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At first, they didn’t acknowledge it.
Their small fights turned to arguments that would last for days on end. No one backed down and continued to assert they were in the right.
The silent treatment they gave each other after any unresolved discussion.
Not updating the other of their whereabouts during the day and coming home late just to avoid each other.
Passing by each other inside their shared house as if they were just roommates and not a married couple.
The silence never felt so loud. It kept ringing in their ears but they ignored it.
Their friends tried to help them in different ways but ultimately, it was Jaemin took the responsibility of giving each one of them a one-on-one talk. He reminded the two that they have all it takes to resolve their problems. That they have the capacity to fix this.
That their marriage could be saved.
Alas, that conversation didn’t bear any fruit. From both sides. Jaemin felt defeated. He thought he could talk some sense to them.
If he had, Chenle and Jisung wouldn't found themselves in this situation.
Chenle and Jisung were now seated across from each other at their dining room table. Laying in between them was an opened folder, a blue tab peeking from the side of the papers says Zhong-Park divorce documents.
Jisung texted Chenle that afternoon and said he wanted to talk about something important around dinner time. His husband never texts even when they were boyfriends, preferring to call him because he said he likes hearing his Lele’s voice over the phone. Chenle would always scold him because he might be wasting his prepaid load but Jisung remained obstinate, kissing his cheek to placate him. Soft and sweet.
That made Chenle feel nervous as he drove back to their apartment after spending a night around Jeno and Renjun’s home to clear his head. He and Jisung had an intense argument about their conjugal property and Chenle didn't want to be anywhere near Jisung for the mean time.
The couple welcomed him with open arms, stating that their baby girl Jein also misses her Uncle Lele.
They didn’t directly ask him about his situation and Chenle secretly wished they did. While it is true that he values his privacy, he wants to talk to someone about his failing marriage. He will hesitate quite a lot in asking for advice outright but in the end, he will not say anything. It’s no one’s fault. It’s not Jeno or Renjun’s fault.
It’s just what it is.
Renjun pulled him after dinner inside the guest room, giving the dishwashing duty to Jeno. Jein went upstairs to prepare for her bath, giving Chenle a giggly peck on his cheek before she bolted to her bathroom. Chenle's heart swelled in affection, longing to feel that way with his own children with Jisung.
They used to daydream in being parents to a boy and a girl a few months into their marriage. To build a home full of love, hope, and dreams for them.
Chenle knew those dreams never come true.
Renjun spoke to him in Chinese, giving Chenle more comfort than he ever felt for so long. His Renjun ge reminded him that he and Jeno will always be here for them if they needed help.
He hugged Chenle tightly, rubbing his back gently and let him go. Renjun big Chenle good night and went to accompany their daughter with her bath.
Chenle laid on the guest room bed awake until the wee hours of the morning, eyes prickling with impending tears he had been fighting to fall. He knew he had to be awake around six AM for his job but sleep evaded him.
He and Jisung had been married for less than three years and he struggled to find what went wrong.
His heart hurted that the person he used to come to when he felt troubled was now the same person that was causing him all this pain. Chenle's chest tightened as gasped for breath, crying his heart out silently with only the lone street lamp as his witness.
Yesterday night seemed so far away now that he's in front of Jisung.
Chenle was silent all throughout Jisung’s explanation of the divorce documents. He stared at Jisung’s hands as he flipped through the papers, his deep voice almost lulled Chenle to sleep. Honestly, he tuned out almost everything his husband said, his hand forming into fists on his lap under the table.
No, this cannot be the solution, he thought just as Jisung finished talking.
“... We are expecting your signature on all of the documents here probably next week. The lawyer said we could settle to looking for an accountant about our assets in our joint bank account and how to divide them equally to the both of us–”
“I’m really sorry to interrupt you with your explanation but is this really what our relationship has come to be?” Chenle cannot help but stutter as he uttered those words, his chest feeling tight from the white hot ball of anger there. “You have been the love of my life for nearly a decade now, Sungie. Why are you reducing our love to mere documents? Jisung, it’s me. What is all this?”
