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Words weren't always something required between Dave and Jade. The affection they exchanged in completely wordless ways puddled syrupy warmth in their stomachs, brimmed with love and security that they're safe now and the reminder of it always sprouted at the back of Jade's head as she settled her head underneath Dave's chin. Dave was practically the definiton of affectionate, gifting new plants he thought would brighten her garden in their garden house, buying her a box of milkbones and smooching Jade square on the mouth after she just ate doggy treats that certainly wouldn't taste appetizing to his complete human palette - but he did it anyway, because his utter adoration for Jade was much higher and priceless than some cardboard flavorless canine treat.
Dave was even often clingy in bed, with his arms tightly wrapped around Jade's waist and his face completely muffled into her stomach, erupting giggles each time from Jade as he tried mumbling into the fabric of her night shirt.
Dave was the most amazing boyfriend, and the most excellent and caring friend, Jade could've ever wanted. She loved him, and he loved her, and she knew that.
But every time Jade tried insinuating innocent 'I love you's, she was only met with dead silence from the boy that loved her in response. And against her will, something about that chafed against Jade's heart.
Maybe, Jade thought, she should talk with Dave about it? Make her feelings transparent to him, because sometimes certain things just flew over his head and communication was an imperative element in relationships. Rose and Kanaya were basically living proof of that, and from what Rose had told her about the trials and errors their relationship went through, and despite everything, she and Kanaya evolved from it with a vigorous flame, it sparked hope.
But the choice to simply bottle it up looked easier.
“Hey, Jade,” Dave’s voice immediately ripped Jade out of the sinking hole of her thoughts, whipping her head up from the squiddle she was mindlessly squishing in her hands.
“I forgot what dish we were making tonight for Rose and Kanaya, so I just bought a bunch of shit I thought we could try to slap together and make work.”
Jade giggled lightly, scooting off the bed and following Dave into the kitchen like an overjoyed dog.
“I guess the easiest thing we could do is pasta, something at least everyone could tolerate.” Jade suggested, assisting her boyfriend with lifting out the groceries from the plastic bags.
“We could do that, yeah, but I also kinda wanted to do meatloaf but I forgot my cooking skills only expand to making fucking tomato soup and hot pockets,” Dave said, throwing packets of mashed potatoes on the counter. “You have a grade-A fucking gourmet chef for a boyfriend, Jade, don’t take advantage of it.”
“You’re not that bad! Your ham sandwiches are actually fairly decent,” Jade laughed, then pursed her lips thoughtfully. “But maybe it could use less mayo, it gives the sandwich such a gross mouth feel.”
“Oh hell no, babe, the god load of mayo smearings is the only thing keeping the sandwich together. I smudge that shit on with every ounce of my pride, Jade, that’s my whole ass pride you’re chewing on and spitting out.”
“Bluh!” Jade stuck her tongue out, canine ears folded back against her head. “I’ll just puke on your side of the bed next time then. What do you think about that, mister cool guy?”
“Is that your doggy way of saying I’m sleeping on the couch tonight?” Dave comedically raised his bleach brows above his shades, slipping out the packaged tray of meat that was meant for the meatloaf.
Jade snorted, ruffling his hair between her brown fingers. “Of course not, but if worse comes to worse…”
“Jade, I will literally grovel on my knees to you on our dirty ass kitchen floor just to have something sweet to cling onto when I’m sleeping.” Dave professed, dramatically putting his hand over his chest.
“Hmmm, I dunno…. You seem to care way more about your gross mayo sandwiches than your own girlfriend.” Jade playfully hummed, fitting her finger underneath her chin.
On que and true to his word, Dave dropped to his knees with a death grip on Jade’s waist, his shades sloppily sliding down the bridge of his nose as he pressed his mouth to her shirt.
“If the taste is like some old guy’s fucking ass cheeks to you, then that’s what they are. You’re like the ultimate decider here, queen of my goddamn heart and new muse for my shitty comic that I’m still producing for some reason as a twenty three year old.” Dave uttered into her shirt, trinkling out uncontrollable giggles from Jade.
