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Lilian held Newton’s hand a little tighter as they approached the graveyard. He returned the gesture, tensing up at the sight of all the tombstones he saw from behind the fences.
He held a bouquet of flowers in one hand, Lilian’s hand in the other. She picked out the pack of flowers, it consisting of lavender and orchids. All she could do is hope Mary would have liked them. She never got the chance to ask.
The flower stems crunched a little under the force Newton was grabbing them. Lilian noticed his anxiety and patted his head to calm him down. She kneeled down and whispered words of comfort. The words seemed to help as he nodded after a while, indicating he was fine now.
Together, they entered the graveyard. Lilian’s eyes searched around for a moment, then finally landing on the spot she still regretted to see. Her tombstone.
She lowered herself down to Newton’s level and pointed to the place they came here for. Newton followed her finger, his eyes locked onto the grave as well.
He took a deep breath and started to walk forward, Lilian’s hand still in his. She gave it a little squeeze, hoping to encourage him.
They slowly made their way over to the grave, Lilian trying her best not to cry in front of Newton, and Newton thinking of what to tell his mom. He stumbled, not looking at where he was walking, too caught up in his thoughts. He almost dropped the bouquet, but didn’t in the end.
When they arrived, Lilian took a step back, giving Newton the room to think about what he wanted to tell his mom. He looked back at her, but she just gave him a sad smile.
“Hi mom. It’s me.” He started. “I miss you a lot, and I think your friends miss you too. Um, they all seem sad around me. And I keep hearing ‘sorry for you loss’. But you promised you’d come back. So, I’ll wait for you, even if no-one else will. I even made you a welcome back present!”
His face lit up at the mention. “Its got something to do with a prowler, but I won’t spoil you too much.” He grinned, then kneeled to the ground and put the bouquet down, gently patting the flowers, slightly adjusting them so they’d look nice.
He stood up, and turned his head back, looking at Lilian, as if looking for approval. Instead he found more heartbreak in her eyes. He wondered if he’d done something wrong.
The boy then turned back the the tomb and half-whispered: “I think auntie Lilian wants to talk to you too.” Newton walked back to Lilian, returning the gesture she’d just done for him. She looked back at him, eyes drowning in grief, but refusing to spill. As if thanking him, she nodded, and then walked to Mary’s grave.
She took a deep breath, and began talking.
“Hey Mary, dear. I’m so sorry about all… this. I should’ve never let this happen. I should’ve got more people to check the ship for any malfunctions. It’s far too late to think in what-ifs, I suppose. But I can’t help but think if, maybe, I’d done more, you’d still be here with us.
You might be wondering why Ashleigh isn’t here. Ah, it’s not that I didn’t try to convince her to come. I asked, and she refused. Didn’t want to overstep. Who know what she might be going through.
I’ve encouraged her to sign up for therapy. It’d do her well, I think. She’s been spacing out a lot recently. Especially at work. I assume it’s because your desk and personal belongings are still there. Nobody has had the time to take care of it. Nobody as in… me.” She sighed deeply.
“I miss you, Mary.”
Lilian tried her best not to cry right there and then, not wanting Newton to see her in such a place. She couldn’t help but feel responsible about Mary’s fate, and kept repeating the fact that she was the one who mailed her in the first place, asking for her and her assistant’s help.
Mary’s disappearance had such a great effect on the people that surrounded themselves with her. Now, there was nobody waiting outside her office, nobody to talk her out of overworking herself. Not a soul who would gently tell her that, no, it’s not your responsibility. You couldn’t have seen this coming.
But you should have, Lilian. You slack off once, and look what happens. Look what happened. Mary’s dead and she could blame you for it. Don’t you feel guilty? Responsible? Accountable? Newton’s going to grow up with no parents. No father, no mother. Only you. Can you even take care of him? I bet you don’t even know what his favourite foods are because you were too busy wor-
She shook her head. Her thoughts were spiralling again. Mary told her to come visit when her thoughts got too loud. And, well, she technically was visiting her right now, wasn’t she? But instead of helping calm her, she made it worse. She just felt so, so guilty and at fault and-
She felt so very sorry for Reid, who had stood there in space, all alone, watching everything take place. The poor woman must have felt so helpless, watching a friend die right in front of her.
