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SOI Bus - Now
Scott stared out the bus window unable to shake the memory of the night before from his mind. Sure, they’d done the number countless times before and yes, there were always those undeniable sparks. But this time, this time was drastically different.
In the finishing pose as Tessa pulled his face towards her with her hands, he looked into her eyes and felt like his knees would buckle. He lost his breath as her lips brushed against his not simply because of their chemistry. For some reason, Scott was dumbstruck with a feeling of wanting to take a bullet for her, sacrifice anything and everything just so she could thrive. In a matter of milliseconds, he saw every milestone for the rest of his life, with her beside him.
As he was consumed by the moment, the lights began to dim and they shared an unrehearsed kiss. This had happened more than enough times before with both of them easily being able to continue on without discussion. But this time in the darkness, both of them had laboured breath and they held hands tighter than ever before. Once off of the ice, they stared at each other silently with the same intense and forlorn expression as they went to change for the next number.
Andrew repeated his question and asked Scott, “Hello? You okay, man? It’s like you checked out entirely there.” Scott shook off his daze and made a joke about the gruelling days catching up to him. He and Tessa got through the rest of the show and meet and greet in a seemingly normal way. Yet each time their eyes locked, it was like they were both saying something to the other that they knew they shouldn’t.
London - 2014
After Sochi in their discussion of entering a season of “saying yes”, Tessa put forward the idea of both of them seeing other people.
Before Scott could protest, she said, “We both know how deeply we love each other – it’s undeniable. But I think the only way we can be sure is if we try to see if there is the slightest potential with other people.”
Scott immediately interjected, “Who are you wanting to try this with, T?” She took his hand and said,
“No one is on my radar! Come on, you’ve always done far better in that department than me…I just don’t want – can’t have you miss an opportunity of meeting the possible love of your life because of me.”
He started to respond but she put a finger to his lips and said, “Please don’t say what we both know you want to say.”
She leaned forward and pressed her forehand against his and with a hitched voice whispered,
“Trust me with this one. So much of me resists this idea but I owe it to you, to us. If anything this’ll prove we’re destined if this”
She motioned back and forth between them
“is still here after a year, right?”
At this point both had tears streaming down their faces. Even though everything in Scott fought against this plan, he knew she was right. He wanted her to be happy so badly that he conceded the possibility that she might find that happiness, with someone else. He reluctantly nodded and pulled her tightly to his chest, almost as if he was trying to meld her heart into his. They stayed like this for what felt like a lifetime in silent tears.
Both found themselves in unexpected relationships shortly after this post-Sochi talk. They agreed not to talk about either relationship with each other this time around.
In the past, being one another’s confidant proved to make it easier to end the relationship either was in.
The year of “yes” continued on and they both hesitantly figured out a rhythm to this new dance they were in. Thankfully they still got to be together often however, both still felt a strange sense of loss.
Tessa rekindled with a Former Flame and truly made an effort. Former Flame seemed to have grown up since the last time, in some ways.
Scott was happy enough in his new relationship. What did he have to complain about? Still, just like all of his past relationships, his heart was constantly divided. That division didn’t matter since he felt he needed to emotionally try to make an effort in this relationship, oddly for his best friend’s sake.
SOI Bus - Now
His New Potential gently squeezed his arm, “Hey, you okay, babe?”
He snapped back to the present and said, “Yeah, yeah. Just beat today I guess. But sure glad you’re here!”
He leaned in and pecked her cheek. He decided to distract himself by goofing off with some of the cast members nearby.
Tessa sat at the back of the bus with her arm looped through Jeff’s unconsciously staring at her best friend and his New Potential.
“So. The year of ‘yes’. Has it been what you hoped it would be, darlin’?”
She sweetly smiled over at Jeff and said,
“It’s been so great to have more of a normal schedule, great business opps…being able to do what I want-“
Jeff looked at her with a raised brow, “-I am not with the media, young lady. You know exactly what slash, who I’m talking about. First, I’ve got to honestly say that I’m relieved that He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named is finally done. But you know who I’m inquiring about now - dish.”
Tessa sighed as she relaxed into her dear friend’s side.
“Alright, alright. I truly don’t know what I was expecting. On paper, a happily-ever-after makes all the sense in the world for us. But our lives are real and not a storybook or Hollywood blockbuster, know what I mean?”
Jeff empathically nodded.
She continued, “When I put this whole ‘other potential people’ thing forward, I knew it was going to sting. At the same time, I knew it was something we had to do.”
She fixed her gaze on Scott at this point “I just didn’t expect to feel so…”
Tessa was lost in the moment and hadn’t even noticed that Jeff was wiping tears from her cheek.
“I’m sorry! Look at me – I’m so detached from my emotions that I don’t even notice when I’m crying.”
Both started to laugh.
Jeff patted her hand and murmured, “I beg to differ. I think it shows just how connected you are to those pesky emotions. By the way, you’ve been especially quiet – even for you since last night. Wanna process anything?”