Jisung sat up a little straighter, exhaling audibly. Their dining room lights casted a halo of luminescence around Jisung’s handsome face.
Chenle cut Jisung just before he even started to talk, startling the other. “Is this all I am to you? You’re throwing me, us, away that easily? What happened to the vows you said during our wedding?” he says in a quiet voice as he heaved in breaths. He knew Jisung heard it.
Chenle then found the courage to finally look up.
For the first time in seven months, he had the chance to look at Park Jisung properly.
The bags under Jisung's eyes were darker than the last time Chenle saw him. He also sees a few pimples on his forehead and Chenle furrows his eyebrows at that. Jisung loves to eat peanuts but it causes him to have a breakout a day or two after. He must have been eating peanuts the past weeks judging from the number of red spots around his face. Jisung's hair was longer too, the back part almost touching the hem of his beige shirt.
Jisung sounded tired, like he hasn't been resting in quite a long time. His voice was hoarse, scratchy.
Chenle heared his heart break into pieces at the sight of his husband. The person he promised to love and to hold for this lifetime looked hopeless.
And he hates himself for letting this drag this long.
A lone tear fell from his eyes and he felt it drip down from his cheek.
This snapped Jisung out of his silence, standing up to go over Chenle's side. He quickly grabbed another chair and slid it beside Chenle's, his large hands covering his husband’s shaking ones. “Lele? Lele, no– I’m… Chenle, that’s not true. You know that’s not true… Chenle, I love you with all of me that’s why 8 married you. I chose you. But… I’m hurting you, my Lele. This is not what I wanted for you and I don’t want to hurt you anymore–”
“And you think going behind my back about divorce will be the best solution, Park Jisung? really? After all these years of being together?” Chenle spatted out but he was starting to calm down now, the feeling of Jisung’s hand intertwined with his felt so right. “I love you, Jisung. I do. I sacrificed a lot to be with you and I never regretted any of it. Jisung, this is not it. We are not going to divorce. I–I won’t sign the divorce papers. I know we… We can still do something.
“Thinking about my life without you is devastating, Sungie. So please. Let’s try and this time, let’s not fight. I hate fighting with you. I missed you, Jisung. I missed my husband… I’ll listen… And I’ll try to understand,” Chenle finished, his vision blurry from the tears as he started to cry again. Months of pent up frustration made its way out of Chenle’s mouth and he was relieved.
But also, he feels scared. What if Jisung was set on finalising their divorce?
His tears were wiped away, leaving his cheeks warm with Jisung’s touch. Chenle visibly melted and he keened his cheek for Jisung to hold it ever so gently. He held onto Jisung’s arm, giving it an assuring squeeze. Oh, how Chenle missed being with Jisung so close like this. The bed was so cold without him beside Chenle and their house was eerily quiet at times.
To have Jisung here and now near him made it much better. They were both here. they were safe.
“I’m sorry, Lele. I missed you, too… I am scared of hurting you more and I… I thought you wanted an out. An escape from this. I’m sorry for not talking to you. For not listening. For ignoring how you feel. Chenle, I love you so much that I will always do whatever will be happier and less painful for you… Work had been hell and it's even worse when you weren’t there when I came home…” His husband solemnly confessed. His eyes were a little red but Chenle knew he was trying not to cry. Jisung didn’t like crying. “What should we do? I will do whatever you need me to do. I'm listening to you, too, Lele.”
Chenle reached out to get the folder forgotten on the table and held it above his head before slamming it down the table, the sound echoed in their dining room. “It will take the two of us to mend our marriage, Sungie. It’s not only me or you that should work together, but us. We will burn this stupid thing,” Chenle gestured at the divorce papers on the table. “Later, we’ll order your favorite spicy chicken stew and soju to eat for dinner. Tomorrow, we’ll look for a marriage counselor. Maybe we can try looking for a pastor or a priest as well if we can. You don’t have to agree but if you have any suggestions, please tell me, okay? How does that sound to you, Sungie?”
Jisung smiled at him, his nose scrunching in the cutest way possible that made Chenle’s heart beat faster. “It’s the best thing I heard in a long time.”
And they would be both ready to hear more best things in the coming days.