Work Text:
I sit there barely able to look at myself in the mirror. I can’t bare to look down at my chest because I’m afraid of what I see. Because I don’t want to look this way.
Dreams of having the body I want flood through my mind and I break down right infront of the floor length standing mirror in my room collapsing to the floor.
No one’s home. I’m by myself so I can sit here freely, letting my tears floor reminiscing on the body I wish I had. The body I never had and won’t have for another couple years. I just wish that I could be happy in my own skin.
I want to not have to be scared and have a breakdown every. Single. Time. I look at my body trying to erase a part of it from my mind and pretend it doesn’t exist/never existed. It sucks to deal with and then you have the assholes who still sit there and call me [redacted] and “she”. I’m just sick and tired of it.
I wish I could have just been born in the body I want without having to go through all this. Not knowing what I want my name to be. Constantly being unsure and insecure in my identity because because can’t seem to just get their fucking heads out of their asses and just change 2 or 3 words in a goddamn sentence because they don’t want to lose their “little girl”.
And want to know what I say to that? Fuck your little girl. She’s gone and has been for about 2 years. And trust me. She isn’t coming back any time soon. She’s just not. So stop praying for someone who’s lost to time.
I do love my identity. Just sometimes I wish I could be “normal” and not have to deal with this. I wish I didn’t have to deal with it internally hurting to look in a mirror. I just want to be comfortable and happy in my own goddamn body. Is that too much to ask?