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Revenge. Such an easy word to mouth. Such an easy feeling to come up with. Animals don't know its meaning. It's one of those that only humans can understand.
Pride.
To make someone know what they've stolen from you —what you've lost. To make them pay for their acts.
Some people call it justice.
The difference? Well. It depends on the eyes of the executor.
For Xie Lian, that wasn't justice at all. Justice wasn't blind as it was supposed to be. It always was inclined towards those with power —those who could already win.
Never towards the beggars or the prostitutes. Never towards the bullied or abused. Qi Rong taught him that.
Never towards those of a lower rank or those who were a shame to their family name. His father taught him that.
Never towards women, the ill and the disabled. His mother taught him that.
The balance inclined towards him back then. And when he was powerless, when he was the one bullied and abused, it never inclined back again. Mu Qing taught him that.
The world wasn't fair. And to take justice by your own hand —revenge— sometimes leads to the most fair result you can get. Bai Wuxiang taught him that.
But the path towards revenge was long and lonely. It meant to go against everything, to act for yourself and just for yourself. Like an animal. Like the animals justice tried to contain. It meant to forge your own justice.
But he wasn't alone. On that everlasting path, a smiling mask followed him. Like a subject after their prince, like a soldier after their general, like a believer after their god. Like a friend next to their friend.
Feng Xin was exactly like that.
They never had the chance for it to be in another way. Feng Xin didn't, actually. His life thread was entangled with Xie Lian's since both existed in this world at the same time. As a subject, as a soldier and as a believer.
But he chose to be his friend. And even when it was a free choice, he still knew his place —they made him know. Even as a friend, his life was completely devoted to a prince, a soldier and a god.
Even as a friend, he couldn't ever walk next to him. That wasn't fair either.
Maybe he only knew about imbalanced relationships. Surely, it was what made Mu Qing leave.
How long would Wu Ming stay?
Xie Lian looked at him. Wu Ming was sitting not very far away, stargazing. And now Xie Lian remembered: he was looking at the stars too. But he got lost long ago.
"Wu Ming", he called him. His voice was as curt as before, but the undertone of nostalgia was present. Not enough to be noticed, though.
The ghost quickly faced him, his voice sounding with some sort of worry. "Did something happen, Your Highness?". Maybe it was in fact noticeable. Or maybe Wu Ming just knew him that well.
"Can I ask you a favor?". Surely, it was his first time asking.
"Anything for His Highness".
Like a subject, a soldier and a believer.
Xie Lian got up and placed himself against the same rock Wu Ming was using to rest his back. They were quite near this time. Not enough to touch each other, but to do it if they turned over. Wu Ming smelled like the mist. Like the fields in the morning, when the dew drops were still over the leaves.
He left his own mask aside.
Wu Ming looked at him, but he didn't say anything. He just waited for that response.
"Could you… treat me as a friend?" And he actually faced the ghost, subtle embarrassment on his words. "As a real friend, I mean. No titles or orders. And no consequences. Only if you want. Only for tonight", he added. Unnecessary.
Wu Ming froze. For a moment, he didn't know how to breathe anymore. This time, he got lost in the stars of his eyes, in the meaning of his words. If his heart could have beaten, it would have done it until leaving his chest.
Good thing there was a mask in between.
"Uhm". And how to answer that? "Sure…"
"Xie Lian"
"Sure, Xie Lian".
And this Xie Lian did notice his smile —his real one—, because he took off his mask as well.
Sharp features, long lashes. The strong body of a soldier, the soft face of a young adult. His ears pointed, giving him a cute contrast. His hair was messy —unmanageable, trying to hide something it was always meant to be shown: his eye, like a red rose blooming in the middle of a burnt field.
He was handsome. Painfully handsome. It made his heart beat in the wrong way (in the wrong way for a vow of chastity, in the wrong way for a prince supposed to continue with the lineage).
At that point, they both were resting on their side, their shoulders against the stone, looking at each other. The silence remained for some time. It was difficult. The start up was always difficult.
Or maybe they both were just treasuring that unwavering moment when they chose to show their faces to each other again.
"I like your eyes. They are so special". Xie Lian pointed out, still lost in them.
Wu Ming's smile widened, and his eyes formed half moons before it faded.
"Charming, aren't they? You don't always meet a ghost with a cursed eye".