"Ew, okay, you're not banished to the couch tonight anymore! Jeeeez." Jade unhooked Dave's arms from her waist, then cupped his freckled face into her palms and smooched his cheek warmly. Dave received it with an involuntarily little smile, something that was exceedingly familiar and fuzzy to Jade.
"My witch in shining glasses rescuing the dude in distress." Dave leaned into the soft touch of Jade's palm, his smile noticeably getting bigger and free without any emotional restraint. Something culminated and ached in Jade's chest at the sight, urging to seep out of her through tender words and complete unconditional adoration. The longer she kept staring at Dave's melted look, her chest tightened, and at some point in her silence, she almost forgot to breathe.
"I love you."
The words rang out into the air before Jade could even register what she was saying, and suddenly the syrupy lovesick mood shifted into painfully dense. Dave's smile popped like a bubble immediately, and Jade could feel his skin heating up and secreting uncomfortable sweat. His lips quivered, as if he desperately wanted to respond with something, anything, and the only thing Jade's ears could hear was the heavy throb of her heart.
Suddenly, Dave pulled away, albeit hesitantly, and he stared at Jade with an expression that reminded her immensely of when they were innocent thirteen year olds, alone and riddled with issues.
And suddenly, the weight of the entire situation fell heavy on Jade, her throat drying up and cloistering. A dead silence coated the air, opposite to the comfortable silence that settled on them like a blanket while Dave mumbled lyrics to himself as Jade laid over his lap and snoozed.
The lack of reciprocated words from Dave drove a honed knife through the softest tissue of her heart, and the thoughts that she ruined the moment, ruined their happiness in the moment, badgered at her head. She should've just relished in their banter, soaked up the smile on Dave's face that was like a ray of sunshine for her, instead of drizzling her own needs intrusively and overwhelming Dave.
She should've just kept her mouth shut, Jade thought. Guilt seeded within her and pervaded every inch of her.
"Oh fuck," Dave abrupt piped up, looking down at his phone with an obvious awkward tone in his voice. "Rose and Kan are almost here."
Jade nodded hastily, trying to briskly pass the silent moment. "Right. I think we have enough ingredients to make that meatloaf you wanted." She quickly dug into the bags, while Dave stood sidelined, carding his fingers through his hair.
"Yeah," he replied weakly, looking down at the floor, uncertain. Then, slowly, he parted his lips, his words uncharacteristically delicate and small. "Hey, Jade, uh, I-"
"I'll get started on getting the meat prepared! You can just worry about the mashed potatoes, it's pretty easy." Jade cut him off, smiling reassuringly at him. Dave stood still for a couple of more seconds, attempting to study Jade, before giving a slow nod and taking out a mixing bowl.
Jade quietly sighed, pressing her canine ears back into her head.
***
"I can certainly decipher that the meatloaf was configured by none other than Miss Harley herself," Rose carefully said over her food, leaning her head onto Kanaya's shoulder. "If it were by Dave, I'd be tasting more dry, overcooked spots than well-done."
"As if your cooking is a fuckton better than mine, Rose." Dave laughed, flicking a small piece of gravy drizzled meat on his plate.
"He has you there, darling. I'd argue even his microwave nutrition plateau is far better and digestible than yours." Kanaya smirked, to which Rose tapped her wife's arm defensively.
"You're supposed to be on my side, Kan." Rose huffed.
"I always am, but your culinary skills are definitely not something even my obligated wife duties can come to defend," Kanaya poked her gray tongue out between her fangs. "Especially not after that one time you gave me salmonella."
"That was a single time, Kanaya!"
"And the only time I allowed you to cook."
Jade giggled at the wives, glancing over at Dave beside her. This immediately caused Dave to perk up slightly, a small smile formed on his face. Words, aside from short sentences and inquiries of how much gravy they wanted on their plate, hadn't been exchanged between the two since before prepping dinner - since... well.
