’re playing Juliet, then who’s Romeo?”

Miyano lifted his head. “It’s Tashiro.”

“T-Ta—?!” Hanzawa attempted before he cut himself off, resting his forehead on his hand. His face was obscured from view, but his shoulders shook as he laughed.

A deeply unsettling laugh, Miyano noted.

Besides crossdressing, that was another part of this whole situation he was anxious about. Having to stand on a stage, potentially— no, definitely— in front of at least a few fujoshis from other schools who wanted to see two guys do something out of a BL. Perhaps one of the reasons it scared him so much is because he knew how he’d react if he got to see a show like that. It’d no doubt be in his mind for days, and he’d fantasize about the scenario of two guys having to act as lovers in a play, with one of them crossdressing, too. It had a lot of potential for a great plot indeed and he was sure any fujoshis in the crowd would think the same. But the thought of his face being what appeared in their fantasies was so much to handle. Just thinking of it had him mortified.

And what’s more, they might start speculating about whether he was like that or not. He wondered briefly if he could put out a disclaimer beforehand, maybe pass out fliers at the entrance that said no, just because he was playing this character, it didn’t mean he was like that.

Although...he supposed he couldn’t say that with confidence just yet. Not while he was still thinking over certain things involving a certain someone who’d confessed to him in the summer.

“Please tell me,” Hanzawa pleaded through his laughter. “Just how did your class land on Tashiro-kun?!”

“He was really loud about his support of me playing Juliet since he always teases me about my feminine face. So the class rep said that since Tashiro was so insistent, he should play Romeo. He didn’t want to, of course,” Miyano recounted. “But he accepted it eventually since the class rep said it would probably make me feel better if a friend were playing him.”

“Right, right, I see,” Hanzawa said as his chuckles subsided. “I can’t wait to watch this play!”

“Well...our class would appreciate it if you supported us, so...thanks,” Miyano responded, even though the thought of someone he looked up to seeing him make a fool of himself wasn’t exactly pleasant.

“I’ll make time to come too,” Hirano added.

Aaaaand another one. Miyano thought he might just die of embarrassment the day of. To be fair, however, Hanzawa and Hirano didn’t seem to be teasing him about his role at all. They seemed to only want to support him. That was something he could be grateful for, he supposed.

“I’ll help however I can,” Hanzawa promised. “I’ll try to see if I can bring over any dresses that your class can use.”

“You own dresses, Mr. President?” Miyano pried, suddenly interested.

“Hey now, it’s not what you think! They’re my sister’s!” Hanzawa clarified. “She’s an Otaku, and she collects a lot of...interesting clothing. If she has anything that’d be appropriate, I’m sure she’d gladly lend them if I asked. She has a massive trove of makeup as well, so she’ll probably have tons we’ll be able to use.”

Judging by what Hanzawa had said about her, his sister was likely a cosplayer, Miyano noted. It was always nice to know of other otakus.

“Ah...thank you, Senpai.”

“No problem! Let me know if there’s anything else you guys need.”

“Sure!”

Admittedly, Miyano was a little taken aback by how eager Hanzawa was to help. Though something in his gut told him he wasn’t just doing it because he wanted to support his Kouhai.

“Well!” Hanzawa exclaimed, clasping his hands together. “I have to go. I have a meeting with the table tennis club. One of you will have to lock up after you’re done.”

It was impossible not to notice the excitable way the President announced he was off to his other club. No doubt he was going to bring up and tease Tashiro about the play once he got there.

“Alright,” Hirano replied. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Mr. President!” Miyano called out as Hanzawa made his way out of the Disciplinary Committee room.

Once the doors closed, there were only two of them left in the room alone.

Miyano reached into his bag and pulled out his pen. He leant over and took a notebook from the other side of the desk; he was going to use it to log the lost items they’d retrieved. He came here to get work done, not whine and complain about his life, after all.

“So, are you nervous about the play?” Hirano asked, bringing the topic up again.

And, well, Miyano supposed he could go and whine a little more.

“...Very,” he admitted, deflating onto the desk. “I don’t know the first thing about acting. I’ve been in a play in middle school, but it was a minor role, and I didn’t have many lines. Playing a lead role is completely different.”

“If you really didn’t wanna do it, you should’ve dug your heels in with the same vigor you summon to annoy me about my dorm life and turned them down,” Hirano suggested.

“But...this and that are two different matters,” Miyano murmured.

“What? How the hell is it any different?” Hirano barked. “Anyways, don’t worry too much. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time to practice.”

Miyano straightened up the stack of papers he was checking through. “It’s pretty scary but...I’ll do my best.”

Hirano chuckled in amusement. “Ha! How brave of you.”

Brave…?

Miyano supposed it was.

He and Hirano continued their work in silence for a while, until the door to the Disciplinary Committee room rattled open once again.

“Myaa-chan!”

A familiar voice came from the doorway and Miyano looked up.

“Sasaki-senpai?”

“You guys are still here?” Sasaki said as he approached the two of them, sliding the door closed behind him.

“Obviously,” Hirano quipped, turning over the paper in his hand.

“What brings you here, Senpai?” Miyano asked, peering up at him.

“I was gonna see if you wanted to walk home with me,” Sasaki answered.

“Ah...I…” Miyano hesitated. “I would, but...I don’t think I can go until later.”

He wanted to do as much as possible for the Disciplinary Committee before he had to put a hold on his duties. It was the least he could do for having to be gone for so long.

“It’s okay, I’ll wait!” Sasaki chirped, pulling up a chair next to Miyano and taking a seat.

“Are you sure?” Miyano asked. “Wouldn’t you rather just go home?”

“Nope,” Sasaki said, leaning back on the chair with an easy smile. “I can wait.”

Miyano’s heart skipped a beat, and a shiver of liquid heat rose. He wondered if it was staining his cheeks, or if Sasaki could tell. He hoped not.

The conversation was as mundane as it got. They were only talking about Sasaki waiting for him to be ready to go home. And yet...it reminded Miyano he was keeping him waiting for something else. The answer to his confession.

Miyano was really taking the time to figure out what exactly it was he felt about him. He was more than aware of just how long he’d been thinking it over. Months now. But despite that, Sasaki waited patiently for him. He wasn’t sure what answer he was going to get. He had no clue if his feelings would ever be returned after all the waiting he’d done. But still, he waited.

Miyano held Sasaki’s heart in his hands and he knew it. It was precisely why he wanted to consider it so carefully.

“Miyano,” Hirano called his attention, breaking him out of his stupor.

Miyano looked up across the table. “...Yes?”

“You can go home. I’ll take care of that,” Hirano said.

“Huh?” Miyano blinked. “Hirano-senpai—”

“I said I’ll take care of it, alright?” Hirano insisted. “Now, go.”

“But—”

“Go.”

“Ah...a-alright, then. Thank you very much,” Miyano replied, still a little hesitant to comply but ultimately, it seemed like Hirano wouldn’t budge on this one. He set his work down onto the desk and got up, gathering his things into his bag. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Hirano-senpai. And thanks again,” he said before making his way out, Sasaki following after him.

“Yeah,” Hirano said back. “See you.”

The two of them left the room, Sasaki closing the door behind them, and they headed off down the hall.

“Senpai,” Miyano said. “Is there a reason you wanted to walk home together? Did you want to talk about the manga you borrowed?”

“I’m not done with it yet,” Sasaki answered, the corners of his mouth turned up gently. “I just wanted to spend time with the person I’m in love with.”

The sneak attack speared straight through Miyano’s heart, nearly stopping it.

His whole face heated up as he whispered loudly, “We’re at school!”

Sasaki laughed without a care in the world.

Now a few days into practice, Class 2-B positively buzzed with activity in a way Miyano had never seen before. It was kind of amazing to see everyone so focused on doing their part.

After school, they’d push all the chairs and desks to the sides of the room to leave space in the middle for everyone to work. Majority of the room would be taken over by students working on props, backgrounds and set pieces. Meanwhile, off to a corner were a few guys in charge of audio and lighting. They mostly sat hunched over a copy of the script, annotating as well as sharing headphones plugged into someone’s phone.

Near one of the entrances to the classroom was the lookout. Curious eyes would sometimes peek from outside, passersby from other classes looking in and wondering what in the world Class 2-B was so busy with. The lookout’s job was to immediately shoo away anyone from Class A caught peeping in. They were the ones their class wanted to impress the most, after all. It was best to keep as much as they could under wraps so that the taste of their defeat would be even sweeter on the day of the festival.

The front of the classroom was designated for rehearsals.

Karasubara, who was directing the whole production, would take his place seated across from the actors, much like a king watching his jesters. Once the script had been finalized, all of the supporting roles were cast. They now had a complete lineup of actors aside from just Romeo and Juliet, which were the only two they had decided on back when they first talked about doing a play. During rehearsal, actors who weren’t in the scene being practiced would usually just pull up chairs and watch.

