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The mission was supposed to be simple. Infiltrate a Federation base, steal some information and leave. It was supposed to be simple, safe and easy. Hence why the Council had left you, a recently knighted Jedi, in charge.
'You're well trained', 'you'll make a good leader', the Council had said. And you had put all your doubts and anxieties away, believing the words of the Masters you've grown to trust so much.
And at first, everything was going surprisingly well. You got inside the base unnoticed, found the information you needed fast and got out just as quickly. But of course, life is never this easy.
Hundreds of battle droids have surrounded your ship and your two teammates are obviously struggling to keep them out. You run as fast as you can, dodging lasers and robots in the process. But it's not until you step on the ship that you hear him.
"Don't leave me!"
You hear a scream. It's the Jedi that got in the base with you, someone from the Order, someone you have trained with, someone you would even consider a friend. He's stuck under fallen debris, enemy battle droids are all around him and he's vitally injured, that much is clear.
You turn, your hand finding your lightsaber, and you're ready to run towards him when someone's arm catches you, preventing you from moving. The other two Jedi that accompanied you to this mission stand behind you, terror plastered on their faces.
"We've got to go. There's no time."
You look at them in disbelief as they try to rush you inside the aircraft. Your eyes are locked on the man outside. There's blood everywhere, yet the droids are still shooting at him. He needs your help. You can't just leave him here, right?
"They're shooting our engines. If we don't leave now none of us is going to make it!"
The weight of the situation hits you like a sack of bricks. You're the leader of this mission. You have to make the call. The mission is complete, you did what you came to do. Now, you have to give up a man's life in hopes of saving yours.
You freeze.
—
Everything that happens afterwards is a blur. You only snap out of it when you feel the ship land and all engines shut off. You pull the hood of your robe over your head and rush down the aircraft and onto the landing platform.
Not even bothering to glance at the people waiting on the platform or turn to the familiar voice calling your name, you rush to your room and shut the door.
You quickly change out of your Jedi apparel and throw your lightsaber somewhere in the room. You shut off your comm-link, trying to get rid of everything that can currently remind you of the mission.
You squeeze your eyes shut and bite the inside of your cheek. Whatever happened, happened. No point crying about it now. You tell yourself, but it’s not enough to stop the wave of emotions that’s building up in your mind.
Tears threaten to spill from your eyes and your body starts to shake involuntarily. But you try your best to keep your composure, even though you know that you're alone, because that's what a Jedi should do, right?
But then you hear someone knock on your door and you can feel a familiar presence standing on the other side.
"(Y/N)? Are you okay?"
It's Obi-Wan, you realize.
"Open? Please? I can sense you in there, you know."
"Just– leave Obi-wan," You pause to take a shaky breath before continuing, "I need to be alone."
The truth is that being alone is the furthest thing from what you actually need. 'I need you' you want to say, 'I feel awful and I need you to take care of me'.
Obi-wan doesn't leave. Instead he sighs softly and, almost like reading your mind, says,
"(Y/N), I know you're not feeling well. Please let me in. Let me help you."
Hearing this makes you reach for the door handle, yet you don’t open immediately, second-thoughts rushing to the front of your mind. ‘What will he think if he sees me like this?’, you ponder for a moment, but all negative thoughts flee when you hear him call your name again. He wants to comfort you, help you, make you feel better. The softness of his voice and the sweetness of his words make that much obvious. And who are you to decline him?
You open the door.
Obi-wan smiles when he sees you, a genuinely affectionate smile that makes you feel warm inside. He steps in, closing the door behind him and you fall in his arms, desperate to feel the comfort he provides. His hands find their way around your body and he holds you close, one hand on your side, the other on your back.
The moment your tired body feels the warmth of his hug, every emotion you had been bottling up during the ride home spills out. You shake your head, letting tears run down your face, and you sob uncontrollably on Obi-Wan’s shoulder.
“I’m– I’m sorry,” You choke between ragged breaths, “I’m so sorry”
You’re not sure what exactly it is you’re apologizing for. But whether it’s the guilt and grief caused by the mission, the fear of potential repercussions, you feeling bad for making Obi-wan see you in this state or something else entirely, doesn't matter now.
Because Obi-wan is patient with you like he always is. He guides you towards your bed, letting both of you fall on the comfortable mattress. He takes off his robe, gently placing it around your shaking shoulders and you tug at the fabric, bringing it closer to your body. It smells like cedarwood and vanilla, it smells like Obi-wan, and his scent alone is enough to send away all intrusive thoughts that occupy your mind.