Jade broke her gaze with Dave, instead focusing on cutting up her meatloaf into bits. Despite the shades, Jade could feel Dave's red orbs burn into her, concerned and confused. Another wash of guilt racked Jade, chewing on her dinner tensely.
It was her fault, Jade thought. She threw a 'I love you' onto Dave, completely knowing his lingering issues and hang-ups; Jade couldn't help but feel so incredibly selfish for that. For wanting to verbally hear Dave's affection to her, when she could've just been sated with the way he physically presented it.
Looking up from her plate, bright green eyes met jade green, and Jade nearly choked on her food. Kanaya's brows furrowed curiously, like she could sense some sort of tension between Dave and Jade.
In order to wave it off, Jade tried giving her a bucktooth smile, to assure she was fine - but after dealing with Rose for so many years, that trick didn't seem to work on Kanaya anymore.
"Jade, don't you agree?"
The witch's thoughts snapped in half at the sudden sound of Rose's voice, her fluffy canine ears shooting up and fully aware of the situation.
“Huh?”
“That the argument of ectobiology taking away available families from foster children doesn’t exactly have merit to it?” Rose uttered, weaving her fingers through Kanaya’s slender ones.
“Oh, uhm, I guess?”
For some reason, Jade couldn’t help but feel a slight pinch of jealous at that. Rose and Kanaya were the best example of a relationship to Jade; not something that was thoroughly perfect, but it bloomed in its flaws, and the love that throbbed between them was unbeatable.
For a moment, Jade wondered if Kanaya ever had to endure something similar with her own strilonde.
Probably not.
***
The moments between washing the plates and slipping into bed once Rose and Kanaya left were fleeting and silent. The awkwardness from earlier, though, dissipated thankfully, liberating any more painful silences as they walked pass each other like ships in the night.
When Jade settled into bed, Dave didn’t hesitate to cling onto her immediately, sinking into her warmth and inhaling her scent as if he was away for months. Jade’s heart jumped ecstatically, a sleepy smile painting her face as she removed his shades from his face then gently placed it on their nightstand, before removing her own glasses.
Everything was normal again; it felt normal, and it comforted Jade enough to allow her eyes to shut. With every strength of her mind, she forced away anything that battered at her, sending sparks up her spine that she instead tried to shift focus on the way Dave held her.
She curled around Dave, squeezing her eyes tightly as if it would help lull her to sleep faster.
The soft yet sharp ping! sprung her canine ears up, eliminating any drowsiness in Jade that was slowly bubbling.
Reaching over to the nightstand, Jade tapped open pesterchum, supposing maybe it was Jake texting her - until she saw Kanaya’s handle flash.
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG]
GA: Hello Jade
GA: Sorry If You Were Already Asleep
GA: Or Maybe Still Are Asleep
GA: Who Am I Kidding That Is Probably What Youre Doing
GG: hehe, no im up
GA: Oh
GA: Well Hi
GG: was there something you needed? :0
GA: Sort Of
GG: im taking that as a yes then!
GA: Okay Yes
GA: Particularly About
GA: What I Couldnt Help But Notice During Dinner
GA: A Change In The Silent Demeanor Between You And Dave
GG: oh….
GA: Sorry If This Is Intrusive
GA: Or Just Plain Overbearing Especially At This Time Of Night
GG: no no its okay!!!
GG: i mean, i guess i would be lying to you if i were to say everythings been peachy with dave lately…
GG: but i think im just overblowing it in my head!
GA: What Do You Mean
GG: blargh!
GG: well… i dont know if youve ever had to go through with this with rose but
GG: dave and i have been together for three years now! and its all been so sweet and silly and i couldnt have asked for a better boyfriend AND best friend!!
GG: but… for the time we have been dating, erm, dave has never really said i love you
GA: Oh
GA: Hm
GG: i hope it doesnt sound like im saying dave is the most suckiest sucky boyfriend that ever sucked because hes definitely not!!!!!