Lilian wasn’t sure if she could be as strong as Reid was at that moment. To be able to still carry on the mission, to still finish what their plan was.
With the way Reid exited the spaceship, it really did hit her. Reid never was emotional, never cried about anything. But the moment Lilian saw her set foot back on Olympus, Reid was crying, in hysterics, and struggling to walk, quickly having to be ushered back to prevent the masses from panicking.
(Later, she would come to know that it was all an act, theatrics to draw suspicion away.)
(But was it all fake?)
And with that, Lilian turned around and reached out her hands towards Newton. The boy grabbed it, and together they made their way towards the exit.
Newton’s eyes lingered on the stone for just a little longer before looking ahead and starting to ramble about prowlers and their natural enemies.
Newton turned 15 just a few days ago. What better way to celebrate it than visiting your mom’s grave?
Right, it was a… unique decision. But he’d missed her so much lately, and wanted to stop by and say hi. Though, he was 15 now. Being spot at his mom’s gravestone would surely be the end of his social life!
(Not that he had one to begin with. But, his peers stopped seeing him as the kid with a dead mom. That had to count for something, right?)
It just meant he had to be extra careful and make sure nobody he knew was around to witness the act. If someone had seen Newton walk to his destination, they’d think he was planning to rob someone’s old grandma or something. He was anxiously looking around, constantly worrying about being spot.
As he warily made his way in, a familiar face appeared in front of the grave he planned on visiting. Newton swiftly hid behind some bushes, not wanting to be spotted here. He didn’t plan on eavesdropping, but, in his defence, he didn’t have proper time to react.
Why is Dr. Reid here? He frantically asked himself. Since when did she get sentimental? The last time I asked her if she wanted to come with, she basically made fun of me! She didn’t even show up the day of the funeral!
He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard her talk to Mary. Well, talk is a big word for what really happened. She simply said one thing:
“Sorry.”
It was so, so difficult to express her thoughts on the matter, yet such a simple word conveyed them.
Maybe she should also say thank you, thank her for reminding her that violence and death isn’t all the world knows. She should thank her for nudging her memory and making her believe there was more to it than all the wicked things she’d grown up with.
Instead of being surrounded by fire and smoke, she was surrounded by the smell of burned cookies in Mary’s kitchen. Instead of her hands being covered in blood, they were covered in wine from the bottle she opened to celebrate their succes. Instead of yelling at her inferiors, telling them to hurry up and shoot, she yelled at Newton to stop running around in the lab.
The sense of normalcy she felt with Mary was tremendously scary. The way she slipped back into it so easily made her want to cry, missing the times before being commander Reid, before yelling, shouting, howling orders at grunts surrounding her until her throat went dry.
She was assigned assistant of Mary to, let’s say, watch her. Her theories and propositions were so brilliant, so very genius that they wanted someone to watch and… and get rid of her if she became a problem.
It sounded so easy in theory, but, in reality…
She’d never admit to it, but it really did do a number on her.
Reid was chosen for the job, as she was obviously the most qualified. The perfect choice, a flawless fit. A break from all the gunfire was nice. Their times together were so… real. To Mary, and maybe to Reid as well. Self-deception can take you a long way.
But it wasn’t real. It was illusion and mirage. She might as well put on a wig and big red shoes, apply to a circus while she’s at it.
Reid couldn’t fathom why she felt such dread when they approached her and told her to finally strike. So many people already died by her hand, how is this any different, Ashleigh? That question would haunt her time and time again.
It wasn’t any different. She had a mission and the obstacle that stood in her way had to be eliminated.
Mary wasn’t just an obstacle. That was the difference. She was a target, a colleague, a friend. Perhaps even more. Were those long nights spent at the lab just as friends? The nights out with Lilian, stumbling through the city, holding onto each other for support just a friends? The way she cared for her like she never had before, not even for herself. The way she clung onto Mary like a lifeline, hoping to be saved, just as friends?
