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This was the final straw.
In his time as Cat Noir, Adrien had been blasted into atoms, erased from time, turned evil, dumped into the sun’s orbit, attacked by his best friend, put in an enchanted sleep, and thrown off or into practically every monument in Paris. He had been beaten, slashed, hung in a spider’s web, been forced to tell the truth, turned into a fashion disaster in platform heels, erased like a corrupted file, and guilt tripped - literally. Not to mention being turned into a pigeon. He hadn’t stopped sneezing for days afterwords. But this took the cake! He was going to find that egomaniac who was now calling himself Monarch and dangle him upside down from the Eiffel Tower with his Lady’s yoyo until he barfed.
He had worn some crazy things over the years as a model, but Adrien had never been more embarrassed in his life. His black suit had been replaced with a pale pink silk ball gown of excellent quality but no functionality with what felt like miles of black lace petticoats under the skirt. His sensible boots had been changed into dainty glass slippers that not only had no arch support, but looked ridiculous on his size twelve feet. He growled as he shook the bars of his tower archway, his white formal gloves incapable of performing Cataclysm. To make it worse, his neck ached from the sudden growth of his hair into two thick plaits that would have hung to his knees if they hadn’t been tortured into an elaborate crown twisted around his head and woven with flowers. The only things left of his Cat Noir persona were his mask and cat ears, though the later had been pierced for heavy dangling earrings and he was pretty sure his mask now had rhinestones. The only thing worse than being trapped in a tower dressed like a Disney reject would be if Ladybug saw him.
“Cat Noir?”
Correction. If Ladybug or Marinette saw him.
“Are you okay,” Marinette called up to him from the sidewalk beneath her balcony, an amused grin fighting to take over her face and failing. “What are you doing here?”
“I was coming to see you when I got hit by a new akuma,” he grumbled, blushing down to the revealing neckline of the gown and thankful that the Militant Femynyst had merely transformed his clothes and not his anatomy. A guy could only take so much humiliation in one day.
“And what excuse did they give that explains why my balcony looks like it was ripped from Cinderella’s Castle?”
“Feminism,” he called flatly, gripping the bars in an effort to control his frustration. Marinette wasn’t to blame that she saw him in this state. “I’m all for equal rights, pay, and respect, but this isn’t equality. This is insanity!”
“The cost of beauty, Kitty,” she said in an offhand manner.
“Then I think you ladies got a raw deal.”
“We don’t have to wear those things, you know. We chose to because it gets us attention. Fine feathers make fine birds, after all.” Then she gave him the penetrating look that she used when she was examining the fine details of a design she had just finished and smiled cheekily. “Though, despite the lack of bust, I do have to admit my colors suit you very well… Princess!”
Cat groaned. He should have known she would go for the princess joke. He wouldn’t have been able to resist it if their positions were reversed. If that wasn’t bad enough, the grin on her face increased his embarrassment so much that his hands came up to cover his exposed chest as his shoulders hunched forward in a weak attempt to hide the delicate crystal beadwork around the absurd neckline that barely covered his pecs.
Her laughter went on and on.
“Marinette,” he whined, his cheeks burning. Why did his “tower” have to be in full view of the street?
“Sorry, Kitty,” she wheezed, clutching her side, “but I have to get a picture of this!”
“Don’t even think about it!”
But her phone was already out. “Marinette! I thought we were friends! How could you do this to me?”
“I won’t send it to the Ladyblog. I just want it for myself,” she said, trying to stop laughing long enough to take a steady picture.
He turned his back to her, arms still crossed over his chest. That caused a fresh round of giggles from the girl on the ground. “Your tail!”
“What? What about my tail?” He turned this way and that, trying to catch sight of the removable appendage.
Marinette had actually fallen on the ground she was laughing so hard. “Its embroidered down the back!”
As embarrassing as this was, he couldn’t help but smile at her laughter. It had been too long since he had heard her laugh so hard. The last few months had been hard on his princess.
“Fine! Get your picture, Marinette!”
He did a very dramatic pose for her through the bars and she snapped it. “Thanks, Kitty. Well, if this is your day to be the princess, then I guess it’s my job to rescue you. I’d better go let Ladybug know you’re out of action. She might need to grab some of the other heroes to help since she doesn’t have her partner.”
She started to take off towards the chaos that could only mean the akuma was at work. “Be careful, Princess,” he called.
Marinette paused and turned to blow him a kiss. “You forgot, Cat! Today I’m the knight!”