Just as Miyano thought, acting certainly wasn’t easy.

There were lots to remember, like where he was supposed to stand, what gestures he was supposed to be making, and on top of that, of course, his lines. There wasn’t yet a huge expectation to memorize them since rehearsal wasn’t very far along. However, there was extra pressure on the leads to do so since they had quite a bit more lines than the supporting roles. Thankfully, he had a pretty good memory so even as early as now, he’d been doing well in that respect and it came relatively easy to him.

Though what he had been having a hard time with was…

“Oi, Miyano!” Karasubara yelled, pointing a finger at him. “At least try to put some feeling into it! This scene’s supposed to be romantic, damnit!”

Miyano clutched at his copy of the script. “I-I’m sorry! It’s just...embarrassing.”

They were doing their first read through of the famous balcony scene, just to get a feel for it. And it was going about the same as how every other scene they’d worked on thus far. That was, to say, not so well. This one was considerably worse, however.

“Try to pretend we’re not here,” Kuresawa advised from his spot next to Karasubara.

Kuresawa had been acting as the unofficial co-director. They had something like a good cop-bad cop dynamic when it came to directing. It did make them a pretty good team, Miyano had to hand it to them. But they weren’t exactly the problem here.

Miyano gritted his teeth. “I’ll...try.”

“And Tashiro, be serious, will you?!” Karasubara demanded as he turned to the other boy, smacking the desk with a rolled up copy of the script, reminiscent of a man whipping a horse.

“I’m sorry!” Tashiro cried out. “But how do you expect me to take this seriously?! I have no idea how you guys aren’t finding it so ridiculous that this Romeo guy talks like such an old man!”

Miyano couldn’t help but chuckle. “Yeah, it does sound pretty funny. But it’s probably only cause it’s you delivering the lines.”

“See?!” Tashiro exclaimed as if to prove a point, completely ignoring the fact that Miyano was faulting him and not the lines themselves.

“That’s just how people speak in Shakespeare’s plays. You’re just gonna have to get over it,” Kuresawa answered.

“Alright, enough!” Karasubara bellowed out and clapped his hands together, the noise cutting through the ongoing discussion. “Let’s do this again. Balcony scene, from the top! This time, let’s minimize looking at the script when you can.”

Tashiro groaned upon hearing the last bit of instruction. Composing himself, he got up off the floor and took his position to the far left of Miyano.

Miyano took a breath. “Oh, Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore art thou, Romeo?”

He was powerless to stop himself from cringing at his own delivery. Awkward and flat. A disappointed sigh came from Karasubara’s direction.

“That...angel-like...voice…” Tashiro managed, struggling to stifle his own laughter. Miyano could see the director glaring from the corner of his eye, and he was pretty sure Tashiro noticed as well since he straightened up and snapped his mouth shut.

“But why are you here?” Miyano continued, and Tashiro took it as his cue to move closer to Miyano. This was where he’d climb up to Juliet’s balcony, which the class was still working on making. “The wall is so high, it must have been hard to scale.”

“I shall leap over…” Tashiro stopped suddenly. “Over...the…” He gave up, pulling up his copy and reading. “I shall leap over any high wall...with my wings! Of love!”

“R-Romeo…” Miyano stuttered and he could see Kuresawa putting his head in his hands.

“Julie— h-hey, wait a minute!” Tashiro cut himself off and turned to Karasubara. “This says I have to kiss him!”

“What?!” Miyano cried. His eyes scanned over to read ahead, and sure enough, printed there was a simple ‘Romeo kisses Juliet.’ Brown eyes went wide in horror. He had no idea how he could’ve possibly missed that bit when he skimmed over the script. “No! No way! Impossible! There’s no way I’m doing that!”

“Hey, calm down, you two,” Karasubara urged, raising his palms in front of him in defense. “You won’t actually have to do it.”

“I wouldn’t have agreed to it even if you asked, you know!” Miyano exclaimed.

“But I am going to need you to make it look like you did,” Karasubara declared. “It’s Romeo and Juliet, after all. There has to be a kiss!”

“Eh? How are we going to do that?” Tashiro asked.

“I saw this trick online,” Karasubara recalled. “Romeo, can you put your hand on his cheek?”

Tashiro tilted his head to the side. “What, like this?” he asked, bringing his right hand up to Miyano’s cheek.

“H-hey, your hand’s wet!” Miyano complained in disgust, pulling away from him.

“Oh, sorry. They get sweaty pretty easily,” Tashiro apologized, wiping his hands on his pants.

“Let’s…go with something else,” Miyano grimaced as he wiped the sweat on his cheek with the collar of his shirt. He definitely didn’t want Tashiro getting palm sweat on his face during the actual performance.

“If you’re turned away from the audience, they won’t be able to tell,” Kuresawa said, leaning back on the chair and pointing to them like he was positioning them on a chessboard. “Tashiro can pull Miyano in and turn him around. That way, his back will be to the audience and they won’t be able to see what’s really going on. It should be enough.”

“Pull…him?” Tashiro repeated. He took Miyano’s wrist and yanked him forward ungracefully, almost causing the other man to stumble. “Like that?”

”…This is why you don’t have a girlfriend,” Kuresawa uttered under his breath. He sighed and got up from his seat, heading over to the two of them. “Put your hand behind him like this,” he began, a puppeteer at this point as he took hold of Tashiro’s wrist and placed it on Miyano’s back. “You can pull him closer— gently— and turn around this way.” Kuresawa moved them so the audience could only see Tashiro’s back, his body blocking most of Miyano from view.

“Oh, I get it,” Tashiro said.

“Are you okay with all of this, Miyano?” Kuresawa asked.

Though he felt a bit awkward in the position, it wasn’t anything too bad, so he nodded. “Yeah.”

“Don’t you think it’d be more believable if Tashiro leaned in a little after turning him?” Karasubara suggested. “It just looks like a hug from where I’m sitting.”

“Ah. Right,” Kuresawa agreed.

“And another thing. At the start of the scene, you guys looked way too awkward just standing there. You’re supposed to be in love!” Karasubara asserted. “Romeo, could you grab his hand at some point?”

“Roger!”

“Great!” the director exclaimed. “Places, places! Start from Romeo at the balcony!”

Kuresawa left the actors behind and sat back down as Tashiro and Miyano moved to their correct spots, awaiting the starting signal.

“Action!”

“But why are you here?” Miyano said, not any better from the last time, but it looked like their audience was letting it slide for now. “The wall is so high, it must have been hard to scale.”

Tashiro took Miyano’s hand. “I shall leap over any high wall with my wings of love!”

“Romeo…”

“Juliet,” Tashiro said, putting his free hand on the other’s back and pulling him in close—

Miyano froze.

Behind Tashiro, he caught a glimpse of the doorway.

Standing in it was someone tall, posture slouching just a little, with warm fiery hair. And hey, he knew someone like that. But it couldn’t be him. Sasaki was cheerful, and smiled a lot, sugary sweet with a bright aura Miyano had grown very accustomed to. So the person standing there with a face like the world was ending couldn’t be him. It just couldn’t. But it was.

Sasaki’s panicked eyes looked over to him, and then to Tashiro, then to the few seated watching, as if he were trying to process information quickly so he could get out as soon as possible. And get out soon he did, wordlessly ripping his gaze away and walking briskly down the hall.

Miyano was consumed by a single thought: go after him.

He pulled away from Tashiro’s grip.

“Sorry, I— I have to do something!” Miyano blurted out hastily before darting straight out of the door.

“Eh?! Where are you going?!” Tashiro called out.

“Let’s give him a minute,” Kuresawa advised.

Once he made it out, he looked down the hallway and caught sight of Sasaki turning the corner to the stairwell. “Senpai!” he called out, jogging to catch up. And he definitely heard him but didn’t stop, and instead kept going.

But Miyano caught up eventually, grabbing Sasaki’s wrist when he finally managed to reach him. “Senpai, wait!”

Sasaki stopped. He turned to Miyano, his face saturated in that same expression. One that Miyano had never seen before, but never wanted to see again.

“Ah...I…that, um...” Miyano felt the words drop out of his mouth clumsily. “What you just saw was...we were practicing for a play we’re putting on for the festival.”

Given the situation he found him in, Miyano could guess why Sasaki was so upset. A surge of guilt raced through him, twisting his insides around like a meat hook. Even though they weren’t dating, he was waiting for an answer from him. So, he felt it was just right to give him an explanation.

“I...see…” Sasaki replied, slow and tense. Uncharacteristic. “What kind of play is it?”

“It’s, ah...Romeo and Juliet,” Miyano answered.

“...And you’re...playing Juliet?” Sasaki deduced. He didn’t have to ask. He already knew.

