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You didn't know why you came. It hurt too much to see her standing there, and not be able to talk to her. It hurt and yet...you had to see her, to know that she was alright without you.
She looked beautiful, even if you could only see her from over and around the crowded dance floor separating the two of you. She was leaning against the wall, golden streamers drooping over her head in maybe a melancholy sort of way. (Or maybe it was just you, and the way your heart shuddered in your chest whenever you thought that maybe she had spotted you.) She was laughing at something Steve had said, any you couldn't help but feel jealous of him, and the way he could stand next to her so casually.
If only that could be you.
It couldn't, you knew that, and yet...But it didn't matter that this point. She didn't need you, that much was clear. And if you needed her...
Well, that was your fault.
Pushing off the wall you were leaning against, you did your best to shove through the crowd of teenagers to get to the exit. You needed air, and to be away from her. Really, this was a terrible idea—whoever said that prom was fun was a goddamn liar.
It was getting dark outside, the sun barely visible above the treetops as it sank. The air was warm and muggy, stifling even though you were alone in the darkening twilight. You could still hear the noise of the dance and the swell of yet another cheesy love song—even though it was muffled, you could guess at what the words were saying.
Feeling for the lighter in your back pocket, you pulled out a cigarette. Your fingers trembled as you flicked the lighter on, struggling to hold it steady enough for the tip of the cigarette to catch. It took a couple tries, but eventually you got it. You watched as a thin stream of smoke curled up into the air as you shoved the lighter into your leather jacket pocket.
It was funny how you ended up here, really. It was like some sort of movie scene, except you didn’t fit the role of tragic hero waiting for his love to come back to him. If only it were that easy—instead you were stuck with waiting and knowing that your love was never going to come for you. It just didn’t work that way in real life.
You missed her so much, and you’d even go back to hiding in closets and sneaking around just to see her smile at you again. You hated having to hide everything, but Hawkins was a small town—God knows what happens to people in small towns.
Robin used to joke that you’d be burned at the stake for being witches if anyone ever found out, but there was always something in her eyes whenever she said it, a darkness that reminded you that she wasn’t far from the truth.
Two girls weren’t supposed to fall in love, but you had, and now you were heartbroken and alone. Maybe that was how it should be…
You sighed, before bringing the cigarette up to your lips.
“Since when do you smoke?” a voice asked from behind you, making you flinch and drop the cigarette onto your leg, burning your skin through the rips in your jeans.
“Ah, shit!” You brushed it off your leg quickly, before leaning in to inspect the damage it had done. It wasn’t bad, just a minor burn. You’d done worse.
“Fuck, I’m sorry! Are you okay?” The voice was closer to you now, sounding worried. You knew exactly who it was—no one had a voice like hers.
But you didn’t look up, focusing on brushing the ash from your leg to distract yourself from her presence. She was sitting next to you on the curb now, leaning over your shoulder to presumably get a look at the damage you had done to your leg.
She was so close now, it felt like you were going insane. You could feel her body heat, even through your jacket, and smell her perfume—it was the same as she always used, with the hint of strawberries that still clung to some of your sweaters.
This girl was going to be the death of you.
“Hey, you never answered me—are you okay?” she said, her voice right next to your ear.
Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath in, trying to ignore the scent of her perfume. “Yeah, yeah… I’m fine.” You paused, before asking the only question on your mind. “Why are you here, Robin?”
You kept your eyes on the ground as you waited for her to answer, studying the last smoldering embers of your fallen cigarette to avoid looking at her.
“Would it be stupid if I said that I miss you?”
Slowly, you raised you head to meet her eyes, fighting the urge to kiss her and never ever let her go again. “How did you know I was out here?”
You held eye contact for a minute, before Robin shifted, moving to look up at the dark blue-purple sky instead. “I saw you leave and…I wanted to talk to you, so…now I’m here.”
She looked even more beautiful than before, now that she was next to you instead of what felt like miles away with everyone in the world in between you. Her hair was longer than it used to be, falling in waves around her face. Her blue eyes looked so dark in the dim light, her pupils blown wide as she looked up at the stars.
You took her stargazing once, out in a field far from everyone in Hawkins where you could see the entire sky, almost. It was perfect, and she’d looked so beautiful—just like tonight—and you felt so full to the brim with love then that you could barely speak, and she had laughed at you for being a sap when you finally said so and then she kissed you so hard it took your breath away. It felt like so long since that night, now, so long since what felt like heaven.
“I’m so sorry,” you began, too full of the same feeling you felt then, but now it was tainted with sadness and it was all your fault. All of this was all your fault.
Robin turned to look at you immediately, her confusion evident in the crease between her eyebrows and the scrunch of her nose. “What?”
“All of this is my fault—you deserve someone better than me, and if I hadn’t gone and fallen in love with you then you could be happy and—“
“And I would be miserable,” she finished.
“But you could have had a normal life, and I ruined that.”
“You ruined nothing,” Robin replied, shifting her body to face you better. “I—You were the best thing to ever happen to me, and without you…nothing is the same. And if anything, it’s my fault—I fell in love, too.”
Your mouth gaped open as you thought of something to say, but nothing came to mind. “Robin…”
“What, what do you want me to say? That I never wanted you, that I’m happy without you?” She leaned in closer to you, and you could feel her breath on your face as she took a deep breath in. “Well, I’m not, okay? I miss you all the time, and I just…I just want you back.”
She looked so in pain then that you felt your heart break itself again. You had done this, and now…well, now you had to fix it.
“I love you.”
The words had come tumbling out of you on their own, but you were glad you said them. It wasn’t the first time you’d said it, but it meant more now, and she knew it too.
“Then kiss me,” she said, and you did.
You knew it was cliché, but kissing her felt like breathing again, like being brought to life again. She was beautiful and she was yours and you were hers, too. You always had been.
You kissed and you kissed and you kissed, and you could hear the songs change in the gym and the rush of cars on the other side of the trees that hid you from view but none of it mattered. At least not until Robin pulled away abruptly to smile and shake her head at you when you pouted at her for leaving you.
“Listen, they’re playing a slow song now,” she said, nodding towards the outer gym wall next to you.
You tilted your head to listen, and they were, indeed, playing a slow song.
“So what?”
“So, I want you to dance with me, dumbass.” She stood up, motioning for you to get up, too. When you didn’t, she kicked you with just enough force to make her point. “C’monnn, you have to dance with me. It’s the law.”
Raising you hands in surrender, you reluctantly got up. “Fine, fine, I’m coming. But I seem to recall you saying once that rebels were hot, so I might as well break the law…”
“Shut up,” she replied, trying to sound angry, but the grin on her face gave her away.
“Kiss me then,” you said, stepping close to her and wrapping your arms around her waist.
“Not until I get my dance.”
You raised an eyebrow at her as you gently swayed, her arms around your neck. “Well, I’m pretty sure we’re dancing right now, so…”
“You’re so irritating.”
“You love me.”
Robin met your eyes, the crease between her eyebrows gone now as her face relaxed. “Yeah…I really, really do.”
The music from inside changed to a fast song, but you and Robin stayed put, swaying slowly. You didn’t even know if that was technically “dancing,” but it didn’t matter. Somehow, you had fixed things between the two of you, and that was enough. Nothing was perfect, but this was, somehow. You could feel something in your chest, filling it up just like that day you went stargazing, and you almost didn’t know what to with it all.
So you kissed her, and she kissed back, and the world couldn’t deny what the moon knew: you loved each other, and it was good in the way that heaven is holy.