What a cocky and yet somehow melancholic answer.
"Cursed with beauty". He quickly answered back, trying to keep the atmosphere.
It made Wu Ming raise one eyebrow, at first. But he snorted, shoulders shaking while he laughed. Xie Lian lightly pushed Wu Ming's shoulder, playfully.
"C'mon, just take the compliment!"
"Fine, fine".
But Xie Lian knew he wasn't. Because those same eyes cowered the moment he mentioned them, in the same way as his heart did.
"Thank you, Xie Lian"
Because he couldn't accept that concrete compliment. No matter how hard he tried.
Xie Lian wouldn't judge or even mention it. He deserved the white lie of being believed. This time, at least. He hadn't believed him enough.
He received his stare, one eye red, the other black, looking directly at him. Honestly, the fact that he didn't cover them again with his mask, his hand or his bangs (he had a lot to cover them up with) said more than his words. And Xie Lian treasured it.
"I like your…" Wu Ming started.
But he stopped.
Your everything.
"Wu Ming," Xie Lian intervened, as he never managed to continue. "Are you making fun of me?"
"No! I just…" This time, he was embarrassed for sure. The point of his ears turned reddish. "You must have heard every kind of compliment before. I was trying to think of something else".
That was fair, because he had, indeed. He had been a prince, and he had been a god. One of the most important ones of his generation. He was showered with compliments his whole life. Youth, beauty, serenity, kindness, dedication, talent, strength, skill, power... Everything that could be pointed out, it had already been done.
And the only thing which Wu Ming knew that no one else did wasn't worthy of a compliment.
Xie Lian smiled. "That's fair. But I hadn't heard them from you. And you are my friend now, so what you think matters to me".
It did, actually. Regardless of the moment.
"Your neck". Wu Ming finally spoke. Xie Lian frowned. Not that kind of compliment, please.
Unless he was referring to that.
So Wu Ming actually managed to mention something that wasn't mentioned before. But that still wasn't what Xie Lian was expecting. Not from a cursed punishment.
Oh.
Just like his eye.
Revenge. Very different from the first one mentioned. This one was somehow funny.
"Not the shackle by itself," Wu Ming necessarily added "because I don't. I like the story it tells. Your boldness against the Heavenly Court. Your choice. It was admirable and respectable. I like it".
"A choice that didn't mean much, though".
"It meant for us. And you still achieved more than those gods, sitting in their Heavenly palace, waiting for us to succumb; waiting for your believers to change their side. You broke the rules for us. That was the biggest honor".
Of course, Wu Ming was a soldier of his battlefield. His choice meant them. His people and his soldiers, not his godhood.
Even after all what happened, Xie Lian wouldn't change that part by any way.
But people talked. And it was an embarrassment for a Heavenly Official to have one. A continuous reminder.
"You just despise the Heavens' rules, don't you?" Xie Lian asked, his eyes staring at the other's again.
"I do" And what a conviction.
"Shameless…" Wu Ming snorted after hearing that. "But I understand. I don't share all of them either now".
"So thank you". Xie Lian finished. "I'm glad you like it —my neck. Definitely something that wasn't complimented before".
Wu Ming understood the second implication of the emphasis and rolled his eyes.
"Xie Lian is being mean to me, I was trying to be deadly serious".
"Wu Ming! Of course you were".
They both laughed and Xie Lian rested his whole back again, his eyes paying attention to the night sky. Wu Ming did it as well.
Back to the beginning.
But, this time, Xie Lian's head resting on Wu Ming's shoulder, and Wu Ming's head resting over Xie Lian's. It surely would have been a sweet, friendly moment if it wasn't for the background of that situation. If it wasn't because most of the smiles and laughter were exaggerated, or just what was supposed to happen.
Wu Ming's hand was trying to move, but it kept being held in place by his own thumb. Probably, he wasn't even noticing it but, just in the case of it being a lack of boldness, Xie Lian got his hand out of the long sleeve that covered it. Subtly, almost unconcerned.
And Wu Ming, indeed, held it. Carefully, the tip of his fingers brushing. It was warm, even when his touch was cold. Xie Lian liked the sensation, so he quickly got used to it.
They stayed in that position, in silence, for some time.
Xie Lian talked again:
"Did you have any friends back then? Maybe in the soldierly?" When you were alive didn't really feel suiting in this situation.
