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"Poison"
There was a murky haze all around the room of the club. Whether it was from the smoke, the powdered residue from the illicit substances being subtly passed in those dark backrooms or tch- maybe it was even just the sweat of the hundreds of bodies pressed against each other, grinding the weeks monotony away against a total stranger for a passing thrill.
Of course she’d end up here. It was fucking obvious and didn’t take no genius to figure it out but sure, let the big ole’ brain pat himself continually on the back for deciphering the obvious in the grand ole’ mystery of the year/
Just a damn Sherlock reincarnate was his brother. Tch. Maybe thats what his lovey called him in bed to stoke that oversized ego of his… gross. Why did Butch just think that? That was an image he never ever fucking wanted in his head. Ever.
Blossom Utonium the ice princess naked in bed? Sure- must have been a nice sight, kudos to you Brick but like hell did Butch want to relive teenage hell scapes and nightmares from the boys locker room in gym class and football alike- ever. Again.
…Right. Anyway, Dick measuring contests aside- Butch here was technially on mission and Sherlock Brick was nonetheless a whipped super detective who could not under any circumstances let it be known to his small, super hot but increasingly frightening wife that this search as it was was still on.
So obviously Brick had made Butch go play fetch. Course he did. Love you too Brother Dear.
Tch, the thing he did for his favorite sister in laws. [ Okay technically they were his only sister in laws- but details. Fuck em.]
No see, Butch was on the hunt for a particularly… elusive Puff. The notorious shadow beast herself who- sure it was pretty kick ass she was still being her Puff bad ass self without the lame ass dress but…
Yeah… vigilantes or whatever didn’t really uh… fit with the whole “Puff” thing apparently and also the whole the sisters were technically estranged right now- and Boomer had told Brick how many times now to just- leave it the fuck alone but it was Brick- obviously the hat head wasn’t going to listen to anyone because he always knew best- fuck you and deal with it.
[ Unless there was a pair of pink eyes, a red bow and perky tits involved - then the whole world knew the actual correct answer was - yes dear. When do you need this done? Right away my love.]
Brick was an old fashioned sap when it came to how he acted around his Bow Headed lovey. It was kind of adorable in a sad way to see the most notoriously evil former supervillain become mush in a comically tiny woman’s palm.
Boomer too. Both of his brothers. Just- Butch was the last left with even a hint of Rowdyruff in him.
So why was Butch here again?
… Right. Loyalty or whatever. Yeah he’d been there. Yeah, yeah he’d made the promise too the girls didn’t know about and if they did they’d be pissed as fuck but overprotective Daddies born in a time of old fashioned mindsets:
Watch out for my girls….
Yeah yeah- Sure thing Professor. Yeah Yeah. Again, Brick the married sap- yeah that made sense- Boomer the lovesick Puffy Baby Daddy to be: Absolutely. So why the fuck had Butch been dragged in there?!
Tch, typical. Whatever. Again, stupid fucking loyalty or whatever. Fuck man, when did Butch get a damn conscience. Did the mad scientist go and implant a chip in his brain or some shit when he was sleeping…. Okay so Professor U… wouldn’t have done that- he was too good a guy to-.... Fuck man had it really only been a few months… fuck.
…just fuck man. The cancer or whatever had just come and went so…fucking fast. Like a poison or whatever the guy’s body but there was nothing anyone could do, no one to suck it out just…
Butch sighed and dug in his pocket to check his phone for the time. 10:27. The next band set was gonna start any second.
Now or never. Was it the right place? Had Detective Brick finally cracked the case of the missing Puff who didn’t want to be found and who both his brothers had told him just to let it go but -
Bzzzz.
Speak of the devil.
“Yo.”
“ Any sign?”
Butch decided not to ask why it sounded muffled- like oh Brick was maybe mumbling into a phone and counting on his brother’s excellent hearing so as not too gee- potentially wake his slumbering bride with even better hearing.
“Of Green? None yet.”
“ Fuck.”
“We’ve tried every club man, if it's not this one she’s not here no more.”
“The amount of muggings and shit that have been “mysteriously” stopped in Citiesville? Fuck that she’s there.”
Yeah no duh and clearly she didn’t want to be found .
