Archive of Our Own

Perhaps, Beomgyu knew it was bound to happen; the clues hidden beneath lingering stares and the ghost of smiles, in the gentle touches and soft caresses, the invisible pull that draws Beomgyu to him like they’re two opposite poles of a magnet meant to fit perfectly, yet also feeling like they’re two of the same pole resisting each other, more on Beomgyu’s part, with how many questions from their friends were dodged, how any sense of a deeper conversation about the matter were quickly brushed off by feigned nonchalance, drifting the topic away to save one from the fear that clouds the very same feelings that started as a small fire but has been ignited stronger and stronger by the prettiest winds until it became a flame that was enough to scare and ignite fear— the art of falling.

Harboring feelings for a friend, and a close friend at that, had always been a hassle. That much, Beomgyu knew from all the experiences his own friends had, how most of them denied it at first while all warned him of how scary it was, because once feelings are involved, so many things in the friendship could go wrong— not to mention the pain it comes with. Beomgyu should’ve known better than to end up the same, he should’ve known to catch feelings with anyone but a close friend, but as he sits in their usual lunch table, imprisoned with the fear of the unknown future and the bubbling feelings that sometimes get too overwhelming, especially in the presence of the person it’s directed to, all he could do was heave a sigh.

“Soobin, come on! Who else can I ask?” Beomgyu greets as soon as the taller boy sits down on the chair beside him, placing his tray of lasagna and garlic bread in front of him with a soft clank.

Monday had rolled in and the cafeteria is buzzing with the chatter of college students as usual, some are cramming homeworks they procrastinated to do over the weekend or losing their minds over an upcoming test, some have their nose buried on books functioning solely on their fourth cup of bitter coffee of the day while some are laughing way too carefree than you’d think a college student is capable of and then, there’s also those people like Choi Beomgyu— on the verge of breaking down because of a class he’s going to fail if he doesn’t find someone’s face he could put paint on before friday of next week when his practical test was scheduled.

Soobin sighs, giving him an apologetic look. “Beomie, you know I love you but Dean Jung is scheduled to meet the Student Council on that date and Yeonjun will have my head if his vice president, aka me, is not there.”

“That’s right, I will.” Yeonjun appears with his own tray, sitting down next to Kai who was quietly enjoying his mint chocolate ice cream. “Sorry, BG. I would’ve let Binnie skip if the dean won’t be there.”

Yeonjun then turns to the youngest beside him. “Kai, that’s not lunch.”

“I ate before my last period so I’m not hungry.” Huening Kai shrugs, eating another spoonful of ice cream. Beomgyu stares at it in disgust, three years of being friends and he still doesn't understand why they like that abomination of a flavor.

Just then, a light bulb has metaphorically materialized on the side of Beomgyu’s head, staring at Kai as if he held the answer to the most complicated math problem to ever exist.

“Kai, what if-”

“Can’t.” Kai cuts him immediately off, making his shoulders sag. “Sorry, hyung, but I have to teach a bunch of 8-year-olds piano at the academy this friday.” Huening Kai gave him a sympathetic smile and Beomgyu is really contemplating whether to bang his head on the table or break down and bawl his eyes out— maybe both.

He sighs. This extracurricular art class is not something that would be credited for his course being a Music major, but it’s something he ended up enjoying after spontaneously signing up for it at the start of the semester and having a failing mark for a test would just be horrible. Maybe he can ask his sister Ryujin to be his model for this test? His lips are already twitching just thinking about what crazy idea she would ask in return.

“Why don’t you ask Taehyun?” His head snaps toward Yeonjun who was giving him a knowing look and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, obviously teasing.

“Oh, fuck you.”

The older rolls his eyes, giving him a deadpan look and pointing at him with his chopsticks to prove a point. “If you just keep avoiding him instead of making a move, someone else will and you’ll regret it.”

Beomgyu was about to say something to retort, scold him back that he’s one to talk, but he immediately shuts his mouth when a new person approaches their table, rendering him tongue-tied.

“Hey,” Like clockwork, Beomgyu felt his gut run cold with the raging butterflies upon registering the voice he knew all too well, the familiar scent of lavender entering his nostrils, his grip on his chopsticks tightening as he kept his gaze on the table, as if the little dent in the middle was much more interesting than the person who just spoke. “Why is Beomgyu sulking?”

Beomgyu winces at the mention of his name, peeking a glance from behind the bangs that fell over his eyes as he watched the newcomer squeeze himself in between Yeonjun and Kai, resulting to the both of them glowering at him, which also means he’s right in front of Beomgyu. Silently cursing, he bites his lip when the silver-haired’s attention zeroed again on him as he popped a fry into his mouth, obviously waiting for an answer. Soobin had to elbow Beomgyu to get him to snap out of it, making him involuntarily flinch more noticeably than he would like.

People from tables away would notice the pink tinge on Beomgyu’s cheeks, but he’ll have to die first before he admits it.

He clears his throat, uneasily adjusting the collar of his wool sweater as if it would calm his fast pounding heart down. “I'm just in desperate need of a model for my art class. We're doing face painting this time and the professor required us to find someone outside of the class but no one’s available on friday of next week.”

Beomgyu picks on his food, he didn’t mean to, always got a scolding from his Mom whenever he does it as a child, but more than he desperately needs a face to use as a canvas, he also desperately needs to distract himself and have an excuse as to not meet eyes with the boy who occupies his waking and sleeping thoughts, who he can also feel is staring at him like a hawk.

“Oh, I’ll do it, then.”

“Thank you! I really thought- wait, what?!” Beomgyu whips his head upwards so fast that he felt his neck audibly crack, making Soobin wince beside him, but that was the least of his concern when his eyes meet big doe ones, staring at him nonchalantly, a complete opposite to the way Beomgyu looked at him as if he grew two extra heads, the pure shock visible on his face.

He can’t be serious. He can’t be for the sake of Beomgyu’s sanity, because just the mere thought of spending time with his face inches away from Beomgyu would make him completely lose his mind— a friend too if everything goes wrong.

But Kang Taehyun, the smart but painfully oblivious person that he is, only shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, like it didn’t just almost make Beomgyu’s heart rip out of his chest. “I can be your model.”

Oh, fuck, he’s serious. Beomgyu is so dead.

“But, but… don’t you have soccer practice?” And yes, of course, he’s also an athlete whose name is screamed by hundreds of people during their games representing the university, and their soccer team practice every friday afternoon. It was precisely the reason Beomgyu never asked him for help in his arts class whenever he needed it before, although that reason changed a little over a week ago, when Beomgyu’s mind finally accepted a crazy overdue fact that’s been lingering in the air longer than he’d like to admit.

But Taehyun remained unfazed in front of him, staring him down and taking all of Beomgyu’s willpower not to cower under his intense stare. “You know I’d drop everything for you, Gyu.”

Beomgyu almost fell down his chair. Fuck Taehyun and fuck his flowery words when he wouldn’t take responsibility for what he’s doing to Beomgyu’s heart. Fuck these feelings.

Beomgyu might actually just drop dead with how fast his heart was beating. This is why he never liked even catching feelings for anyone; he turns into a complete mess and loses all his rationality.

Suddenly, his phone’s alarm rings, signaling that he needs to get to his next class if he wanted to be on time and although he always dreaded his Music History class, with all the stuffs he had to memorize, now he thinks he could actually kneel before it with tears in his eyes while a choir of angels sing praises, complete with a red carpet.

“Would you look at the time! I have to go, bye!” He jumps from his seat, quickly waving at his friends who were quietly listening to their exchange, amused smiles on their lips which Beomgyu spared no time looking into as he hightailed his way out of the cafeteria, and if he felt the stare burning a hole on the back of his head, Beomgyu would say he didn’t.

He didn’t stop speed walking until he rounded a corner, leaning against a wall and taking a few seconds to catch his breath before he decided to take a detour towards the restroom. His professor gives a 5 minute grace period anyway.

Splashing water on his face to try and get his heart rate to slow down, Beomgyu breathed deeply as he stared at his own reflection, absent-mindedly wiping his face with a bunch of tissues and grimacing when little pieces ripped apart and got stuck on his cheeks.

Beomgyu has been friends with Taehyun longer than with any of the three, meeting him during his sophomore year in high school when he was assigned to tour the transferee around and help him go to his classes during their first day. Beomgyu had always been a social butterfly, having an innate charm that draws people in, so it wasn’t really a surprise that their friendship developed almost instantly, contrasting personalities finding synergy in their differences; the two of them falling into a routine where Beomgyu waits outside of Taehyun’s classroom when his classes finish earlier and vice versa— Taehyun listening to him rant about his day and laughing at the memes he saw the night before and made sure to save so he could show the younger and laugh together, while Beomgyu gives him his undivided attention whenever he rambles about the interesting facts he found on the internet or the documentary he’s watched, coming without second thoughts whenever Taehyun drags him along to new stores and places he wanted to visit.

When they entered university, their routine remained the same, only that their little circle now has three more people, and the more they grow up, the more Beomgyu realizes the reason why their three friends look at them with knowing smiles, or people mistake them to be more than what they are. Just like how his friends had told him, he denied it at first, but he soon realized that was futile, because there was no way to push it under the rug anymore.

Perhaps, that was also why his ‘realization’ a week ago didn’t really come as a surprise, saving him from going through a longer phase of denial. He was aware the line with Taehyun had always been blurry, always knew he cared for and treated Taehyun more special than anyone else, that he’ll do absolutely anything to make him happy, acknowledging that there’s no other person in his life like Taehyun. Beomgyu was well acquainted with the fact that falling for Taehyun had always been a possibility.

It doesn’t make it any less scary, though, because if anything, it made it even more terrifying— knowing the intensity of his feelings. It was easier to pretend when you aren’t aware, easier to dodge the questions when you haven’t accepted it, easier to cage it when you don’t dwell on it. Because now, he has to live with the fact that he knows; he does like Taehyun more than a friend would, that he wanted to hold his hand more than a friend is allowed, freely glare at everyone who obviously crushes on him because he has the right to, kiss him like a lover would to his beloved— call him his.

Beomgyu sighed. This is why he never wanted to catch feelings for a friend. It was always messy and awkward and he didn't know how to act.

Counting to ten in his head, he finally leaves the restroom, still very much preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn’t immediately register the presence leaning on the wall beside the door, waiting for him.

“Beomgyu,”

He flinched. Beomgyu is not a flincher, he’s actually quite good at managing his emotions, keeping his cool even when under pressure and matching the energy of the room but god forbid, every logical thing in him gets thrown out the window when it comes to Kang Taehyun.

“Taehyun.” He mechanically replies, silently watching as Taehyun pushes himself off the wall and stopping in front of him, Beomgyu’s eyes automatically staring down at his shoes because those expressive big doe eyes were too expressive for his poor heart, too pretty and dreamy for him not to fall into a hazy spell.

He feels Taehyun’s gaze on him, feels him observing his body language and Beomgyu could only bite his lip to stop himself from stepping back or flinching for the nth fucking time, because then Taehyun would immediately deduce just how much he affects Beomgyu and that’s a fear he’s not quite ready to face.

“You’re distancing yourself from me.”

He almost forgot how Taehyun could be so fucking unapologetically blunt, sometimes getting in trouble because of it while other times, being the one bringing trouble, albeit without his knowledge just like this time, with Beomgyu on its receiving end.

