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Normally the rocking of the waves doesn’t bother Beau.
She has sailed enough to have no problem with falling asleep on a ship, not even after all times they have been attacked on the sea.
But as she lies on her cot in the cabin the Nein shares on the trip towards Eiselcross she finds herself struggling, her mind going a hundred miles an hour.
The ship creaks around her and Beau gives up on trying to force herself to sleep, instead rolling onto her side to look around.
Her eyes flit between the others also in the room, all of them in a deep sleep; it’s apparently only her that’s struggling.
A murmur on her left has Beau rolling over once more to look at the source.
Her heart gives a jump at the sight of Yasha.
The tall barbarian had been more or less on Beau’s mind constantly for the past few weeks, constantly thinking about her and wondering if she was thinking about Beau.
Beau had known for a while that her feelings for Yasha were growing stronger, it had begun shortly after Yasha returned, though at the time Beau had been dealing with her feelings for Jester as well while trying to understand why Yasha took up so much space in her head, why she had been so afraid of letting Yasha in and accepting that she wouldn’t leave again.
But the longer Yasha was with them the more Beau thought about her, the trip to Kamordah was an extremely hard time for her and she had still considered Yasha to be unavailable. Full stop. Beau had grown a lot in the time Yasha was gone and had come to a place where she could admit her attraction to Yasha but not expect something to ever come from it.
Beau rests her hands under her head as she continues to stare at Yasha, probably way too longingly, but there was no one to see so Beau couldn’t find it in herself to care as she tries to make sense of when she had fallen in love with Yasha.
When had her feelings for Yasha returned? Had it been when one of the first things she had done under her own willpower was to heal the damage she herself had coursed? Or had it been during the Stone Coffin fight, watching Yasha be knocked unconscious and fall with a smile of relief had certainly made Beau feel something.
Had they always been there? Just waiting under the surface, ready to emerge the second Yasha returned. Because when Beau looked back on it, her feelings for Jester had changed little by little, day by the day since Yasha returned, not disappeared but changed back to the friendship they had started from.
Had she always subconsciously known it was Yasha? Was that why she had listened for thunder? Why it had bothered her so much that it had been absent?
The night on the beach before the armada left, if Beau really thought about it; was the first time she had recognized that she might have true romantic feelings for Yasha, not just lust and attraction but true feelings that could grow into more.
The peace that had seemed to emanate from her, sitting with her bone harp completely focused on herself.
And then Rumblecusp…
She had felt like she was going crazy, unsure if it was her own imagination or if Yasha was in fact returning her affections in her own awkward way. Seemingly going out of her way to check up on Beau and heal her.
And perhaps the biggest moment was the flight.
Beau had jumped off the cliff on Rumblecusp not really thinking about it.
She knew she would be able to survive it easily, probably wouldn’t even take any damage from it, so what did she care about the height of it.
She had shouted for Yasha to catch her because that just seemed like a fun thing to do, a callback to all the times she’s asked the barbarian to carry her.
She never imagined that the aasimar would try, seeing her wade out into the water had surprised her, Yasha was strong sure, but Beau was falling at high speed; by the time she was in range for Yasha to catch it would hurt more than for Beau to simply land on the ground.
She’s already thinking of apologies when she feels herself impact into Yasha’s arms, far earlier than she should have.
She opens her eyes that she hadn’t even noticed that she had closed, and was almost blinded by the light emanating from Yasha.
Or not Yasha herself, but the bright white golden wings that are flapping softly as they hold them aloft, floating above the water making soft whooshing sounds as they beat.
She can hear the rest talking, she might even say something embarrassing about angels she’s not sure, all of her brainpower currently going to trying to reconcile the large, angelic wings with the dead looking necrotic ones she had seen only days before.
She’s so lost in her own thoughts that she doesn’t even hear what Yasha says, but suddenly they were flying.
Beau had instinctually tightened her arms around Yasha’s neck, trying to hide her exhilaration that was probably plain to see.
She had pressed herself closer to Yasha as she kept going higher, feeling Yasha’s arms tighten around her too.
She’s aware that she’s probably looking like some heroine from a trashy romance novel, something Jester or Caleb would probably enjoy. She’s being bridal carried by a literal angel of a woman as she flies them up over a waterfall on a large tropical island, and when Yasha looks down at her when she stops and hovers above the waterfall Beau sees the same joy and exhilaration on Yasha’s face that she feels.
The single minute of flight, being carried in Yasha’s arms had been… indescribable. Even when they had fallen there had been a feeling of exhilaration, when they had crashed into the small pool below and looked at each other Beau had wanted nothing more than to kiss her.
Later that night as Beau laid a lot like she is now, unable to sleep, her thoughts had been taken over by Yasha.
Did Yasha like her back? Was she also awake right now thinking about how Beau seemed to fit in her arms?
A creak rips Beau back to the present, terrified that she had been caught staring.
She holds her breath but it’s just Yasha turning in her sleep.
She had known she had feelings for Yasha then, but during their trip to the joke shop, she had realized she was in love with her.
Yasha had been so enamored with the simple clay dogs she had bought, looking at them like they were priceless treasures.
Yasha rolled over again, her hair right in her face, and Beau watch as she make a face in her sleep at the feeling of it.
Feeling like her heart might beat out of her chest Beau carefully reached over and brushed the hair out of her face.
She’s afraid for a moment that Yasha might wake up, but she just lets out a sigh in her sleep and moves her head towards Beau’s hand, seeking more contact.
There’s nothing Beau wants more than to meet Yasha halfway, to cradle her face in her hands, run her hands through Yasha’s hair.
Beau keeps staring at Yasha’s sleeping face as she lies down again, she can barely see in the dark but it’s almost like Yasha is more visible than everything else around them. As if she has her own light, is that an aasimar thing? She should look into that.
“I wish I knew if you feel the same.” Beau whispers into the quiet, “Sometimes it feels like you do, but then I get scared that I’m just seeing what I want to see.”
She’s both happy and a little sad that Yasha doesn’t wake up to hear her confession but stays fast asleep and after what feels like hours Beau finally dozes off to sleep as well.
She dreams of wings and flying high above the world in strong arms that hold her tight.