“Well,” Miyano started nervously, feeling embarrassed. “My classmates asked me to. And they’ve been really good at helping me during rehearsals, so…”

“So you’ll do it even though you don’t want to, just because they asked to?” Sasaki said. His lips were set in a hard line, steely eyes squinted slightly.

Miyano’s eyes went wide. “...Wh-what?”

Upon hearing Miyano’s voice, Sasaki’s face changed, eyes going round. “Ah! Uh, wait, my bad. I’m...I’m sorry. That came out wrong. I sounded like a jerk. Sorry...please forget I said that.”

Well, he did have a point, Miyano thought. But hearing him speak like that was quite a shock. It wasn’t that he sounded like a jerk. He didn’t. But it sure did startle Miyano, hearing him speak in that tone. Then again, Sasaki would use the same sort of voice when speaking to Ogasawara or Hirano.

And then, it clicked.

Was Sasaki...changing how he spoke to him? But why?

He recalled something Sasaki had told him a while back.

‘You’re supposed to treat the person you like with care, you know?’

He stared at Sasaki, berry tones staining his cheeks. The puzzle piece fit into the slot.

Because he loved him.

“Miyano,” Sasaki uttered.

“Y-yes?”

“I’m...about to say something that seems unfair.”

“...Huh?”

“If I asked you to drop out of the role...would you?” Sasaki asked solemnly. The question hung uncomfortably between them before he turned away, embarrassed at himself. “Wait, nevermind...I—”

“Ah- um—” Miyano cut off, knowing Sasaki was about to take it back, but not letting him. There was no way he’d allow him to keep something like that inside without it getting addressed properly. It mattered what Sasaki thought. But this was all so quick, and he was drawing a blank on how to handle it. “W-we made the decision as a class, and I accepted...so...well…”

All of his classmates were taking time after school, working hard on preparations every day with the thought that Miyano was going to do his part. They were all counting on him, and even Hanzawa, with his endlessly busy schedule, promised to contribute and support him. And even though Kuresawa volunteered to be his understudy, he would still feel awful dumping the role onto him out of nowhere.

Miyano knew he should put the class first. He knew it’d be better for everyone if he went through with it. But he was torn.

“I think...I can try to discuss it with them,” Miyano decided. “I’ll go ask Kuresawa what he thi—”

He walked past Sasaki to make his way back to the classroom, but he felt a hand grab his own. Gentle but firm. He almost didn’t notice the butterfly wings tickling at the inside of his heart.

Miyano tilted his head up to see Sasaki who was facing away from him. “Senpai?” he called out. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Eventually, Sasaki turned towards him.

He wasn’t quite sure how to describe the expression he was making, but seeing it made his knees feel so weak he thought he might collapse. But he didn’t, because before he knew it, Sasaki was putting a steady hand on his back and pulling him in close, burying his face in his shoulder. And Miyano loved him.

Miyano loved him.

Miyano...loved him.

As his arm thoughtlessly reached up to wrap around Sasaki, he blinked.

He...was in love with…

Sasaki pulled back slightly, his head hanging, curtains of hair covering his face. He lifted his head up slightly, passionate eyes hooded and peeking from between orange strands. His gaze was on Miyano, under his eyes, below his nose…at his lips? Round, brown eyes peered up curiously. What was he going to…

“Miyano?”

He heard Kuresawa’s voice call out from a distance down the hallway, voice bouncing off the walls. They broke apart immediately, just in time before he appeared at the top of the stairwell.

“Sasaki-senpai,” Kuresawa greeted upon catching sight of him, unfazed that he’d found them together. He must have seen Sasaki before he ran off.

Sasaki stared up at him. “Ah…Kuresawa-kun.”

Kuresawa turned to Miyano. “Miyano, they wanted me to get you,” he said.

“R-right, I’m sorry. I’ll be right there,” Miyano replied, acutely aware of the heat that still pooled in his cheeks.

“It’s okay. We’ll wait for you,” Kuresawa replied. He turned and disappeared back down the hall, leaving Miyano alone with Sasaki once more.

“Hey, about what I just said...” Sasaki started but then paused, as if he were still trying to select his next words. Carefully, he continued. “...I was half-kidding. So don’t worry about it too much, okay?”

Miyano stared up at him. “You...were just kidding?”

Sasaki didn’t reply, but brought a hand up to Miyano’s cheek. His thumb glided over the skin slowly and feather-light, like he was holding something important.

“You should probably go back now,” Sasaki breathed out, almost as if he didn’t want to say it. Hesitantly, he drew his hand away from Miyano’s cheek.

“...Yeah,” Miyano replied quietly.

Sasaki adjusted his bag higher up on his shoulder. “I’ve got to head home. See you tomorrow.”

“...S-see you tomorrow, Senpai,” Miyano stuttered.

He could still feel the warmth of Sasaki’s hand on his cheek long after he’d left.

It went without saying that Miyano had a lot of trouble focusing on rehearsing after he got back. Why wouldn’t he? Every corner of his mind was filled with Sasaki.

They tried to practice the ‘kiss’ scene again, but all he could think about was the way Sasaki pulled him in the same way just moments ago. A hand on his back and another curled around his. But the difference was that he didn’t feel any sort of way about it during practice. Compared to when it was Sasaki, and Miyano had an overwhelming urge to hold him in his arms. Such an urge that his body acted before the signal could get to his head. And even now, he wanted…he wanted…

God, he felt like he was going to explode.

Was this what it was like to be in love with someone?

If this was the same type of love Sasaki had for him and they started dating, then they’d kiss…but why was he getting ahead of himself?! He hadn’t even given him an answer yet! They weren’t dating! Thinking about kissing him was…was that what Sasaki was going to do before Kuresawa interrupted?! Miyano hid his face in his hands, cheeks set aflame.

“I think we should end early today,” Kuresawa suggested after their Juliet had spaced out yet again.

“Yeah. This is going nowhere,” Karasubara agreed, sighing. He put on his director voice, “Good work, everyone…kind of. We can cut practice right here. Miyano, I don’t know what’s wrong, but—”

Kuresawa raised a hand up to his chest. “I’ll talk to him.”

Karasubara sighed. “...Right.”

Kuresawa stood up and made his way to Miyano. He put a hand on his shoulder in hopes it would make him present in this reality again. “Let’s walk home together.”

“Hm?” Miyano said blankly. “A-alright.”

They collected their things and waved goodbye to Tashiro, who had rushed off and wanted to take advantage of the early out to go to the bathhouse he worked part-time at. Apparently, he hadn’t been able to go at all these past few days since they started practicing.

As they made their way out into the hallway, silence stretched out between the two of them. Autopilot led Miyano’s feet as they walked, so disconnected from his own body that it wasn’t until they were climbing down the stairs that he blinked back into himself, his thoughts finally matching where he was physically. Which was here, the exact stairwell Sasaki had hugged him on, and touched a hand to his cheek. And what exactly did he mean by that anyway? What was that for?

Sasaki’s voice echoed in his head.

‘Would you drop out of it?’

Miyano made a strangled noise in the back of his throat, cheeks stinging pink. He wanted to consider what Sasaki was telling him, but it just felt so wrong to quit. And here he was again, making Sasaki wait and wait on a decision from him. He was so indecisive. About this and about the answer to his confession as well.

Absentmindedly, his hand reached up to his face, touching where Sasaki had.

“Miyano,” Kuresawa said. “What’s wrong? Do you have a cavity?”

“No,” Miyano replied, putting his hand down.

“You’ve been touching your face a lot since you got back to the classroom,” Kuresawa observed. When he was met with no reply, he continued. “Why were you so distracted?”

Miyano’s face shuttered. “Um...Kuresawa. If your girlfriend asked you to quit something you were in the middle of doing...what would you do?”

“...Ah,” Kuresawa replied knowingly. Between the sudden question and Miyano acting weird after talking with Sasaki, he was pretty sure he could deduce what this was all about. “Well...if it were something like, say, the class play, then...I’d want to know why she asked that of me first.”

Miyano lifted his head up to face him. “You...wouldn’t just quit immediately?”

“If it were best for her, of course I would,” Kuresawa answered. “But if you quit just because Sasaki-senpai asked on a whim, and then regret it later, I’m sure he’d feel bad about it.” Kuresawa’s eyes widened, realizing what he had just said. “Ah, no— I mean my girlfriend. I meant if it were me and my girlfriend, of course.”

Miyano paid no mind to the slip-up, deep in thought instead.

It was true that Sasaki would likely feel bad about it. He’d never known Sasaki to be a selfish person. Not since they’d first met, not any time after that. He knew that the things that were important to him were important to Sasaki too. And right now, taking responsibility for this role was important to him.

