Chapter Text
It had been a very long week. A very very long week. Maybe even two, or three long weeks, or a long month, but at this point Hoseok had stopped bothering to count. It had just been. A while.
At this point, he didn't even remember why he felt this way, only that for some inexplicable reason the last weeks of the summer hadn't recharged him - instead, they had left him feeling empty and lonely and off, in a way that he couldn't quite put into words.
Every day was a little grey, and a little sad, and what should've been a restful couple of months had morphed into a months-long pity party.
Maybe it was because after coming home from his first year, he had slowly realised that it was no longer his home. Or maybe it was the fact that he couldn't quite get into his usual rhythm while dancing back home, but that didn't matter. The crux of the matter was that his days were cold and dark and sad, and for the past while nothing could help.
Now, the sunny days of August gave way to a slightly chillier September evening, and he found himself back in his cheap one-bedroom apartment a twenty minute bus ride from campus, still unable to shake off that grey glumness that was following him around. If he pretended he didn't live there because he couldn't afford rent closer to campus, he could almost see himself being content there.
But it was ok - Hoseok found that the best antidote to that feeling was to throw himself into some sort of productive work - whether attending all of his classes, learning dance routines, working, studying with his not-quite-friends, or just deep-cleaning his apartment and reorganising his closet for the nth time. The busywork kept him from thinking too much about his own feelings, and that was for the best, as far as he was concerned. Sure, he might be feeling grey, but if he couldn't tell, did it really matter?
After unpacking and eating ramen for dinner (sue him, he didn't want to cook for the past while, and he would rather buy groceries later), he had spent the next couple of hours sitting on the couch, scrolling aimlessly through various apps, delaying the inevitable. But it was time to rest.
Crawling into bed at 10, he took a deep breath. Tomorrow was the first day of classes, and while his schedule was hell, he at least had his classes and his workdays on alternating days as a positive to look forward to. And, after the gruelling day of classes, he would be attending the invitational dance team for the introductory meeting, which was something he actually was excited about. He had missed the team over the summer, and couldn't wait to go back.
Sure, it might be a bit of a struggle with his job and his classes, but he couldn't imagine not being part of the team, so he would have to make do, even if making do meant having a difficult schedule.
Staring at the ceiling above him, Hoseok hoped. Tomorrow would be better. It had to be.
Tomorrow, in fact, was not better. It may have even been worse.
Hoseok was woken up by almost painfully searing light, and the moment he opened his eyes, he was notified of a sharp, painful headache splitting his skull.
Of course. He thought to himself, a deep irritation welling up within him. Can't even have one peaceful day.
Checking his phone, it was 7am. Considering his first class was at 8:30, and a choreo class at that, he would have more than enough time to get ready.
Not even the headache could stop him from having to attend thought - had he had any other major, he might've gotten away with skipping the introductory lectures, but in Dance, since most of his classes were small workshops, skipping the first day would send an awful message to his professors, and he absolutely did not want that.
So, in spite of his body desperately protesting any movement, Hoseok got out of his (warm, cozy, comfortable) bed, and dragged himself into the kitchen to set up his coffee-maker and take Advil, before dragging himself over to the bathroom. A freezing-cold shower and coffee should be enough to wake his body up, and the Advil would hopefully minimize the headache.
It was a pretty long walk to get to campus, but the fresh air and movement would probably be better for him in the long run than the stifling and crowded bus, and he could probably stop by Caramel Macchiato on the way there.
He had found the small cafe during his first year, and had visited it when he could - it was halfway between his apartment and the campus, so fairly frequently. It served good coffee at reasonable prices, and if he pretended it wasn't his second cup of coffee he could almost pretend to be healthy and functioning. He could probably get a sandwich for lunch there, too - he still had no food, and wouldn't be able to go grocery shopping before evening.
So, grabbing his bag that he prepared yesterday and a warm jacket, Hoseok set out on a long walk.
The brisk autumn walk had been good for him. The headache had lessened to a mild throb instead of a burning pain (though, that might've been in part due to the Advil as well), and he felt slightly more vibrant. Not too vibrant, nothing like his usual persona, but enough to where he would probably be alive before classes started, and ready to work.
As he approached the cafe, he took a deep breath to steel himself, before entering. Just as last year, it was incredibly cozy, with caramel-coloured walls, rosewood flooring and counters, and an abundance of flowers and plants lining the shelves of the store.
Hoseok approached the counter, already knowing what his order was going to be - a mint latte, with a to-go sandwich and chips for later in the day. Coming up to the counter, he was a little shocked to not see Changbin standing there, but not too shocked. His hyung did graduate in the spring, and probably had a full-time job in music production, so he wouldn't need to work part-time anymore, or at the very least wouldn't work at 8am.
Instead, a new barista stood at the counter.
The barista - Jungkook was his name, based on his nametag - smiled back warmly, looking like a little bunny.