Wu Ming took his time to answer, like he wasn't sure about it.
He couldn't consider his god as a friend, even in the middle of that situation. Even when they had seen each other in their darkest times, and helped each other to go through them. They just didn't know about each other enough, or had that kind of casual conversation with a funny twist that would make both of them laugh. They weren't really friends back then. And they weren't at that moment either.
"I had one", he finally answered.
"How was your relationship with them?"
"Weird".
Xie Lian softly laughed. He didn't want to that time, but he did. It was curt, with not much emotions at that point. But, for sure, it was the most sincere one of the night.
And Wu Ming noticed it. And it was his world for the half of a second it lasted. Xie Lian didn't see how his eyes sparkled with emotion. But he saw those little fangs leaning out with his new smile.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to. Please, continue".
Xie Lian was pretty sure there was nothing to be sorry about, though.
"I…" And Wu Ming didn't really know how to continue. "I wasn't really a social one, back then".
Wu Ming remembered always keeping aside when it was time for all of the squadron to eat. It wasn't something new, really. But in the times of crude war, when you didn't know whether that would be your last bite, they all tried (and wanted) to be familiar with each other.
For all of his life, they all always knew the orphan in bandages. Fortunately, in some way, bandages started to become something rather common in XianLe, so he wasn't noticeable anymore. Not because of that, at least.
"But he noticed me, somehow. He was a comrade. A very loud one. Later on, I knew he was the son of a blacksmith".
Xie Lian raised both of his eyebrows. A blacksmith with a sword… Later stages of the XianLe civil war required a lot of soldiers. Even those who were civilians. "I can imagine his… lack of delicacy".
"Indeed. But things got better the moment the sergeant gave him a mace".
"A proper choice for a blacksmith. I can imagine his improvement and comfort. Forcing a weapon into a soldier is never a good option. It's the soldier who chooses his weapon. No matter the place". But war and rushed recruitments didn't really make the place for it. Lives lost because of that. "I saw you use a saber. It's not a common choice, so it must be a deliberated one. It suits your style and your natural balance position and instincts. There's no doubt then in…".
Xie Lian then noticed that he got so much into the weapon part that Wu Ming got quiet again.
"Sorry. Please, continue again".
"Cute", Wu Ming muttered.
"You are enjoying this quite a lot, aren't you?"
In fact, his hands were still interlaced. And none of the two had plans to move theirs away.
"Maybe".
Xie Lian rolled his eyes. "And how was it? The moment you started to consider him as a friend."
"He would always look for me at lunch time. Saying things like 'food tastes better in company' while urging me to go with the rest. I was fine by myself, honestly. But he always insisted. And he always ended up sitting by my side when I didn't move at all".
"And did it taste better?"
Wu Ming got quiet again, this time thinking about his response. "It did".
"Honestly, he just talked a lot. The same night he told me about his parents, his friends, his partner, how he gifted them the very first ring he made, and how it wasn't pretty at all but they still loved it. And how they were going to get married and give them four kids with the most stupid names I've ever heard".
"Which I didn't care at all. Except for one part". He continued. "But he seemed happy to be listened to so… I just let him talk".
"That doesn't really seem like a reciprocated friendship, I'm afraid to say". Xie Lian pointed out. He had experience talking nonstop and being listened no matter what.
"It turned out he also knew when to be quiet and listen. And he listened very well, surprisingly. He was very interested in…"
"In…?"
"In everything I told him, really. It was a bit overwhelming, but it was nice".
Xie Lian was probably not as invested in that moment, but he surely was trying to make it look similar. That was what friends were supposed to do: listen to the other. Learn and make them feel comfortable while being listened to.
It was the first time he heard Wu Ming talk that much. And it felt nice too. He wanted to know more as well, even when he had already noticed the way Wu Ming dodged to elaborate. But he would give him the opportunity, at least:
"You told him about that part you were interested in?"
Wu Ming thought about his response. Xie Lian didn't have anything else to do and he was patient, so he just let him think.
"Yes, I did. I noticed he never told the gender of his partner, so I assumed it was a man". Xie Lian did, too. "They weren't. They had a female body, but they weren't either a man or a woman".
Xie Lian, when he was still a prince, had heard about stories of women pretending to be men. And some of them spent their whole life living as such. It hardly ever was the other way around, and books didn't mention anything in between.