“No, I’m not.” Beomgyu answers, a little too quickly for it to not be a lie. Looking up to meet Taehyun’s eyes, regretting all his life decisions as Taehyun stared back at him unimpressed, clearly seeing through him.

Because realizing his feelings didn’t spare him from being stupid, and if he’s actually being honest, it only made him moreso.

“You can’t seriously expect me not to notice? When you try so hard to make up excuses not to be alone with me, when you’re suddenly so damn busy whenever I ask you to hang out or go home together or even just talk. Do you think I’m that dense not to notice you slipping away?” Taehyun’s voice came out breathy and desperate, and Beomgyu was all too quickly hit with guilt. “Can you please just tell me what I did wrong? Tell me so I can fix it because I don’t want this, Gyu. I really don’t.”

Beomgyu found himself unable to keep Taehyun’s gaze, turning away from him once again. Because he was, in fact, avoiding Taehyun. Although, it was less to do with him being aware of his feelings and more about him not knowing how to keep it cool, having no idea how to approach Taehyun like before, how to not put meaning into every goddamn thing and get his hopes up when he knows it will only get crushed, knows he can’t expect anything and risk losing his friendship, something that has become constant in his life, with Taehyun.

He also didn’t realize how long he was just standing there and staring at the silver-haired boy, too caught up with his own dilemma until Taehyun held his wrist, the pain and desperation present in his eyes.

“Gyu,” he calls, and Beomgyu’s heart hurts with how he picked up the fear that was also there.

He breathes in sharply, the cloud on his mind disappearing, vision properly focusing on Taehyun for probably the first time this week and seeing just how much his decision to put some distance between them was actually affecting Taehyun. The bags under his eyes, the deep frown on his lips, all the emotions swirling in his irises as he gripped Beomgyu’s wrist so tight like he would slip away any minute and it hurt Beomgyu. Taehyun rarely crumbled but his vulnerable state in front of him tells Beomgyu he’s one second away from it and he was hit with another wave of regret, because he did this, because of his stupid feelings he’s hurting the most important person in his life. So, he made up his mind; gently, Beomgyu took Taehyun’s hand from his wrist and instead intertwined it with his, smiling softly to reassure him.

“It’s nothing, Tae. I’m sorry, let’s forget about it?”

He looks at Taehyun with a newfound resolve, dead set on trying to save their friendship and forget his feelings, to suppress it as much as he can and fall back into their routine. He’s decided to ignore every little thing even when the gut feeling that maybe, maybe his feelings might be reciprocated strikes him tenfold. Because Taehyun is more precious than his own feelings, and it’s much better this way.

It was clear in Taehyun’s face that he still has questions, clear in the way Beomgyu could almost see the gears of his head turning, the words on his tongue forming— until it all stops with Taehyun closing his eyes, three seconds of silence stretching between them before he lets go, nodding and mirroring Beomgyu’s smile.

“Okay,”

—-

“Fucking finally, you settled it.” Yeonjun speaks up the moment Taehyun disappears in a row of bookshelves, making Beomgyu look up from his laptop.

“What?”

They were gathered in the library on the rare occasion that of all of them have a free period in between classes, and usually they would spend it on a cafe or an arcade or sometimes even the movies but this time, they were all huddled together on a table at the far side of the library, somehow forced to review for their upcoming midterms exam. Or at least, they were trying to, because now, Beomgyu’s almost too sure Kai is already asleep beside Soobin who was too busy trying to not get caught eating snacks to even skim through the notes splayed out on his side of the table, and Yeonjun, well, he was too busy observing his two friends who were the only ones actually studying.

“Whatever awkward tension you both had the past week, about damn time y’all made up because I cannot bear another day of Taehyun being cranky and sulky.” Yeonjun deadpans dramatically, shuddering like the mere memory was too much to even think about, and Beomgyu tries hard to stop the blush from creeping up his face.

“Shut up.”

“Did you really settle it or just pushed it away, like you’ve been doing for years?” Soobin looks up from his chicken sandwich to raise an eyebrow at Beomgyu, looking like a bunny munching on food in his eyes.

He stiffened, because Soobin just hit the bull’s eye, but he’s not telling him that. He’s too stubborn for that.

“I’m not.”

“Really? Okay, then. Since you’re not pushing it away, when are you planning to tell him?”

“Tell who what?” Beomgyu almost choked on nothing when Taehyun materialized beside him, holding the book he stood up to get. He fixes Soobin with a glare, the older pursing his lips cheekily.

“Tell you all we have movie night on Friday at my house because I have it all for myself.” Thank god for Yeonjun’s quick thinking skills. Beomgyu looks at him gratefully, but the look on Yeonjun’s face tells him they aren’t done with their conversation, and he lets out a small sigh that was only barely noticeable. Beomgyu still makes a mental note to buy him iced americano later.

“Oh, cool. Beomgyu hyung, let’s go together.” And when Taehyun looked at him, all he could do was nod meekly under his gaze, internally cursing himself for being so— so affected by a mere stare, attempting to smile to try hiding the blush on his cheeks, only that it must have turned out more like a grimace with the way Soobin snorted behind his chicken sandwich.

Beomgyu kicked his leg under the table in revenge, glaring at each other as Soobin winced out an “Ow!”

“What happened?” The other two turn to them, confused as to why Soobin was suddenly writhing in pain.

“A mosquito bit me.” Soobin grits out, side-eyeing Beomgyu whose lips parted, offended, before rolling his eyes and deciding to go back to his notes, already too drained to retaliate.

Okay, so maybe forgetting his feelings and moving on is proving to be harder than Beomgyu thought, especially when Taehyun was literally right there being… well, Taehyun! Sweet, caring, smart, confident and absolutely wonderful, what else can Beomgyu do? He just wants to ask the gods why this had to be so hard.

Another hour passed by before Beomgyu had to leave for his class. Only four of them were on the table now, Yeonjun actually started studying and Kai was still asleep, must be because he stayed up all night gaming again, while Soobin already left fifteen minutes ago for his class. Beomgyu stands up, gathering his things and bidding a quick farewell to his friends, not anymore waiting for them to say anything back as he turns around aiming for the exit.

“Gyu, wait!”

He stops in his tracks, hearing the hushes that followed the loud call directed to him, slightly turning back to see Taehyun keep up with his steps, unfazed with the glare the old librarian had fixed him with.

“You need something?”

“I’ll walk you to your class.”

Beomgyu could only stare dumbly at him, not knowing what to say when his stubborn feelings were doing it again— hoping. As if every gesture was meant to make the butterflies in his stomach go wild, cheeks painted red, knees feeling like the noodles he had for lunch.

“Why do you look so surprised? I used to do it a lot before you started avoiding me.” Taehyun raises an eyebrow, Beomgyu ansent-mindedly following him as he guides them out of the library because he’s too distracted by the presence beside him to be in the right headspace.

Yes, and that was before I accepted that I have feelings you! Beomgyu almost blurts out, physically having to bite his tongue to shut his mouth and instead pouting to cover his haywire of emotions up.

“Can we not bring that up.”

Taehyun chuckles. “Only if you agree to go to the arcade later with me after class.”

“What? Your class today finishes two hours earlier than mine.” And of course, like the whipped motherfucker that he is, he also has Taehyun’s schedule memorized. In his defense, they’re just really close and it was part of their long running routine.

You’re just really whipped. A little voice in his mind supplies, but Choi Beomgyu does not tolerate self-slander right now.

Taehyun shrugs. “I can wait in the library, I still have an essay to finish anyway.”

Beomgyu purses his lips for a moment, staring at the hopeful sparkle in Taehyun’s eyes and, oh, who is he to say no?

He lets out a deep sigh. “Alright, let’s do that.”

“Okay! Now go work your magic!” Taehyun beams at him, pushing him towards the door of his classroom he didn’t realize they already reached. Beomgyu just laughs, endeared with the way the younger looked so giddy as he retraces his steps back, now aiming for his own class, merry skips in his steps.

He stays by the door until Taehyun disappears from his line of sight before he shakes himself back to reality, finally entering the room and settling himself on his usual chair at the far back beside the window. It seems like their professor is running late, it’s been 10 minutes since their class should’ve started and some students were already starting to make plans for a free cut.

Beomgyu effectively tunes them out, staring at the view of the courtyard from the room’s window, a familiar tingle bubbling in his tummy with the mere thought of spending time with Taehyun after so long, a bit surprised with just how much he’s actually anticipating it when he was having second thoughts earlier, so much that it was enough for him to endure a 2 hour lecture on Music Theory and Composition with a soft smile on his lips.

“Remember to turn in your outputs by the end of the week, I’ll be making no extensions. That’s all we have for today, class dismissed.” Collective sighs of relief echoed around the hall from tired students, making Professor Moon chuckle as she made her way out, followed by an influx of students either zooming to their next class or just really desperate to go out of the suffocating confines of the four walls they’ve been stuck in for an hour and a half.

Beomgyu waited until most of them were out before he stood from his seat and made his exit, greeting back those who greeted him. His schedule was finally done for the day and now he’s off to the library for Taehyun.

Although, it seems like he wouldn’t need to anymore as his eyes zeroes on one particular boy waiting for him outside his room, occupied with something on his phone and was probably the reason his blockmates were looking at him knowingly as they go.

He momentarily stops in his tracks, gasping under his breath and taking in how absolutely gorgeous Taehyun was without even trying with his open button-down black and white striped shirt over a white tee that was paired with denim jeans, completing the look with a pair of black sneakers. Taehyun very much knew how to style himself and Beomgyu isn’t sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing for his own sanity.

Approaching him in a daze, Beomgyu tries his best not to show how utterly down bad he is. “How long have you been here?”

Taehyun looks up from his phone, flashing Beomgyu a lopsided grin. “A few minutes or so. Come on,”

He pockets his phone, pushing himself off the wall, hand automatically reaching for Beomgyu’s to hold, the older purposefully ignoring the way it tingled where their skins touched, and blending in with the other students out and about. Beomgyu matched his steps and made a quick stop by his locker so he could dump his textbooks and not worry about his things while they were in the arcade, all whilst he listened to Taehyun talk about the randomest of things and not once untangling their intertwined hands.

“Did you bring your car?” Taehyun asks once they reached the nearest open parking lot at the east side of the campus.

Beomgyu shakes his head, no. “I carpooled with Soobin and Kai because our morning schedule matched.”

“Okay, good, I brought mine.” He follows Taehyun silently towards his car, a black Jeep Wrangler Unlimited he got for his 21st birthday that he was so excited about, he info-dumped its specs on Beomgyu over a phone call until 4 in the morning. Taehyun opens the door for him, a gesture that has long been ingrained in his muscle memory, and Beomgyu worked his best not to blush, or swoon over him, or just faint right then and there.

The car ride was filled with Twice songs being blasted on the speakers as Taehyun sings along, knowing every lyric by heart. Beomgyu sits on the passenger seat, grinning from ear to ear and occasionally screaming more than singing along to songs he came to know because it plays on repeat more than the rest, being Taehyun’s favorites.

It was cozy and familiar beside Taehyun, something Beomgyu didn’t let himself feel the past week he was putting space between them. He’s almost forgotten how easy it was to be with Taehyun, how they easily fall in each other’s orbit like they were always meant to be there. For a moment, Beomgyu forgot how much of a light Taehyun is to him, with the way he shines in Beomgyu’s eyes and the warmth he brings— it was all something he bargained for when he chose to think, chose to stay away so he could try to get a clearer mind because the light can be blinding and when under its presence, its all Beomgyu could focus on.

