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He couldn't sleep.
Ailmar looked up at the cross above his head, putting his hands together into a prayer.
"God," he started, "Please forgive me for my sins."
He always asked for His forgiveness whenever he prayed, no matter what, but right now, he meant it, truly and greatly.
"I don't mean to sin, I'm sure you've heard before, but I can't seem to ever stop this sin of homosexuality upon my soul."
He learned he was gay not long ago.
He figured he shouldn't have been tingly whenever he and his best friend held hands, that he shouldn't calm down so easily hearing his voice, and he especially should not have been imagining his marriage and replacing that made up girl in his head with him.
"I just hope you'll lend me your strength to help me overcome this Devil's trick. Thank you. Amen."
He removed his hands from each other, now laying them beside himself, as he looked at his ceiling.
He let his mind wander at that point, knowing usually it helped him drift to sleep, closing his eyes.
His brain conjured up a scene, a younger him with his best friend Sully, both of them in Ailmar's backyard.
Ailmar was on the swing, laughing as Sully was behind him, pushing him the best he could, though Sully was a bit too tiny to push the slightly bigger Ailmar.
Soon enough, Ailmar stopped the swing, telling Sully to instead sit and let him push. And so Sully listened, scooching on until he was comfortable enough.
Then, Ailmar grabbed hold of the seat, pulling back as far as he could, before letting go, pushing hard once Sully was back to him again.
Sully was going higher than Ailmar had, laughing softly as Ailmar pushed as hard as he could, going high, high, high, seeing the neighbors yards.
After some time, Ailmar was getting tired, getting weaker and weaker with each push before finally stopping, Sully kicking his feet in joy as the swing finally stopped.
Sully begged "Again! Again!", still excited over being so high in the air, being taller than Ailmar for once. But Ailmar shook his head, wanting to go do something else.
Sully got off the swing, taking Ailmar's hand and leading him inside Ailmar's house.
His brain suddenly just stopped with that scenario, going blank before moving onto a new one.
He was in the local church, the place desolate except for him there.
He was walking around, looking at everything, before making it to the front where the priest usually liked to talk, getting up on the pedestal himself and looking around.
Suddenly, Sully came in through the front doors, seeing Ailmar and quickly closing the doors behind him, speed walking to him.
Ailmar got nervous, thinking Sully might try to scold him, waiting for him to make his way up as he played with his hands.
But Sully didn't once getting up there, rather asking him "What're you doing up here all alone, without me? "
"I just, uh… I don't really know." He replied.
"Well, let's have a little fun then! It's not like anybody else is watching anyways…"
"A-Alright." Ailmar replied, now having a slight grin.
"Let's play tag, we never get to run around here anyways, so…" Sully roughly pushed his shoulder, quickly running away as he exclaimed "You're it!!"
Ailmar had a delayed reaction, blinking as he realized what just happened and quickly got to running after Sully.
Sully laughed as he ran, looking behind himself at Ailmar chasing him, before facing forward, nearly running into a wall before taking a sharp turn down the rows of seats, Ailmar getting closer and closer as they continued.
Ailmar was starting to laugh too now as they raced around the rows, before finally Sully grew too tired, slowing down, Ailmar reaching him with a smile and quickly tapping his back with a "You're it."
Sully just caught his breath, smiling back at him, Ailmar's smile growing bigger at seeing his, both of them taking a small rest now.
Sully, once done with his breather, quickly tagged back Ailmar, rushing away to the confession booth and hiding in the side where the priest was supposed to be.
Ailmar ran after him, and once making it over, tried to open the door, unfortunately Sully was holding it closed, turning into a tug of war with a door instead of rope.
But eventually, Ailmar gave up, instead going to the other side of the booth, putting his face up to the rails, looking at Sully with a smile, Sully smiling back.
"So…" Sully started "You come here to confess your sins or something?"
"Yeah, my sin of not tagging you!" Ailmar tried to put his hand through the rails, before finding them too small to even put his pinky through fully, putting his hands back on the wall.
Sully just laughed, Ailmar laughing with him.
Then, the fantasy ended, another one popping up suddenly right after it.
Sully was on Ailmar's bed, helping Ailmar with his math, explaining a problem Ailmar just couldn't get.
He carefully tried to explain what the words really meant and how to tell what they're looking for, Ailmar just listening and watching as he pointed to the words.
Slowly, Ailmar started to understand, x and y were the solution and so on. Sully started doing the problem himself, showing Ailmar his process as Ailmar just nodded, soaking it all in.
"Oh, I get it!" Ailmar cried out suddenly as Sully was almost done. The other just smiled and nodded in response, writing down the answer.
As Ailmar put away the homework, he thanked the other with "Thanks, I never would have finished without you."
"It was no trouble." Sully replied, watching as Ailmar put away his bag and sat back on the bed.
They both just kinda stared at each other after that, not sure what to do now, slight tension filling them, before Ailmar saw Sully get closer, leaning forwards towards him. Ailmar leaned back in response, his face twisting into a confused frown.
"What're you doing?" He asked as Sully stared deep into his eyes, slowly moving his hands towards him, his heart rate increasing the slightest.
"Trying to kiss you." Sully answered with a smirk, hands taking up Ailmar's, thumbs rubbing the back of his hand slowly.
Ailmar quickly opened his eyes, heart beating faster now as he tried to calm his breathing.
He quickly put his hands into prayer again, shutting his eyes closed as he whispered again and again
"Please forgive me God."