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Mark’s heart raced as he watched his captain. They were always so kind to him, even after everything. He supposed it why he loved his captain— Admired his captain.
As their right-hand man, and head engineer, he admired them as they took the lead, pushing the colony in the right direction. They were the captain. And they both were NOT dancing around their unnecessary emotions with one another. He didn’t love them… well-
He rolled his eyes at his internal thoughts.
There was an anti-fraternization policy in place to stop this exact situation. Mark would never pursue a relationship with his captain outside a professional one, with his captain.
Tearing his eyes from his captain, he stares down at his food. He grabbed his fork and stabbed his food, taking his frustration out, ignoring the looks from his colleagues.
He at least had the understanding that they felt similar.
Mark took careful notice of their voice softening when speaking with him, indulging him in conversations they would not do with anyone else. Their smiles they held back, only allowing him to see behind closed doors. His captain would give him more leniency, more freedom to work as he saw fit. However, they were quick to stop him from overworking.
They leaned closer when they walked together somewhere. The captain would sit a little too close; when confronted, they’d brush it off, making an excuse.
It made sense; they had been through so much together. The two would suffer from nightmares that only they’d be able to provide comfort.
And on more than one occasion, they shared a bed… because they both suffered from nightmares, nothing more!
With the anti-fraternization policy, as long as one of them remained a part of the crew, any hope for a relationship was nonexistent. And as far as Mark knew, neither of them was going to leave for prospects of love.
Besides, they were just Captain and Head Engineer. Nothing more, nothing less.
Mark sighed, shoveling down the rest of his food and dumping his tray. Leaving the mess hall, he checks his tablet to see what tasks he needs to complete.
His captain observed him with watchful eyes while he was blissfully unaware.
The way his eyes softened, with a smile that without fail formed when he looked at them, just called to his feelings to his captain. The captain knew, of course, they had spent enough time around him throughout the years to understand how to read him.
The captain themself found unneeded emotions they could not afford to surface. A smile on their face when watching how Mark perked up when he noticed them, the way he stammered and rubbed the back of his head at every compliment they’d give him. They imagined if he had a tail, it would be in constant wagging when he was around them.
With his fluffy black hair and stubble on his face, how people thought he was ugly was beyond the captain.
At every insult and annoyed looks the crew would send his way, they wanted to glare and reprimand them; he was one of the most attractive people they had ever laid their eyes on. Instead, they’d bite their tongue and turn their cheek. They had spent enough years perfecting their ability to restrain themselves, to keep their emotions under lock and key.
The captain would not falter now.
…
Not even as Mark stood before them, his hands wringing in front of him, visibly nervous.
“Captain, could we speak?” He shifts his eyes, making sure no unnecessary attention is directed to the two of them.
Noticing his nervousness, they nod and raise an eyebrow, “Perhaps… in private?” lowly speaking, they smile at his short nod.
They turned; thankfully, they had memorized the ship's layout, guiding Mark to an empty storage room. It would suffice for a private conversation.
Placing their hand on the sensor, they call to the AI, “Computer, do not allow anyone permission to enter this room without mine or the head engineer’s permission,”
“Understood.”
Turning to him, his captain gives him a soft smile, “What did you need to speak about, Mark?”
“I…” He starts, his face heating up, “Well, captain, I have—” a muffled yelp comes from him, the captain placing their gloved hand over his mouth, staring into his eyes,
“Please do not say what I think you’re going to say,” They whispered with furrowed eyebrows.
He blinks, confused, and grabs their hand, pulling away to whisper a soft, “What?”
“Listen, Mr. Iplier, I care deeply for you, “ leaning closer, they shake away the building tears, “But if you’re attempting to confess to me—” they puffed, “We both know it’s not possible. We can’t.”
His face fell, and his captain sighed, closing their eyes. Slowly, Mark brought his hand to their cheek, smiling sadly, “it’s not fair.”
“I know,” They whispered.
“Can’t I say it?” his voice matched theirs, “Even if we have to pretend it never happened?”
They opened their eyes, gazing into his dark eyes, “I think it would be too hard to forget. To pretend to forget,”
He shrugs, tears filling his eyes, “So that’s it?
“It’s all that’s allowed, I’m afraid,” his captain’s eyes droop, frowning at him with a sigh.
He shakes his head, “I can’t—” he grits his teeth, “I can’t stand this. We both—” He stops, tears spilling from his eyes, “I— we… we both feel—”
His captain lets their hand settle on his shoulder, giving him a soft squeeze, “Yes, I know, but… It’s not up to us. I’d prefer not to get discharged and have everything ruined,”
Mark raised his hand, wiping away his tears, “Goddamn it… Shouldn’t it be up to us? It’s our colony.”
They nod, “I know, but it’s not. And that's all there is to it.”
Sighing again, Mark pressed his hand to his face, “I… I know. I know it’s not,” He trailed off, his hand covering his face tenses as his captain slid their hand down his arm,
“It’s mutual, Mark. I know you know this,” they paused, biting the inside of their cheek, “I… We can stay like this until we find a way around it, then… then we can be whatever we want to be,”
He removes his hand from his face, and through his teary face, he looks hopeful,
“...really?”
They nod, “If you’re willing, of course,”
His head clunkily nods, quickly pulling them into a hug, “I’m willing to wait for you,” He whispers their name.
They had both lived several hundred years and then some; they were willing to wait just a little longer for each other.