“Brick maybe we should-.”
“ We're finding her Butch! I am not listening to my wife sniffling in the fucking shower trying to “hold it together” anymore! Done. Not happening!”
..Okay that was admittedly a sad image. Okay so maybe Brick had a point and or a right to be kind of… harpin’ on this particular missing person but… wait a sec-!
“She cried? ”
“Yes.”
“...Okay, okay- Message received. One missing Puff coming up.”
“ Good. Keep me updated.”
“Brick?”
Uh oh. Butch knew that voice and tone- sure enough there was abrupt shuffling.
“Hey Babe you have a nice nap?”
“Very funny, who’s that on the phone?”
Yeah… if Detective Brick was a Sherlock well uh… see Blossom Utonium-Jojo was uh… probably a better one. Brick was maybe the Robert Downey Junior version and uh… Blossom was the BBC one so….
“ Its just Butch Babe.”
“Oh? What’s he up to this late at night keeping my husband from my bed hm?”
Whelp, that sucked. The Puff was on the scent and she wouldn’t appreciate Brick butting in on “Puff Matters”: So…
“Heya Bloss! Sorry I’m just bugging your boy toy but I’m good You can have him back now!”
“ I’m hardly a toy-.”
More shuffling and Butch’s sister in law’s cool tone reverberated. “ Thank you. Have a good night Butch.”
Fat chance on that. Butch was aiming for a bruising but… meh fuck it, the redheads were off on married bliss adventures and oh hey look- 10:30 on the dot. Well fuck man. Lets get this shit started.
The stage had been set as hed been on the phone Sherlock and so he saw a traditional set up, it looked… pretty basic. He wasn’t seeing no logos or skulls, no spikes or blades - it just seemed like some amateur night. Aw fuck was it amateur night? Shit man had Hat Man not fucking checked the damn website before he’d sent his delivery boy to-!
The room abruptly went black and the crowd all seemed to freeze at once and smoke suddenly began filling the room- the murmurings started but Butch wasn’t catching the whiff of any fire sure but-.
The speakers suddenly blasted and a gasp rang out because there was someone suddenly on stage like she’d just materialized out of-....
…. Nowhere.
… Goddamn it Brick.
The woman was tall- she would be. She was the tallest of the sisters and it wasn’t helped by those… fucking scary looking shoes that Butch was pretty sure gave her a good three more inches and aw fuck that heel was gonna fucking hurt wasn’t it?
Because who else was that on the stage but fucking BUttercup Utonium in the flesh- sporting a new do sure but Butch would know those goddamn green eyes from hell anywhere. Ugh his groin was hurting already- the chick had hell of a kick and god knows Butch had been the one to deal with the crazy green one while Brick and Boomer had taken on their respective color counterparts or whatever - which had in fucking Horny Hat cases meant spiriting madam Priss to an alley and making out outta sight while the blondes at least had had some fucking class and just flirted the entire time and ignored the whole gee- battle in the first place.
God forbid Butch be so lucky. Oh no Buttercup Utonium loved to PUNCH.
And sure so did Butch but he still wasn’t convinced the Puff didn’t have iron knuckles hidden in her bones. Wolverine style. That or she filed her nails into CLAWS.
Because fuck man the pain - the pain!
… Okay so it was kind of a hot pain. Like a sexy hot pain because there was no denying that sultry woman up there was uh … hot. All three of the Utonium sisters were but meh maybe it was because Butch was like his brothers and kinda you know- a selfish prick but uh…
It was the eyes man. Those fierce green eyes that were caked in glitter and smokey eyeshadow right now sure but….fuuuuuck.
Buttercup Utonium's kiss had killed Butch once but…fuck man life was too short and sucked anyway.
There'd be worse ways to go.
The announcer got back on stage and introduced her- Bella Donna - Ha! yeah Butch knew she was an attention seeker cause fuck man what a stage man.
For a chick who was so hell bent on gee- not Being found she sure was a fucking showoff. Heh.
This would be fun. Painful as fuck and Butch's balls would curse him as much as his dick would love him but fuuuuuck.