But there weren't much books about homosexuality between men either —he looked for them. That was the moment he noticed that his personal library didn't have all the knowledge of the world.
Later on, when he was a god, he heard a lot of prayers. A lot of them were discarded by Feng Xing and Mu Qing, but he always tried to hear them when possible. Sadly, in the same way he couldn't make someone fertile, he couldn't give them a body of the opposite sex. That was one of the moments he felt powerless. Such a simple petition wasn't possible either. Even when gods had the ability to make masks in whichever form they wanted to.
So they could exist. In the same way there were people whose gender was the opposite from the one given at birth, there could be people who weren't men or women. Or maybe who were both.
"Can you tell me more about it?" He was curious, actually. He wanted to know about that part of the world that wasn't shown to a prince or a god. Every part.
Saving the common people meant to know and care about the common people.
"He told me they usually bandaged their chest for it to be less noticeable, and that they loved makeup. They used it to sharpen their features, sometimes. He told me, with sparkling eyes, how happy they were when they were mistaken for a man, or even more, when people had to ask".
Xie Lian quietly took note and nodded. However, he couldn't stop thinking about that blacksmith's apprentice: cheerful and caring, in love with their partner in every way possible, and willing to pay attention to those isolated from the rest. A strong and big man with such a gentle heart... That made him smile.
"He seemed to be a good man". Xie Lian concluded. "Is he still alive?"
"I don't know. I died first".
"Oh. I am sorry."
"It's okay, Your… Lian. It's okay, really. I'm very aware that I'm dead".
Xie Lian nodded. Before the conversation got lost, he also asked again:
"And what is your opinion about what you've just told me?"
Wu Ming got silent, again. He was getting used to him choosing every word he wanted to say. But, this time, his tone was prudent, and doubtful, almost anxious: "Can I get your opinion first?"
It wasn't the first time someone changed their opinion based on the Prince's thoughts, but it felt so out of place in that environment they managed to obtain.
At the same time, he knew what it was to be different. He grew up looking at the wide shoulders of the swordmen, and not at the delicate glance of the maiden. And it wasn't something to tell everyone about.
He didn't tell anyone about it, actually.
"My opinion is that no one knows themselves better than themselves. And that if you can make someone happier by a simple gesture, then do it".
Wu Ming grabbed his hand tighter this time. He didn't seem to notice it, though. When Xie Lian looked at him, his glance was lost in one side, not really looking at anything. Putting his words together.
"I think I am a they as well".
So that was the reason behind their interest in the first place. Resemblance. Understanding. Acknowledgment.
This time it was Xie Lian the one that held their hand tighter, firmly. He looked directly at their eyes to talk. These things were supposed to be said with such conviction.
"Thank you for telling me".
Wu Ming's smile sparkled. More than ever. It was wide, and their teeth showed up as well. He was used to seeing a big smile on his mask, cold and inhuman. This time, their smile was even bigger and warm; human, even when it came from a ghost.
Safety. Acceptance. Warmth.
"I have a vow of chastity", Xie Lian mentioned. It was time to finally mention it. "But I like men".
Oh.
"And theys".
His godhood was lost the moment he stepped back to XianLe. His humanity was lost the moment he put that mask on. And even after that, even in the moment when Xie Lian didn't feel human at all, he couldn't help but find that ghost attractive.
Shameful, as his father would have said. If he had known.
Their prize, as the winning soldiers said when referring to the women of the losing side. Animals.
Xie Lian simply found them attractive. He wasn't an animal to be considered shameful. And yet his father wouldn't have doubted which one wasn't tolerable.
But his father was dead now, and it was time to let it go. His vow was not to have sex and he didn't. There was nothing to be ashamed of. He didn't have to recite any kind of sutras for something he was perfectly able to control. Maybe when he was fifteen, but not now.
And Wu Ming was looking fucking cute when Xie Lian directly told them that he liked them.
They couldn't keep eye contact anymore, and covered their face with their hand. The one that wasn't holding his, of course. That one never moved away since the beginning.
"Xie Lian". They talked.
The nervousness of their words were obvious. Nonetheless, this time they didn't think about their words that much. The protection of his cover somehow helped.
For how long did they cover it for it to be in that way?
"Can I be something else than a friend for tonight?", they continued.