Tessa turned and looked at Jeff gratefully.
“Aww, I’m good. One day at a time, right?”
Jeff lowered his voice even more, “Fine. I won’t make you talk about that mega-intense kiss from last night. I’ve got shockingly great eyesight you know, even when the lights go out.”
Tessa’s eyes widened and she playfully swatted Jeff’s arm.
In a more serious tone he said, “I know it feels terrifying right now – you know, the possible outcome of all of this. But you need to trust that real, nitty gritty love, always wins…always. I’m living proof of that.”
At that Tessa slowly exhaled with closed eyes. She desperately wanted to believe him but feared that love would lose this time.
She rested her head on his shoulder and quickly drifted off.
New Potential had left this leg of the tour to train with her team and Scott was relieved. He found that he was working especially hard to honestly focus on her when he couldn’t come to terms with the overwhelming shift of emotions he was experiencing for Tessa since that night.
He and Tessa had talked openly about being in love with each other before, even though they hadn’t pursued that type of relationship - they had known they had a complex relationship. Scott couldn’t shake how different this was.
He never thought it possible to love Tessa any more than he did, until now. He considered that this might have been one of those touring emotional highs, but he knew that wasn’t the case since he still hadn’t come down from it in any way.
He and Tessa never set a clear deadline for this season they were in. Scott’s impulse was to call the season off, end his relationship and finally spend his life with her in every way. However, he didn’t want to mess things up for her.
It was no secret that he despised Former Flame, but he still wanted to give her space to explore that relationship again. He noticed that she didn’t seem to be making as many trips as usual to where Flame lived, but he didn’t want to give himself false hope.
Besides, it wasn’t supposed to matter since he and his New Potential were as right as rain.
Something very deep within Scott knew that something was amiss, considering how often he had to remind himself of how good his current relationship was.
He thought to himself, “Just get through this tour as normal as possible, for Tessa’s sake.”
By the time the tour came to Vancouver, Scott had to admit to himself that he had to let New Potential go.
In spite of no declarations of love being uttered or affairs being had, he knew that it wasn’t right to continue on when every inch of his heart was held captive by his partner.
New Potential saw this coming miles away and during their FaceTime break-up she laughed without really laughing saying,
“Ya know, when we first got together the people closest to me told me I was insane to even consider dating you! They’d say, ‘Are you crazy?!? Have you ever seen those two skate, talk or just breathe the same air?!? There’s no way this can possibly last.’ I was on the same page as them at first. But I believed you when you said that there was nothing to worry about…it’s not that I feel like you weren’t being honest with me, Scott. You weren’t being honest with yourself.”
What made this worse is that she didn’t seem angry at all. She simply seemed, relieved. She wished him well, he asked for her friendship and she agreed with them both knowing this was the last time they’d talk.
Scott knew that breaking up wouldn’t equal getting his dream. He was glad to finally not feel like a traitor. He found himself trying to find ways to distract himself from getting lost in Tessa’s hypnotic eyes. He’d joke around with other cast members, joke around with her, rehearse parts of the show he didn’t need to that didn’t involve her – anything.
At his core, he wanted to believe that she might just feel the increased intensity of love for him too. But he wouldn’t allow himself to buy that, knowing that she wasn’t at the same point that he was.
SOI Cast Party
Even with simple make-up, the indigo wrap dress she wore made her emeralds beam from her delicate face all the more. She put her luxuriant mahogany locks in a loose side-braid and the sight of her caused many in the bar to stop in their tracks. Tessa was oblivious to all of this since her growing anxiety was beginning to swallow her whole.
Even though she had kept her distance, Tessa couldn’t keep her eyes off of Scott. It wasn’t just that he was the most handsome man in the bar in her eyes, wearing a black button down shirt and dark wash jeans. Her eyes were glued to him because she finally saw the reality that she might very well lose him…and it would entirely be her own fault.
They had always danced with each other at every after party. This time Tessa avoided dancing with him either by dancing with someone else or slipping away outside once slower songs started to play.
While she danced with Jeff, he directly yet gently looked at her saying,
“I’ve noticed what you’re doing tonight you know.”
She smiled and sing-songed, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
He chimed back, “Yes, you most certainly do! You are not a woman who is gonna let fear come between you and your oldest and best friend are you?”
Tessa sighed and said, “Just finish the dance, Buttle.”
“Hmm. Perhaps you should follow your own advice, my sweet”
Jeff kissed her cheek.
After he spun her around, he spoke into her ear with all the sincerity Tessa had experienced from him saying,
“Love always wins, Virtue. You’re gonna be alright.”
With that, the song ended.
Ashley asked if she could steal a dance with Jeff. Tessa saw this as a chance to swiftly flee the dance floor as the notes for that Beach Boys cover that always put her over the edge started to play.
She left through the same service door she had been escaping to all night. This time she nearly fell backwards as she collided with a familiar solid frame.
She hadn’t been looking up as she burst through the door and Scott quickly grabbed her hand and waist before she could fall.
