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In his defense, Jason had been having a Day. Everything had been going wrong, and honestly, he hadn't even wanted to go to the Cave in the first place, but he and the others were working together on a case, so he'd gotten over himself and gone back with them after patrol. He was remembering rapidly all the reasons why he avoided the Cave, but he could handle that.
What he couldn't handle was Dick's attempts to pretend they were all some goddamn happy family.
"Would you shut the hell up?" he finally demanded, whirling on Dick, who jerked backwards and stopped speaking mid-sentence. "I don't know what sort of delusional fantasy world you're living in, but I'm not your brother. You never wanted me to be anyway."
Dick blinked. "I- Jay-"
"You never gave a shit about me when I was alive the first time around," Jason hissed. "And then you couldn't even be bothered to show up for my funeral after I died."
Dick's face went ashen, and for a moment, he looked like he was going to be sick. "Jason-"
"So stop pretending, okay? Just do your job, and let me do mine, and that's all we need from each other."
Jason could see the bob of Dick's throat as he swallowed, and then Dick nodded once, jerkily, and turned and left the Cave. Jason hissed out a long breath, trying to calm himself down again. He should leave. No case was worth doing this to himself, and the whole Manor and everyone inside it seemed to be designed to stress him out.
"That was hitting below the belt," a stern voice said behind him.
Case in point.
"Piss off, Replacement," Jason said, making his tone as cutting as possible.
Tim didn't get the hint. Instead, he gave Jason a dirty look. "Seriously. That was cruel."
"Maybe you believe the whole good older brother thing," Jason began, feeling himself swell up with anger again, "but-"
"He was offworld," Tim cut in, and Jason abruptly deflated.
"He- What?"
"When you died." Tim said the words without flinching, but Jason flinched a bit and hated himself for it. "Dick was offworld when you died. He was on a mission with the Titans. I don't know the details, but it was some last-second mission that had to do with Donna. By the time they got back, Bruce had already held your funeral."
Jason... did not know that.
He'd tried to get in contact with Dick, when he first started trying to track down his birth mom. None of his calls had gone through. He remembered that clearly, although he knew that not all of his memories had come back with him. He'd assumed Dick was busy or ignoring him, even though he'd given Jason his number and told him he could call if he ever needed anything. And then, when Talia had shown him pictures of his funeral after the Pit, he'd assumed Dick hadn't cared enough to be there. What other explanation could there be for him missing his own brother's funeral?
Being in space with no way to communicate with Earth was a pretty good one, actually.
"He didn't go on any other missions into space for years," Tim added. "He freaked out one time when I tried to convince him to go with the rest of the Titans on one. And he was one of the people who really pushed the campaign for interplanetary communication devices." Tim hesitated, then said, "One time, I went over to his place to see him, and he was... drunk. Really drunk. He said a lot of stuff I don't think he would have said if he were sober, but... He said that not being here for you was his biggest regret. I think he meant it."
They all lived lives full of moments they regretted. Moments when they weren't fast enough, smart enough, strong enough. Jason knew that Dick had always regretted not stopping Tony Zucco from sabotaging his parents' ropes somehow. And yet, apparently not being there for Jason was his biggest one.
"Shit."
"You didn't know any of that, did you?" Tim asked.
"I remember Dick being pissed at Bruce for making me Robin," Jason said. "I remember him not being around much. And I remember not being able to reach him when I was trying to find my birth mom. I didn't know he was in space. I thought..."
I thought he just didn't give enough of a shit about me to pick up the phone.
"He's got that voicemail saved," Tim said. "I don't know if he still listens to it, but I know he used to."
Jason sighed and ran a hand over his face. "I should go talk to him."
"To apologize, right?" Tim asked, and Jason had the impression that Tim would do his best to stop Jason from going anywhere near Dick if the answer were anything but yes.
Luckily for them both, that was what Jason planned to do.
"Yeah, to apologize."
Tim nodded. "Good." He hesitated, then added, "Don't mention anything about the drunk thing, okay? I'm not sure he remembers it, and I don't think he wanted other people to know the stuff he was saying that night."
Jason hadn't been planning on mentioning it. The things Tim told him felt like things that never should have been shared. Part of Jason was glad they had been, since he wasn't sure he would have fully believed that Dick cared without them, but that didn't mean he was going to tell Dick that both he and Tim knew all about his greatest regret.
"I won't say a word," Jason promised. After a moment, he pulled a flash drive out of his pocket and tossed it to Tim. "When B gets back, give this to him. It's got info about the case."
"Will do," Tim agreed. "Good luck."
"Why do I need luck to apologize to Dick?" Jason asked, frowning.
"You don't," Tim said, a bit of a grin on his face. "You need luck to keep Damian from murdering you because you upset Dick."
That... was probably true.
"I don't suppose you'd be willing to distract him for a bit?"
Tim's grin widened, but it was absolutely ruthless. "Not at all."
Jason sighed. "Fine, but if I die again, B's gonna be impossible, and it won't be my fault."
"Good luck," Tim said again, then he turned to the Batcomputer in what was clearly a dismissal. Jason sighed and started upstairs. Possible threats to his life from Damian or not, he had to talk to Dick. Not just to apologize, but also...
He'd made a lot of assumptions about his place in the family, and apparently a lot of them were based on things that weren't true. It was probably time he finally talked them through with someone. Maybe things weren't quite as bad as he thought they were.