Something else.
"You tell me".
"Can I kiss you?"
As said before, Xie Lian struggled to find himself human at that moment. And yet, Xie Lian's heart beat again, hurried and impatient. He felt it against his chest and low on his throat; once, twice and once again. Alive.
So that was how it felt when your feelings were reciprocated and, more exactly, when they had the bravery of telling you.
He couldn't think of anything else. That time, for real: "Please".
The ghost let his hand go to change their position. It felt incredibly cold. They sat on their knees, facing Xie Lian. Their lips were half-opened, their breath urging to leave and be heard.
So nervous. It was cute.
One of their hands, shaking, moved to hold Xie Lian's face. Carefully, gently. The same hands that didn't doubt while holding the saber were now doubtful and unsteady.
And they finally leant forward, the other hand on the floor, supporting their body from falling. Xie Lian closed his eyes.
And that touch came. Firstly, with just a subtle brush of their lips. Secondly, pushing against Xie Lian's. Like a kiss you would give on the hand to your lady when returning from a hard battle.
Out of curiosity, Xie Lian opened his eyes again. He found their sight lost on his lips and could feel their agitated breath against them. Contemplating.
And he knew. Wu Ming wouldn't want to exceed themselves. That wasn't the idea Xie Lian got, though. He grabbed the collar of their robes and brought them back when they had the intention of moving away. Not necessarily gentle, but for sure reassuring. Exactly what Wu Ming needed. "Again, please".
Said and done, Wu Ming grabbed his lips between theirs. Deeper and more passionate, but not more sincere. It couldn't be any more.
They both had tasted each other, and none of them thought of it as enough. Their lips looked for the other one's. Just like humans. Nothing else than humans. Again and again.
Until passion faded away, in the form of deep breathe ins and outs, deep glances and deep blanks.
Xie Lian's hair was messy, and lips swollen. He had to clean the rests of saliva from their corners. At that moment, he found himself reciting some sutras, ones that probably Wu Ming also needed. But they never crossed the line or overextended it. In the middle of the night, the chaotic breaths of two lovers could be heard. Because they were lovers for that night.
Back at the beginning, the stars shone even brighter this time.
After a while, Wu Ming called him again: "Lian".
"Hm?"
"You…". Back to the bad wording of their thoughts. At this point, Xie Lian could say it was a characteristic of their speech. Always so cautious. "Nothing, actually. I just wanted to call you one last time".
That part specifically…
"I already said you don't have to call me by my title".
"I already answered that Your Highness will always be Your Highness".
And that was the whole point on why their relationship could never be like the one they pretended to that night. Power imbalance. One he couldn't escape no matter what.
"I still have nothing to offer".
"I still need nothing in return".
Blind following. The one that made Feng Xing stay. The one that made Xie Lian make him leave. Because living your own life was more worthy than living for a fallen prince, general and god.
But Wu Ming was already dead. And their mourning probably consisted of that exactly. Their whole existence was bound to that.
And that sucked.
Xie Lian sighed.
"You are such a stubborn one, aren't you? You know it hurts, right? To be always seen like that".
Now that he had tasted what to be an equal was like, his title was a living torture.
"Everyone fears the consequences," he continued "so they think about their words more than you usually would. They choose them carefully, with that conscious respect that always sets a step between".
Just like Wu Ming was doing.
"It feels so lonely to be powerful. And now that I am finally free from it, you keep on insisting." He didn't want a soldier, or a subtle or a believer. "I just want a friend, you know?"
He felt his throat aching, so he thought he was going to cry. It would have been the case years ago, or months ago. Not after all what happened. But not now that tears didn't come at all. Just the tickle on his throat. And what he didn't recognize as ache on his chest.
Wu Ming stayed quiet while he spoke. Listening. Thinking. And feeling embarrassed and guilty about hurting their god. It was written on their face.
"I am sorry".
They got quiet again.
"But…"
At that point, Xie Lian was starting to lose his patience. He just took a deep breath, so he could calm himself down.
"What is it?"
Their eyes looked for his hand, and they held it again. Gently, distracting themselves from the weight of their words.
"You helped me when I most needed it. I met your times of glory, and I saw the man that resigned from them when everyone just kept looking".
Already been told. "And I failed".