Was the way her mind lingered on her touches just a second too long, or those moments spent staring on each others eyes just admiration for her best friend, or was it slowly blooming into something more? Something so very alien and unfamiliar to Ashleigh, she couldn’t help but want to explore it, to see where this road would lead her. Perhaps that road wouldn’t be the one filled with violence, blood and killing. Maybe it’d be littered with love and peace. Or it could be-
[???: All roads… All roads lead to Branthium.]
Denial is stronger than desire. Denial is routine and combative, hides from the truth and builds a better one. Denial protects her from all that would defeat her.
It wasn’t just as friends. All those moments together were all part of an elaborate plan to get Mary to trust her. They never ever even were friends, let alone more. Right?
When did she start crying? Her hands moved up automatically, wiping away at her tears, but they wouldn’t stop forming. She silently begged them to stop, deeming this matter unworthy of her sadness.
It was no use crying over spilled milk, yet here she was, wailing like some teenager who just got broken up with.
Newton, who had slowly started to back away, noticed her tears. Upon seeing them, he made his way over to Ashleigh. He carefully tapped her shoulder, and when she turned around, he gave her a hug.
Ashleigh, not expecting Newton to be here, and not being familiar with any kind of physical contact, froze. But a few seconds in, she too, hugged him. Newton then spoke up:
“I miss her too.”
The weather is quite nice today, Newton thought as he was walking to the graveyard, holding a pink carnation in his hand. He ran his other hand through his hair, enjoying the wind and the way the sun shone on his face.
The cemetery worker waved at him, having seen him many times before. They had some small talk before the man returned to keeping the graves. Newton walked down the path of rocks and flint, humming to himself. He memorised the walk to his mother’s grave by now.
The boy soon stood in front of the stone, crouching down and gingerly putting the pink flower down. He then sat down, making himself comfortable. His eyes skimmed over the inscription once again:
IN LOVING MEMORY OF DR. MARY SOMERS
A BELOVED MOTHER, FRIEND, HERO
WHO WILL BE GREATLY MISSED
She gave our home another chance at survival
May her sacrifice not go in vain
And may her accomplishments be remembered
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
He had read that maybe a million times already, and couldn’t help but think how different his life would be, were she still alive. But there was no point of dwelling on the past. He took a breath and began talking:
“Hi mom, I’m back again. Did you miss me?” He smiled sheepishly.
“Sorry for not visiting as much anymore. It’s been abysmally busy these few weeks. But I’m doing well, getting good grades and making friends. Though, it’s a bit.. awkward at school sometimes.”
He chuckled. “Like, yesterday, some professor who I’d never met before came up to me and started talking about you. Feeling a bit intimidated, honestly.
And last week too, the librarian of the college I go to asked if I was looking for books of you? I didn’t even know people had written books about you, mom! Obviously I said no, I wasn’t specifically looking for that, but I’d gladly lend a few.
The books are full of your theories and speculations about what you might’ve meant with this and that. Never-ending quotes of you, too. People all around me constantly talked about how smart you were, but, wow. I didn’t expect all this, haha. Sometimes even I didn’t get what you meant by certain things.”
He stayed still for a moment, as if something was troubling him. Then, Newton spoke up:
“They all have high expectations of me. I don’t exactly know how I’m going to live up to them. Live up to you.” He sighed.
“It’s… They all think I can do just as well as you did. I mean, I think they do. They don’t say it to my face, but, I can see it in their eyes. And maybe they truly believe it, that i’m just as good as you.
But they don’t know me as well as I do myself. And I just know I won’t ever be half as great you were. They’ll never hear me talking about it though, because all they’ll say is: “Oh, Newton, don’t be so insecure. I know you have it in you.” But I’m not insecure! I’m just aware I’m not as great or smart. It’s a fact.”
He felt like a ghost, a shadow, a remnant of his mom, reminding everyone around him that he’s here and she’s not. Tears started to well up in his eyes. “I just want them to be proud of me for what I am, not for what I could be.”
Newton quickly wiped away his tears and shook his head. He didn’t come here just to complain and feel sorry for himself, so he swiftly changed the topic.
“But! There is something you’re really gonna like! So, you know, with school, I have to apply for internships, right? Basically, I applied to the Peck Foundation, hoping to work at the Iris Project, and got accepted! I might have begged Dr. Reid and Lilian to let me in, but that’s beside the point. I’m finally able to contribute to what you started, mom.”