GG: and i know its because of his issues and im totally respectful about that!! i feel im just being too pushy to him about saying i love you >_>;
GG: sometimes i worry, as much as i feel like im being respectful, im actually being completely selfish about my feelings for him :(
GA: Thats Understandable
GA: That You Would Feel That Way
GA: If I Remember Correctly Its Not Exactly The First Time Youve Felt Like That
GG: yeah…
GA: For What It Is Worth
GA: I Think The Selfish Narrative Youve Manifested In Your Head Is Far From Accurate
GA: Because Rose And I Had Endured The Same Issue Once In Our Relationship
GG: really??? :000
GA: Unfortunately Yes But
GA: I Feel Like At The Same Time It Actually Strengthened Our Bond Through Both Platonic And Romantic Means
GA: You Know How Fussy These Strilondes Can Be
GG: hehe yeah
GG: trying so hard to be mysterious and cool, when really theyre so lame and stuffy and cute!
GA: Hehe Yeah
GA: Rose Also Had An Issue Of Really Telling Me Her Feelings
GA: And Professing Her Affections For Me Without Feeling Like I Wasnt Actually Being Serious
GA: For My Absolute Love For Her
GA: She Would Attempt To Find Any Hidden Meanings Of Any Gifts Id Give Her
GA: She Was Incredibly Convinced I Wasnt Being Sincere
GG: oh yeah, i remember she would do that a lot >_<
GG: i got her a squiddle for her thirteenth birthday and she thought i was just patronizing her!!
GG: she wasnt really sure if i was a genuine squiddles fan and asked me to list three episode names…
GA: Thats My Rosie Hah
GG: so how did you overcome it
GG: the i love you thing
GA: It Took Awhile
GA: To Confess How Hurt I Felt
GA: Because Even Though Rose Wasnt Lacking Physical Affection
GA: She Took My Words Undercoated In Something Else
GA: And It Made Me Overwhelmed
GA: When Really All I Wanted Was To Love The Girl Of My Wiggler Dreams
GA: But Eventually I Trashed A Similar Selfish Narrative
GA: Because I Know Rose Would Not Want Me To Be Entirely Selfless And Allow Her To Step All Over Me
GA: So I Simply Told Her My Feelings And It Was A Gradual Yet Refreshing Shift
GA: I Know She Loves Me
GA: And I Love Her
GG: i know, she always talks about you
GG: she calls you her ‘little moth’
GA: Oh Uhm
GA: She Does
GA: Is There Anything Else Maybe That She Says
GA: About Me
GG: shhh!!! a lady doesnt tell another girls secret!
GA: Right Sorry
GG: …
GG: thank you kanaya
GA: Youre Welcome
GA: So You Should Most Certainly Converse With Dave About It
GG: heh yeah i was getting that
GA: Okay Just Making Sure
GA: Goodnight
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling gardenGnostic [GG]
***
The smell of early morning brewed coffee made Dave’s stomach twist only a bit in disgust, but goddamn it he doesn’t feel like wasting it, especially since it was brewed by Jade.
The actual taste of the coffee didn’t grow sweeter on his tongue with the reminder that it was made by his girlfriend, but at least in his mind it felt sweet, enough to bear through.
Dave lounged about on the red, worn-out couch he confiscated from the meteor a long time ago, while Jade showered upstairs. In spite of how dark tasting the coffee was, relief still pervaded Dave; that after the stupid and embarassing fuckup he did with Jade last night, she still loved him. Even just the mere reminder of what happened last night, of what he didn't say, tasted more bitter than the coffee. The memory of Jade's face, visibly hurt but trying to cover it up because he knew she didn't want him to worry, stabbed him worse than any deep cuts he got from panicking strifes with his bro.
God, he was such a terrible boyfriend.
Abruptly, his thoughts immediately paused when his phone buzzed, startling Dave a bit, but he quickly regained his cool.
tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
TT: Good morning.
TG: hey
TG: im surprised youre up so early
TG: arent you usually all splayed out in bed and drooling about your hot alien wife
TT: Usually. But not today.
