Work Text:
Pete knows what's going on. They think he doesn't know, but oh boy does he know. Everything he's learnt about these two people has been against his will. Times like this he deeply regrets his life choices. He never thought this would be part of his job description. Pretending to be stupid. Sometimes as guards they have to turn a blind eye to give an illusion of privacy but this is ridiculous. The two of them actually think they're so smart.
Finding Porsche in Kinn's room was the first sign. Porsche must think him a fool. He's out of breath and the rumpled hair is a dead giveaway. The flush of his cheeks makes it very clear what these two uncontrollable monsters have been up to. All night probably. Pete is embarrassed for all three of them.
"Was it really rough?" Pete asks just to see what Porsche will say. Of course Porsche being the shameless menace that he is smiles and, without stuttering, says, "Oh it was really rough. My legs are still shaking." Pete bets they fucking are. The little shit.
Ever the professional he smiles at Porsche and imagines all the ways he could throttle him. They share a room. Pete slept all night without his roommate. Obviously Pete would notice that he went to bed without him and woke up still with no sign of him. Pete knows all the punishments they pull out at the estate. Porsche sitting on their boss's dick all night and getting railed to within an inch of his life isn't one of them.
Pete looks at the two of them. His boss who's usually pretty smart in other matters and his no good, obviously horny colleague. It becomes pretty clear that they both share one braincell. Pete can smell the giddy excitement on them. They think they've gotten away. Pete is feeling magnanimous so he lets them have it. For now.
Later he sees Big whistling as he makes his way into the canteen. He seems chipper and can't stop smiling. He went out to meet with Boss Korn and Chan. What's there to be so happy about? Pete is awfully worried. Is Big fucking someone too? Is it Boss Korn? Could it be Boss Korn and Chan? He shudders at the thought. God. Fuck. What's happening in this house?
"Uh, are you OK?" Pete asks as he empties his plate.
Big gives him a bright smile. It's the happiest Pete has ever seen him. Which is pretty sad if he thinks about it, but whatever. Big loves self inflicted misery.
"Oh just a lovely evening," Big says and hums some strange tune. Pete frowns at him. Is Big going to start singing about the hills being alive? Is he in another universe? Is this Big's good twin?
"There's a thunderstorm outside. I wouldn't call it a good evening," Pete tries again.
Big look at the window as he scoops himself some rice. "Even better. It's a great end to a great day."
Pete backs away slowly. He's beginning to suspect he's the only sane one here. "OK. Well I'll leave you to it. Have you seen Porsche by the way?" he asks as an afterthought. Big is a busybody. If anybody knows it'll be him.
Big beams at Pete and lets out a happy sigh. It's frightening. "He's getting punished," he says and cheerily strolls to the table to eat his food.
Punished? Oh for fucks sake not again. It all makes sense now. Poor Big. If he knew the truth he'd be a blubbering mess of snot and tears. Him and his glaringly obvious crush that he wears on his forehead like a bright neon sign. A sign that desperately says Boss Kinn let me ride your disco stick. Except Porsche is riding it now.
He's heading back to his room when he spots Ken practically skipping to the toilets. He wonders how are these guards so terribly stupid? Surely he can't be the only smart one here. The cleaning maid heads upstairs. Pete tries to give her a cheerful smile but her grimace says it all. She's seen infinite horrors he doesn't even want to imagine. He gives her a salute. She's doing the lord's work here. Better her than him
The next time when Porsche comes tumbling into their room , shamelessly grabbing his dick, Pete rolls his eyes. Porsche looks like he's been devoured. Pete hopes this is just a honeymoon phase and hopefully all this rabid fucking will be over soon. Deep in his soul he knows this isn't true. But he doesn't want to think about this dark, terrible future.
Porsche parks himself on his bed.
"Those are some deep red spots you're sporting on your neck," Pete points out.
Porsche has the nerve to look him in the eye and lie. "Yeah it was really tough. He was hard." Porsche pokes his neck and realises a moment later what he's said. "On me. He was hard on me but I got through it."
Pete can feel his left eye twitching. Yeah. Hard in him probably.
Pete can't wait to get Porsche back for this. He sits back and watches Porsche sketch the ugliest, most useless artist's impression he's ever seen.
It's then that the most wonderful idea comes to him. He remembers Porsche is terribly superstitious and afraid of ghosts. Pete smiles to himself.
Life is about finding joy in small things and it's about time Pete found his joy. Letting Porsche think he's being haunted should make things even between them.