But he wasn’t hesitating on pushing through just because Sasaki asked him not to take part in it. He was also afraid if he didn’t drop out, that things between the two of them might get awkward. And he simply hated the thought of not being able to talk and laugh with Sasaki like normal. The possibility absolutely frightened him. Because Miyano loved talking to him. He loved spending time with him. He loved…

What he felt for Sasaki…was it love? He was so terrified of making things uncomfortable between them.

But Sasaki had taken a risk like this as well, back when he’d told Miyano he was in love with him. Confessing to someone would always come with the risk of things getting awkward. The risk of ruining a friendship. Sasaki might even have been feeling as scared as he was now at the time. But he went through with it regardless. He could still recall that day and how smoothly and easily the words glided out of his mouth. No stuttering, not a hint of hesitation. Sasaki was so brave. Miyano wished he could be like him.

“Hey,” Kuresawa said, bringing his friend back down to Earth. “Whatever it is you’re going through…I know you’ll make the right choice. So, do your best at practice tomorrow, okay?”

Miyano managed a response. “Yeah. Okay.”

He managed to catch Sasaki as they were moving classrooms the day after.

“Sasaki-senpai!” Miyano called out, making him stop in his tracks and look up at him from the landing.

“Myaa-chan.”

Miyano threw a glance back at Kuresawa, who he’d been walking down the hall with on the way back to class. “You can go ahead.”

“Right,” Kuresawa replied, going on his way.

Miyano turned back to Sasaki. “Um, I had something I wanted to speak to you about.”

“What’s up?” Sasaki asked, eyes following Miyano as he padded down the steps.

“About the play…” Miyano started, nervousness nibbling at the edges of his confidence.

“Oh…” Sasaki responded carefully. “Yeah?”

“I know you asked me if I’d consider not doing it…” Miyano pushed on, eyes cast down. “But I…don’t think I can do that.”

Sasaki looked at him. Looked at the anxious tremble in his hand as he clutched his notebook.

He…had actually thought about it.

How could Sasaki be mad?

“...Okay,” he responded with a small smile.

Miyano’s head snapped up. “If I said I wanted to take part, that wouldn’t be accurate. But…” He lowered his gaze to the floor again. “Before…you said you liked parts of me other than my face. I used to not like my own features, and worried that if I dressed like a girl, I’d be even more concerned about my looks. I used to always hate the idea of cross-dressing, even more having to take the role of a girl in a play. But, well, there’s other guys in class who have to do it too so it’s not like I’ll be alone. And everyone has been really respectful about what I’m okay with doing! The whole class has been working really hard together. I committed to it, so I just…want to see it through.”

Gray eyes stared, utterly stunned.

Miyano was doing this…because of him?

The idea that his words had affected Miyano this much just…made him so happy. Miyano made him so happy.

And Sasaki was at a loss because he didn’t really say much. He could go on some more. So much more. Simply saying he loved everything about him was putting it incredibly mildly. He would take his own heart and dump its contents out to drown Miyano in all of the reasons he loved him. And maybe that would be enough to flush away any part of him that was ever insecure about himself. Miyano should never be insecure. He was Sasaki’s sun.

“Okay,” he beamed softly. “Do your best.”

“Eh?” Miyano said, lifting his head.

“And thank you for letting me know how you feel,” Sasaki added, with a warm smile that reached his eyes and shaped them into crescents. “I’ll be cheering you on in the play, then.”

Miyano’s eyes sparkled and he smiled, pure and dazzling. Sasaki thought he might have fallen in love all over again. It really wasn’t fair, compacting all the beauty from here to beyond the stars into a single person.

“Thanks!” Miyano exclaimed.

Sasaki’s heart soared.

“How’s practice been?” he asked.

“Well, we haven’t been practicing long so it’s been a little rocky on my end but…I’ll definitely work on it!” Miyano answered, enthused. “Oh! And today, Hanzawa-senpai came by at lunch to have me and a few others fit some dresses. But Tashiro walked in and thought there were a bunch of girls in the room and tried to hit on one of our classmates! Everyone was laughing at him, but…I was trying so hard not to imagine it as BL!”

Sasaki chuckled. “Sounds like you guys are having fun!”

“Yeah, it has been kind of fun,” Miyano agreed. “I’ve got to get going now, Senpai. Sorry to have kept you.”

“It’s fine, I’ll see you later,” Sasaki said, turning to make his way down.

“Oh!” Miyano exclaimed, making Sasaki stop in his tracks. “Senpai! I know it’s still a while until then but I’ll be really busy and I might forget, so I wanted to ask…will you have any free time during the cultural festival?”

“Ahh…our class hasn’t decided on shifts yet, so I’m not sure when,” Sasaki answered.

“If we both have free time at the same time, would you like to walk around together?” Miyano asked.

“Huh? Yeah, definitely!” Sasaki answered, elated but at the same time, surprised at the sudden request. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah! Alright, I’ll see you later.” Miyano said.

Sasaki stared on as Miyano hopped up to get back to his classroom. He brought a hand to his lips, pushing down the stupid grin on his face and ignoring the noise his heart was making behind his ribs.

His feet took him down the rest of the stairs until he noticed a shock of blond hair at the base of the steps.

“Ah,” Sasaki said. “You heard that?”

Hirano rubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly, his face scrunched up. “You making plans for a date? Yeah.”

“Well, we aren’t going out,” Sasaki clarified. “But yeah, I guess it’s a date.”

“Huh?!” Hirano exclaimed.

How long did Miyano spend yesterday thinking about what he said?

Sasaki had obviously made an attempt, albeit a very poor one, to cover up his feelings about Miyano’s role in the play. The conversation could have ended there. Miyano could have just chosen to take it as a joke, like Sasaki had wanted him to. He could have saved himself the hassle of confronting him. But he was much too kind for that. Too kind, too good of a person. The love of Sasaki’s life. And probably the next one too.

“Wait, didn’t you confess to him before summer break?” Hirano asked as they walked along the corridor.

“Yeah. I’m still waiting on his answer,” Sasaki responded.

“Still?!” Hirano exclaimed in disbelief, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Geez, if he’s gonna make you wait that long, he may as well just reject you and get it over with.”

“I can wait,” Sasaki replied, not missing a beat. “If it means he’s thinking about me, then I can wait however long it takes.”

Hirano stared unblinkingly. Then, he ducked his chin and lowered his gaze, scrubbing at the back of his neck. “‘However long’? You’re crazy, idiot,” he said, shoving Sasaki lightly on the shoulder.

“Oww,” Sasaki cried halfheartedly.

“You’re going to watch that play then?” Hirano asked. “I was planning on going too.”

“Yeah,” Sasaki replied. “Have they said when they were going to assign shifts for the cafe?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Hirano tried to recall. “But make sure to ask Miyano if they have a set time for the play yet so we know which shifts to pick.”

“Right,” Sasaki noted to himself. “Oh, and about today’s career plan meeting…”

“Huh?”

“Do I have to go?”

Hirano scowled. “Dumbass.”

"Shirahama," Karasubara groaned. "Just lose already.”

Shirahama let out a deflated sigh and crouched down, sword clattering to the floor. His silver hair fell in front of his face, obstructing his eyes. "I'm going to look so lame.”

Quite a lot of time had passed since their first day of preparation. All of the props and set pieces were pretty much done and all that was left to do was to practice the actual performance some more. The festival was right around the corner and as expected, they’d all made tremendous progress from where they started. Which was why it was so frustrating to see Shirahama act this way now.

"It's part of your role,” Karasubara said, exasperated.

“There's going to be girls watching and I have to die,” Shirahama continued lamenting.

"Romeo has to kill Tybalt, it's part of the story!" Karasubara insisted. "Come on, you didn't have a problem with it before, so what gives?!"

"It only hit me now," Shirahama answered, deflating even further.

Tashiro stepped forward. "If you want to be Romeo, you can totally take the part.”

"It's way too late for that!" Karasubara barked.

"You know,” Miyano spoke up. "The girls watching might just sympathize with your character instead.”

Shirahama’s deadpan face lifted up. “But Tybalt’s a total jerk.”

“A lot of girls like villains,” Miyano pointed out. Though if he was being completely honest, it probably wouldn’t apply in this case. The character in question was relatively uninteresting, in Miyano’s opinion. If anything, it was going to be Shirahama’s looks that might catch the eye of any girls in the crowd. He seemed the type to be popular that way.

Shirahama sighed. “Well…I guess so,” he conceded. He leant over and grabbed his sword, getting up and rolling his shoulders with renewed vigor. “That's good enough for me.”

"Romeo vs. Tybalt, from the top!" Karasubara yelled out. As the two took their places, he clasped a friendly hand on Miyano’s shoulder. Relieved, he breathed out, "What would I do without you?"

Miyano chuckled. “Don’t mention it.”