Shit the chick could sing. Fuck man she could sing. And not in some annoying high pitched wail or some shit on a synthesizer nah man… Buttercup Utonium had that deep alto voice that just coated the room in a haze. Trapped all the unsuspecting fuckers in it's grip and - I'll put a spell on you- now you're mine…
He'd always had suspicions Shadow Beast here was secretly a witch. Butch was immune to her charms of course - it was hard to be engrossed or caught by a woman who liked to play bouncy balls with tch- your fucking balls.
The Greens- fuck that asinine nickname- had after all never seen the "light" so to speak like the siblings did. Their fights remained as bloody, violent and spectacular as usual. No seriously they should have started charging tickets - on Demand or some shit. He'd make more money as a fighting porn star ya know- she'd be a star on sight obviously, Butch would have to shake his ass a bit more but they could do it-.
The music surged and the song got more intense and Butch folded his arms. This wasn't his first time hearing the wannabe siren and he'd plugged his ears good and tight with wax.
"Immunity's a bitch…. Ain't it bitch." He murmured under his breath. A drifting challenge to her tide and sure enough she went still and her face turned slightly.
Those huge green eyes glinted with malice and fury. The twitch in her long claws made Butch twitch right back.
Bella Donna- huh. Poison.
Yeah… yeah Butch could see it.
She turned from him back to her adoring coven all scrambling to get up on set with her - slobbering packs of wannabe familiars to the Shadow witch.
But nah. Message received wasn't it little siren. .
He was the only one not shocked or disappointed when she did no meet and greet after the set but a burly bouncer tapped him in the shoulder and began to try to half drag Butch to the back.
Tch. He was in business mode so Butch actually let him do it.
"That's good. Thanks Jaden."
"Anything for you Bella."
He rolled his eyes as the Shadow witch secretly did the same.
But Butch had a job to do. So bring on the -.
WHAM. oh… fucking-!
She only examined her hand idly as Butch struggled back up from the goddamn sucker punch !
"That was a cheap shot!"
"So's stalking a chick, if you wanted an autograph." She snorted. "Too bad."
"I ain't here to be one of your slobbering idiots." He snapped. "You're aware you ain't slick, you ain't clever, we know it's been you, so come home already!"
He caught the fist this time. Bitch wasn't getting him twice.
"Fuck you!" She hissed.
"Tempting offer but I'm on the clock." She grunted but he slammed her against the wall anyway. "And fuck you too bitch for making your sister cry. How dare you."
"Still fantasizing over seeing her naked someday? Big Brother know your little secret Bitchy Boo?"
He stiffened and that was the opening she needed, one arm looped around his neck from behind and one kick sent him spiraling and little Butch fucking hated him. Oh well get over it fucker.
" That was a cheap shot!" He wheezed. "And just so you know." Oh the pain. "Just cause she's hot don't mean I wanna fuck her, too prissy and bossy, but that don't mean I want to see her fucking cry either!"
She examined her nails. "Bricks still her bitch then? Tch. Good for her."
A swell of fraternal indignation surged in him by instinct but…. Ah fuck you.
"He's happy." He muttered.
"Being her bitch. It's fine, Blossom the dictator is never happy unless she's bossing someone around, why not her boy toy."
Okay… yeah Butch flinched. Damn it. This chick just did that to him . Got in his fucking head like a… like some kinda poison or whatever! Stayed there, rotted his brain, kicked the shit outta him then sauntered away like…
… Fuck.
"So we doing this or what?" She cracked her back. "The sooner I kick the shit out of you the faster you leave and go back to Horny Sherlock with your finds right. You're aware I'm not going back. We've discussed this."
Butch cracked his own knuckles.
"Chick, if I gotta drag your sorry unconscious ass and drop it off at the fucking doorstep then I will." She stiffened. "ya can't hide forever and I ain't being stuck being fucking WattPad or whatever the rest of my life."
Her eyes blazed a sickly lime green before she hovered ominously. "It's Watson you fucking idiot!"
A kick was easily caught but she wasn't able to stop the momentum and so they spun in sync before her pretty face was slammed into the concrete floor of the club. That had to hurt. Oh well. So sad.
Obviously she lurched right back up and Butch jumped out of the way. Another hit and Butch was against the wall.