“Think you can finally beat me on basketball?” Taehyun turns to him, eyebrow raised, as they push open the glass door of the arcade.

Beomgyu raises an eyebrow too, one side of his lips turning upward in a smirk. “Oh, I will destroy you this time.”

That was how they ended up side by side on the Basketball machine, sweaty and panting as they stared at the red glaring numbers signaling both their scores after the loud whistle the machine made to announce the end of the timer.

68-55.

Taehyun won.

Again.

“This is not fair, you’re an athlete!” Beomgyu whines, pointing an accusing finger at the smug-looking boy beside him.

“Come on, I play soccer with my feet. Basketball shooting uses the arms.” Taehyun smirks, “just accept your defeat, noodle arms.”

Beomgyu steps back, offended, hand darting up his chest. “You did not just call me that, you workout addict, muscles turned human!”

But Taehyun only laughed, crouching down to get the tickets they earned from playing before dragging a pouty Beomgyu towards the racing games with their hands that automatically intertwined without their full awareness.

“Oh, you have committed a grave mistake challenging me here, Kang Taehyun. This is my turf, I will never lose.” It was Beomgyu’s turn to look smug, hands on the wheel as they waited for the mechanical voice to finish the countdown for the start of the race. “Prepare to eat dust.”

And eat dust, Taehyun did. Three laps later and Beomgyu was already screaming his victory, passing the finish line first while Taehyun was stuck at 5th place

“Hah! Hooligan, I am not called my dad’s protégé for nothing.”

Taehyun laughs. “You’re getting creative with the nicknames.”

Beomgyu turns to him and immediately revels at the sight, mesmerized with the way the artificial warm lights of the arcade lit up Taehyun’s happy face, a breathtaking view that Beomgyu got all too lucky to witness more closely than any other. He clears his throat, looking away before he gets caught staring, opting to gaze around and find more games they could play until he spots the Tekken machine, eyes widening with all the nostalgic memories that flashed on his mind in an instant.

“Tae, look! Let’s play there, it’s been so long!” Beomgyu springs up from his seat like a giddy child, not even waiting for Taehyun anymore as he sprints toward one multiplayer machine, staring up at Taehyun until he takes a seat next to him.

“Calm down, Gyu.” Taehyun giggles, ruffling his hair in adoration.

“I am calm, now put the tokens in. It needs two.” Beomgyu turns toward the controls, familiarizing himself again with the game while he waits for Taehyun to do as he asked.

“Did you know I’m the Tekken champion during middle school? No one has defeated me, ever.” Beomgyu cackles evilly when the game sprang to life and Taehyun also fumbles with the keys meant for him.

The younger snorts. “Understandable. You didn’t meet me until high school.”

“Oh, you will regret this later.”

“Bring it on, Choi.”

One game turned to two, then three and after the eleventh game, Beomgyu stopped counting. It was just a back and forth of “This is rigged!” and asking for rematches again and again, none of them able to back down. They didn’t realize they’ve already spent over two hours on the game if it weren’t for Kai’s message asking if they wanted to come with him, Yeonjun and Soobin to Itaewon on their gc; an invite they both declined because they were too caught up with the fifteenth sworn last game of Tekken.

It ended with Beomgyu winning.

“I am the champion, you are the loser!” He singsongs in a modified tune of ‘We are the Champions’ while pointing at Taehyun, clutching his chest dramatically as the other only rolls his eyes because Beomgyu is so annoying (fond).

“Yeah, yeah. What prize do you want?” He grumbles, watching Beomgyu pause his happy dance to look at him, confused.

“What?”

“We made a bet during the 12th? Or was it the 13th game? Anyway, we made a bet that whoever’s the final loser owes the final winner anything.” He recalls before adding immediately, “anything doable, of course… and legal.”

Beomgyu’s mouth forms a letter o, ignoring the very last part because really, when did he ever do anything illegal? It’s not as if sneaking into the school admin office and seizing the chance of their school’s page online on one computer to post a class suspension notice as his and Taehyun’s high school senior prank counts. “Oh, yeah. I almost forgot about that.” He also ignores how Taehyun snorted amusedly, instead glancing around the arcade and observing that most of the people he’s seen when they arrived are now gone and replaced with new strangers, although the loud chatter and music remained the same.

Huh. They’ve really been here for a while already. Time passes by so fast with Taehyun.

Beomgyu’s eyes zeroed on the rows of photobooths, pointing at it without second thoughts. “Take pictures with me there.”

Taehyun raises an eyebrow at him. “That’s it? That’s all you’re asking from me?”

“Tekken just fried my brain, I’m out of ideas.” He says with a shrug, before narrowing his eyes at Taehyun. “Why? You want more? Because I can definitely think of more.”

And Taehyun has never stood up from his seat so fast that the stool he was sitting on nearly fell backwards, grabbing Beomgyu’s hand and dragging him towards the booths. Beomgyu laughs, skipping steps so he was leading them and entering the booth first, practically pushing Taehyun down beside him with their still intertwined hands— Beomgyu would argue hand holding was something that comforted Taehyun greatly and one of the ways he show affection to justify how much they seem to have their hands entwined with each other, but everyone could easily tell he’s lying, at least somehow, the shy grin on his lips enough for people to connect dots.

“Aren’t you excited,” Taehyun says monotonously, pinching his cheek.

Beomgyu swats his hand away, sticking a tongue out at him and turning to the little screen, pushing buttons so they could start taking pictures.

“Taehyun, it’s starting!” Beomgyu turns excitedly to him to get his attention, finding him already looking at the camera, the same time the shutter went off and the first shot was taken.

He gasps, snapping his head back to the lens. “Hey! I wasn’t ready!” Although he quickly turned his frown to a smile when he saw the last 3 seconds countdown for the second shot, Taehyun giggling while looking at how dedicated he was with the photobooth, the second photo ending up with only Beomgyu looking at the camera this time, Taehyun looking at him with the fondest stare and the ghost of a laugh.

They were both giggling by the third shot, bumping their heads together while holding out a peace sign wearing the biggest grins. For the next, they were too busy deciding what pose to do while looking at each other making funny faces that they didn’t realize the countdown and just like that, their last shot was taken.

Taehyun laughs seeing how their 4-cut photo strip turned out. “Want to shoot it again?”

“Hmm, it’s perfect already.” Beomgyu shakes his head, beaming, proceeding to add little doodles and stickers before printing it twice so the both of them could have a copy.

He couldn’t stop looking at it while Taehyun drives him home, the latter smiling to himself with how utterly cute Beomgyu looks on his passenger seat, like a contented maltese puppy.

Taehyun’s car slowly skidded to a stop in front of Beomgyu’s driveway as he watched him arrange his things, subtly trying to even his breathing and drumming his fingers on the steering wheel to calm his nerves. Taehyun swallows, his throat suddenly clogging with the words he wanted to say but somehow is second guessing, before he just decided that ah, fuck it.

“I missed you, Gyu.” He finally says, feeling a sense of relief pool his chest, a soft shy smile on his lips.

Beomgyu immediately stops what he was doing, something flashing in his eyes as he stares back at Taehyun with the same soft smile.

“I missed you too.” He sighs, not fully knowing what got into him as he surged forward and pecked Taehyun’s cheek. “Drive safely!”

Before any of them could properly react, Beomgyu already exited the car at lightning speed, almost sprinting up the steps and waving a fleeting greeting to their guard who opened the gate for him.

Holy fuck, he kissed Taehyun’s cheek.

In his defense, he’s done it a few times before! It should be okay, shouldn’t it? Taehyun wouldn’t think it’s weird? Taehyun wouldn’t know he’s in love with him from that, right? Right?!

Oh my god, why did he do that?!

“I knew it.”

“Jesus fucking christ!”

Beomgyu screeches in his steps as soon as he set foot into their house, turning towards the big window by the entrance and seeing his sister Ryujin standing there, looking at him accusingly.

“You were out on a date!” She says, squinting her eyes at him like she just caught him red-handed.

Beomgyu rolls his eyes. “It wasn’t a date.”

“You wish it was.” Ryujin smirks and all he could do was flip her off because yeah, he did.

Goddamit, he kissed Taehyun’s cheek.

“You look like a creep there.” Beomgyu winces, blurting nonsense out to change the subject and chase away his thoughts before he fully breaks down, looking at her up and down and seeing how she snuggled around her robe with a cup of cocoa halfway to her mouth. “Who are you, Mom?”

Ryujin pauses, taking the bait, sipping from her cup before snickering. “You just called our mother a creep.”

“Dude, she literally knows all the roads and streets around Seoul that don't get caught on CCTVs.” Beomgyu scrunches his nose at the memory of their mom randomly telling them which road they should take to escape detection whenever she picks them up from school, claiming to have that knowledge just for the mere fun of it which the siblings barely believed, making his way to the kitchen because he realized how thirsty he was, heading straight to their fridge.

Ryujin follows behind him, nodding. “Points were made.”

“So, when do you ever plan confessing to Taehyun?” She asks after a while, timing it right when Beomgyu was sipping on his glass, which ended up with him choking on water.

Ryujin laughs, receiving a “Fuck you, evil demon.” from her brother.

“If I’m a demon, you’re a demon too. We’re literally siblings.”

“Lucifer is brothers with Michael too but Michael is an angel.” He says matter-of-factly, walking around the kitchen to tidy up after himself.

“Michael is a cowardly loser. Now quit making Lucifer references to dodge my question!” Ryujin crosses her arms, brows creasing together and foot tapping on the marble floor. She really does resemble their mom when she’s nagging.

Beomgyu purses his lips, totally wrong to think he’s gotten out of her hook. “My answer is never.”

“Why not?”

“Too much at stake.”

Her eyebrow shots up, disbelief written in her face. “Really? As if you two don’t already act like couples.”

“No, we don’t.”

“Sure, because it’s normal for friends to look at each other like they hung the stars and hold each other’s hand with shy smiles and blush whenever he compliments you and look at each other first when you find something funny. Of course, it’s normal to be jealous of people who might potentially sweep your friend off their feet and glare at your friend’s admirers like you will curse even their great great grandchildren and—”

“Okay, okay, enough!” He turns to her, hand signaling for her to stop and sees the smug look on her face which he frowned upon. “Why are you even so interested in my love life all of a sudden?”

And why is everyone asking him when he’ll confess?! Like that’s so easy to do?!

Ryujin snorts at that. “You mean the lack of it?” She was a second late from dodging the flying kitchen towel that went barreling straight towards her face.

She grunts, holding up the white towel in surrender, albeit half-heartedly. “Fine. Glad you’re okay now, though. You’ve been gloating this whole time.”

“I am not!”

“You really were.”

“Proof or it didn’t happen.”

“Sure, I have video evidence.”

He glares, marching up towards her. “You little shit! I’m older than you!”

But Ryujin was faster, setting down her cup on the countertop and sprinting up to her room, cackling while Beomgyu threw in a bunch of profanities, threatening that she better delete those videos or else.

She wouldn’t.

In the end, Beomgyu just sighs, conceding and heading towards his own room.

He didn’t realize how tired he was until his whole body hit his mattress after he took his mandatory end of the day shower, succumbing to a deep sleep immediately.