He’d been having a blast helping out with directing in between his own scenes. Whenever BL manga or novels he’d read would get adapted into movies, he often had ideas of how he’d want certain scenes to be executed. After having read the whole script and not just his own scenes, he found himself inspired to provide input as well.

“Tybalt,” Tashiro started the scene. He took on a strong stance, chin tilted up and shoulders pulled back as he drew his sword to point at his opponent. “Mercutio is dead and…” he tried. You could practically see the gears in his head turning. “Mercutio is dead! And…and I…”

Karasubara sighed. “‘And one of us will go with him,’” he reminded.

“Mercutio is dead and one of us will go with him!” Tashiro exclaimed, finally finishing his line.

“It will be you!” Shirahama said, raising his voice and his sword.

Their swords clanged together as they swung them around at each other, with Shirahama taking steps back to make it clear he was no match. His grip loosened, just as planned, so that Romeo could strike against his sword and he could be rendered unarmed. But once Tashiro delivered the blow, the sword flew out of his hand and through the window, presumably landing on the grounds outside of the building.

Shirahama sighed as he watched it happen. “I’ll get that.”

"Shirahama, could you keep your back straight next time?" Miyano asked. "If you slouch during the fight, it comes off like your character’s not trying very hard."

"Oh, sorry," Shirahama apologized, now conscious of his posture and straightening out his back. "Tashiro's just too short."

"Hey!" Tashiro took offense.

"Good call, Miyano,” Karasubara praised. “Besides that, great work, Shirahama. We can end practice for today and pick back up with that scene tomorrow. Everyone else—thanks for your hard work! Tashiro, please remember your lines. We’ve poured hours upon hours into practice now, I can’t believe you don’t have it all down yet!”

“To be fair, he does only slip up every now and then,” Kuresawa pointed out. “He knows his stuff for the most part.”

“Thanks, Kuresawa!” Tashiro grinned.

“And…Miyano,” Karasubara addressed, the tone of his voice turning a little tighter. “It’s great that you know all your lines and some of your delivery has improved.”

“...Thanks,” Miyano replied. But he knew what was coming. It didn’t take a genius.

“But…your scenes with Romeo— well…I don’t need to tell you, do I?”

“You’re still stiff,” Kuresawa pointed out anyway, piling more salt on the wound.

“Yeah,” Miyano sighed, hanging his head. “I know.”

He’d always found it difficult to do any of the scenes with Romeo. He did just fine in all the others but otherwise, he tensed up. It had consistently been an issue he couldn’t seem to shake.

“We only have a week left until the festival,” Karasubara reminded. Miyano knew he was being scolded, but in the nicest way possible. Since he was already pretty hard on himself, he appreciated it. “You have that much time to get it together.”

Miyano felt a pang of guilt. “I’ll do my best.”

“I suggest you and Tashiro spend some extra time today to work on the scenes you have together. Make sure you have it down, or at least improve by tomorrow,” Karasubara pressed. “It’s a romance, you know? Those scenes are important.”

Miyano bowed his head in understanding. “Of course.”

Tashiro did a little salute. “We’ll do our best!”

As the rest of the actors prepared to leave, Miyano headed to the corner of the room he usually kept his bag in. He picked it up, hung it over his shoulder, and once he had all he needed, he headed off to approach the person he had to spend the next few hours with.

“Hey, Tashiro,” Miyano said. “Are you okay with practicing at my house?”

“Your house? Sure,” Tashiro answered.

Sheepishly, Miyano rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m really sorry you have to do this. I’ll do my best to improve quickly so you don’t have to spend too much time with me.”

“It’s no big deal. I’ll need to call my parents, but I’m sure they’ll be fine with me staying out a little late,” Tashiro assured with a boyish smile. “We can take as long as you need. I’ll help you!”

Miyano felt the tension in his bones ease a little. As much as he teased him a lot, Tashiro really was a great friend. “Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

Tashiro grinned. “Don’t mention it,” he said. “Let’s go!”

With that, they went on their way.

“Wow,” Tashiro marveled, wide eyed as he knelt down to get a better look at the bookshelves. “Is this all your manga? There’s so much of it!”

“I-it’s not that much!” Miyano insisted, setting his bag down at his desk.

After introducing Tashiro to his mother who was sitting in the living room when they came in, they headed straight to Miyano’s room. He was admittedly a little nervous to let anyone in since he hadn’t had a friend over since middle school. Add that to the fact that he hadn’t foreseen anyone coming over today which meant his room was going to be in its rawest state, BL manga on display and all. This marked the first time any friend of his had seen his collection in all its glory.

“A-anyway,” Miyano quickly carried on. “We should start practicing. I have a lot to work on.”

“Right!” Tashiro replied, turning his attention away from the manga and reaching for his schoolbag. “Let me take out my script.”

“You know, you really should know all your lines by now,” Miyano commented.

“My memory isn’t great, okay?!” Tashiro groaned, fishing out the slightly crumpled up bunch of papers. “Besides, you should know how to say your lines properly by now but you don’t!”

“I-it’s not that easy!” Miyano argued back weakly.

“And it’s not easy memorizing lines either!” Tashiro pouted.

“I just…don’t understand how you do it,” Miyano admitted, bed creaking softly as he took a seat.

It wasn’t like he had no idea why it was so difficult for him. It was quite the opposite, actually. He knew exactly why. Every time he’d try to be more expressive, he’d feel awkward, becoming all too aware of how much it seemed like he was imitating BL manga he’d read or BL movies he’d watched. He’d go to say his line, but it was like his soul would jump out of his body and look at himself— the expression he wanted to make, the way he wanted to deliver his line, all while looking at another guy— it just felt too much like he was in a BL.

He wanted to give a good performance, he really did. It was inspiring to see everyone else go all in, so he wanted to do his best too. But BL was where he got all of his ideas. Unfortunately, it was also the very thing hindering him from doing well.

“Well…I just act how I would if it were me. Isn’t that what actors usually do?” Tashiro answered easily through the sound of him flipping through the pages of the script. “It also helps that you look like a girl.”

“Shut it!” he hissed.

Tashiro laughed. And then, tone lowering into a more sincere one, “But…you’re right. It can be tough. It’s been a long time since I’ve had feelings for anyone, so it’s definitely not easy for me to remember what it’s like.”

Miyano's face softened. He couldn’t remember a time he’d ever seen his friend this serious.

“But that’s my advice!” Tashiro concluded, a small smile on his face. “Just imagine how you’d react if you were in the scene. Haven’t you ever been in love?”

Miyano froze.

All this time, he was so caught up in BL that a method this simple was news to him.

Channeling his...own feelings?

If he really was in love with Sasaki...could he use that to try and do better?

How would he act if he and Sasaki weren’t allowed to see each other? If they were being kept apart and only had a few moments together? He supposed that was something he could only express in the moment. The strings in his heart thrummed, a hummingbird preparing to take flight.

“Miyano, you ready?” Tashiro asked, script in hand.

“...Yeah. I’m ready.”

It shouldn’t be a sad thing, falling in love with someone.

In fact, the past year Sasaki had spent in love had been the happiest of his life. Some days, his cheeks would hurt from smiling because they weren’t used to doing it so often. Though it hadn’t always been easy, of course. There was the constant ache of not being able to touch the person he loved whenever he wanted. And it hurt to wake up from beautiful dreams just to find out that they weren’t real. But Sasaki could accept the pain, because at least he felt. At least it reminded him there were things in his life worth enduring it over.

He remembered what his life was like before he met Miyano. Day after day, living with TV static in his head. Numb. Boring. He didn’t care about anything. There was nothing to be happy about, nothing to be hurt over. He would choose pain— anything— over coming back to that. And what he was about to experience might just be the best demonstration of that pain.

But even so, Sasaki was going to be mature today.

Currently, he sat in the midst of a crowd. The dim stage many rows ahead seemed bigger than it actually was due to the large curtains covering it. Dread trickled into the bottom of his belly like sand in an hourglass as more people piled into empty seats. Everyone else looked excited. Aloof. Calm. They reminded him of how he should be feeling. They reminded him that he was going to be mature today.

He didn’t like the idea of it at all. The idea of Miyano going up there to play someone else’s lover, in front of a crowd who most likely went for the novelty of seeing two guys starring in a romance. Though Sasaki knew he couldn’t exactly knock them for that. Had it been different, Miyano would have been ecstatic to see something like this, and he would have gone with him to see it. All he could hope for was that there weren’t any creeps in the audience.

But to say he disliked the thought of Miyano doing this for purely selfless reasons was simply untrue as well. It was going to hurt watching the person he loved get all close with someone else. He couldn’t scrub away the image of what he’d walked in on that day. Sasaki hadn’t even recovered, and there was probably going to be more of it as he watched the show. Just the thought of it had him itching to get up, find Miyano and take him far away from here.