"Rusty?" She cooed.
"You wish." He crooned back before twisting the door knob behind him and lurching her outside. The brisk air was a welcome respite from the smoky claustrophobia that was that club and - yeah baby, now they were in business.
He obviously flew high and embraced the space as she glared up at him from the sorry heap on the ground. Oh had he had her land dangerously close to the dumpster? Oh in this time. Aww poor thing.
Buttercup was just as fucking a neat freak as either of her two sisters and the sheer audacity of being covered in filth clearly set her off. His fingers twitched in anticipation.
Now the fun could really begin.
She lunged forward with a shrill screech and Butch answered with a roar of his own before two green streaks later the Citiesville skyscape had quite the spectacle on their hands.
"Why the fuck won't you just leave me alone!" She snarled.
"Cause where's the fun in that?"
"Fuck you!"
"You pretty much trashed any chance of that happening tonight Baby cakes. So sorry."
"Oh… you little-!"
Again her fists were caught and again she slipped out of his grip like a shadow.
"Your sisters are worried about ya."
"They could give two fucks about me!"
Punch. Kick.
"They never have!":
Kick. Kick. SLAM.
"They never will!"
KICK.
"Because Buttercup also starts with a mother fucking-." She spat out a clot of blood. "B."
"Bitch I ain't a shrink."
"Bitch I wasn't saying shit to you."
"No you're too busy giving me fucking dental debt!"
She grit her teeth. "You're the one who can't say no to Sherlock Horn Dog."
"Least I don't got Daddy issues."
WHAP.
Okay, maybe Butch deserved that one. Fuck what this chick did to his brain after slamming it in the concrete four times. Fucking hell.
"Okay, that was low." Butch put a hand out. "In my defense you have basically made me unable to spawn little Butches ever."
"Saving the day before bedtime bitch."
"And then after bedtime you just beat the shit outta people."
"Since when do you have a fucking conscience?"
"I don't- I have a whipped as fuck big brother who married Conscience incarnate."
"Who you wanna see naked."
"What straight male doesn't! She's hot but news flash that don't mean I wanna fuck her! You just break little Butch's bone sometimes, she'd fucking freeze it - seriously how the fuck is my bro not dead at this point, chick is nuts!" He narrowed his eyes. "All three of you are fucking nuts!"
"What's Bubs got to do with this!"
"She's hardcore scaring the shit outta my baby brother who knocked her up - just by looking at him."
She snorted and he threw his hands up in the air.
"You can't keep doing this chick. It ain't fair and it ain't what he would have wanted."
"Who?" She spat.
"You fucking know who!"
It went silent.
"You don't know shit."
"I know enough."
"He went and abandoned me."
"He got sick, what you think he did it on purpose?"
Silence.
"Fucking hell you crazy bitch even I know you can't make yourself get the big C'! That's stupid even for you-!"
"Shut. UP!"
The fight was clearly back on and it was even more vicious than normal. Fuck had Butch hit a nerve then. Oops- so sorry but fucking HELL-!
The heel went clean through the concrete… uh oh.
This was gonna hurt.
Butch went flying through the air and smashed through the glass in the nearby construction site- oooh they were gonna be maaaaaad. Heh heh- aw FUCK!
And here was Buttercup Utonium here now in all her blazing Puff glory and shit- light show not included and heh… Butch was gonna die.
Bring it on.
Her punches were not merciful. Her kicks were to kill. And fuck if Butch hadn't had a good fight in years - ever since Reds and Blues had gone domestic well the purple fiasco made it so the Greens weren't really able to… ya know?
Try to kill each other like the good ole' days.
See, even Professor U had understood that shit. Allowing use of the training facilities and shit to channel some much needed steam or whatever.
Gyms didn't cut it. Human matches didn't cut it. But this…shit man this.
Butch felt the anchor holding him down finally begin to lift and fuck…fuck that "going domestic" nonsense.
This was the real deal. And Butch was living for it.
Slam. Punch. Kick.
Kick. Punch. Guard.
And judging from the light in her eyes. The other “Green” was too.
“Give up!” She snarled.
“Nah, I’ll pass.” He flipped in the air to avoid her energy bolt and aw fuck man- what a feeling! He was alive !