It was quite funny how his dream turned out to be almost the same as how his day in reality went, going to the arcade with Taehyun, only that in his dream, they were boyfriends and not just friends who hung out with each other after a while.

Only that, in his dream, he kissed him on the lips and not on the cheek. Because he can.

Oh, what a dream it was that when Beomgyu woke up in the middle of the night, there was a ghost of a smile on his face. He sighs, fumbling on his side table for his phone, groaning when the sudden brightness temporarily blinded him.

The time reads 2:14 am.

Beomgyu’s gaze dropped down to his notifications, instantly smiling at the message he received listed on the very top.

From: sunshine taehyunie ☀️
it was fun today with you, gyu!!
good night.

He grins, feeling his heart soaring to the highest clouds as he typed in a reply, feeling both giddy and ridiculous at how a simple text message could make him so happy like he was back to being a 7 year old on Christmas day.

To: sunshine taehyunie ☀️
it’s always more fun with you
sleep well, tae 💛

It was safe to say that Beomgyu went back to sleep that night with a permanent smile on his face.

-—

Beomgyu thinks he’s been cooped up in the art room for a little over an hour, head buried on the canvas propped up by the wooden easel, a paintbrush on one hand and a palette with a mixture of different colored paints on the other when he hears the door swinging open and close, perking up and seeing Taehyun walk towards him, his duffle bag hanging on his shoulder. Beomgyu tries his hardest not to strain his eyes toward the toned arms accentuated by the muscle tee Taehyun considered to be his comfiest clothes.

“Don’t you have practice?” Beomgyu asked through furrowed brows instead, keeping his eyes strictly on his face. It was friday afternoon and usually, the hours of Taehyun’s soccer practice overlap with Beomgyu’s art class.

Taehyun shrugs off his bag on the side, taking a stool closer to sit beside him. Beomgyu held his breath. “Practice ended early today so I figured I’ll just wait for you so we can still go to Yeonjun’s place together for the movie night.” With a tilt of his head, he surveys the canvas Beomgyu is working on. “I went to your classroom but only a handful of them were there, someone in your class told me you’d be here.”

Beomgyu lets out an ah sound, turning back to his painting, trying to calm himself down. This is just Taehyun, the same Taehyun he’s known all these years, god, he needs to get a grip. “First batch of practical test is today, I’m scheduled for the second batch next week. You’ll be my model, right?”

He unconsciously bit his lip when even the mere thought of it made his heart skip a beat, giving Taehyun a quick glance when he saw him nod through his peripheral vision.

“Already told Coach Jeon I’m missing practice next week. He gave me hell this week in return.” Taehyun says with a chuckle, messing his slightly wet hair. “Will this be your guide for the face painting next week or…?”

Beomgyu had to blink a couple of times before he could properly register the question, putting his paintbrush down on the palette and onto the table on his other side, reaching for a cloth to wipe his hands.

He shakes his head, “I already worked on a guide, this is for the attendance because Ms. Song is still checking so I figured I’ll just paint something to pass time. It’s done now, though, I’ll just pass it and we can go.” He answers, eyes assessing the final output he created over the hour.

It was a painting of three red chrysanthemums, something he decided to do on a whim because the bluebird he initially wanted to do wasn’t working out for him. He looks at it with a fond smile, it was a rather simple work but there’s something about it that tugs at him for some reason.

“Do you know what red chrysanthemums symbolize?” Taehyun had asked from beside him after a beat of silence, Beomgyu turning at him with a questioning look, shaking his head.

“Passionate love.”

Beomgyu fell into a coughing fit.

Okay, okay, cool. Not very timely at all. Yes. Didn’t just hit him like a truck, nope. Why is it suddenly getting hot in here? And fuck, he can’t breathe.

“Oh my god, Gyu, are you okay?” He feels Taehyun tapping his back a few times, concerned at the sight of him suddenly fighting for his life.

Beomgyu stood up abruptly, clearing his throat and coughing the last of it, taking the canvas off of the easel. “Yes! I’ll be right back.”

Without another word, he already made his way out, leaving Taehyun inside and speed walking to his room where he’ll have to turn the painting in.

“Oh, Beomgyu. This is another pretty artwork you have here.” Ms. Song commends, looking at the canvas that Beomgyu held up on her table. “But you don’t need to pass this to me, seeing it is enough for your attendance. You can do whatever you want with it, either keep it or give it to someone.” She left shortly after that, giving Beomgyu a kind smile.

He was left scratching his nape in thought. Give it to someone?

Beomgyu found Taehyun waiting for him outside of the room, holding both their bags, eyebrow raising in question when he saw Beomgyu still holding the finished canvas.

“She said I could do whatever with it,” he explains with a sheepish smile, feeling the heat creep up his neck to his cheeks for the next words he’ll utter. “It would be pretty in your living room, don’t you think?”

Oh, can the earth swallow him whole now, please?

Taehyun looked taken aback by that, blinking rapidly and lips slightly parting, before something flashes in his eyes and a smirk slowly grazed his lips.

“It will.”

“Why do I have to do it!” Beomgyu nags, his tone and intonation high at the end, knowing all too well those it’s directed to will be annoyed with it.

And he was right, a glaring Yeonjun reaching out the tongs he was holding towards him and clipping the air dangerously close to his nose in warning, like a crab opening and closing its pincers in response.

“Just go and buy before I grill you instead of this beef.” Yeonjun growls out, the smoke coming from the charcoal barbecue grill surrounding him makes him look ominous from where Beomgyu was standing on the other side.

It was around an hour after he and Taehyun left school, the five of them now gathered in Yeonjun’s backyard for the movie night they planned earlier that week. Yeonjun was on the grill while the three are either busy cooking in the kitchen or setting up outside, Beomgyu currently complaining why he should be the one to go out and buy things— quite frankly, he doesn’t really have a problem with it, he just really want to annoy Yeonjun.

“Because everyone else can actually put out a decent dish and not set fire to my home, so unless you developed an overnight Michelin chef ability, you’re on errand duty.”

He huffs, not having a rebuttal to that because, well, the best he could do is an omelette and his best is probably considered the worst to a lot of people. Before he could try to say anything more, though, an arm had already swung around his shoulder, pulling him down a little, a familiar scent of flowery sweetness immediately filling his nostrils.

“Come on, I’ll come with you.” Taehyun didn’t even wait for a response as he dragged Beomgyu out of the property and into his car parked on the side of the driveway, wordlessly dropping him on the passenger’s seat and jogging towards his on the other side.

Beomgyu grunts, sticking a tongue out childishly as his eyes follow Taehyun’s movement, immediately schooling his expression when the younger gets into the car.

“You really should stop annoying Yeonjun too much or he’ll seriously grow older faster than he should.” Taehyun chuckles, revving the engine to life and mapping the road to the store in his mind.

Beomgyu snorts. “What makes him older makes me younger.”

“That sounds like some catchphrase of an old witch in a children’s movie.”

“Now you’re just finding a reason to call me an old witch.”

“Witches are cool, I’ve always wanted to be a wizard and do magic.”

“Okay, oh great master magician Taehyun.” Beomgyu playfully rolls his eyes, glancing at Taehyun on the driver’s seat— a grave mistake. Because the lazy grin on Taehyun’s face and the perfect slope of his nose was just mocking him, taunting him if he so dares to look away, if he can.

Beomgyu gulps, head clouded with everything that is Taehyun and just how fucking hot he looked driving in his slightly fitted black tee and denim jeans, arm muscles flexed, hair a little disheveled and eyes sparkling like always. God, Beomgyu is so whipped for this boy.

The kiss on the cheek was never brought up again, the two of them falling into their routine as usual like nothing happened and in a way, it brought relief to Beomgyu. He can’t avoid the faint sense of disappointment, though.

Taehyun hitting the brakes and the car slowly making a stop jolted Beomgyu out of his dreamy haze, snapping his head away to hide his reddening cheeks and leaving the car in such a speed like he got burned. If Taehyun found that weird, he didn’t say anything, leaving the car too and keeping up with Beomgyu’s quick pace towards the convenience store.

“What are we getting?” Taehyun asks while they make their way to the refrigerated drinks, eyeing the long aisle.

Beomgyu hums. “Sprite for you, cola for everyone?”

“Cool for me.”

He nods, the both of them wordlessly putting the bottles and cans on their basket, getting some snacks they can munch on later too. Beomgyu was the one arranging what they bought on the counter when it was time to pay, too focused that he almost didn’t realize Taehyun’s arm snaking around his waist and resting there as if it was its territory, if only the old lady behind the counter didn’t stare at it with a fond smile, something Beomgyu tried to ignore, suppressing his blush, Taehyun beside him looking unfazed as he stared at the monitor showing their food that were already scanned.

The two of them were already gathering the paper bags, almost on their way out when the old lady finally voiced out the thought she’s had the whole time, rendering both boys speechless and a flustered mess.

“You two make a lovely couple.”

Beomgyu’s eyes widened. “Oh, we, um, we aren’t-”

“Thank you.” Taehyun cuts him off, tugging him away, smiling kindly at the lady and totally oblivious of Beomgyu’s shocked and dumbfounded stare.

Taehyun made no comment about it after that, quietly loading the bags on his car’s trunk, Beomgyu choosing to ignore it in the end for the sake of keeping his sanity and heartbeat intact.

On their way home, Beomgyu opens a can of cola while Taehyun sings to Shinee songs beside him. He was unconsciously playing around with the soda can tab when he pulled it a little too strong and it ripped off from the rest of the can.

“Oh, I got kiss.” He thinks aloud, eyes blinking down on the soda can tab in his hand.

“You got what?” Taehyun seemed to have heard him over Taemin’s voice, glancing at him with furrowed brows.

He chuckles. “It’s a trend going around, you rip the soda can tab and depending on its state is what you’ll get on the next few days.” He holds the piece of can above his eye, inspecting it like a child seeing something for the first time. “It’s either a hug, a kiss or well… the deed, but mine is a semi circle with a smaller hole which means I’ll get a kiss sooner or later.” Beomgyu finishes with a shrug, dropping the soda can tab on the plastic bag.

Taehyun made a sound of amusement. “People even started making meanings out of a piece of tin and aluminum?”

“People like looking forward to things, I guess.” Beomgyu pouts, sipping on his drink.

Taehyun hums. “Well, maybe it will actually happen.”

Beomgyu didn’t say anything back and left it at that, the rest of the ride silent, or as silent as it can be with kpop songs blasting on the stereo and the two of them occasionally singing along. He looks out the window, lips curling upward a little when his eyes graze over the opening of his soda can. He doubts it will, at least, not any time soon when he only wants to kiss one person and that person will never kiss him.

It was a little over 8 pm when the five of them had seated on the blanket they laid over the grass with bean bags and pillows scattered around it. In front was a makeshift screen made of a plain white curtain they took from the storage room in the basement for the projector setup behind them and on the side was a small wooden table full of the food they cooked and bought.

Yeonjun was seated on one bean bag while Soobin and Kai were beside each other sprawled in front, Beomgyu and Taehyun occupying the back part of the blanket.

“We’re watching Doctor Strange, right?” Kai speaks up, his head resting on the palm of his hand, elbow digging on the ground to support him.

Yeonjun hums. “Why? Any objections?”

Beomgyu was about to speak up, with the intent to annoy the older yet again, but Yeonjun seemed to have sensed it because he already turned to him with a glare before he could even get a word out.