But why the hell was he even thinking like this? He promised he’d cheer him on. He was such a tool.

“Hey. You feeling sick? Need some gum?” Hirano asked from next to him. They both ended up bagging shifts that ended right before the play started, which meant Hirano was able to come as well. Whether it was a good or bad thing, Sasaki wasn’t so sure.

“No, I’m okay,” he answered back, head turning the other way. It was best to hide just how uneasy he was. Hirano didn’t need to know.

Hirano rolled his eyes. “Just don’t throw up on me.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Just then, the lights went dim, and the large crimson curtains shielding the stage parted slowly. The chatter from the crowd grew louder, a hundred bees hovering at his ears.

Maybe he did need that gum after all.

The figures onstage were obscure and shadowy until the stage lights finally flicked on, revealing the scene before them. The background set up had a large image of what looked to be village streets. There were a couple of cardboard trees and bushes as well. This first scene seemed to consist of a few people from Miyano’s class he recognized only because he hung around their classroom so often.

Miyano himself, however, was nowhere to be seen so far, which was why Sasaki could sit back and simply enjoy the show for a while. He admittedly stilled when Tashiro had entered the scene, though he was mainly surprised at his performance. He was used to him being cheerful and smiley, so to see him act so serious for the role was a bit of a shock.

The stage soon faded into darkness, and he could hear shuffling about as they changed the scenery and actors retreated backstage.

The next time the stage lit up, Miyano was standing on it.

Sasaki’s heart leapt to his throat.

He moved across the wooden floor, the fabric of his ruby dress flowing behind him. Light bounced off of the silky material, making it shimmer like deep red wine. Gold trimming hugged into his waist and looped around his chest, giving the illusion of a softer figure. It ran up across his shoulders and down puffy sleeves that stopped at his elbow, where cream colored lace billowed out. Atop his head was a long, dark chocolate wig that fell in waves down the middle of his torso. There were small braids looped around the sides of his head that met neatly in the back. Even from where he was sitting, Sasaki could tell his face was painted in makeup. He could barely see the mole under his eye anymore.

He didn’t look like himself.

Of course, Sasaki expected as much. He was playing a woman, after all. But actually seeing it was a shock. It was weird to see him look so different from how he usually did.

Hirano chuckled quietly next to him. “He’s not doing half bad,” he commented on Miyano’s performance.

“Huh?” Sasaki blinked, shaken out of his thoughts. “Ah…yeah.”

Once he was past the initial shock of seeing Miyano look that way, he was able to notice just how nervous he seemed up there. But as the scene went on, he grew more and more sure of himself, able to deliver his lines properly without wavering.

Sasaki soon found himself smiling fondly.

Miyano really was amazing.

He looked like he was having fun, too. Completely competent and confident in every line, every move. Anyone could tell there was a lot of care, effort and thought into his performance. And he knew Miyano had been working hard. He could only imagine how amazing it must feel to finally show everyone your efforts.

Miyano’s voice projected through the room as Juliet agreed to attend a party, and Sasaki’s shoulders felt lighter. Despite his qualms about coming to see this play, he loved watching Miyano enjoy himself.

The next scene arranged itself, this time looking festive. It appeared that the mentioned party was starting. Romeo, donned in a different outfit, and another person were off to one side of the stage. Meanwhile, Miyano stood by himself farther away from them.

“Who’s that girl over there?” Romeo asked the other man.

“I don’t know, Sir,” came the reply.

“She’s beautiful! A dazzling jewel illuminating the dark night sky!” Romeo marveled. “I don’t believe what I’m seeing.” He lifted his mask, eyes still fixated on Juliet.

The spotlight pointed at her turned off. It now shone instead onto a character named Tybalt, if Sasaki remembered correctly, who was walking by. He was played by a tall guy with gray hair who Sasaki was sure he’d seen in the court during the occasional basketball game Hirano would drag him into.

“That boy over there,” Tybalt spoke to himself, looking right at Romeo. “That boy is a Montague! Why, he’s making a mockery of our festivities! I shall put an end to this quickly. I must get my rapier—”

Another character stepped out from the shadows, stopping him. “Take it easy my boy, let him be. That is young Romeo, well known in Verona for his good manners. He is not doing any harm, so I ask you to ignore him.”

“But Uncle, he is a Montague. I won’t take it!”

“Do not cross me, boy. You will not disrupt my party!”

Darkness doused the two of them, the light swiveling over to Miyano again. But the two bright spots soon joined together as Romeo made his way to Juliet. He reached out and took the other’s hand. Miyano’s fingers curled around it.

Spiders appeared in Sasaki’s belly, their little legs running sickeningly along the lining of his stomach.

In a panic, he ripped his gaze away and to the floor beneath his own feet. An ugly feeling shot up like lightning from the tips of his toes to the top of his head, nearly knocking him over.

But even though he’d torn his eyes away, the image was burned into his mind every time he blinked. He could still see it, the same way you could still see light behind your eyelids after looking at the sun. The image of someone else taking Miyano’s hand, and Miyano letting him. And Sasaki knew he was being stupid feeling this way. It was on the script, of course he had to let him. This was a play. He shouldn’t have been so taken aback when he walked into this place already knowing he’d be seeing Miyano do this kind of thing.

But still…

Still.

“Oi, Sasaki,” Hirano called out, just loud enough to be heard. “What’s wrong? You’re sick after all, aren’t you?”

“...No,” Sasaki managed, trying his best to sound convincing.

Hirano’s brows furrowed. Voice still hushed, he said, “Cut the crap, alright? If you don’t feel well, I can take you to—”

“I’m fine.”

Hirano’s face remained skeptical, but eased up somewhat. Giving up, he muttered, “...Fine. Suit yourself.”

Sasaki stared at his shoes.

There was no reason for him to act this way when they weren’t even dating. And what’s more, Miyano was just playing a character. It wasn’t like he wanted to do that, it was just something he had to do for the role. Yet no matter how much Sasaki drilled it into his own head, the tightness in his chest wouldn’t go away.

How was Miyano feeling right now? Nervous? Embarrassed? Regretful?

Miyano wasn’t one to regret something he’d set his mind on doing. He was headstrong, the type to follow through because he said he would. Whether it be this play, or answering Sasaki’s confession. It was one of the many things he admired about him. He wanted to be like Miyano, who bravely threw himself into situations that scared him, all because he cared so much about others. Sasaki promised to support him, and that’s exactly what he was going to do. Because what kind of man would he be if he couldn’t even hold up a promise he made to the person he loved?

He lifted his head up and looked at the stage.

Romeo and Juliet remained, hands still joined together.

The pain had become a persistent sting at the bottom of his stomach. It was unceasingly present, but he could live with it. He’d try. It was just something he had to get used to.

For a while, the two of them made conversation. The dialogue seemed a little too familiar for two people who had supposedly just met, flirting and even holding hands as if they were already together. But if Sasaki thought back to it, he’d acted the same way when he and Miyano had just begun talking. He used to hug him in the morning when he’d see him, up until he’d asked him to stop. But there was only so long Sasaki could go without hugging Miyano. He finally broke that day on the stairwell, overcome with just how much he loved him. And Miyano only stood in shock, understandably. Though he hadn’t asked him to stop either.

His train of thought was broken when part of his view of the stage was blocked. There was a guy a few rows ahead who’d stood up suddenly. The guy put his hands around his mouth and shouted.

“KISS HIM!”

He and a couple of his friends laughed. One of them half-heartedly attempted to urge the heckler down by pulling at his shirt. He’d earned some scattered chuckles from a few patches of the crowd and took his seat as it died down.

Sasaki looked at Miyano, who’d gone quiet. He was frozen in his spot, with a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. He was visibly flustered, embarrassed blush barely peeking through his skin. But Sasaki could tell. He’d seen him blush enough times to be able to tell, even underneath the makeup. Thankfully, Miyano recovered quickly soon after, getting back to his line smoothly after the stumble.

Sasaki, however, was not so quick to get over it.

His eyes were dark as he burned holes into the back of the now seated heckler. White hot rage pushed him to get up, to go over there and—

“Hey,” Hirano said, putting a hand in front of his chest to stop him. “Calm down. They were just being stupid.”

Sasaki, too angry to say anything back, kept his jaw shut.

He didn’t know. He didn’t even know what he’d do if he went over there. Yell at them? Cause a scene? Miyano wouldn’t like that.

But the fact that he couldn’t do anything only got him more frustrated. He’d always been one to act on his emotions. The cycle of feeling, of wanting to do something, but stopping to use his head and hold back— he was no stranger to it. Especially not during the past year he’d been in love with Miyano. It was a battle every day to want to touch him but hold back. Always hold back. But this was different. He was being sat down and shown things that hurt him, that angered him. He was being sat down and could do only that— sit. He was being wrung like a wet washcloth and there wasn’t much in him left to give.

