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i.
There is something very human about Lord Bridgerton in this moment. He is exposed, vulnerable without all his finery and speaking of his father. Kate cannot stop staring at him, cannot calm the beating of her heart. Something is happening– has been happening since the moment she was stung by the bee (or perhaps since they first met on horseback).
A sudden bolt of lightning startles Kate from her reverie and she drops the book in her hand. "Oh, this is not–"
"It is all right," Lord Bridgerton tries to assure her. "It is all right."
"No–!" Kate shakes her head. She knows she must leave; whatever is happening between them is not what it ought to be. But she looks at him and does not say her good-byes. Instead she says, "You are courting my sister." It sounds too much like a question to her own ears.
There is another stretch of silence between them, too long to be polite. Too full of unspoken words to be comfortable. "And if I were not?" he asks, voice barely above a whisper. "If I were to reconsider?" She can only shake her head again, eyes widening as he steps closer. His gaze is absolutely searing with intensity and she cannot look away. "Do you wish for me to reconsider?"
Kate has never once hesitated to make her opinion of the Viscount's courtship of Edwina known, yet this is different. It feels as if he is asking her permission for… something. It stokes the place inside her that only he seems to be able to reach and she feels the familiar rush of frustration it elicits. She lets it wash over her, a balm to her confusion. "That is a very cowardly thing to ask, my lord," she tells him and now there is no uncertainty in her tone. "You wish me to make the decision for you, so you will bear none of the responsibility for breaking a young lady's heart."
"No, that is not–"
"A man knows his own mind," she continues, "his own heart. Do not look to me for excuses." Kate pulls herself up to her full height and meets his gaze evenly. "I have lingered too long. I bid you goodnight." She marches from the room, ignoring her heated face and the rapid beating of her heart. They mean nothing.
When the Viscount and Edwina take tea the following afternoon, they have their first frank discussion. He does not dissemble and makes certain there is no misunderstanding between them. Their courtship does not survive the conversation.
ii.
The tension is thick as Kate waits for an answer to her inquiry. Her sister's happiness is paramount in her mind and yet Lord Bridgerton seems unable to come up with even the most half-hearted of answers. "If your silence is any indication you're reconsidering your declaration in order to–"
"Is that what you want?" he interrupts suddenly. "For me to reconsider?"
Kate takes a steadying breath as they continue with the steps of this dance. A part of her, a large part, wants to brush off the question. Edwina has made it clear she wants Lord Bridgerton's proposal above all else and Kate has promised to do what she can to ensure it.
And yet…
His eyes are wide and imploring, asking for truth. It is not fair. This should not fall to her.
Kate looks away for a moment, to Edwina's smiling form, and she cannot bring herself to lie. Edwina may not thank her for her honesty today but a lifetime of unhappiness is too high a price to pay for youthful folly. "Yes, it is. It is what I have wanted from the start as I have made clear on many occasions."
Lord Bridgerton's voice is rough with emotions she cannot identify. "So you will not grant me permission."
"I cannot object." Given the stipulations on Edwina's dowry and her sister's wide-eyed hope, it would be impossible. They complete the final steps to the dance and Kate curtseys. She feels his gaze follow her movements. "But I do wish you would reconsider."
His eyes continue to follow her as she walks off the dance floor and rejoins Edwina. Lord Bridgerton does not speak with their party again and is scarce for the remainder of the ball.
There is no proposal at Aubrey Hall and the courtship between the Viscount and Edwina comes to a quiet end.
iii.
Something is wrong with Lord Bridgerton. It is not quite what occurred when she'd been stung by a bee but Kate sees the wildness in his eyes, hears the uneveness of his breathing. "When will you leave?" he asks, sounding as distressed as she accused him of being. "Immediately, once your sister is married?"
"I presume so, yes." He looks at his desk, then at the portrait of a man hanging on the wall. His father, she realizes with a pang. This was his library. Is he thinking of his father's unexpected departure? Is that what has distressed him so? Despite her vexation with the man, Kate does not wish him to relive those feelings, so she attempts to redirect his thoughts. "You believe I should reconsider."
Lord Bridgerton's attention returns to her. "Would it matter if I did?" He sounds more defeated than overcome. Kate isn't certain whether that's an improvement.
"I do not believe myself so high in the instep that I should not consider a well-reasoned argument." Kate raises her brows pointedly. "Even from you. "
A huff of amusement (or perhaps it is just a huff) escapes from him. "You could find a match of your own." The expression on his face tells her he thinks this idea distasteful. "That way you might stay."