He sat there for a few more minutes, thinking. He was exited to work on the legacy his mom left behind, to meet her friends. Although, he was getting a bit tired of the constant bickering between Dr. Reid and Miss Paquette.
It was pretty entertaining at first: them putting salt in each others drinks or making snarky remarks at one another; the list could go on. Amélie even brought a cat to work just to piss off all the rats Ashleigh kept. He thought their argument after that got a bit too personal.
It unfortunately made him the peacekeeper between them, trying to stop them from constantly fighting. They both were so petty. Speaking of being petty, Lilian had asked them why they ran out of chalk so quickly, but, once she set foot in the room, she saw why.
An entire chalk board, filled with tally marks. Above the marks, there was a massive title: ‘ARGUMENTS WON: REID - PAQUETTE’. She stood there, baffled, before asking herself if these were the same people who should be saving the Outlands. It was a fond memory.
He looked down at his watch, noticing the time. It was already 3 pm. He really had to hurry, a classmate and him agreed to hang out to work on a project that was due very soon.
Newton really didn’t want to be late, because, maybe he really liked this girl. Maybe she had eyes he wanted to stare at all day, and maybe her smile was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. Maybe he wanted to sit next to her and playfully spin her curly hair. And maybe he wanted to grab her hand and hold it carefully-
There was no time thinking about that now! - But he should really tell Dr. Reid about this - Newton!
He got up and speed walked out of the graveyard, quickly waving goodbye to the cemetery worker. His phone almost slipped out of his pocket, but he caught it just in time, using it to call the previously mentioned classmate and tell her he might be running late.
She didn’t mind. She never did.
It was just a few hours after the incident. Just a few hours after she told him to take the night off, I’ll see you tomorrow. Probably a few years after she threw his mom right into the deep dark void. She must have felt good about it, too.
A missed call from Lilian.
And she was crying about it? At her grave? He had silently called her a hypocrite before, but this was taking it to a whole other level.
He fell down to his knees in front of his mother’s grave, out of exhaustion from running, but also out of misery and dejection and sorrow. Tears started to overflow as he sobbed his heart out. His heart was pounding in his chest.
To find out the truth like this absolutely destroyed him; he thought of her as a mentor figure, a good friend to his mom, to everyone. She was a bit cold, sure, whatever. That’s just how she was. She’d warm up to you eventually. She’d gradually become less cold, less sharp and strict. Ashleigh had her moments. He knew, deep inside, that she cared just as much as anyone. Apparently, he was wrong. Apparently, the warming up act was also a ruse.
She tricked everyone. His mom, Lilian, the members of the Iris Project, her colleagues. And even him.
He’d known her for all his life. All early memories he could remember clearly involved her in same way.
Her making dinner together with his mom, her walking to the park with him and Lilian, or her coming over for tea and scones. Them baking cookies for his birthday, failing miserably, and ultimately ending up calling Lilian for damage control. And that one time she tucked him in bed when his mom stayed late at the lab.
Once, Aunt Lilian, Dr. Reid and his mom all called off for the day and visited a museum full of fun facts about prowlers. Newton would go as far as to call that one of the best days of his childhood.
And also, there was that day when Aunt Lilian brought painting supplies to distract his mom and Dr. Reid from all their hard work. In the end, the whole house was covered in… abstract art. Luckily, they managed to make the cleaning just as fun as the splattering of paint on walls.
He wasn’t here to think about fond memories. He was here to be mad, mad at her. Mad at the world. But he couldn’t help himself. Was all that time spent together lost? Fake?
Another missed call from Lilian.
He heard Paquette talk to Stay about her suspicions around Dr. Reid. Newton never believed those accusations. His mother and Dr. Reid had been close as could be. She would never ever do such a thing. He should’ve listened to her. Now it’s too late. They’re all dead. He felt sick in his stomach just thinking about it.
She took his mom away from him, and now she’d taken everything else too. She let him build friendships, form bonds, just to rip it all away. What kind of monster does that? The tears turned into angry ones. His hands grew tingly.
A third missed call from Lilian.