Hoseok had just met him, and in spite of that was already endeared. Hopefully he would be sweet too, and follow in the great Changbin tradition of being a fun conversation partner during dreary, dreary mornings.
"Hi! Do you know what your order is going to be?" Asked Jungkook, his already cute smile widening.
Hoseok was not strong enough, but he would try. "Yes! Mint latte, and the lunch combo!"
Upon hearing the mint latte, Jungkook snorted, his nose twitching. "Mint? Are you sure?"
Like a little bunny's. Hoseok's traitorous mind supplied. A very cute bunny's. He couldn't even bring himself to be annoyed at his immaculate beverage taste being insulted, because it was by a very cute barista.
"Yes! It tastes really good - it might be an acquired taste, but it's really good."
"Honestly I might try it - one of my boyfriends absolutely detests mint, and might break up with me, but it's worth it." Jungkook punctuated that statement with a wink, and Hoseok could /feel/ his ears start to burn.
He would not let himself be seduced by a man jokingly flirting with him - a very very handsome, but very very taken man with several boyfriends least of all.
God, he really needed some romance in his life. After paying, he went over to stand at the counter and checked his phone. He had more than enough time to get to class, and checking his schedule on Google Calendar, he had choreo first. He then scrolled through his music, eventually deciding on his Hello Venus playlist - classics that would get him in the peppy mood he needed.
"Here's your drink! I don't think you gave me your name!"
Lifting his head up from his phone, he smiled at Jungkook. "It's Hoseok! But I'll be back!"
Waving his hand goodbye, Hoseok left the café, a little bit more energized than before.
That was a lie. The two cups of coffee did not, in fact, make him as energized as he wanted. Hoseok did have energy for his first two classes - Choreo, and Breaking and Hip Hop dance practices. However, by his contemporary dance class, he had started feeling a bit weak and out of it, but thankfully he had an hour-long lunch before his Dance Kinesiology course.
That one wouldn't require any movement, so he could save what little energy he had for practice.
At least he didn't have work today - Hoseok managed to schedule his job at the convenience store near his house on alternating days from his classes, so that was one thing to not worry about. Of course, with that came his hours being cut, but that was a necessary sacrifice if he wanted to work, take classes and dance.
Sitting down on a bench outside the dance building, he pulled his sandwich from his bag, and started eating. If he finished it fast enough, and got over to his classroom fast enough, he could maybe take a nap so his mind would function.
With that thought in mind, he started on the sandwich.
Afterwards, he did exactly as planned, and thankfully managed to wake himself up ten-odd minutes before class began.
It was a little frustrating to get his head prepared to understand what would happen in class, but pinching the skin of his arm helped him mentally focus on what was to come. He knew from experience that the pain would pass soon.
Thankfully, Kinesiology had dragged to a close, he had time to grab on-campus dinner before dance, and arrived at the studio fifteen-odd minutes before the first meeting for the team. Normally, this time would be reserved for practice, but for the first session, they'd just be discussing the plans for the rest of the year.
Entering the room, Hoseok was excited to spot Minho - the new captain after Taemin's graduation- standing and chatting with Hyunjin and Felix by the music players. The three had been amazing hyungs to him since he joined the team in his first year, and seeing them again was very nice.
He also knew that Junhyuk, his same-aged friend would be joining them as well, as would two new members. He was curious to know who they were, but didn't want to outright ask.
As through reading his mind, Felix instantly introduced that same topic. "You know there are two, but they're a first and second year. Apparently Junhyuk's known the first year since high school, so I have high hopes." Felix said brightly, the smile never leaving his face as he leaned onto Hyunjin. "His name is Siyoung, and his audition was incredible. Very sweet too, as a bonus."
"The other new member is Park Jimin." Minho chimed in. "He is a second year contemporary dancer, and is so elegant and graceful, but can pull off more daring concepts as well. We met up over the summer and he can handle all our choreo just fine, and I am very excited for both of them."
Placing his bag down beside the trio, Hoseok nodded, smiling as much as he could in these trying times. "I'm excited to meet them, and get in the preparation groove - I missed this" he gestured at the room "over the summer."
"Mm, I feel that - going home with no dance studio is so annoying." Hyunjin nodded.
"I feel that!" A new voice rang out, as two more people entered the room, one tailing behind the other. Junhyuk smiled at everyone, before pulling forward the boy behind him. He had blue hair, wide, pretty eyes and looked a little panicked, even if his body language didn't convey any worry.
"Hello, my name is Siyoung!" The boy bowed slightly before returning to his place beside Junhyuk.
Hoseok couldn't help but smile at him - Siyoung would make a wonderful team member, at least from this first impression.
Since they weren't going to be practising today, stretching was probably not going to be necessary, but the six of them present still decided to stretch a little, just to get into the groove, especially while they were still waiting for the arrival of Jimin.