He took steady breaths, and calmed his tired heart.

Soon, the stage lights turned off and the bustle of the set changing could be heard once more, shoes tapping across the wooden floor. It was taking a fair while more than usual. But once the lights came back on, the set was adorned with a large cardboard tower with vines stuck onto it. To the right of the large set piece, the top of Romeo’s head could be seen as he hid behind a cluster of bushes.

Two actors fled hurriedly into the audience’s view, stopping right in front of Romeo’s hiding spot.

“Did you hear a noise?” one asked.

“How outrageous, sneaking around the noble Capulets’!” the other cried.

The two continued to prowl across the set, peering left and right, searching for their target. Once they’d made their exit, Miyano popped up from behind the balcony. And Sasaki had just enough knowledge of Romeo and Juliet to know exactly what this scene was.

“Oh, Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo?” Miyano’s voice rang out.

Sasaki heard the crowd around them buzz. That seemed to get everyone excited.

“That angel-like voice,” Tashiro climbed out from behind the cardboard bush and looked up at Miyano. He made his way up the ladder hidden on the side of the tower.

“But why are you here? The wall is so high, it must have been hard to scale,” Miyano said, clutching a hand to his chest as he watched Tashiro take his mark next to him on the balcony.

“I shall leap over any high wall with my wings of love,” Tashiro replied confidently, taking a step closer to the other.

“Oh, Romeo!” Miyano cried, stepping closer.

“Juliet!” Romeo said back. He wrapped an arm around Miyano’s back, pulled him closer and turned their bodies, his back facing the crowd. It was clearly meant to be seen as a kiss.

The crowd erupted into cheers and hollers. Sasaki gripped the edge of his seat.

The two of them soon went back to their original position, side by side. Tashiro let go of Miyano, and they stepped back.

“But Romeo, if they see you, they’ll kill you!” Miyano exclaimed fearfully.

“I’m invincible to them so long as you promise your love to me, Juliet.”

Miyano smiled. “I’ve pledged my love to you already before you asked me to. Yet, I wish I could take it back,” he said playfully, the way lovers tease each other.

“You would take it back? Why would you do that, my love?”

“Only to be generous and give it to you once more,” Miyano answered, taking both of Romeo’s hands gently and raising them up to level in between their chests. “My generosity to you is as limitless as the sea, and my love is as deep. The more love I give you, the more I have. Both loves are infinite.”

It was funny, Sasaki thought, in an incredibly unfunny way. He felt that exact same way about Miyano. It was a little surreal hearing him say those words, and deliver them like that.

In fact, seeing Miyano act like this was surreal. The soft but sure way he breathed out character into Juliet. His gentle gestures and the careful way he spoke, just as you would with someone you loved. Sasaki knew that more than anyone. Miyano’s acting felt believable. As if he knew love.

But…did that mean Miyano had been in love like this before? Was that the reason he could play this part so well? Had he ever looked at anyone this way? Ever spoken to someone like they were his whole world?

…Was it that girl?

It had never fully sunken in that Miyano once had the same feelings Sasaki had for him, but for someone else. And frankly, there was no way he could continue to hold himself together if he thought about it any more. The thing inhabiting his stomach was tying itself into painful knots. He cut off the thought quickly, and tried to ground himself. Tried to focus on what Miyano had promised him instead.

His promise to Sasaki that he would think about him.

While it was comforting to know he had a chance to be Miyano’s present (and future, if he managed not to screw anything up), he couldn’t help but wish to have been his first, too.

He wished they’d met when they were both much younger. When they were little things who barely knew anything about the world. And together, they could’ve known nothing but each other. They’d learn about life, hand in small hand, and fall off of bikes together, laugh together, and maybe Sasaki’s house wouldn’t have felt so empty. Maybe he would have grown to be a better person. He wished he could’ve loved Miyano at every stage of his life. Because he would have. Little Sasaki would’ve loved Miyano with his whole, lonely heart.

And he wished Miyano would’ve felt the same in return. That they could’ve lived the true love he never used to believe in. Full of life. Happy.

If Sasaki had it his way, it would be like this. He would be Miyano’s one and only, his only ever.

It was selfish to want someone all to himself. And it should be enough that Miyano was even considering him. He took in a shuddery breath.

He couldn’t wait to grow up. To grow up into someone cool-headed, who won’t be so needy and childish. Someone who wouldn’t drag the both of them down. He couldn’t wait.

But Sasaki had failed to be mature today.

“I can’t believe we pulled that off!” Karasubara jeered.

Backstage was brimming with life after the curtain call. Some of their classmates were scattered about, destroying parts of the set they’d built like kids knocking over their own sandcastles. Others had started leaving after they’d done their part to help out, ecstatic to finally be able to go out and enjoy the festival. Hanzawa had swung by briefly to collect the costumes he’d lent, congratulating them on a job well done. The actors were now slipping into more comfortable clothing to spend the rest of the day in. The tight string tied around them all had finally loosened.

“You’ve said that three times now,” Tashiro complained as he changed into a simple white shirt. “Did you have no faith in us?!”

“It’s not that! I just didn’t expect it to go so well!” Karasubara claimed. “I half expected some kind of catastrophe to come and ruin everything.”

“I’m really sorry for freezing up because of that heckler,” Miyano apologized, hanging his head. “It really caught me off guard.”

“Don’t be. You handled it just fine,” Karasubara reassured. “You should be proud of yourself, Miyano! You improved the most out of everyone from when we started!”

“Thanks,” Miyano said, smiling. He went back to rummaging through his bag to look for his shirt. ”But I think we should give everyone else credit too! The set and the props turned out great, and besides Shirahama skipping five lines ahead, none of the actors really messed up. Not even Tashiro!”

“I’m so sorry,” Shirahama said, burying his face in his hands.

“Watching that almost gave me a heart attack, you know!” Karasubara barked and Miyano could absolutely attest to that as someone who was backstage during the incident. He briefly wondered whether they needed to start fanning him or get him some water until Kuresawa assured him their director was just being dramatic.

“It’s not a big deal,” Kuresawa commented. “They made it work.”

“You mean I made it work,” one of their classmates, Shirahama’s scene partner at the time, chimed in.

“Fine, fine,” Karasubara conceded. “I’m proud of all of you.”

“What’s up with that tone?!” Tashiro exclaimed.

Miyano chuckled, the rest of his classmates’ banter fading into the background as he slipped his shirt on and shrugged his button down over it. He grabbed one of the makeup wipes that Hanzawa’s sister had kindly provided and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He dragged the cold, damp wipe across his cheek and watched the makeup leave behind his bare skin.

It really was a strange feeling to have such a huge weight lifted off of his shoulders now that it was all over. He’d gotten used to constantly worrying. When he looked back at what it took to get to this moment, he almost couldn’t believe he did it. It was pretty fulfilling to know just how much he was capable of. He couldn’t ever see himself doing it again, but he’d learned a lot and gained more confidence in himself, that was for sure.

By no means was his performance perfect. There were times, particularly around his first scene, when he was certain he’d let slip how nervous he was. Acting in front of the class was one thing, but doing so in front of a whole crowd was another. He could remember standing backstage in between scenes and imagining how he’d looked to the audience. He peered behind the wall at all the people who came to watch, conscious of any girls whispering to each other and worried that maybe they were talking about him.

But when he had to be onstage, the worries seemed to mostly melt away.

He instead was set on doing his best to make sure all of his and his classmates’ efforts were worth it. He kept in mind all of the direction that had been given to him, but most of all took in Tashiro’s advice. Everything seemed to go smoothly after he’d applied it, and it definitely started showing during their last practices before the big day. As a result, he’d spent almost all of his time onstage thinking of Sasaki. Because apparently, it did the trick to help him perfectly play the part of a person in love. But what did that say about him?

“Miyano,” Kuresawa called out. “A few of us are going to Class A’s booth. You coming?”

Miyano looked around and was surprised to see everyone else had already left. “Huh? Why are you guys supporting Class A?”

“They’re selling cheesy chicken! Who wouldn’t want to try it?!” Tashiro exclaimed.

“That, and Karasubara wanted to gloat in front of the guys who had to stay back and couldn’t watch,” Kuresawa added, eyes behind his glasses unmoving from his phone as he texted his girlfriend. “So, are you coming?”

“Ah— I’ll catch up,” Miyano replied. He had plans with Sasaki after the play, but he supposed he could ask if they could both swing by Class A. Tashiro did have a point, few people could resist cheesy chicken. “This eye makeup is a bit of a pain to remove and my hair’s still a mess.”

“See you later then,” Kuresawa said, making his way out.

“See ya!” Tashiro exclaimed.