When Jason knocked on Dick's door, it opened a crack to reveal a furious Damian. Jason was abruptly glad that Damian wasn't Kryptonian, because his glare would have absolutely fried him if he were.
"Who is it, Dami?" Dick asked from inside, his voice a little hoarse.
"No one," Damian said sharply, continuing to give Jason a look that very clearly said, I would like nothing more than to kill you again.
Dick sighed. "We both heard someone knock," he said, his voice growing closer. "Who- Oh. Jason."
Damian was practically bristling like a cat. "Shall I get rid of him?" he asked, making it very clear in his tone that he would get rid of Jason in as permanent a way as necessary.
"Can we talk?" Jason asked Dick directly, ignoring his little bodyguard.
Dick's face was unreadable. "Sure."
Jason looked down at Damian. "Uh..."
"Dami," Dick said, putting a hand on Damian's shoulder, "why don't you go down and eat? I interrupted your snack. You must be hungry."
Damian's eyes were very narrow as he stared at Jason. "Are you certain, Richard?"
"I'm sure."
"Tt. Todd, if you act like an imbecile again, I'll-"
"No threatening family, Dami, you know that," Dick cut in, then he shot Jason a worried look, like he thought Jason would yell at him for referring to him as family. Luckily, Damian was scowling too hard to notice.
"Fine. Call me if you require help, Richard."
"I will," Dick said, fondness clear in his tone.
Damian marched away down the hall, and Dick offered Jason a strained, clearly false smile. "Do you want to come in, or...?"
"Uh, yeah," Jason agreed, entering Dick's room. Dick sat down on his bed, and Jason hovered next to it, not comfortable enough to sit.
"What did you want to talk about?" Dick asked after a moment. "Is it something about the case?"
"No, it's- Why didn't you ever tell me that you weren't on the planet when I died?"
The color drained from Dick's face. "What?"
"Cause I'm pretty sure I've yelled at you about this before," Jason added. "Or made comments or something, at least. I didn't know you weren't even on Earth when it happened. Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"Does it matter?" Dick rasped after a moment. He cleared his throat and added, "Either way, I didn't help you at all. I wasn't in the right place. I couldn't do anything."
"You weren't even on the planet," Jason said, and immediately knew he'd said the wrong thing when Dick flinched. "No, shit, I didn't mean- I called you."
"I know," Dick said, pain in his voice. "I know, and I'm sorry, I- I-"
"I thought you were just ignoring me," Jason admitted, and Dick's eyes went wide and horrified.
"What? Jason, no, I would never- I swear, it didn't come through until after we came back, and by then-"
"I know," Jason cut in before Dick could babble any more. "I mean, now I do. Tim just told me. But before..."
"You thought I didn't care," Dick said quietly. "You thought I- Jay, I would never."
"I don't remember everything from before I died," Jason said. "But I remember you being mad about me being Robin."
"I... was," Dick admitted. "But I wasn't mad at you. You didn't know any better. Batman offered you the position, and you took it. It wasn't your fault."
"And I remember you always being with the Titans and not visiting much."
Dick winced. "Bruce and I weren't getting along, and you always got anxious when we started yelling at each other. I didn't want you to feel unsafe here, so I stopped coming around. But you visited me with the Titans sometimes, and I hung out with you outside the Manor. Do you... remember that?"
Jason hadn't until Dick said it, but the words unlocked a memory he hadn't even known he had, one of hanging out at Titans Tower and laughing with Dick and the other Titans. Dick had introduced him as his little brother.
"Sort of. I didn't until you said it, but..." Jason shrugged, a little self-conscious. "Maybe I had some details wrong."
"I could have been a better brother," Dick said. "I wish I had been. But I cared about you, and when I found out you were dead..." He swallowed hard. "Jay, I'm so sorry I wasn't there."
"It wasn't your fault that you were in space," Jason said. Tentatively, he added, "You would have come if you could have, right?"
"If I'd gotten your call, I would have done whatever I had to to get to you," Dick promised without hesitation. "No matter what it took, I would have been there."
"Then it's okay that you weren't," Jason said. "It wasn't your fault."
Dick smiled a very tremulous smile. "I can tone it down with the family stuff, though. I know you don't want that, so-"
"No," Jason interrupted, "don't."
"Don't tone it down?" Dick repeated, sounding a bit bewildered.
"Don't tone it down," Jason confirmed.
"But I thought you didn't want to try to be a family," Dick said. "You don't have to be if you don't want. I was probably too pushy."
Before this conversation, Jason had thought exactly that. But before this conversation, Jason hadn't remembered that they had been a really family before. He hadn't realized that Dick cared. He realized now that this wasn't some new, unrecognizable version of Dick who was pretending their past didn't matter; it was the same person his big brother had always been, trying to go back to the relationship they'd once had. Dick had always seen them as family.
"We are a family," Jason said. "You're my brother. We should act like it."
Dick stared at him for a long moment, then he lunged forward and grabbed Jason in a hug so sudden it took him a moment to realize it wasn't an attack. He didn't react at first, not quite sure what to do, and then he realized Dick was crying and he scrambled to put his arms around him.
"I missed you, Little Wing," Dick breathed.
"Missed you too, Big Bird," Jason replied.
Dick let out a watery chuckle and held him tighter. Jason squeezed Dick a bit in response.
It wasn't perfect, not yet. Jason was pretty sure that bringing the whole family together would be harder than this. But he'd have his big brother in his corner - he'd always had his big brother in his corner, even if he hadn't known it - and that made all the difference in the world.