After a couple of minutes, the door swung open.
"I hope I'm not late!" A bright, lilting voice echoed through the room, as an incredibly beautiful boy walked in, his eyes in the prettiest crescents and his black hair shining under the practice room lights.
Oh. Fuck. Hoseok's heart jumped a bit at the newcomer. Park Jimin. The contemporary dancer. He was instantly reminded of last year's end-of-year showcase, and the performance of "Black Swan". Of course, the same stunning man would be asked to join the group.
Such an incredible dancer could not be passed on, and while intellectually Hoseok understood that, being faced by the boy from far too many of his fantasies over the late spring and summer was not good for his brain. He would need to focus and not hit on him.
The room in cheers and welcomes - Hoseok joined in, all while trying to recompose himself.
Jimin's eyes roved over everyone in the room, before settling down on Hoseok, who swallowed. Those pretty eyes were dangerous for his health.
Thankfully, Minho clapped, and they all gathered together into a circle. Hoseok could feel Jimin's eyes on him, but was too focused on listening to Minho and not appearing too flustered to think too deeply about the whole situation.
"So, let's go around one by one and introduce ourselves. After, I'll lay out our practice times and dates - and send you a google calendar through the group chat- and discuss what our plans are for the major competitions of the year, as well as the end-of-semester showcase."
Starting with himself, Minho led the introduction, and circled through the whole group, until Hoseok and Jimin were the last two remaining.
Taking a deep breath, Hoseok began. "Hi everyone! I'm Hoseok, third year dance major - I primarily have experience in hip hop, but obviously do a little bit of everything! This is the third year that I'll be on the team, so I'm really excited to participate!"
Everyone applauded after, leading to a light blush overtaking Hoseok's face. He knew it was impressive that he had been on the team since first year, but he still hated drawing attention to it.
After the clapping died down, it was Jimin's turn. With the focus on him, he almost seemed to glow - Hoseok wished, just as he had during the showcase, that he could capture his energy for just a moment.
"I'm Jimin - I'm in my second year, majoring in dance as well - though my passion is contemporary more than anything. It's my first year on the team, and I hope I don't disappoint!"
As with everyone else, the whole team clapped, and after the noise died down, Minho gathered them to discuss the goals for the semester, and then for the year.
As the meeting drew to an end, blissfully early compared to when their usual meetings would end, Hoseok looked up from his laptop where he was typing all the relevant info Minho was telling the group, only to meet Jimin's eyes.
They were so sparkly, and Hoseok knew instantly that if Jimin asked him for anything, he would say yes immediately. It would be worrying, but. Too late for that.
Jimin smiled even more brightly, and approached Hoseok, crouching down beside him. "Hey!" He called out cheerfully. "We didn't get to talk earlier, but I wanted to say that your dancing is insane - I watched your showcase, and then found your youtube channel - I know you haven't uploaded in a while, but I went back and watched your entire back catalogue - you're a showstopping dancer."
Hoseok swallowed. the cute guy thinks I'm showstopping. his traitorous mind gleefully accepted. But he needed to reign that in. "Oh, thanks! If you want I can help you with that - I used to street dance, so I have experience." He cleared his throat. "I know most of my videos were - are - solo, but I was part of a team and everything. If you want, we can have a solo practice sometime soon."
He tried not to dwell on the comment about his uploads - he would like to do more, but with his job to pay rent, the weight of classes, and considering his lack of energy recently? Yeah, Youtube was not really an option.
"Yeah, I'd love to at some point, but not today! My boyfriends are waiting for me, and I know they're the sort to have bought all my favourite foods to celebrate - they were super excited that I made the team!"
Oh god. He had boyfriends. Whatever flirtatious thoughts Hoseok held flew out of his head entirely. There was no way he had the courage to hit on someone that beautiful and beloved. Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself, letting a gentle smile appear on his face. He could do it. This would be a totally platonic interaction.
"I totally get it - hopefully you all have fun! Let me know when you're free next!" Hoseok smiled as brightly as he could, hoping Jimin didn't notice anything.
"I will! And I'll see you Wednesday - bye!" At that, Jimin stood up with his bag and left the practice room, leaving Hoseok alone to brood.
That night, alone in his room, Hoseok had screamed into his pillow. What gave Park Jimin the right to be so hot, /and/ to have five boyfriends?
At least now he knew where he stood. Jimin would not be his, and he would need to maintain that platonic friendship with him for as long as he could. This was fine. He could do it, even if his traitorous heart wanted more.
He really really couldn't, but he could try.
Curling up in his bed, he hoped that Jimin would stop the play-flirting with him soon. After all, he already had five incredible boyfriends, why would he waste his words on someone like him?
And, besides that, why did all the cute boys these days have boyfriends? That was deeply unfair.
At the very least, he had a day of work tomorrow, so he wouldn't see either of them, and would hopefully get his emotions under control before their next meeting.