Work Text:
Artwork commission by Eliza Faust Diary
Hōjō has a problem. He knows this; he’s worked through this, but… it’s like his heart wants to jump out of his chest and chase after—after…
True, he should be focusing his intense feelings on someone who returns them, he gets it! His life would be so much easier if that first-year student was even remotely his type. He can see the way she looks at him, he can hear the way his friends whisper to him about lost causes, and he knows exactly who they are referring to.
But he can’t stop. Not when the object of his desire seems to always be beyond his grasp, getting farther away instead of closer. Not when he sometimes wonders if they are even real. Not even when…
Was that why he begged to be cast as the prince? Because who would be able to resist Hōjō in his princely attire? His family is of noble origins, after all! He looks like he could be out of a fairy tale, right? That’s his hope. Because maybe, just maybe, the one whose eyes sparkle, whose hair cascades down their back, whose smile—the genuine one—can light up everything in their vicinity?
How could Hōjō not be hopeless for them?
He wonders if today will be the day that he can declare his feelings—the genuine ones. He sure hopes so.
They’re cagey. So cagey. They seem to be so adept at slipping away the moment that Hōjō thinks he has a handle on them. If only Hōjō could pull them aside and declare his feelings, get them out of the way, then maybe he could move on with his life!
Alas. Even now, while he is dressed as the prince he barely feels like he deserves to be, they are far away.
“Escargot! You’re my starfish, my shellfish, my sashimi!!!” he yells across the stage; Kagome looks lovely in her pink dress and her crown, truly a princess.
“I’m so happy, Pierre Pannacotta! I think I am…” Her brown eyes are wide as a startled doe’s; she seems really distracted somehow.
“Don’t say anything… Come! Into my arms!!” Hōjō cries out. It’s not quite the script, but he is a prince, after all!
“Pierre..!” Kagome’s running.
“Es—cargot!” Hōjō is running, too.
💥 CRASH 💥
Hōjō stops only a few meters away from Kagome. Something—someone is descending from the roof. There’s a ray of sunshine lighting them up as if they are an angel come down from heaven.
It’s—it’s them! Hōjō knows right away. From the long silver hair streaming down his back to the fierce golden eyes lit with their own light, to the commitment to cosplay so impressive even now he’s wearing his triangular dog ears! His muse, his inspiration, his private obsession!
But Hōjō does not even know his name! All he knows is that this wondrous being only appears around Kagome. Yet she always seemed to see through his ruse, only nodding politely at the gifts for her ill health and the attempts to take her on dates to very casually probe into the identity of this, her most beautiful friend.
Now, here he is! A prop sword in his hand and a dangerous glint in his eye, challenging Hōjō for the princess!
“Who the hell are you?!” he yells.
“I—I am…” Hōjō will finally get to introduce himself!
Except not. Because they are in a play. There’s an audience right there watching them! He must play his part as the prince.
“Please stop!” Kagome is shouting now, too; her eyes are wider than before. She looks like she has swallowed a bug, maybe from the gaping hole in the roof? (Hōjō’s crush sure does know how to make an entrance!) “You are both fighting over me… Please stop it!”
Oh—oh! “Got it, Higurashi…”
“Please, Hannabult Pekopon! I’m the one at fault… So don’t attack him!” So this knight’s name was Hannabult! “Pierre! Please run away! Don’t risk your life!”
“I will not run away!” Hōjō doesn’t think he has ever been this excited before. Not only has the mystery man who haunts his dreams made the most dramatic of entrances into this play, but he gets to play fight for the hand of the princess! He rushes forward. “Keep away from Escargot!” The beautiful man is holding Kagome now; Hōjō finds that he’s… jealous. “Get your dirty hands off her! Hannabult!” He only barely swallows down the next words, were I so lucky to touch you so familiarly… before continuing the show. “We shall fight and decide who’s better for Escargot!”
Hōjō has no doubt about who would win that fight. Hannabult the Brave, Hannabult the Brawnie, Hannabult the Beautiful, would win the hand of the princess.
If only it was acceptable for the prince to desire the hand of the knight.
The swordfight is shorter-lived than he imagined. Apparently they really had created quite the spectacle, with a hole in the roof and a hole in the stage filled with a… monster?! Well well well! What a time to prove he was worthy of his princely title!
“The fight is over.” He shares a wide smile with his—err, Kagome’s knight—and points his sword at the plump green monster prop in the center of the stage. “Go to hell, demon!”
Before he can make even a single move closer, Hannabult sets off the most spectacular pyrotechnics that Hōjō has ever seen! Obliterating the demon with an elegant swish of his sword.
Hōjō will never be able to think of anyone else at this rate.
Then it’s over. Both Hōjō’s knight and Kagome launch themselves through the hole in the roof, a princess choosing her forbidden lover over the prim and proper prince.
When the crowd goes wild, Hōjō waits. But Kagome and Hannabult are nowhere to be seen. So finally, Hōjō, alone on the stage, takes his bow.
He hopes that one day, the prince too can run away with their forbidden lover, just like the princess has been able to do.