“Easy there, Tess! I’d say maybe you should be cut off for the night, but I noticed you haven’t been drinking at all tonight.” He said in a light tone.
“Sorry, Scotty. Clumsy strikes again – you noticed?”
With a quiet chuckle he lightly squeezed her hand and said,
“You’ve got nothing to apologize for, T. Yeah, I always notice you, you know that.”
“How did you – um, what are you doing out here?”
“Well, I’ve watched you dash out here all evening so, I wanted to see what the fuss was about. Not the greatest view out here, eh? Dumpsters, back of buildings… I don’t know, Tess.” His failed attempt to get her to laugh worried him.
“Are you doing okay? Notice that we didn’t dance at all tonight?”
Tessa gently let go of his hand and stepped to the side of him.
“Yeah, I’m good. Are you good? Sorry about not dancing. Guess I’m just tired or something. Don’t let me keep you – you can go back in. I’m all good, getting some fresh air – feeling better by the second.”
She tried to give a convincing smile. Both stood staring at one another not moving an inch. Tessa’s heart felt like it was slowly being ripped to shreds as she gazed into the eyes of the only person who ever truly saw her soul. She swallowed, smiled and said,
“Okay, let’s get in there and do our best hip-hop!”
She started to walk towards the door and he grabbed her hand,
“Wait, Tess.”
She froze still facing away from him. She felt herself choking back tears she wasn’t expecting to have in that moment.
Tessa wasn’t prepared to hear how much her friendship meant to him, and that his heart now belonged to another. In the most jovial voice she could muster she said,
“Come on, Moir. Don’t tell me you’ve already forgotten all of those moves you just learned-“
He pulled her around to face him so that she was against him. She forced herself to not meet his eyes and he pleaded,
“-Please look at me. It’s torture when you don’t.”
Tessa squeezed her eyes shut, exhaled and trained her tear-brimmed eyes on his.
“Are those tears because of something stupid I did or said?” he said with a lump in his throat as she started to audibly cry while she gazing at him.
“Not at all! I think I’m just tired-“
Scott groaned, “Stop dodging, Tess. I know when you’re tired and when you’re hurting. You seem like you’re hurting and if it’s my fault, I am so sorry. I’ve been thinking about it and, I know I overstepped at the end of Good Kisser that night.”
He let go of her and took a step back as Tessa looked at him with a confused expression while he continued,
“I know you’re with – him and in spite of how I feel about him, I should have known better. Forgive me?”
Tessa was stunned.
“I – I was the one who overstepped that night, Scott. We both know that I instigated that kiss and I had the nerve to do it knowing full well that you have a girlfriend. I’m the one who should ask for forgiveness.”
Now Scott had the same confused expression and his mind was spinning with everything Tessa had just said. She kissed him? She interrupted his thoughts by saying,
“We broke up months ago. You must have known that…didn’t you?”
He slowly shook his head, “Nope. I most certainly didn’t know that. Remember our deal to not talk about our relationships?”
She felt her cheeks flush as she nodded.
Tessa knew that she needed to escape before she started to sob uncontrollably. She attempted to turn for the door again but Scott quickly slid in front of her path. He unconsciously tucked a stray curl behind her ear and through tears she begged,
“Please let me go…please.”
At this point he was also in tears and he said,
“Okay. Okay, I’ll let you go - but for the record, I broke up with…I couldn’t stay with her another second more. Not because there was anything wrong with her, but…I hate this damned arrangement we have, Tess!”
Tessa looked down and hadn’t even noticed that they were both clutching one another’s hands. Scott pressed his forehead to her's and tried to focus on her heartbeat, which was racing just like his.
“I’ve gotta ask you something, T.” he whispered.
“Do you still love me like you did after Sochi? Be honest, I can take it.”
In an even quieter whisper she replied,
“No, Scotty.”
He audibly swallowed a sob at her words. She squeezed his hands even tighter and said,
“No, I don’t. I don’t know how, but I love you even more. It drives me crazy how clichéd that sounds, but it’s true. I’ve felt so lost this year because you weren’t in my life every day. That sounds needy too – but that’s also true. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said all of that…Do you love me the same as you did after Sochi? I can take the truth. Just ignore these dumb tears.”
With his chest still pressed to hers, forehead to forehead he breathed in every bit of this moment they shared. He never wanted to forget this significant moment in the fabric of the 18 years they had been together.
“Listen to me. I don’t need or want to even think about being with someone who isn’t you ever again. Let’s say yes to us. Let’s finally say yes to us! I don’t care if it means never competing again or never telling the world or a even a single soul about us – I’m so in love with you that I can’t see straight, breathe right, sleep or even stand upright, Tessa. Whadda ya say?”
At that she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him like their lives depended on it. His hands instantly found their natural place, gently around her waist. They were both still in tears as they were lost in the kiss, but now they were tears of joy.
Without needing to put words to this moment, they both felt a new internal reassurance, that love really does win.