“You can leave my house if you do.” Yeonjun deadpans, eyes squinting as if challenging him to continue. Of course, as the ever troublemaker that he is, he does.

Beomgyu stuck a tongue out at him. “I have many things to say about Marvel.”

“Say one word, I dare you—”

Soobin groans, cutting the two off. “Taehyun, can you please press play already before those two decide to murder each other, I seriously don’t want to be questioned by the police.”

Taehyun quietly chuckles, moving a little to reach over the laptop and do as Soobin asked, the opening credits immediately being projected on the makeshift screen and the iconic Marvel opening song booming around the backyard, all of them turning quiet to focus on the movie.

A few minutes in when Beomgyu nudges Taehyun, looking at him with a slightly worried face upon seeing his droopy eyes.

“Are you okay? You’ve been pretty silent.” He whispers so only Taehyun could hear, not wanting to distract the others so much.

Taehyun looked at him, blinking like he was still processing Beomgyu’s words before he broke into a small smile, whispering as well. “Well, we are watching a movie so I kinda need to be silent.”

Beomgyu flicks his forehead. “You know what I mean, you’ve been silent since earlier.”

He snorts, giving in with a nod. “Yeah, just a bit tired from training. It was a bad idea to tell Coach that I’m missing next week’s training before the training, he made me train for two weeks worth.”

“Oh. Do you want to rest? You can go up to the guest room first, I’ll just tell them you need sleep.” Beomgyu says, eyebrows furrowed in worry. Observing Taehyun, he did look a little drowsy, with his shoulders slouched back, tired eyes and face a little pale, although he’s not sure if it’s just the reflection of the projection from the screen.

But the younger shook his head, resting it on Beomgyu’s shoulder. “I’m fine, Gyu, don’t worry. I’ll go up when I can’t take it.”

Beomgyu purses his lips, still a bit worried as he encircled his arm around Taehyun’s waist and adjusted himself so the other could lean on him better, Taehyun humming in content when he moved to rest on Beomgyu’s chest, the older silently praying to all the deities that Taehyun doesn’t hear his loud beating heart.

Their three friends kept stealing glances at them, knowing smiles on their faces that Beomgyu tried hard to ignore, half a mind focusing on the movie and half on his armful of Taehyun.

Kai gave both of them a certain look, one Beomgyu recognized to be the same look he gave them on one of their sleepovers when Taehyun fell asleep on the couch after they played some board and card games, Beomgyu covering him up with a blanket and carefully placing a pillow under his head so he could sleep better.

He remembers what Kai told him then, and supposes it’s what he wanted to say now.

“What you two have is really precious, you know.”

“I do… and I’m very grateful for it.”

Kai had looked at him, a soft smile on his lips. “Beomgyu-ah, you and Taehyunnie make each other the happiest and feel the safest. You may not realize it sometimes but just as Taehyun is the most important person in your life, you’re his too.”

“Why are you telling me this exactly?”

“Because I want you both to be happy.”

-—

Contrary to their quiet and serene movie night the other day, Blue Hour was booming with party music, wild traveling neon lights illuminating the dark place, people dominated by young adults occupied the dance floor while some remained seated on their booths and some, well, Beomgyu prefers not to dwell on their business.

It was Saturday night, Beomgyu was one of those people who stayed seated on their table, clad in a black leather jacket with a white shirt underneath he paired with dark jeans, a glass of martini in his hand. Yeonjun had pulled them all out after their sleepover at his house to go to one of the new clubs in the area, claiming they should have some fun before their examinations come up and they curse the world for ever inventing school.

The motherfucker disappeared as soon as they entered, though, so it's just the four of them in their booth sipping on each of their drinks for the past hour.

“Hey, tone down on the alcohol. You’re driving,” Taehyun reprimands him when a waiter gave him his fourth glass of the night and Beomgyu swallows hard, eyes fixed on the swirling liquid in his glass and trying not to look at the younger beside him.

Because good fucking god, Kang Taehyun just had to decide to wear a godforsaken crop top he looks absolutely gorgeous in and it’s taking all of Beomgyu’s willpower not to wrap his arms possessively around him— taking all of his willpower to remind himself he does not have a right.

He rolls his eyes, looking at the tequila sunrise in front of Taehyun. “You’re driving too.”

The two of them along with Soobin were the ones who brought their car, having to be in different places before they went to Blue Hour so they couldn’t pick each other up and decided to just go separately, except for Yeonjun and Kai who rode with Soobin.

“Soobin, my sweet honey bun, don’t drink too much, okay? You’re driving too.” Both of them turned to Kai who had exaggeratedly clung to Soobin beside him, cupping his cheek and making puppy eyes like a lovesick fool.

Soobin dramatically sighs, going along, connecting their foreheads together. “Of course, my lovely Kai, you’ll be in my car so I will be extra careful.”

Beomgyu threw a green olive that came with his drink at them.

“You both are so annoying.” He grumbles, hearing Taehyun giggle beside him at their friends acting up.

Soobin makes a disgusted face, turning to Kai. “Let’s never do that again.”

“Agreed.” Kai nods, reaching out for the chips and munching on it while giving Beomgyu a teasing smirk, wiggling his eyebrows and motioning at Taehyun.

The little shit.

“Soobin, didn’t you say you need to go to the restroom?” Kai suddenly turns beside him, Soobin stopping midway from drinking and furrowing his brows.

“I did?”

“Yes! Come on, I need to go too.” Before Soobin could even react, Kai had already dragged him away from their booth and into the sea of people littering the club, effectively leaving Beomgyu and Taehyun alone.

The. Little. Shit.

Beomgyu downed the content of his glass in one go, feeling the bitter liquid going down his throat and warming his stomach.

“I said, slow down.” Taehyun rolls his eyes, sipping on his own drink too.

“Don’t rain on my parade, Tae.”

“I’m not gonna drive your drunk ass home.”

Beomgyu laughs, head a little cloudy now. “Sure, how hard is it to find a ride home here, anyway?”

It was meant to be a joke, a poor one, but still is, with the way Beomgyu doesn’t have a full grasp of reality anymore after consecutively chugging those strong drinks, but as he made the mistake of glancing at Taehyun, even the dimness of the place couldn’t hide how his expression turned dark, eyes glaring at nothing in particular on the dance floor.

Beomgyu blinks. “Hey, it was a—”

“I’m gonna order another glass.” Taehyun shoots up from his seat, drinking the remaining alcohol in his glass and sashaying his way towards the bar without sparing Beomgyu another glance who could only follow him with his eyes.

He just fucked up. Goddamnit.

Sighing, he calls a waiter and orders another drink. And another. Then another. He’s lost count of how many he had already drank in frustration, many minutes passing by in a blur.

None of his friends came back to their booth. Taehyun hasn’t come back.

“Why are you alone here looking so pitiful?” A familiar voice said on Beomgyu’s right, at this point, his vision was now swirling so he had to close his eyes, head leaning on the cushioned seat, the loud bass of the music making his head and chest pound.

“Yeonjun, you piece of shit, I thought you died already.”

The motherfucker chuckled, amusedly. “What happened this time that got you in such a pissy mood and Taehyun dancing with some stranger?”

Beomgyu shots up at that, eyes wide looking at Yeonjun, not even bothered with how the world spun around them.

“He what?!”

Yeonjun points somewhere, Beomgyu following its direction, putting effort into differentiating the mess of bodies against bodies by squinting his eyes until he sees a familiar blue crop top pressed against someone he has never seen in his entire life.

His jaw clenched, something ugly churning in his gut, hastily gulping down his drink and ignoring how it intensified the intoxication swirling in his system. Beomgyu wills himself to look away, an exasperated sigh leaving his lips.

He feels Yeonjun gawking at him, could see the disbelief on his face from his periphery. “You’re not going to do anything about that?”

Beomgyu turns to him with a roll of his eyes. “What am I supposed to do? It’s his life.”

Ah, fuck these feelings, for real.

Yeonjun’s eyebrows slowly creased together, looking at Beomgyu like he’s gone crazy.

“Are you being fucking serious, Choi Beomgyu? You’re okay with that? With Taehyun being in someone else’s arms?”

Beomgyu grits his teeth, an unwanted vision flashing in his mind of Taehyun hugging someone else, of Taehyun being with someone else, of Taehyun loving someone else.

Fucking hell.

“Stop, stop, stop! I don’t have the right to impose Taehyun with anything, Yeonjun. So just… stop.” He groans, rubbing his face with his cold and slightly wet hands caused by the moisture of his glass.

Yeonjun sits back on his chair, eyebrow raised. “You would have if you weren’t such a coward and told him your feelings.”

“I’m not a coward.” Beomgyu grits out, suddenly going from 0 to 100, all the ugly feelings surfacing and clouding his mind along with the effects of the alcohol.

“Oh, yeah? If you’re so brave, kiss him, then.”

“What?” Beomgyu looks at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. The words swirled around him, teasing, taunting, challenging.

“You heard me, if you’re not such a coward, go up there and kiss Taehyun.” There was such a smug look on Yeonjun’s face that Beomgyu desperately wanted to erase, desperately wants to prove him wrong even with the small voice in his mind saying Yeonjun was right, and that pissed him more than it should.

So that was why he saw himself standing up, a determined look on his face as he scanned the crowd again. “Fine, I’ll show you.”

Without another word, he marched up towards the dance floor, not sparing anyone he bumps into a second look, eyes solely trained on Taehyun still swaying his hips to the beat of the music with now a different stranger, the reality of it all making Beomgyu more determined, more desperate, braver than he’s ever been.

He blames the alcohol but even in his intoxicated state, he knows it’s not really the alcohol. It’s his mess of feelings and the desperate want that coursed through his system, plaguing his mind.

Beomgyu yanks at Taehyun’s wrist, making the latter stop to look at him, a surprised expression on his face with the suddenness of the action. Beomgyu couldn’t help but appreciate how beautiful Taehyun looked under the wild neon lights, how his makeup was now slightly smudged after spending hours at the club, oh, he was definitely alluring.

“Beomgyu—”

He cuts him off by leaning in until their breaths fanned each other’s faces, too close for their eyes to be unable to focus on the other properly but not quite yet for their lips to brush, Beomgyu’s hand snaking to cup Taehyun’s cheek, feeling him still under his hold and Beomgyu waits, waits for him to push him away, curse him, heck, even slap him but Taehyun did none of those.

What he did instead made Beomgyu go almost crazy. Taehyun reaches up and encircles his arms around Beomgyu’s neck making Beomgyu finally surged forward, closing their torturous distance, Taehyun tilting his head so Beomgyu could kiss him better, so he could kiss back better.

Beomgyu gasps, hand dropping from Taehyun’s cheek to his waist, gripping it like it was his lifeline especially when Taehyun slid his tongue inside his mouth, kissing him with such fervor and desperateness like he’s been waiting so long, making Beomgyu’s knees weak and feeling more intoxicated by Taehyun’s strawberry flavored lips with a hint of margarita from his drink earlier, fighting back a sound when Taehyun tugged at his hair that should’ve pushed him away, not further into the kiss like how he surprisingly did, kissing Taehyun with the same intensity, pent up feelings finally breaking free and being said with every contact their lips make, every swirl of their tongue, every whine they unconsciously made. Kissing Taehyun wasn’t fireworks and rainbows, no, it felt like a drug. Beomgyu felt high, like he was paragliding thousands of feet in the sky, and it’s all he could focus on, it’s all that mattered in the world, Taehyun’s lips on his own, his hands gripping on the exposed skin of Taehyun’s crop top, making the other shiver into their kiss.