You’re engulfed by his smell, his warmth, his touch. He raises one arm to rub soothing circles on your back and that’s when his actions finally overwhelm you. His genuine worry, his unconditional care, it’s all too loving, too much. Your sobs come to a stop but you can’t look at him, not yet.
A shaky exhale escapes your lips and it immediately catches Obi-wan’s attention. He uses his free hand to cup your face, turning your head towards him and urging you to meet his eyes. When you do, you smile. You smile because you’re thankful. Thankful to have someone like him in your life, someone who cares about you to this extent. You smile because this has made you realize how truly important he is to you, how kind and caring and loving Obi-wan is, and how much you want to hug him and kiss him and love him properly.
Obi-wan is all you can see and feel and think about. And it feels more than perfect.
“Feel better?” He asks, voice barely a whisper, as to not startle you.
You nod, snuggling closer to his warm body. You take his hand in yours, placing it on your cheek again and holding it there, before speaking. “Thank you, Obi”
“Anytime, dear.”
The sudden use of the pet name makes you get butterflies in your stomach. It sounds so perfect coming from him and the only thing you can think about is how much you want to hear it again.
The tender moment doesn't last long before you feel him move under you. It seems like he is trying to get up, yet his movements are slow and careful, a sign he doesn’t really want to leave. “Wait,” You say, reaching for his sleeve and tugging at it, making him turn towards you.
“Can you stay? Please?” You question delicately, not wanting to make him feel obliged to spend the night with you.
Obi-wan hesitates. 'I shouldn’t,’ he thinks. ’The Jedi code prohibits affection, attraction, love. If I stay, I'm afraid I might not be able to resist my feelings. Holding (Y/N) like this, having them welcome my touch this way it’s– It’s already too much.‘
He closes his eyes, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. ‘But after feeling this, I don’t think I want to resist them. I know I shouldn't give in, I must honor the code but– I don’t think I can live my life ignoring these feelings when I know how good surrendering to them feels.’
Obi-wan knows why affection is not allowed in a Jedi’s life. He understands the risks and dangers. But he can’t help the way he feels for you. He has loved you ever since you were Padawans and he tried to ignore his feelings– he really did, but it’s becoming more and more difficult. He can’t keep ignoring the way he feels when your hands accidentally brush against his, or when you talk to him about something you’re passionate about and your eyes light up. During missions he finds himself constantly glancing at you, making sure you’re safe, and he can’t help but want to spend more and more time with you when you return to the temple.
Of course, he doesn’t let these feelings get in the way of his duties. He has learned to live with them, balance them, and he makes sure to mask them whenever another Jedi is present. But deep down he knows he loves you, he needs you. And now he realizes that you need him too. You want him to stay over, you’re willing to risk a lot just for his company and maybe– just maybe, you two could forget the Jedi Code. Just for tonight. Just for a little bit.
“I’d love to.” Obi-wan smiles.
He lies beside you again and you take the chance to snuggle up against him. Obi-wan feels you burying your head in the crook of his neck and he circles an arm over your waist, pulling you against his chest. He uses the Force to lift a blanket off your bed and lets it fall over the both of you. You sigh at the warmth and Obi-wan presses his lips against your forehead delicately, leaving a light kiss behind.
You gather all the energy you have left in your sleepy state to mumble a ‘Good night, Obi’, and you feel him move closer, leaning his head on yours.
“Good night, dear.” He whispers.
And he falls asleep soon after, drifting off to the most peaceful sleep he has ever had.
—
"Hey."
You feel a hand shake you gently, a soothing touch waking you up. You know you should open your eyes, but you're far too comfortable and warm to care. You mumble something incoherent before turning, nuzzling your head closer to the pillow under you.
Except it isn't a pillow, you realize when it starts moving. You open one eyelid in confusion, gazing at the man under you. ‘It's not a pillow, it's Obi-Wan’, you realize, ‘and I’ve been sleeping on top of him’.
Your heart speeds up in realization and you can feel your stomach flutter. You stare at him, feeling heat immediately rise to your cheeks. He looks at you in confusion and lets his hand fall from your back.
"Did I overstep? I'm sorry. It's just– we fell asleep like this, I didn't want to move and risk waking you up." He says apologetically in response to your reaction.
"No, no. It's okay- It's more than okay, actually,"
You smile shyly, averting your eyes away from him—meeting his eyes again right now would surely make you melt.