TG: any reason
TG: did you sense a disturbance in the lesbian matrix
TT: No, rather the opposite.
TT: I was awoken by kisses from my adoring wife, but I believe she wasn’t anticipating for me to suddenly stir awake.
TG: man speaking of kisses
TG: does kanayas breath ever sometimes stink like straight up copper bc of her blood diet but for some reason you still have the urge to kiss the living fuck out of her
TG: except replace blood with purina doggy treats for my situation
TT: Strangely, yes. As horrid as Kanaya’s morning breath and her nutritional blood breakfast mingle together, I can’t seem to stop myself from pressing a smooch to her mouth all the same.
TG: dont even lie thats like the exact fucking messed up shit youd be way too into
TT: The blood part, yes, but the morning breath component I could certainly live without.
TG: im getting the aftertaste of cardboard dog treats over here when im all up on jade after she finishes a bowl like theyre goddamn goldfish crackers
TG: im basically indirectly eating doggy treats like some dumbass who got tricked by their older brother under the guise that if dogs can eat human food so can humans totally eat milkbones
TG: but hey instead of a scooby doo snack its in the form of my girlfriends plush lips so thats better i guess
TT: Regarding Jade, actually, Kanaya had something of concerning interest this morning, after she so rudely stirred me awake in the sweetest method.
TG: whats it about
TG: i mean if the concerning interest is about jade im pretty sure ill know what youre talking about
TT: It’s about you.
TG: uh
TG: me
TG: what about this guy
TT: Don’t play dumb, Dave, Kanaya feasibly sensed the undefinable tension that occurred last night at dinner.
TG: oh shitting christ
TT: Has there been any hardships driven into your relationship recently?
TT: Perhaps the culminated, overwhelming stress of holding down the status as a God while also being known as the guy with a blog?
TT: Maybe the issues are tied with Jade? Is she not performing for your personal satisfaction?
TG: what hell no
TG: she doesnt need to perform shit squat
TG: shes perfect the way she is and this has nothing to do with her
TT: That’s reassuring to hear at least.
TG: jesus im not some sleazy woman hating guy that craps the floor each time i see a woman doing sports on tv instead of permanently being a kitchen wife
TT: Of course you’re not.
TG: my bro mightve tried to teach me that shit was normal but ive discarded that mentality since i was like fucking 14
TT: There’s still something peculiar transpiring in your relationship though, and oddly enough, a sense of familiarity is wafting in my direction.
TG: what do you mean
TT: Well, you’re already aware Kanaya and I had to go through obstacles in order to stay together, because I was madly in love with her and she too.
TT: But it took trudging through our respective upbringings to become sighted on the truth.
TT: Dredging up this sea of silly and sweet emotions, and maternal neglect that was a whole cloister of varying feelings, we managed to work it out.
TG: are you like
TG: trying to imply something about me here
TG: that the fucked up shit i went through affected my view on romantic relationships
TT: Not just romance, but close bonds in general.
TG: well
TG: yeah ive been aware of this stuff
TT: Then why haven’t you discussed it with Jade?
TG: well i
TG: its just difficult alright
TG: im still getting used to all of this
TT: You’re not the only one, Dave.
TG: i know
TG: but with jade in the mix it just makes me fucking scared shit less
TG: i dont want her thinking i wanna break up with her or that im some unaffectionate asshole
TG: because im scared to tell her that when she says i love you i cant bring myself to say it
TG: it almost feels like absolutely fucking nothing because of how much my goddamn head is just convincing me that yo this shit aint real youre not treating her right
TG: but i love her more than fucking life itself
TG: and its just a blur of my stupid ass not recognizing whats wrong and my worry that im triggering jade to think shes selfish for wanting me to say i love you because shes far fucking from that
TG: and i wanna say it but jesus christ
TT: I think the best possible route to take this, in all complete honesty.
TT: Would be to talk to your girlfriend.