He was gone, so far gone and lost in all the sensations that it was only when Taehyun bit his lip that all the haze cleared out from his mind and the alarm in his head started blaring, because holy shit, he just kissed Kang fucking Taehyun.

Holy fucking shit.

Beomgyu pulled away so fast, like someone that was caught red-handed, all the intoxication from the martini flushed out of his system, eyes blown wide as he stared at the dazed look on Taehyun’s face in panic, his whole body numbing and all his brain screamed at him is ‘What have you done?!’.

Taehyun blinks, eyes focusing when he sees the look on Beomgyu’s face, but before he could say anything, the older was already backing away.

“I…. I… oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Without another glance, he turns away, leaving everything behind with quick steps, tuning the whole world out as he gets lost with all the thoughts that are swirling in his mind that he failed to realize he’s left Taehyun all alone on the dance floor, too preoccupied with himself that he failed to see the broken look Taehyun followed him with.

-—

Beomgyu skipped school on Monday. In his defense, with only a week left before their midterm exams, their professors would just be summarizing and reviewing all the topics that will be covered so really, he’s not missing much and he can do that himself anyway. Yes, he was definitely not ignoring a certain boy because he’s still freaking out about what happened two days ago and quite frankly, has no idea what to do.

His thoughts were interrupted by his bedroom door swinging open and revealing Ryujin who was leaning on his doorway with her arms crossed over her chest.

“So, what happened that got you moping all weekend and skipping school on a monday?”

Beomgyu groans, his duvet pushed up until it reached his chin, eyes trained on his cream colored ceiling. “I’ve only been moping since yesterday, leave me alone. I don’t want to talk about it.”

He hears shuffling and takes a peek at Ryujin, who had bent down and reached for something beside his door from the outside. “Fine,” she opens the door wider to let herself in, dropping a paper bag on Beomgyu’s study table before turning to him with a stern stare. “I ordered your favorite ramen, finish it or I swear to god. You haven’t eaten all day.”

She makes her way back to the door, but before she makes it out, Ryujin turns to him one more time. “Yeonjun, Soobin and Kai went here this morning because your phone was turned off. I told them you’re mostly okay and asked to give you time.”

Beomgyu closes his eyes, sighing. “Thanks, Ryujin.”

“Yeah, you owe me one, jerkface.” Beomgyu chuckles under his breath at that, Ryujin rolling her eyes as she leaves his room with a resounding click of the door’s lock.

Beomgyu’s room was yet again surrounded by silence, nothing but the whirring sound of the air conditioner and his breathing filled his ears and try as he might, unwanted thoughts have yet again circled his mind, every single one felt like dropping a heavy boulder on his chest, one by one.

He kissed Taehyun. Taehyun who he’s been friends with since he was 17. Taehyun who has always been there for him and understands him in a way no one else does. Taehyun who he’s always shared a one of a kind bond with. Gorgeous, smart, honest and kind Taehyun that’s very much off limits because he’s a friend, and you’re not supposed to fall for your friend, because falling for a friend means risking to lose such a precious friendship, because Taehyun is too precious for him to cross that blurry line, yet two nights ago, he did.

Oh my god, he kissed Taehyun.

Fuck.

Fucking alcohol and drunk fucking Yeonjun.

And fuck feelings most of all.

How is he going to face Taehyun again? It’s the bottomline of it all, the one thing that repeated on his mind like a broken record the past days, the thought that haunted him, his fear.

Beomgyu sucks in a deep breath and with all of his strength, he sits up, turning to the side of the bed so he could go to the table where Ryujin left his food. He also reaches for his airpods that was on the bedside table, scrolling through his phone and pressing shuffle on his playlist, his ears immediately being filled with the sound of a familiar song he knew very well from all the times he’s had it on loop as he took out his ramen and the iced americano that was also there, effectively tuning everything out.

Beomgyu forced himself to sleep that night, a growing headache caused by thoughts that never left him alone, a rest that made him even more restless.

So, it was no surprise that he woke up the next morning with a fever. Teeth chattering, he fumbles to find the remote to the air conditioner, turning it off altogether because goddamn, was it cold, groaning when every move felt like his head was being hammered.

He tries to sleep again, tries to sleep all of it out, and he ends up doing so in the end, until he wakes up again mid afternoon, or so he thinks from the state of the outside from what he could see through his slightly opened curtains. There was a cold cloth being placed on his forehead, and another being wiped against his face and neck.

“Hey, mom.” Beomgyu greets, his voice sounding raspy from sleep and being unused.

His mom hums, continuing what she was doing silently, fixing Beomgyu with a stern stare once she had put the cloth she was holding back on the small basin she brought.

“Your sister said you barely ate and left your room ever since you went home last Saturday night.” Her voice was strict, reprimanding him. It was one she used when he or Ryujin did something that made her extremely worried, so it was hard to lie to her face, and Beomgyu never really liked the idea of lying to her anyway.

So he chuckles instead. “Snitch.”

Mrs. Choi rolled her eyes before standing up, gathering everything she’ll take back out before looking at Beomgyu again, her stern look gone and replaced with a softer one.

“I take it something happened, and as much as I want to ask what it was, you’re sick and must not want to talk about it seeing how you’ve been avoiding everyone so I’ll just say this,” she breathes, leaning in and placing a tender kiss on Beomgyu’s temple. “you’re not alone, Beomie. You are just as important to all the people you hold dear and that’s not something that will change so easily no matter what.”

Beomgyu had to fight back his tears.

His mom stands back up, giving him another smile. “I’ll come back with some medicine and the soup I cooked, it should be ready by now. Rest up and gather your strength, Beomie. I’ll be right back.”

Beomgyu spent the entirety of the day resting and cursing his pounding headache, but somehow thankful for it because it drove all his thoughts away. He laughs to himself at how pathetic that sounds.

Wednesday came and his fever had gone down, his mom had entered his room in the morning before she left for work to say she already notified his university of why he’s missing classes and that he should take another day to rest so his fever won’t spike up again. Majority of the day went by quietly, with Ryujin not having the time to annoy him because of her morning classes so Beomgyu was alone in the house.

Until he wasn’t.

Yeonjun and Soobin barged into his room at around 4 pm, just as he finished taking a shower because he’s been feeling icky and it’s making him more sick than the fever. That was how he found himself sitting on his bed while two towering figures stood at the foot of it, giving him scrutinizing stares.

“It was your fault!” Beomgyu breaks, albeit meant to be lighthearted and teasing, throwing a pillow at Yeonjun who wasn’t expecting it and fell to the floor with an oof, sitting up and glaring at him.

“I meant to kiss him on the cheek, you lovesick idiot, like I don’t know, just stake your claim! I didn’t know you motherfuckers would make out in the middle of the goddamn dance floor!” Yeonjun groans, eyebrows creased together. “You know how crazy I get when I’m drunk!”

“How am I supposed to know?! I was drunk too!” He screams back, equally frustrated now, initial intention to tease thrown out the window.

“Okay, okay. Both of you, stop!” Soobin steps in, gently pushing Yeonjun away so they wouldn’t be face to face, Yeonjun sighing heavily before standing up to plop himself down on Beomgyu’s desk chair.

Beomgyu leans back on the headboard, calming himself down too. “Where’s Kai?”

Soobin gave him a serious look. “With Taehyun.”

That shut him up really quickly, pursing his lips as Soobin squints his eyes at him, probably doing that thing again where he tries to read his mind. Soobin has that habit for his friends and between the border of amusing and terrifying, it’s almost always accurate.

They were interrupted when Yeonjun sighed again, speaking up. “I’m sorry, BG. I didn’t mean to force you into doing something you weren’t ready for, I guess I was just frustrated with seeing you both pining but not doing anything that with the influence of that damn mix of liquor I don’t even remember the name anymore, I just… I’m sorry.” His head was hung low in shame and Beomgyu immediately felt a pang on his chest.

“No, no, it wasn’t really your fault. I was drunk but I knew what I was doing and I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t want to, and god knows how much I’ve wanted it for a long time but I was drunk too and that was a poor decision on my part.” Beomgyu leans his head back on the headboard, staring up at the ceiling, eyes unfocused. “I just… my whole mind has been a mess.”

He feels the side of his bed dip, turning slightly to see Soobin sit beside him. “Sorry for not seeing you having such a hard time, Gyu. Sorry for not being there when you need us.”

His brows furrow, looking back and forth at both his friends who were looking guiltily at him. “Now, why are you both apologizing?! It was my choice to keep it in and brush it off. I’m the idiot who’s been damn terrified all these time.”

They were silent for a while, deep in each of their thoughts, until Soobin breaks it again. “So, how long are you planning to avoid Taehyun?”

Beomgyu almost flinched at the mere mention of the name, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath.

“How… is he?”

It was Yeonjun that answered him. “Not good. That was such a dick move, by the way. Leaving him all alone there on the dance floor. I would punch you in the face but you look way too pitiful already.”

Soobin throws another pillow at the eldest, silently scolding him that he’s making it worse.

Beomgyu rubs his face in frustration, upset at himself, every new thing adding to his layer of fear and guilt. God, he hates himself.

“Beomie, we understand you’re scared and we know it’s hard, but this will only get worse the more you prolong it. You’re only going to lose him more trying not to lose him.” Soobin scoots closer to him, hugging him from the side. “Talk to Taehyun, the only one who can end both your suffering is each other.”

Soobin and Yeonjun left two hours later, but not before doting on him and scolding him for missing three days of classes and a threat for him to open his phone and respond to their texts or they would seriously deck him.

Beomgyu found himself repeating their conversation in his head that night while he stared at his dark ceiling, waiting for sleep to come to him. The last few days were both a mess and a haze, he was trying (and failing) to keep his thoughts at bay, forget it whilst finding a way to solve it, but that talk with Soobin and Yeonjun made him realize something.

He’s been too caught up with himself, his fear and self destruction, that he failed to think about Taehyun too, he failed to think about how everything is affecting him and how confused he must have been, how hurt he must have been. Beomgyu’s heart squeezed at the thought, and he felt all the more horrible, more than his fear ever did, because god, this is such a mess because of him, huh?

With a sigh, he turns to his side, a fleeting determination marked his final thought of the night before he finally falls into yet another dreamless slumber.

He needs to talk to Taehyun.

-—

It was 10 am when Beomgyu went down into the kitchen clad in a grayish blue dress shirt with its buttons open to reveal a white tee underneath, both tucked in a pair of black jeans with his black converse threading quietly on the marble floor. It was Thursday, and he doesn’t have classes on thursdays so he decided it was the perfect day to go and talk to Taehyun, knowing he doesn’t have class until 12.

He found Ryujin cleaning up after herself in the kitchen, putting her newly cleaned plate on its cupboard. It was mostly just the two of them in the house, minus the guards and helpers, with their parents going to work early in the morning and won’t be coming back until around dinner time, sometimes not at all when they have business trips. They looked at each other, Beomgyu noting she’s looking more fashionable than usual.

“Where are you going?” They both asked each other at the same time, Beomgyu’s eyebrows automatically shooting up and Ryujin placing her hand on her hip, assessing him.