He started hugging himself, attempting to perhaps push his feelings deep inside just like he’d always to, not wanting to bother anyone. The attempt was futile. The room where he’d stuff his emotions had just about filled up and no room was left for more. Beads of sweat started to form on his forehead as his breathing sped up.
He had been so, so happy to work at the Iris Project. To be able to continue what his mom left behind, to work with Dr. Reid and the rest of her colleagues he heard so many stories about. (To be honest, it was mostly slander from the one and only Dr. Reid.)
Now that’s been taken by her too. No more banter going back and forth between Delgado and Gibraltar, with Paquette and Reid watching disapprovingly, as if they didn’t do the same thing, only more brutal. No more coding lessons from Shelley, or going to ice cream shops joined by Paquette and Fletcher. No more programming and tinkering with Stay on Pathfinder, trying to improve him, to make him the best he could be. It was all over. Everything. Gone. Just like that.
Suddenly a pair of hands surrounded him, giving him a tight hug. He panicked for a moment, before realising who it was.
Lilian.
“Hey, hey, hey, calm down Newton.” She spoke in a calm manner, her voice going up an octave. “It’s alright, I’m here. You’re okay. You’re totally fine. You’re safe, with me.”
“Lilian-“
“Shh, save it. It’s okay. I need you to focus on your breathing, okay? Can you do that for me?”
He nodded, and closed his eyes. Newton tried to think happy thoughts: Lilian, prowlers, coding (though it could be pretty frustrating at times.), math, his girlfriend. Oh, how lovely she was. Her dark brown eyes, her curly hair, often tied back in a knot. Her gorgeous face and stunning personality. He didn’t deserve her.
(She reassured him plenty times he did.)
His breathing started to slow down, once again settling in it’s usual rhythm. He’d have to thank Lilian later.
Newton hugged Lilian back, still sniffing his nose from crying so much. They sat there in silence, a sort of mutual understanding, a mutual loss. Neither of them had expected things to take the turn it had.
(Ashleigh would’ve laughed at their gullibility. They didn’t grow up in the Frontier like she had. They trusted people way too quickly, were too optimistic for their own good. Neither of them had any idea how the Frontier war was truly like. The rich only saw money, succes and profit, and turned a blind eye to all the bloodshed.
They didn’t have to watch as their friends got stabbed to death in front of their eyes. Or when their mentor got smushed against a wall by a Militia titan, pushing them out of harms way. They never cried themselves to sleep, wishing they would’ve been stronger. They never blamed themselves for their mentor’s death.
They never even realised that the world wasn’t fair. She’d show them.)
Lilian slowly hoisted Newton up, positioning her arm under his shoulder so Newton could lean against her. She wiped his dried tears off his cheeks.
“Cup of tea at mine?”
At least they had each other, right?
“So then I said: X equals the temperature of negative space, not the specimen itself.” Newton laughed as he said it. “Yeah, I stole that one from you. Heh. It’s as you said, it scared them away.”
He reached for his bag, pulling out a plastic bottle. He raised it up to his mouth and took a sip, quenching his thirst. He then continued talking.
“Yeah, after that a few people walked away. Even the ones in white coats and glasses. You’d think they would know what they’re talking about. I guess they were only wannabes. What do you think, Aunt Lil?”
Of course, the stone didn’t reply. Stones can’t reply. Why was he asking questions? Newton sighed, and took another sip.
His mind wandered back to the day she died.
It had been a fairly normal day. His wife was on a business trip to Talos. Being a biologist, she went there to check out all the suspicious volcanic activity. He was driving back from the primary school where he just dropped off his kids when he got the call. They were wonderful. He smiled just by thinking of them. They looked so much like their mom.
He was listening to his favourite songs when, suddenly, his phone went off. He picked it up, of course. Newton didn’t exactly remember what he got told but it was something along the lines of ‘Lilian is in the hospital!’ and ‘You should hurry if you want to talk to her one last time’. He almost crashed his car right there and then.
Newton doesn’t think he’s ever driven that fast in his entire life. But, fortunately, he arrived in time. He was told she had had a stoke. His mind started overthinking immediately.
