Work Text:
Laying in bed and waiting for sleep to come sometimes feels like a heavy work.
You turn on your side and open your eyes even though you know you should keep them closed and try to relax. But your body never seems to obey you at times like these when you most want it to comply and just go to sleep and have a decent night.
The room is semi dark with your night light on and you can't decide if it helps you at all. Sometimes, the light provides you some security and at other times, it becomes a source of irritation.
You contemplate if you should turn it off, but some part of you is irrationally afraid to do that and having to deal with the emptiness of the darkness. When you feel better, darkness is welcoming. But when you are anxious and your mind is racing, darkness is like a chasm that begins right on the edge of your bed.
You pull your weighted blanket higher and cower a little, in need of some sort of assurance, but for what? You don't know. Then, your rational side kicks in and tells you to stretch out your limbs and try to relax.
The more you struggle in these polar opposite thoughts and feelings, the less sleepy you feel. You even wonder how people actually manage to fall asleep at all. You are tempted to take your phone in your hand and google it, knowing too well that you shouldn't obey the impulsive strike of curiosity. But your brain is grasping for any piece of distraction from the anxiety that's building up due to not being able to fall asleep. So, you turn around again and reach for your phone.
And just then, the door of the bedroom opens and he comes in, trying to be silent and careful. But he sees your eyes open and your hand reaching for the phone on the night stand and his shoulders drop and an understanding smile appears on his face. "Still awake?" He asks in a very small voice.
You withdraw your hand from the nightstand guiltily and nod, burrowing deeper under your blanket. He walks towards the bed and sits on the edge of it gingerly, his kind blue eyes on you.
"Some warm milk or tea?" He asks.
You shake your head.
"Need to talk?"
You consider a bit, but shake your head again. Yet, he doesn't buy it.
"Something is troubling you, though. He guesses correctly. He can always tell.
You bite on your lower lip and avert your eyes for a moment. You know it is completely illogical and even childish, but you also instinctively know that he won't see it like that. So, you take courage from it and blurt what's been bothering you. "Seb, I am... I am afraid of being unable to fall asleep."
As expected, he actually gives it a hard thought as he takes your hand into his and cradles it securely. "But in the end, you always manage to get some sleep this way or that way, right?"
You nod and he smiles. "I guess when you can't fall asleep, at times it feels like you've lost the ability to do so and you'll never again figure it out how you used to do it."
"It is just... I feel like I am failing myself and my body by being unable to sleep, that I am hurting myself. And it gives me anxiety and it rapidly gets out of control..." You explain quickly, your eyes big and your hand in his bigger hand clutching onto his tightly without meaning to.
Lips pressed into a thin line, he nods. "You aren't failing yourself. Sometimes it is like a circle. The more you try to relax, the more you get tense. It is not your fault."
You blink at him and take in a silent breath, trying to accept the situation.
"But if there is anything I can do for you to keep the anxiety away, you know I will do it lovingly."
It is impossible to not smile at his soft expression when he brings your hand up and kisses the back of it. "Can you stay with me a bit?" You ask and he immediately accepts, standing up and walking to the other side of the bed and getting in.
Your heart bursting with joy, you wait for him to settle and turn towards you. He gathers you closer and places your head on his bicep in a way he can also reach the top of your head with the hand of the same arm.
Immediately, his citrus summer scent envelopes you and you meet his face so close to yours.
"Better?" He smiles again, his fingers playing with your hair.
You try to find a good position to relax without cutting the circulation of his arm and realize he is embracing you with his other arm loosely swung around your waist. "Better..." You whisper, a bit flushed as always when you two get closer like this. "Thank you, Seb..."
He just smiles and draws little circles on your lower back with his thumb as his other hand keeps on playing with your hair. "Always..." He whispers. "Whatever you need..."
It warms your heart so much that for a moment you consider kicking away your blanket over yourself due to the sudden rise of your body temperature, but he has arranged the blanket meticulously just a moment ago and nothing beats being toasty warm in his arms even if the heat might suffocate you. You smile at your thoughts and he inclines his head a bit in question.
"What are you smiling at?" He asks with fond amusement.
You feel even more flustered under his gentle eyes, but you answer nonetheless. "Thinking how we'll both suffocate under this heavy blanket..."
"It'll be alright. And I don't mind some heat." He winks, quite aware you got what he means. "But getting you worked up this late would be counter productive. So, tomorrow, then."
It is always a good thing to know that he can't see your red cheeks in the dim light. But the glint in your eyes and your smile are all too visible. So, he leans in and gives you a long lingering kiss as a reward.
"Now, relax a bit and try not to think anything other than me." He smirks.
You sigh contently and do as he says, getting more comfortable and closing your eyes. You remain like that for a little before something occurs to you and your eyes snap open again.
He has been observing you and sees the question in your eyes.
"What if I can't sleep but you fall asleep?" You ask and immediately clear it up. "I don't want you to wait for me. I want you to sleep, too... But what if I can't?"
He runs his hand assuringly against your back and kisses your forehead. "Then, you get to watch me." He offers.
You snort and smile. "Like a creep..." You joke.
"No." He corrects you. "Like my guardian angel."
Your eyes widen for a second, touched at the way how he can always manage to look at things from a positive perspective. You nod, accepting your duty.
"Sometimes I watch over you. Sometimes you watch over me. Also, whoever can't sleep gets to play with the other's hair. Deal?" He grins. And you can't help but agree, sealing it with a small kiss.
"Good night, Seb..." You whisper against his lips and he tucks you against his side closer and sighs.
"Goodnight, love." When he exhales, it feels like you have let go all your fears, too, and can finally get a wink of sleep perhaps.
The next morning, you wake up with the hair on top of your head tied up like a little fountain and you laugh at your reflection, realizing Seb fell asleep later than you last night.
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Fin.