“You don’t have class on thursdays,” she continues, eyeing him suspiciously.

“And you don’t usually wear skirts, a plaid one at that, so what’s happening?” He counters back.

Ryujin rolls her eyes at him, walking towards the entrance of the kitchen. “I’m going on a date because unlike you, I don’t just pine over my crush helplessly for years doing absolutely nothing about it.”

Beomgyu steps back, offended, before scoffing at her with a glare. “I’m actually on my way to him right now, thank you very much!”

She turns to him with an expression of feigned shock, exaggerated and very much teasing. “Damn, didn’t know I’d live the day you finally grow some balls.”

“You little—”

“Bye!” He didn’t even have the chance to go after her because she was already sprinting out and straight outside, probably towards the garage, so Beomgyu could only sigh and shake his head, going to the fridge and getting a glass of water like what he originally planned to do earlier.

Beomgyu tried his hardest to keep a clear head throughout the drive to Taehyun’s place. The younger had moved out of his parents’ house once they started college, and he now lives at one of the high rise apartments around their university, occupying one of the top floors that the elevator ride up was absolutely torturous that Beomgyu felt the need to throw up from nerves. Luckily, the elevator dings before he completely loses his mind and backs out.

His hands were cold and shaking, feeling like his stomach was doing multiple somersaults as he stepped out, walking numbly towards the right and almost operating on autopilot, his muscle memory working towards a path he’s memorized through the years. He stops in front of a familiar gray door, reaching for the doorbell in slow motion and holding his breath when he pushes it all the way, knowing the sound already rang inside.

Beomgyu feels he’s going to have a heart attack in between the two minutes he was waiting for Taehyun to answer the door, his heart pounding so loud he’s feeling it beating on both his ears, jesus, he’s really gonna throw up this time—

His head shoots up when the door abruptly opens, unconsciously stepping back when he comes face to face with Taehyun, seeing him already dressed in his usual shirt and jeans, wearing an impassive expression and staring at Beomgyu with a cold gaze.

He gulps.

“Glad to know you’re still alive, thought you already turned into a ghost after all the ghosting you did to me.” His voice was as cold as his gaze and Beomgyu almost cowered, turned around and ran out of there with his tail between his legs, if only Taehyun didn’t widen his door for him to enter before he retreated back inside.

With unsure steps, Beomgyu followed him inside, standing dumbly at the living room while Taehyun went to his room, Beomgyu staring at where he disappeared to and fighting back a flinch when he immediately met eyes with Taehyun when he went back out, catching his gaze. Without a word, Taehyun takes a seat on the single couch, reaching to arrange some notebooks on his center table that wasn’t properly stacked before he looked up, eyebrows furrowed, when he realized Beomgyu was still standing there, almost frozen and watching his every move.

“Sit down, Beomgyu.”

Beomgyu blinks, shaking his head a little to get a grip of himself, sitting down on the longer couch adjacent to Taehyun’s, nervously playing with his fingers that rested on his lap.

They were both quiet, Taehyun deciding to lean on the backrest and stare up at the ceiling, Beomgyu gathering his nonexistent courage to talk and say something, apologize, explain, heck, even confess, but it felt as though there was a bile on his throat making it hard for him to get the words out.

Beomgyu sighs, closing his eyes, letting whatever come out of his mouth because he’s too fucking nervous to make up something coherent. “Sorry for kissing you that night.”

Taehyun chuckles humorlessly. “That wasn’t just a kiss.”

Beomgyu chewed on his lips, closing his eyes tightly before letting out a deep breath and continuing, “I was getting drunk and it was a silly dare Yeonjun made that I dumbly did because I wanted to prove something.”

“Why did he dare you to do it?”

“What?”

“Why did Yeonjun even think to dare you to kiss me in the first place, Beomgyu?” Taehyun’s gaze was so intense, like he was a puzzle he’s deciphering, watching every twitch of his muscle like a hawk. “What got you so worked up that you actually did it? And don’t bullshit me with alcohol, we both know you wouldn’t do anything you don’t want even when you’re being held at gunpoint.”

Beomgyu could only stare back, frozen in place, unable to utter a single word because Taehyun is right, and he’s starting to realize there’s no way else on this but to say the truth. All of it.

“Because… because you were dancing with someone else.” He whispers quietly, Taehyun almost not hearing it if it weren’t for the deafening silence of the apartment.

Taehyun’s eyebrow shoots up. “And what about it?” There was something in his voice, something that’s making Beomgyu nervous than he already is— anticipation. “What about me dancing with someone else bother you, Beomgyu?”

Oh, god, this is happening. Beomgyu is going to confess he’s a jealous motherfucker and Taehyun will know he’s in love with him and so many things might happen from there, a lot of it Beomgyu doesn’t even want to think about, because a lot ends up with him losing Taehyun and he can’t lose Taehyun. No, he can’t.

“Do you regret it? Kissing me?” Beomgyu’s eyes widened with the dejection in Taehyun’s voice, one very different to the tone of his previous words, and it made Beomgyu desperate to say he’s wrong, to make Taehyun feel better.

But Beomgyu is a coward.

“I regret kissing you while I’m drunk and out of spite.” He looked away, biting his lip. “I regret that I just stormed into your space and kissed you like that out of nowhere.”

But Taehyun is smart and unapologetically blunt, one of the main reasons why Beomgyu started admiring him in the first place, and he takes no bullshit. “I asked you if you regretted kissing me, stop beating around the fucking bush.”

So he takes a deep breath, scared beyond wits, but with a slow motion, he shakes his head, fighting against his fears, fighting against his anxieties that haunted him all these years.

“N… no. No, I don’t regret kissing you.”

He waits, for Taehyun’s reaction and his own, a bit mesmerized with the way it brought relief to him, to say something he truly meant, to break free from the fears that caged him for so long. So with a sudden burst of bravery, he continues,

“I regret why I kissed you, because you don’t just deserve a drunken kiss with me only having half a mind but god, that was… that was the best kiss I’ve ever had.” Beomgyu closes his eyes, hands closing into fists. “Sorry for making a mess of everything by crossing the line, Taehyun. I know how much we both treasure our friendship and I…”

“Gyu, I think you’re forgetting that I kissed you back.” Taehyun cuts him off, Beomgyu’s lips parting in shock because yes, the fact that Taehyun kissed back was something he pushed away and never acknowledged, the fear didn’t let him but Taehyun saying it now, that night flashing in his mind, heat immediately crawling from his neck up to his cheeks.

“Sure, I would prefer if you weren’t drunk and jealous when you kiss me, especially the first time, but I kissed you back.” Taehyun stood up from his seat, steps confident and certain as he made his way towards Beomgyu, only stopping when their knees touched, the older could only stare wide eyed as Taehyun leaned closer, their faces only a few centimeters apart, both his arms pushing on the backrest’s cushion, caging Beomgyu on the couch.

“And I wasn’t drunk.”

Beomgyu held in his breath when Taehyun whispered those last words, especially when his eyes momentarily went to his lips, his own curving upward slightly, seeing the dazed look he caused to Beomgyu.

“Have you never wondered why I was so conveniently positioned dancing with a stranger where one would have the perfect view from our table?” Taehyun’s voice was so sweet, so slow and hazy that Beomgyu could only blink, his mind not fully registering the other’s words, could not come up with a proper response.

“That was the best kiss I’ve ever had too, if my response to it wasn’t saying enough.” Taehyun’s smirk widens when Beomgyu’s face morphs to one of pure shock, staring at Taehyun like he needs extra minutes to comprehend his words.

Before he could, though, Taehyun already leaned away and straightened up, tilting his head to the side as he took a step back.

“Sorry to cut our conversation short but I can’t miss my class today,” Taehyun says with a sigh, before giving Beomgyu a soft smile. “This isn’t over, though, so please don’t run away, Gyu. Let’s face it together, okay?”

Beomgyu could only nod even when he didn’t understand half of what Taehyun said, head too busy racing with thousands of thoughts at once and only registers Taehyun walking away and opening the door of his apartment, his last words sounding a little distant and muffled to Beomgyu’s ears, like someone had covered his ears.

“See you tomorrow.”

The door closes, and Beomgyu was left alone sitting on Taehyun's couch, confused and shocked beyond belief.

What the fuck just happened?

-—

“Beomgyu, can you pass the sauce?” Kai had said through a mouthful of pancake, eyeing the maple syrup that was in front of Beomgyu. He eyed it for a solid five seconds, eyebrows furrowing when Beomgyu didn’t even move an inch, still staring into nothingness.

He shrugs it off as the usual loud crowd in the cafeteria drowning his voice, so he calls again. “Beomgyu, the sauce, please.”

But still nothing.

Soobin had stopped with his own food now too to look at Beomgyu, elbowing him to get his attention, effectively jolting him back to reality. Blinking his eyes, Beomgyu was met with his three friends looking at him with a look of both confusion and concern.

“Huh? What did you want? My pancake? Sure.” Beomgyu pushed his untouched plate towards Kai, the latter taking it unsurely. He then reached for his bottle of water to drink from it, eyebrows creasing when no water came out, looking properly and seeing he forgot to take the cap off.

“Oh,” his friends could only stare as he gave them a sheepish smile, opening the bottle and finally drinking.

“Beomgyu, are you sure you’re okay?” Yeonjun tells him after he sets the bottle back down, his tone serious and almost scolding. They were in the cafeteria to eat a light meal to pass their free afternoon time, but throughout the day, they weren’t able to get a proper response from Beomgyu so it was normal they were worried.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” Soobin butts in, rolling his eyes. “You almost went to the wrong class earlier, stood for ten minutes in front of your locker because you can’t remember your passcode, got late because of it and we can’t even talk to you properly because you’re here but also not. Seriously, what happened?”

Beomgyu groans, pulling at his hair in frustration. “Taehyun is driving me crazy.”

He barely had any sleep with his mind not letting him rest, replaying what had happened over and over again, tiring him to no end. As he sat there, slowly losing his sanity, he started to think everything was a fever dream. The amused smirks on his friends’ faces aren’t helping his urge to bang his head on the table at the moment too.

“Oh? Details!”

“Damn, you finally talked.”

“Speaking of Taehyun, where is he?”

Beomgyu perks up at that, halting his intention to tune all of them out again, groaning the second time. “I’ve been trying to find him since this morning but he wouldn’t show himself to me.”

It was even more frustrating to say the least. He waited for Taehyun until his classes were over but it seems like he knew and didn’t come home, went to Taehyun’s apartment that morning but the receptionist had told him the younger had already left, tried to go to his classes but he wasn't there either. He can’t just say all of those and then disappear for Beomgyu to slowly lose his mind thinking about what the fuck all of those meant!

God, is Kang Taehyun taking his revenge? Beomgyu can’t even be mad that he’s getting a taste of his own medicine because he knows he deserves it after all he’s put Taehyun through.

He just hopes he can make it right, he can't lose Taehyun.

Beomgyu’s thoughts were interrupted when the bell rang, sighing dejectedly as he absent-mindedly bid his friends goodbye, auto-piloting his way to his next class. It was only when he stood by the doorway and saw the students he shared the class with paired with faces he didn't recognize that he realized it was time for his arts class, for his practical test— where Taehyun is his model.

Oh my god, will he ditch Beomgyu? Because if he does it would really suck but Beomgyu understands. Oh, no, what is he gonna do?