Fragments of last night flood your mind. You broke down in his arms and he helped you, he comforted you like nobody has before. You can still feel the warmth of his cloak on your body and smell his soothing scent through the fabric. But it's stronger now, of course it is, he is holding you. Your face is inches from his chest and his arms are tightly wrapped around you.
According to the code this is wrong. Attachment is forbidden for a Jedi. But if that's the case, then why does it feel so right?
You stare at him, admiring him. Heat rises to your cheeks at the way he looks at you. He looks concerned, yet he’s still so inviting, so charming. His tongue quickly darts over his lips before he speaks and that action alone has you feeling weak.
“Are you okay?”
"Yeah, yeah. I just-" You let out a breathy laugh, "I haven't felt this happy in too long."
Obi-wan is taken aback by your confession. He’s surprised, in a good way, and he smiles. He runs his hand through his hair and, maker, does he look good. His hair is ruffled, loose strands frame his face and his beard is slightly messy. But he looks so effortlessly handsome, so damn attractive.
You decide to speak up again, taking the chance to thank him for everything he did for you yesterday.
"After the mission I- I didn't know what to do. I just felt awful y'know? I felt lost, and lonely. But then you came. And you helped me so much, Obi-wan,"
Speaking so truthfully, so open, it feels weird. A Jedi never talks about their feelings like this, and it's not something you're used to. But it's Obi-wan you're talking to, and you want to make him understand how much you appreciate him.
"I want to thank you. And not just for yesterday. You're always so good to me, Obi, and, I don't know, I guess I just want you to know that I'm truly grateful."
“You don’t have to thank me,” He says with a smile, “I really care about you, (Y/N).”
You nod in response and can’t help the smile that plays at your lips. When your eyes meet again, you can clearly see that he’s holding back from saying something. You tilt your head and hum, encouraging him to speak up.
"Do you want to talk about the mission?" Obi-wan asks, giving you time to answer without pressuring you.
You take a deep breath before speaking.
"I- I let a man die, Obi-wan." You pause, averting your eyes to the floor and swallowing the lump in your throat. "I thought I could be a good leader, but I'm not. I'm a failure."
"You're not a failure, darling." Obi-wan looks at you sympathetically, "You're smart, and brave, and so, so capable.” He pauses. “Not everything goes according to plan and that's okay. What happened– It's unfortunate. But it's not your fault. I'm sure you did the best you could."
"How can you know?" You snap at him, "I'm- I messed this up. I did. And someone died because of me. You weren't there Kenobi, so how can you know?"
Obi-wan looks at you like the answer to your question is the most obvious thing in the world. He tilts his head and takes your hand in his, squeezing reassuringly. You return the gesture, squeezing his hand back lightly, and his lips turn upwards when he feels it.
He opens his mouth to speak but closes it again. He takes a deep breath, exhaling with a light awkward laugh that indicates it's hard for him to find the right words.
"Because I love you."
He smiles again and his grin causes his eyes to crinkle and light up. Your eyes are glued to his, only darting down to his lips for a moment when he licks them quickly. You stare at him in complete disbelief, not having processed that Obi-wan— the man you've been harboring feelings for for years, the poster boy of the Jedi order that puts the Code above all else, he just confessed to you.
"I love you, (Y/N). And I can’t ignore my feelings any longer."
Your eyes are still wide, mouth half-open and body rising in temperature. You want to respond, to hug him, kiss him, do something. But you can't talk, can't move. Your body feels stuck.
Obi-wan takes your silence as rejection. He looks away embarrassed, yet decides to speak up again.
"You don't have to reciprocate, I just– I needed you to know."
You force yourself to snap out of whatever trance you've fallen into. You blink a few times, making sure that this is real, that this is actually happening.
And you move closer, letting your lips linger inches away from his own just for a second before pressing them against his. Your mouths meet in a loving, delicate kiss and Obi-wan cups your face with his free hand, holding you close.
The need for air forces you to part but it's not long before you're tasting each other again. His tongue licks your bottom lip, asking for permission, and you open, letting him freely explore the insides of your mouth. You let out a soft moan at the contact and Obi-wan seems more than pleased by your reaction. His beard tickles you a little and you raise a hand to cup the side of his face, leaning closer and leaving a kiss on the bridge of his nose.
“I love you too, Obi-wan,” You admit, letting your forehead rest against his.
He wraps his arms around you again and you rest your head on his chest, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart. No more words need to be said. As you lie there with Obi-wan, it seems like the order, the code, the whole galaxy fade away. It’s just you and him, and it’s more than perfect.