"And you failed because you tried. You already knew it made no sense anymore. And you still tried. Which god can say that as well? How many skulls and money stacks are their thrones built over? You made your own, stone by stone".
Like golden palaces. Always built to fall.
"I can't let your story be forgotten. I can't let you vanish from existence when everyone is emboldened because they can finally be your superior when they never were and never will. When they all are a fake piece of trash that forgot how kindly you treated them. Both gods and devotees".
Surprisingly, they weren't mad. Their facial expression never showed annoyance in any way, which didn't match their words at all. Gentle, even in that situation. Selfless, always thinking about Xie Lian.
"That's why I-" but they were interrupted.
"I never told you about that part".
How could Wu Ming know about the way other gods treated him?
Devotees? Well. It was common knowledge at that point. Qi Rong made sure everyone would despise the figure they once prayed to.
(Even when a part of Xie Lian wished that Wu Ming didn't know about it. Because not only they were despising him, but everyone that once gave their life for him).
But no one really knew about his relationship with other gods and how he was mistreated now. No one except for one ghost fire. The same that he thought expelled on that day.
"I saw it. When I still didn't have a body", Wu Ming explained, as they were caught anyway. It was obvious that they wouldn't have confessed it unless they were caught. Their words showed embarrassment, and so did their lack of facial expression.
Because that meant, Wu Ming was also the ghost that saw him at his worst.
But, at that moment, Xie Lian just thought about one thing. And he gave them a hug, head resting against their chest. Wu Ming got startled, and that made him hug even tighter.
"I am glad you are still around". That their soul didn't just disappear with that agonic screaming.
He was held with their cold hands, feeling that same warmth from before. And the brush against his scalp when they combed his hair with their fingers.
"That's why I can't grant your wish, Your Highness". This time, they whispered. "And I am deeply sorry about it".
So loyal that they were willing to disobey. Stubborn. And that was what he wanted in the first place. "Thank you for sticking to your ideas. It means the world to me".
Xie Lian sat up, with the clear intention of kissing them again.
But he remembered something, something that he asked directly over their lips: "What about the beloved you wanted to protect?"
"For them not to feel guilty and troubled, I won’t let them find out I’m protecting them"
Such a deep rooting on a person, one to whom they never really talked. Willing to die and never rest in peace because of them. The kind of love that wouldn't change whichever lips were offered to kiss —even when there were the lips of a god.
Unless.
"So you won't tell me?"
Wu Ming smiled. "I won't".
"Who are you, Wu Ming? How could I make you feel that way without even noticing?"
How selfish was he, for him not to notice such an impact on one of his devotees?
His thoughts were interrupted by a pair of lips that brought the winter with them. And with the winter, the smell of the fireplace, the taste of roasted chestnuts and the warmth of a down quilt.
"I am forever your most devoted believer". So intense, so powerful. Moving. "And your equal friend, if that’s what you want"
That was literally impossible. A contradiction by itself. "How is that even going to work?".
"I don't know. But I'll make it work if that's what would make my beloved happy".
It didn’t make any sense, and that was exactly what made Xie Lian smile as well. He didn’t notice the tickle in his stomach, but, against Wu Ming’s fingers, his cheeks burnt.
Forever his most devoted believer…
For the first time, Xie Lian really believed Wu Ming’s words. He still had a believer on this world. And they were just in front of him. It was embarrassing to admit it, but it was a nice sensation; the one that he once craved so much for, and had already forgotten —to be worshiped.
But it was different in some way. One he couldn’t even understand. It was the first time someone saw him as their beloved —if not, it was the first time for someone to say it with such passion. It had also been his first kiss. All the things that he was supposed to experience in his adolescence were coming in a rush. Suffocating, but, without doubt, still pleasant.
Devotion as an earnest attachment to a person. Worship as a feeling of deep respect, awe, and humility. Long-term love.
And that might have been the different part because he knew that, given the time, he would have become a devotee and a worshiper of that ghost. He didn’t know it yet but, that night, Wu Ming became his first love. And that made them not as different as Xie Lian was thinking in the first place.
Between more kisses and caressing, it was well into the night. Their own restriction wouldn’t let them finish that brief and endless tonight. But Xie Lian was a mortal one, even when disguised as a calamity. And another yawn came out from his lips. It was the third one already.