“Gyu, there are people wanting to enter too.”

He jolts at the voice, head whipping around and eyes widening comically when he’s met face to face with Taehyun’s questioning look as he stared at him as if he saw a ghost, lips parted in shock and looking at him up and down like he’ll disappear if Beomgyu takes his eyes away from him.

“Mr. Choi? Would you mind taking a seat? You’re crowding the entrance.” Ms. Song calls from her desk, head peeking at the slight commotion happening by the doorway.

Beomgyu blinks, turning away. He scrambles to an empty seat, each step making him feel like he’s a rusty toy robot whose joints can’t function properly. All the more when he felt Taehyun following him, sitting down on the chair beside him.

Beomgyu felt stiff, shoulders tensed and neck frozen to stay put, his head too scared to even look at anywhere except for the white board in front. He could see Taehyun beside him drumming his fingers on his lap, seeming to be totally calm and composed, if only Beomgyu hadn’t known him for so long and wouldn’t notice the slight tense of his muscles and the serious aura around him that he does to hide his nervousness.

“Aren’t you going to prepare your materials?” Taehyun speaks up, Beomgyu whipping his head so fast that Taehyun’s eyes momentarily widened in alarm, meeting his gaze.

“Oh, right. You’re right, yes.” He nods absent-mindedly, standing up to fumble around his bag. “My materials, I should get ready.”

Soon enough, Ms. Song was instructing them to begin. Beomgyu had pulled a table to put all his things, positioning himself in front of Taehyun who remained seated on his chair, looking up at him curiously.

“So, what are you going for?” Taehyun asks, following Beomgyu’s movements as he takes a paintbrush and his face paint palette.

He hums, looking down and finding the right colors on his palette: greens and browns with a dash of yellow. “Nature fairy.”

Deciding it would be best to put his full focus on his task, given that he was only given an hour and a half to finish it, Beomgyu leaned towards him a little— no, he is most definitely not internally panicking— immediately going to work by prepping Taehyun’s face first, trying hard not to get distracted with the biggest distraction in front of him, especially when he felt Taehyun’s intense gaze trained on him.

“Stop staring at me, I can’t focus.” He whines after long minutes of trying to endure it, eliciting a chuckle from Taehyun.

“I can’t help it, my eyes are drawn to you.”

Beomgyu shook so much, he messed up a curve, looking at Taehyun as if he’d gone crazy. He sees the look of mischief in his eyes, yet he can’t even focus on that when he sees the sincerity in it as well.

“What?”

Taehyun sighs, turning serious for real this time. “We still have a lot to talk about, you agree?”

Beomgyu blinks, gaze dropping to the place in Taehyun’s cheek he was working on, meekly nodding with a gulp.

He agrees.

A small smile made its way to Taehyun’s lips. “Good, let’s start now.”

“Now?” Beomgyu springs up, stepping back, eyes surveying Taehyun for any indication that he was teasing, but the latter’s face remained serious.

Taehyun narrowed his eyes, pursing his lips for a moment. “Beomgyu, I’m dying with the questions running on my mind, do you expect me to sit through another hour quietly?”

Tentatively going back to painting Taehyun’s face, he nods again, prompting the younger to start asking. It was a good thing the chairs were arranged far away from each other and they chose seats at the far back so Beomgyu’s back faced everyone else, plus the room wasn’t exactly quiet so no one would be able to really eavesdrop on them, not like any one of them had the time. His heart pounded loudly in his chest, totally unprepared for another round of confrontation, an irony when he had been chasing Taehyun down since this morning but now that he’s in front of him, he’s suddenly getting tongue-tied.

“Why did you distance yourself from me for a whole week?”

Fucking hell, just the first question and Beomgyu just wants to collapse and faint already. Trying not to fuck both his practical test and the chance to settle everything with Taehyun, Beomgyu takes a deep steadying breath, arranging his messy thoughts.

“Because I didn’t know if I was reading too much of everything and I don’t know what to do with it.”

“Reading too much of what?”

“Us, Taehyun. What we have.”

Taehyun’s eyebrow shot up, his face morphing into a look of frustration. “Choi Beomgyu, I have no energy to play this guessing game with you so can you please just answer me directly.”

Beomgyu closed his eyes tight for a moment, feeling his heart beat so loudly he’s hearing it pulsating through his ears, braving to look Taehyun in the eye.

“I don’t know if what we have was only really just friendship or,” oh, he’s going to really throw up and faint. “… or maybe, you have feelings me too.”

Taehyun sucks in a sharp breath, his voice reducing to a whisper. “Too? Did you say too?”

Beomgyu bit his lip, nodding, scared beyond belief. He’s trying so hard to steady his shaking hand and continue his work, making Taehyun close his eyes as he gets the paint on his eyelids.

While Beomgyu was on it, Taehyun asked another question that made the elder boy’s heart drop to his stomach.

“Why did you kiss me?”

Gritting his teeth, Beomgyu turns away to face the table, using the excuse of mixing some colors so he wouldn’t have to face Taehyun.

“Jealousy,” he whispers, biting both his lips and praying Taehyun would catch it so he wouldn’t have to repeat it again.

But it seems like the universe hated him, because Taehyun let out a “What?”

“I was jealous.” He said it so fast this time he thought Taehyun wouldn’t get it again, but the grin that immediately formed on the latter’s lips told him otherwise.

Shit, shit, shit.

“45 minutes already passed, Gyu. Aren’t you going to continue?” Taehyun asks him, playfulness evident in his tone and expression.

Beomgyu could only suck in a deep breath, turning back to paint on Taehyun’s face again, his work halfway done as he tried to ignore the permanent grin etched on the latter’s lips.

Contrary to what Beomgyu expected, Taehyun kept quiet for the next few minutes, seeming to be more calm this time and letting Beomgyu do his test quietly, but also essentially leaving him with his thoughts.

Beomgyu pushed it away for now, silencing himself and concentrating on painting, the feel of Taehyun’s delicate skin against his brush is turning him into a puddle of jitters and mush.

There was ten minutes left on Ms. Song’s timer when Beomgyu finished, stepping back and looking proudly at his work, particularly loving the edge of a leaf that stretched on Taehyun’s perfectly sloped nose, handing Taehyun a mirror so he could see it himself.

“Beomgyu, you’re amazing.” He says in awe, turning left and right so he could see the intricate lines and details that became one of Beomgyu’s signatures, Ms. Song heading over to them to evaluate Beomgyu’s work.

They took a couple of pictures for documentation, Ms. Song leaving with yet another series of compliments for Beomgyu, Taehyun joking that he might be her protégé and Ms. Song actually considered it much to Beomgyu’s pleasure, lastly instructing them to head over to a restroom so they could take the paint off and be done for the day.

The two of them head over to the nearest one, finding themselves alone inside as Taehyun hopped on the granite counter, letting Beomgyu take off the paint with a cotton pad drenched in micellar water. They grew quiet once again, Taehyun humming absently to a random song while Beomgyu was yet again consumed by his thoughts— only this time, he had enough of himself and his fear, finally mustering the courage to voice his worries out, something Taehyun must have been waiting for him to do all this time.

“I’m scared, Taehyun.” Beomgyu sighs, feeling Taehyun’s attention fully focus on him at his words.

“I’m scared to feel this for you because… because it always has no guarantee. If I… if I act on it and it doesn’t work out and we end on bad terms, I would lose you, right? It wouldn’t be the same anymore and I can’t have that. I’m already so used to having you; you’re a constant in my life, Taehyun but these feelings, these feelings will disrupt everything. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you by running away but I’m so lost and scared, I don't know what to do and every time I see you, I just want to hold your hand and have you all for myself. I’m sorry, Tae.” Beomgyu felt so much and so many that he couldn’t meet Taehyun’s eyes, lowering his gaze on Taehyun’s lap that was on the counter. But Taehyun’s eyes were not something he could hide from, the younger holding his chin gently and making him look back up, Taehyun’s free hand reaching up to brush away the tears he didn’t know was even there.

“Oh, darling.” Taehyun’s gaze was as soft as snow, looking at Beomgyu as though he’s the most precious thing in the world, and through blurry tears, Beomgyu felt like melting. “Beomgyu, you can never lose me. There’s almost nothing that can make you lose me. Let’s not think about things that haven't and might never happen, okay? Don’t torture yourself like that, Gyu. Focus on right now, focus on me. Don’t go through it alone, I’m here. We’ll take it one step at a time, okay?”

Beomgyu felt like bursting into tears with how gentle and caring Taehyun’s voice was, but he stopped himself in favor of getting an answer for a question that nagged at his mind, swallowing the bile that had formed on his throat. “Are you… are you saying you like me too?”

Taehyun’s lips parted, his eyes tearing away from the tears he was wiping to meet Beomgyu’s eyes again, a look of disbelief in his face and for a moment, Beomgyu was scared.

“Idiot.” Oh, damn. He’s really scared. “Choi Beomgyu, you are an idiot.”

But Taehyun’s next words made him lose his mind and his breath hitch, maybe his heart beat stopped too, he doesn’t know anymore. All he could focus on was how honey-like Taehyun’s voice was in his ears, and how the words sounded coming from Taehyun, knowing he’s at the receiving end of it.

“I’m in love with you.” And Beomgyu felt it too, at that moment, with the way Taehyun said it, sweet and endearing, lovely and soft. “I’ve been in love with you since I was 16.”

Beomgyu’s eyes widened, his whole body freezing in his spot, jaw dropping at the little detail Taehyun added. The other was 16 when they met, which means… he’s been in love with Beomgyu since they met?

Oh, fuck, he really is an idiot.

He must’ve been silent for so long because Taehyun had poked him in the cheek, a pretty chuckle leaving his lips at the comical mind blown expression that settled on Beomgyu’s face.

“Gyu, are you okay? Did I break you?”

Beomgyu sucks in a deep breath, seeming to have been brought back to reality just a little bit, blurting out the first words his mind could conjure.

“Can I kiss you again?”

Taehyun raises a brow, eyes traveling his face, lips pursing at how serious Beomgyu was. Because other than his fears, the one thing that kept replaying on his mind the nights he was locked in his room was how Taehyun’s lips tasted and felt against his, how perfect he felt at that moment— and just how much he wanted to do it again.

“No,” Taehyun shakes his head petulantly. Beomgyu tries not to swoon over how adorable he was. God, he’s so whipped. “You haven’t even taken me out on a date yet.”

That elicited a breathy laugh from Beomgyu despite all the nerves, nodding in agreement. “Okay.”

He breathes, looking at Taehyun with all the sincerity he could muster, hoping that he will see just how much Beomgyu loves him. With a sigh, Beomgyu stepped on the blurry line, baring his whole heart for Taehyun to take. “Will you go out on a date with me?”

And when Taehyun’s face morphed with pure euphoria, his eyes sparkling so bright, fully cleaned face glowing under the artificial lights, Beomgyu could only revel at the sight. No fear crept in him, no anxiety visited him like all those sleepless nights, no. At that moment, as Taehyun crumpled both his hands on the collar of Beomgyu’s shirt and pulled him closer until their noses were brushing, breaths fanning each other’s lips and Beomgyu being intoxicated with the sweet lavender scent of Taehyun’s favorite cologne, all he felt was love— especially, and more so when Taehyun stepped on that blurry line as well, taking his outstretched hand.

“Yes.”