He ran to the room she was placed in and saw Lilian laying there, the blankets looking massive on her. He carefully made his way to the side of her bed, not wanting to mess up any intravenous drips.
She looked sickly pale.
“Lilian-“
“Newton. It’s alright. I’ve accepted it already.”
“No- I-“ He stuttered out, his tears already overflowing. He grabbed her hand and intertwined it with his own.
“Shh. Save your tears, Newton.” She cupped his cheek with her shaky hand. “It’s time.”
“No- No, I can’t lose you too-“
“Yes you can.” She smiled. Her eyes betrayed her, shining in the light. “I love you, Newton. So much. So much words can’t express it.”
“Me too. I love you, Lilian. I don’t want you to die, please. Just hang on, okay? I’m sure they can figure something out.” He was stumbling over his words. Lilian shook her head.
They sat there for a few more minutes, talking. Lilian was having a hard time keeping her eyes open.
Then, the heart monitor flatlined.
And after that, well, he’d rather not think about it for too long. He’d spend night after night sobbing. His wife tried to rush home the moment he called her and said what happened. But it would still take a couple of days since she was on a different planet studying rocks and volcanoes.
(She reminded him of Paquette like that. Always wanting to learn more about nature and… rocks, for some reason. He missed her.)
When morning came, he had to pretend it didn’t phase him as much as it did. He didn’t want his children to see him like that. They would only panic. He had to be there for them just like Lilian was there for him after his mom ‘died’.
He did tell them that someone very very close to him had died. That he and mommy would go to her funeral today and that they could stay home and watch movies.
The funeral went as well as he expected. People he didn’t even know by face were everywhere. He assumed they were her friends, or at least acquaintances from other planets. His wife recognised a few - sponsors for her work. Newton couldn’t help but feel as if they didn’t deserve to be there. He felt as if they were only there for the reputation they had to behold because nobody had anything personal to say about her.
When his turn to speak arrived, his wife gave him a little squeeze in his hand. “You got this.” She whispered.
(Lilian used to to that too.)
He held his speech holding back tears. After, his wife ushered him to a quiet place and hugged him. “It’s okay to cry, Newt.”
So he did. He wailed and wailed until there was nothing left. He hugged her tighter and tighter by the second. He cried until his eyes were rimmed red, until his eyes couldn’t produce more tears.
“I’m sorry. That was a bit… much.” He hiccuped. He moved out of the hug and wiped at his eyes.
“Pshh, that was nothing.” His wife said. “I’ve seen worse.” She joked, trying to lighten the mood. He jokingly punched her. “Hey! That’s so mean!”
“Sorry, sorry.” She laughed. “Real talk though, you okay now?” She grabbed his hands, gently holding them.
“Yeah. Yeah, I feel better now. Thanks.”
“Its nothing.” She said, cupping his head with her hands. He smiled, leaning into her touch as they shared a kiss.
That was the only good part of that day, Newton thought. He moved to look at his mom’s grave. He had asked if they could be buried next to each other. Or, at least, close. He knew they were very good friends. Maybe more, he didn’t know. He didn’t presume to know.
“You know, a tiny part of me still held hope that you’d come back. Maybe I still do. It’s silly, really. But I knew you. I mean, I think I did. And I knew that when you made a promise, you’d keep it.”
He could only wait.
Newton had to get going, however, as it was getting close to dinner time. He’d have to cook dinner for his kids. Chicken with rice sounded nice. Or maybe some smashed potatoes, minced meat and some string beans. He could ponder about it on the way home.
He stood up and walked down the gravel path, kindly waving goodbye at the new cemetery keeper.
(He’d know she was new. He had never seen her face around here before. Unfortunately, she seemed to be less keen on small talk than the previous keeper.)
Mary held the photo of her and Newton with great care. They looked so happy then - not knowing what was going to happen. Her eyes then moved away from the picture, up to the place she came to visit. The graveyard.
The whole place looked unkept. Moss and weeds grew everywhere, littering some graves more than others. It gave the whole place a sort of fantasy-ish feel to it. That’s what it felt to Mary, at least. Unreal.
She made her way down the path, eyes looking out for a specific grave. Before she found it, Mary saw another pair of graves with familiar names on them.