Kate just barely manages to suppress an eyeroll and a sarcastic response of, Oh yes, men always fall over themselves to court dowry-less spinsters with few connections. "This was always the plan because it makes sense," she says instead. "I am an excellent teacher– just look at Edwina." She smiles unconsciously at the mention of her sister.
Only Lord Bridgerton is not looking at Edwina, he is looking at her– looking through her, perhaps, for how intense it is. He shakes his head once and pushes away from the desk, moving toward her. "It seems to me you will find any excuse you can to keep me away from your sister."
Kate does not understand how they have arrived here. Were they not just discussing something else entirely? Only he continues to speak, to push and crowd and poke until she cannot help but release her temper. Until they are arguing more violently than they ever have before.
Except it is not an argument at all. It is something else entirely. Something she cannot define or explain or even understand because it ends in a sudden rush when the Duchess of Hastings opens the door Kate thoughtlessly closed upon entering.
It is an interruption she is immensely thankful for as it saves her from having to answer Lord Bridgerton's inquiry about her feelings. After many hours of contemplation and little sleep, Kate remains uncertain how she would have responded if the interruption had not occurred. (Though she is confident her feelings were not vexation alone).
That sense of gratitude dies a sudden death the following day when Anthony Bridgerton takes to his knee and proposes to Edwina on the drive in front of Aubrey Hall. Kate can only watch in mute horror as the scene unfolds before her. The only boon, if it might be called that, is the swift end of any contemplations about feelings or reconsidering her plans.
iv.
Kate simply cannot sit on the settee one moment longer while Lord Bridgerton of all people speaks to her about what was appropriate. As if he has any sense of the word at all! She rises and crosses to join him on the other side of the room, the recrimination rushing out of her in an angry whisper. "There is nothing appropriate about what you are doing, proceeding with this engagement!"
"On the contrary," he replies in a frustratingly even tone, stepping toward her, "I believe it is the most proper outcome for all." Kate scoffs, ready to launch into a diatribe when– "Although, perhaps… it is not? Perhaps I should reconsider?"
And just like that, all the wind has left her sails. Lord Bridgerton appears… lost. Confused. These are not words she would normally use to describe this man and yet here they are.
Kate looks away for a moment. She lets her mind wander to what passed between them at Aubrey Hall, to the secrets she is holding tightly inside her heart. She thinks of her sister, star-eyed over this man. There will be no breaking the engagement, not without serious consequences.
With a steadying breath, she lifts her gaze and meets his eyes again. "No," she says softly, shaking her head, "I do not believe you should reconsider."
They stand staring at each other in silence until they are interrupted. Kate is made to stand in for her sister in resizing the ring and no one leaves the room with a smile save the jeweler, immensely pleased with his own cleverness.
And the engagement carries on.
v.
Eventually, the booming fireworks end and Kate forces herself away from Anthony. Their dance was scandalous enough; should anyone find them in such a compromising position it may well be beyond the queen's power to protect them. (Should she even feel moved to do so.)
The look in Anthony's eyes is more than anything she's ever dreamed of. Absently, she takes his hand and laces their fingers together, needing to touch him. "I suppose I shall have to reconsider my plans now," she says with a soft smile.
Anthony lifts his hand and hers, so he can place kisses on each of her knuckles. "I would be most obliged."
"And this is you humble?" she teases.
He bows gallantly over her hand suddenly. "My sincerest apologies, Miss Sharma." When he meets her gaze again, it's hopeful in a way she has not seen before. "Thank you for consenting to be my wife. I promise, you shall never regret it." She hears the sincerity in his words– and the vulnerability underneath. He wants this to be true more than he believes it so.
Well, Kate will just have to believe for the both of them. Embracing him in what has to be the most innocent touch between them (an irony not lost on her), she tucks her head under his chin. She can hear his breath hitch with emotion, the steadiness of his heartbeat, and thinks, This is home. "I know," she assures him.
They remain together longer than they should and Lady Danbury discovers them with a distinct lack of surprise. She is characteristically dry in offering her congratulations when they share the news of their betrothal and suggests (waving her cane in a manner that makes it clear it is not actually a suggestion) they part ways to also tell their respective families. Reluctantly, they do as she bids after vowing to one another that their separation will not be long.
And, indeed, they are wed with a special license a week later. Only their families attend and it is perfect.