“Why the fuck are you even here!?” Another kick- he caught it and spun her clean around but she twisted out of his hold ducked down and kicked his feet from under him. He rolled out of the way of the heel and preserved his beautiful face from her hot wrath. Fuck man was this chick sexy when she was trying to kill him. “Answer me fucker!”
Butch wiped the blood from his mouth with a grin and then just shrugged. Oho pissy Puffy shadow beasts didn’t like the shrug- ooh so close she almost snapped a rib with that one- heh heh.
“Listen Baby cakes-.” He grunted and she growled. Heh. “I ain’t a talker- I’m a man of action, so telling it to you straight baby- you’re going back to Townsville- Daddy issues or whatever ain’t my problem” He stood up and cracked his knuckles. “Cause I ain’t Sherlock Horn Dog’s shrink for hire-.” Crack. “I’m just his delivery boy.”
The growling grew louder, “Lemme guess- you have layers too.” She said snidely and he snickered.
“Tch- yeah fuck that shit I’m just Butch Baby cakes- take it or leave it.”
Her fist raised and glowed with lime green energy. “Or option three- I exterminate it.”
He whistled, “Dayum- everything nice my ass.”
The energy soon matched her eyes. “I grew up.”
Yes. Yes she did. He caught the adult grown ass lady’s fist again.
“You’re out of practice Baby doll.”
“Bite me fucker!”
“How’s about later and we’re both naked.”
SLAM.
“Screw you.” A hiss.
“Again an invitation I’ll take just you know- I ain’t into the whole voyeur thing so we have to find a hotel room or somethin’.”
Again Butch met concrete. His poor face. Brick that fucking bastard, he was gonna be getting Butch’s dentist bills and he could explain it to Madam Bow Head. But first he was hoisted up and slammed against a wall.
“Stay. Away. From. Me.”
“Can’t. I’m on a job.”
The grip around his throat tightened.
“Then find a new one.”
“Why? This one’s fun. Plus can’t have the Bow head cryin’ on my watch. Sherlock Horn Dog will yell.” ”
He grinned then braced himself for the hit but it didn’t come. Aw what?”
“...What do you mean crying?” She hissed. “My sister doesn’t cry. She didn’t even cry at the-!” She trailed. “That’s a low kind of lie even for you shithead.”
“Hate to break it to ya doll- but nope. She cried. Hence why Cap head is on the case and made me do his dirty work.”
The Puff went silent, even as Butch was beginning to see different colors in his eyes from the grip on his throat.
“Why would she cry now?”
“Don’t know- why don’t ya ask her- in fact we’ll both go. When I regain consciousness.” Her eyes narrowed but at least she let go of Butch’s throat. Fuck man- air. Sweet air.
“She didn’t cry at her own fucking proposal or her own wedding… when Bubs told us she was pregnant or even when Dad…” She took a deep breath. “So why the fuck is she crying now?”
“Again Baby… I ain’t your shrink. I just hit things. That’s it. I ain’t cut out for the domestic shit my lame ass brothers are.’
“... You’re a green… that's all we’re good for.” She muttered. He raised an eyebrow. “Oh c’mon you know its fucking true. For fuck’s sake- I’m just another B you know.”
“No but whatever- your shirt’s all torn so I’m just gonna keep looking at that while you have a fucking therapy session or whatever. Continue.”
The look was withering but she folded her arms. “It’s not fair you know.”
“Life normally isn’t. Fuck you got good tits. They’re real right?”
“The Professor just…you know- he saw Bloss get married, Bubs having a kid… the first and second B’s you know they… just… and then there’s - the last one. The last to be named. Because it starts with a B- the screw up.” She tapped her heel listlessly. “ The Green screw up.”
“I mean your sister got knocked up and the other one well- its just the redheads, they’re just perfect.” He shrugged. “Just deal with it babe- I do.”
“Yeah well your dad didn’t just name you to match a set now did he?” She spat.
“Actually I named myself but whatever- c’mon tits. Your daddy issues or whatever aside you’re Buttercup Utonium- who the fuck cares where the name came from?”
She glared. “You don’t get it.”