TT: I’m blocking you from meandering and whining any further, only when I shall unblock you is if Kanaya reports to me that you’ve actually talked to Jade.
tentacleTherapist [TT] blocked turntechGodhead [TG]
Dave froze his shoulders up, staring at his screen blankly before emitting a defeated sigh.
Rose was right. In spite of how much Dave refused to talk about this issue with Jade in fear of her breaking up with him or accidentally hurting her, he was really only causing damage under the guise of "protecting" her. He was practically doing nothing more but protecting her from his messy feelings.
Dave slammed his palm into his face, groaning lightly into it, until the sound of running water abruptly stopped. Dave swallowed dryly, pocketing his phone and sauntering up the stairs to their bedroom.
There on the bed, Jade breezed her comb through her wet, long hair, locking Dave in place.
A dense mass suddenly settled in Dave’s chest, overwhelmed with the reminder that holy fuck he loves her.
Dave would do absolutely anything to avoid hurting Jade in anyway, and the dread that maybe disclosing his full feelings on her was a horrible mistake that inflict irreversible damage on their bond as a whole.
The moment Jade’s bright green eyes landed on him, though, he melted through the floor; he was only hurting her by keeping her in the dark.
“Hey, Jade,” Dave uttered, his voice cracking for an abrupt second. Jade’s giggles bubbled euphoria in his chest, clearing his throat awkwardly. “I just - I, uh. Fuck.”
Dave ran his palm over his bleach white hair, licking his lips nervously. He was wet with sweat, and his stomach curled into multiple small knots, he almost felt the urge to puke.
It wasn’t until he felt Jade’s soft, yet rough hand from working in her garden, caress his that he ripped himself out from his drowning thoughts, a comforting and warm look coloring Jade’s face.
It was the same reassuring look Jade gave him when he stormed into her greenhouse, panicked and unbelievably freaked out and needed an anchor. Even when she was sweaty and covered in dirt, a flush rose to Dave’s cheeks as she cupped his face comfortingly, brushing her thumb across his cheek.
And even now, Dave could feel his heart wanting to leap out of his throat. He loved her more than anything.
“Jade, I’m sorry.”
Jade knitted her brows, tilting her head to the side.
“What do you mean, Dave?”
“I,” Dave choked. “I love you. A fuckton.”
Jade’s eyes widened, her adorable doggy ears shooting up in surprise. Dave went ahead and reached for her hand, caressing it tenderly and gently.
“Dave…”
“And I’m so goddamn sorry if I’ve been a horrible boyfriend to you, all because I can’t stop being a fucking wimp and just tell you I love you. You deserve to be loved because you’re a pretty cool girl and you’re beautiful as hell and I want to be the tool that loves you,” Dave croaked, squeezing her hand. “You’re fucking amazing, Jade. I know I’ve got my Bro issues, and you’ve got your loneliness issues, but if you somehow don’t think I’m just too shitty and insufferable to be the one you call your boyfriend, I really wanna help you too.”
Jade bumped her forehead to his, speaking in the most feathery light tone Dave had ever heard.
“Dave, I don’t think you’re a bad boyfriend just because you have a hard time saying I love you… in fact I don’t think you’re a bad boyfriend at all.”
“But - but it’s just not right. You deserve to know that, like you’re literally my girlfriend.”
Suddenly, Jade leaned in a little closer, so close that Dave could see the dusting of brown freckles across her face and the shuddering feeling of her lips brushing against his.
“Well…” Jade breathed. “I know now.”
Pressing their lips together, Dave and Jade melted into the kiss, a syrupy warm puddle flooding their stomachs as if it were their first smooch. Jade then lifted up Dave’s shades, staring into the brilliant red hue of his eyes, almost acting like a siren call that quickly pulled Jade back to her boyfriend’s lips. Any cloistered feelings of selfishness dissipated in her, instead replaced with the love exploding and melting from heat in her chest that Dave whispered a slow and embarrassed ‘I love you’.
Dave loved Jade, and at this moment, Jade had no reason to even remotely doubt.