Wu Ming was combing his hair again, and it had been long ago since they untied his bun, but now a white flower was decorating it. "You should sleep, Your Highness. Dawn is closer than sunset at this point".
Xie Lian’s eyes were closed when they spoke, carried by the pleasant tickle of the massage of their fingers against his scalp. It wasn’t easy for him to open them again, which made obvious how sleepy he was.
He curled up, his head resting over Wu Ming’s lap. He would face them one last time, though. "Good night. You've grown up, Hong Er" Xie Lian smiled. "…isn't it?"
Xie Lian would always unconsciously think about that little boy when someone mentioned how he helped when they most needed it. A boy that covered their eye long before it was common on XianLe, exactly the same red eye Wu Ming wasn’t comfortable showing. A boy that always carried a flower with them and would offer it to his statue, exactly the same as Wu Ming did. They were very different, but their similarities started to pop up the same moment their face appeared on his memories.
Wu Ming leaned forward, their lips whispering against his ear: "Your Highness would have to guess". And they kissed his forehead before coming back.
"You are such a secretive person, aren't you?"
"That would make Your Highness to ask more".
"Cocky". Definitely, the Crown Prince could get used to that cocky, thorough, bigheaded, selfless, persistent, loyal, stubborn and lovely ghost. "Keep doing whatever you want. I like it when you do that".
"I know. You always fondly smile when you hear something you weren't expecting. Right after your pupils shrink as if I had dishonored your whole family-tree". Xie Lian's left eyebrow was slightly touched. "And you always cutely raise this eyebrow".
Xie Lian's left eyebrow was forming an arc when they mentioned it, which made him snort the moment he realised it. But he recomposed, showing fake arrogance (what you would have expected from a prince).
"I'm starting to reconsider my words —about being equal".
Wu Ming pouted. "Your Highness is being mean to me. That's considered power abuse, you know?"
Now he couldn't stop noticing his raised eyebrow. "That's considered lese-majesty, you know?"
"You'll have to bear with me being your prisoner for all of your immortality".
Xie Lian made it look as if the idea was horribly tiring when he puffed. But, honestly, it didn't sound that bad.
He deeply inhaled. "I, Xie Lian, as the Crown Prince of XianLe, grant you with my pardon". Solemn. For a second, the most serious part of the conversation.
Until Wu Ming snorted. "Thanks?".
Xie Lian's face turned reddish, but it was the point of his ears what really got that color. He turned around.
"Wu Ming! You really are the worst!"
"No, Your Highness, come back. I am deeply sorry. What an honor to be granted with your pardon for my crimes". They didn't mean anything at all.
"Good night!"
They remained silent, until Xie Lian couldn't help but cutely giggle. And right after that, laughter followed. Wu Ming had never seen their prince laughing like that: loudly, unworried, contagious.
And they laughed together, until they both were out of breath.
Wu Ming was slightly more in love now. With the person Xie Lian was, and not with the memory of who he was. And they would treasure it forever.
For Xie Lian, that surely was the most funny, enjoyable and pleasant conversation of his whole life. Exactly what he was looking for: a friend to laugh with. A person that would trust him to the point of crossing the line (that stupid line) because they had no fear of the consequences that wouldn't come in the first place.
The line of the common people was fine: basic respect for them, their family and their possessions. Not crossing it meant well-being.
The line —pride— of nobility had no place for jokes coming from a lower rank. Everything was disrespectful, and everyone acted like that. No one got to meet the person behind the line. Not crossing it meant silence and faking.
But Wu Ming was taking both into account. Treating him as a person when referring to him as such. Treating him as a prince when it was suitable and mandatory.
Exactly what he wanted. Wu Ming knew better about what he wanted than himself.
That night Xie Lian prayed. To whom? A mystery. It wasn't Jun Wu, it wasn't himself either. But he prayed for that night to repeat itself. For everything to be real and not the result of a stupid petition —or order, considering who Wu Ming was. For waking up to another kiss and for Wu Ming to stay forever by his side. In the same way they prayed to never rest in peace.
Revenge was a nice feeling when everyone deserved it. But finding what he always craved for, that was the best feeling he could ever have been rewarded with.
Maybe, he hadn't lost all of his humanity yet. Maybe that mask hadn't changed him that much. Sure thing was, it was still aside. Both masks: one half-smiling, half-crying and one that only showed a smile.