“Nope I don’t and guess what I don’t care either. Cause you shouldn’t - and your sisters sure don’t with both of em’ blubbering and making my brothers’ lives hell. Like damn dude- if we’d known what this fucking meant I sure as hell wouldn’t have agreed to this - last wishes or whatever.” He grunted.
“Excuse me?”
“Tch- you didn’t know? Pft, course you don’t - you know I find it hilarious woman you think your old man didn’t give a shit about you when he fucking made all three of us promise to look out for you three, by nam e too- Brick take care of my little Blossom, don’t let her hide away, Boomer protect my little Bubbles and my grandson, keep them safe , Butch-.”
“Don’t let the screw up Buttercup outta your sight.: She muttered.
Now Butch was the one to narrow his eyes.
“No bitch, actually it went - Butch, watch out for my little Buttercup, she has the biggest heart of them all.”
It went silent.
“Obviously, I vomited a little but I gave my word and a Rowdyruff don’t break that- even if its a lame as fuck promise or whatever.”
Still silent.
“So Bella donna or whatever you gonna call yourself, you can beat the shit outta me, you can leave me half dead in the alley I don’t care. A Rowdyruff doesn’t break his promises, you’re stuck with me, I ain’t havin’ some old man with A’X haunt me like Boomer the Baby Daddy is pretty sure he does-. Let alone Brick the hubby.”
Still… strangely silent. Fuck.
“So yeah, I don’t know about the heart thing or whatever, clearly Daddy Utonium- Rest in Peace man- but clearly he didn’t know how much of a goddamn sadist you are in your fucking heels of death and my face but whatever.”
“...It’s not fair.”
“Again chick life ain’t fair-.”
“It’s not… fair damn it! Its not fair- its not fair!”
“And again-.” He grabbed her by the arms. “Life never fucking is Buttercakes. It ain’t right what happened to the guy, in a world that didn’t fucking suck the guy wouldn’t have gotten cancer or whatever and had it - I dunno spread so quick or some shit, Brick explained it to me but no offense I wasn’t listenin’ - big words and shit confuse me as much as they comfort his wife. I dunno- maybe they do sexy dictionary times as foreplay- fuck gross, why’d I even think that-! See! Life ain’t fair! Now I can’t look at a dictionary no more- is that fair?”
She averted her gaze.
“Answer me bitch- is that shit fair!?”
“... No.”
“But it happened anyway, and we just gotta move on. Just like your Dad died. It happened. It sucks. It really sucks- we all miss him. All of us and yeah even me… I miss the guy too. But what definitely isn’t fair is you putting your sisters through this shit because you can’t put your fucking shit in perspective and you’re just hiding your fucking whatever, grief, daddy issues - whatever you wanna call it- you just left without a word, and now you’re beating people up in Citiesville and singing at night like some kind of bad comic book origin story.”
“I ain’t hiding-!”
“Oh bull shit ya crazy bitch- I’ve been chasing after ya for a goddam month. Your sisters need you back in Townsville and my brothers do too because they’re gonna kill em’ - seriously Blue one might bite Baby Daddy’s head off for real and Bowhead might fuck her boy toy to death because they both won’t admit they’re worried sick about ya!”
Silence.
“So am I taking ya to Townsville conscious or not conscious- cause either way you’re goin’ back. I don’t give a shit- you can perform at clubs there. The male population will thank me for returning ya- hell I’ll probably get a statue.”
Again she was irritatingly silent and Butch’s patience- limited already was beginning to fray.
“Buttercup I fucking mean it, promise or not, I won’t hesitate to knock you the fuck out if I have to-!” Oof. Uh…?
“Shut the fuck up you fucking asshole. Don’t tell me what to do.” She hissed in his shirt. “Don’t you fucking come here and tell me all this shit about my sisters missing me and my Dad… just being my Dad and- and-!”
“He loved ya - you know that right.”
Again… Butch didn’t know how Brick and Boomer did it. He really didn’t. A Puff crying was just… not okay. He hated it, he hated seeing it and he hated listening to it so… fuck man.
Her sobbing got louder but he just tightened his grip around her as she was blubbering in his shirt and well… fuck.
Guess Butch wasn’t that much different from his brothers after all.
Fin