Mary Somers and Lilian Peck
She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Everyone really thought she’d died. Mary wondered what Dr. Reid had told everyone. Must’ve been something stupid, like ‘The tether suddenly disconnected!’ Or ‘The ship suddenly malfunctioned!’
She crouched down to Lilian’s grave, carefully inspecting it.
“Hi Lil. Missed me much?” She tried to joke, lightening the mood for non other than herself. “Thank you for caring for wee Newtie. I assumed you did, anyways. I’m sure you did a great job raising him. How long did his prowler phase last?” She chuckled to herself.
Newton’s obsession with prowlers began when he discovered them. She, Lilian and him watched so many documentaries about the animal, she couldn’t count it on 2 hands. His room was littered with plushies of them. Mary remembered that on one of his birthdays, she’d gotten him a colouring book full of exotic animals. The drawings about prowlers were coloured in the nicest.
It took Lilian and her a long time to find it. They went down to Psamathe to search for it in the city’s shops. They had walked there all day, about to give up, until Lilian spotted the book in one of the shop’s windows. Mary quickly went in and bought it when she noticed the time. They’d have to be back in time for the last lift back to Olympus, and that same lift was leaving in 10 minutes.
Mary doesn’t think she’s ever ran that fast in heels, but, fortunately, they made it just in time.
She didn’t want to linger on it too much. She was here for someone else, after all. So, Mary slowly stood up and started searching for the grave she came her for. After looking for what felt ages, she promptly saw his grave.
As she made her way to it, she noticed the graves around it. They were all people with the name Somers. It made her feel even worse. She missed out on so much of his life.
(Maybe this was the moment that made her realise what Reid had taken from her.)
Mary shook her head. It’s not what she’s here for. She wasn’t here to feel pity for herself.
Finally, she stood in front of his grave. Newton’s grave.
“Hi Newtie.” She kneeled down to his level. “It’s me. I’m back after all this time. I don’t know if you ever waited on me, but, here I am.”
“Back when," She took a deep breath. "Back when I was in space, I just kept telling myself I didnae want to see yer grave. I saw how much time had passed and all I could think about how much I didnae want to see it."
"Not that it changed when I got back to Olympus… I mean, I’d see you again, right? There’s no need to see a grave of someone who you’ll see again.” Her voice went up by an octave.
“I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there for you. I really tried to get back as fast as I could. But it wasn’t fast enough.” A tear rolled down her cheek. She swiftly raised her hand to wipe it away, but stopped. Maybe this was the time to feel her emotions. She really hadn’t had the time to really think about how she was feeling.
(Or, that’s what she told herself. She just didn’t want to. Who would? It would only dishearten her further.)
“I tried avoiding this place for the longest time. But… I felt like I needed ta talk to you. Reid is back, Newtie. The monster who took ma life away is back. She told me- Well, Leigh told me you didnae die at the Rift explosion. I want to believe her, Newtie. I want to believe you lived a good life, that you had the world, ma boy.” She started fiddling with her fingers, as if to soothe herself. Who else would?
When she woke up screaming for help after a nasty nightmare, who’d come to check up on her? Who would ask her if she was doing alright? The mirror that hung on her wall showed her the answer.
Nobody had ever asked her what was wrong when she started spacing out during matches on Olympus. Not that she ever told anyone what exactly happened. They’d just use it against her.
“I dinnae ken if I can believe her. What if she’s telling me this just to mess with me again? Or what if she has some evil plan to execute?” She rambled all her doubts to him. It felt good to finally talk about what had been bothering her for such a long time.
“I dinnae ken who I can trust. I dinnae ken if I trust anyone. I cannae help but think the only person that’ll help me is maself. It’s foolish, I ken. But I dinnae think I can take something like that again.”
She’d never tell a soul about her time in space. Nobody would know how claustrophobic she felt all the time. She’d always loved space, right? So why did it feel like it had had her in its chokehold?
“I know that if there’s a path to you, I should take it. But what if that path leads me to Ash?” She’s thought about this many times before. She just couldn’t decide on an answer. However, there was one thing she did have an answer to:
“Dinnae worry, my boy. I’ll find a way. It’s just a matter of time.”