Soon, no one was left in the room but Miyano. Brown, painted eyes looked back at themselves through the mirror.

He took a clean, new makeup wipe, the old one now dirtied in beige and pink and shimmer. Pressing it against his eyelid, he wiped up and away so as to not get anything in his eyes. He pulled and wiggled it down the length of his lashes to scrub the mascara off. Once he’d rid himself of all the makeup, he moved onto the mess on his head. The locks of his hair were arranged oddly due to the wig that laid atop it for quite a while. He combed his fingers through, trying to regain the volume it usually had.

He worked at his appearance, stripping Juliet off until all he saw in the mirror was Miyano Yoshikazu.

He quite liked it this way.

This was good enough to go out in, he thought. After checking that all of his belongings were stowed away safely in his bag, he zipped it up and lifted it over his shoulder. He stopped to consider getting his phone out to call Hirano. He didn’t have a clue where Sasaki was and sort of assumed he’d come backstage to pick him up. Hirano had probably watched the show with him and would have an idea of his whereabouts.

But before he could pull out his phone, he heard the soft creak of a door opening.

“Myaa-chan,” came a familiar voice.

“Sasaki-senpai?” Miyano said, looking up. “Have you been waiting for me this whole time? Sorry if I took long.”

“Ah…no,” Sasaki said lowly, stepping further into the room and shutting the door behind him. “I went to the bathroom. I ran into Kuresawa-kun and Tashiro-kun on the way back and they said you were still here.”

“I see,” Miyano replied. “Well, I’m done now so we can get going. By the way, Senpai, can we stop by Class 2-A’s booth? I told my classmates I’d—”

The next thing he felt was sturdy arms wrapped loosely around him.

Miyano stood stunned and unmoving. Sasaki’s head fell softly to rest on his left shoulder. Warm breath tickled where his neck met his jaw, where the cold makeup remover was just settling in. It didn’t take long to register what this was.

“I-I’m…sorry,” Sasaki expressed, barely able to force out more than a whisper. The words were broken and honest, like he believed he was doing something awful. A criminal pleading guilty. The sound traveled up to Miyano’s ear, hitting him with a wave of emotion that left his heart raw. “Just…let me stay like this for a little bit.”

Sasaki felt like a fire wrapped around him. But not in a warm, pleasant way. More like a house fire. A house with its charred wooden frame struggling to stay whole. A house wrapped in thick smoke cornering all things living in it. Sasaki was living in it. Miyano picked up a hose.

He reached up and placed small fingertips in between strands of bright hair. His palm laid flat atop Sasaki’s head and moved along it slowly and gently, like he was soothing a small, scared animal.

Sasaki’s face heated up, at a loss at the gesture. He couldn’t even begin to remember the last time he was touched so gently, or the last time he’d ever felt so small.

But he didn’t want Miyano to see him like this. Pathetic and desperate for any form of comfort— any at all— from the one person he wanted to be the strongest for. Miyano was so kind to have indulged him once already, the last time he’d taken him into his arms. Sasaki had been jealous before too, which was ridiculous because nothing had changed between them since. Miyano wasn’t his then, and Miyano wasn’t his now.

Miyano wasn’t his. Now, if only he could get his heart to understand that.

If only he could get his body to understand that Miyano wasn’t his to nuzzle into, or to hold closer. No matter how much his arms wanted to press the smaller body against his. His muscles pulled back at his aching bones that swore they belonged together. But whether they did belong together was for Miyano to decide. So, he stayed put, pushing against the magnetic force that this distance brought him, that being around Miyano always brought him. He didn’t want to scare him off.

Instead, Sasaki did what he’d been doing most of his life and kept his guard up.

He closed his eyes and pictured himself, older and graying in the winter, safe and warm indoors. There were pictures hung on the wall of two people who cared so much about each other. In the living room, the couch cushions were cozy and worn-in, and he and Miyano were losing themselves in each others’ embrace. He breathed in contently, and Miyano smelled just like him. Slender fingers weaved through his hair making him melt the same way they were now. Sasaki was telling him he loved him, and Miyano was saying he knew. That he knew, and he loved him too. That he loved him the most.

Because if he couldn’t be the first, then he would love to be the most.

“Just a little longer,” Miyano promised in a low, soft voice. Small puffs of air that left his lips caressed the shell of Sasaki’s ear. “My answer…I won’t be much longer. I just…worry that if I tell you right now, I’ll blurt it out unthinkingly.”

Sasaki stilled. His eyes opened. This was real now.

Did that mean…?

His heart pounded in his chest. Slowly, he let himself relax some more, pulling Miyano in a little closer, burying himself in his shoulder a little more. Caving in and giving himself a little break. But just how much was he allowed to touch him?

Sasaki thought of his dream world, where he grew old alongside the love of his life. And he thought of his life now.

He was happy there.

And he was happy here, too.

He could have been miserable in a million different versions of his life. But this was the one he got. One that had Miyano in it. One where he had a chance to be loved by someone so wonderful.

He could not be more grateful.

“...Of course,” Sasaki breathed out, steadying himself. “I’ll wait.”

It was worth it.

“I’ll wait.”

Miyano stayed, and didn’t pull away. He was beginning to learn that he loved when Sasaki leant on him. He wanted to take him into his arms back then and now, he came to him, vulnerable and needy and Miyano wanted to take care of him. Was this the same kind of love Sasaki felt for him?

He’d always been conscious of his girlish features. But now, because of him, he didn’t mind them as much anymore. And he wasn’t just happy about Sasaki depending on him. He wasn’t just happy they shared the same hobby. That wasn’t it. That wasn’t all there was.

And then came the realization: he’d never felt this way before. Not about anyone, not even close. Not at all.

But if this was being in love with someone, should he not have already had these feelings before? He used to like a girl, after all. She was nice, and he had fun talking to her. He was in love with her. He was. Right?

It was sounding stranger in his head the more he thought about it. Like something he simply took as fact. Something he didn’t need to think about because of course he was.

Much like the commonly known fact that gum takes seven years for your body to digest. It was something Miyano just knew. He had no idea where or who he’d heard it from, and it almost seemed like information he was born knowing, but he knew it was a fact. That was, until he found out from a science class that it wasn’t actually true. In reality, it could pass through your digestive system without causing any harm. And it had him wondering why he ever even believed it without question, without any proper knowledge on it.

This reminded him of that.

No matter how hard he tried, he could never recall any other time his heart fluttered like this, nor the dizzying desire to hold, nor wanting to keep someone by his side so badly it hurt. It was all new to him, and it was precisely why it was so overwhelming.

As he continued to stroke Sasaki’s hair, something at the pit of his stomach nagged at him. He knew it was a bad idea to comfort him like this and possibly give him false hope. And it was a bad idea to tell him like this when he wasn’t a hundred percent sure of his feelings. Because Miyano didn’t want to hurt him. Sasaki wasn’t someone he could just ‘try’ with. He didn’t want to find out one day that what he felt wasn’t the same. It would be irresponsible of him to tell Sasaki without being confident he wouldn’t hurt him.

The arms around Miyano’s waist loosened, and Sasaki’s head raised up from where it rested comfortably on his shoulder. The sun-colored strands of hair that warmed his fingers slipped away from his grasp. Just for a second, his hand reached out on its own. Why did he suddenly feel so cold?

“Are you okay?” Sasaki asked. “I’m sorry about that.”

“H-huh?” Miyano managed, disoriented by the sudden distance between them. The drifting feeling of standing up too quickly after waking up. “Yeah. I’m…okay.”

Sasaki’s face changed, a genuine smile that reached his eyes adorning his features. "You did a great job in the play! All your hard work really paid off," he praised. "Doing something like that for the first time in front of so many people— you were really cool, Myaa-chan.”

A small sun erupted in Miyano's chest, and he managed to gain his balance again.

"Th-thanks! I'm glad you liked it!" Miyano exclaimed, joy bubbling up and causing a big smile to take over his face. He was sure that if you picked him up and shook him, it would feel like there were a million shooting stars inside.

To hear that from Sasaki made him unbelievably happy. It was obviously difficult for him to see Miyano in the play. In fact, knowing that was the whole reason Miyano hadn’t explicitly invited him in the first place. But despite his feelings, he selflessly came and supported him. And here he was now, reassuring him and appreciating the work he’d done. He always put Miyano first.

Kind, gray eyes smiled. “Let’s get going then.”

Sasaki really, really cared about him.

Which was exactly why Miyano was so worried. Could he really assume that this was the same kind of love Sasaki felt for him? He just didn’t know.

He didn’t know.

So why did he want to tell him he loved him so badly?

Big hands pushed the door open. Light from outside filled the room like water through a hole in a boat. The tall figure in front of him almost glowed, sunlight on sunlight.

Miyano watched. His fingers itched.

Sasaki’s hair…was really soft.