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“Hey, everything will be ok. I’ll call you tonnes lil bro.” Vanessa said as she sat with Gregory in his room. She was leaving for London soon for university. The two were really close and they’d never been apart for more than a day or two.
Vanessa sat with Gregory and cradled him. She didn’t want to leave him but it was her dream university. She’d been dreaming of getting into this university since she was a kid. And it was finally happening, she finally had succeeded in getting into the school she had always dreamed of.
“Everything will be ok bud, I promise. I’ll be home for Christmas before you know it. It’ll be like I never left.”
Vanessa knew that this wasn’t true. Gregory couldn’t bear being without her for more than a few days at a time. It was going to be hard for both of them. She wanted to be there for Gregory. It hurt her to know that she wouldn’t be able to watch him hit all his milestones with everyone else because of the timezone change.
Gregory looked up at Vanessa “Are you sure everything will be ok Nessy? I just don’t want you to have to leave..” Gregory’s voice trailed off and she didn’t quite catch the end of his sentence.
She knew he wasn’t going to be ok. But he had to be given some hope. “Of course Greg. You’re my little superstar. C’mon, you’ll be ok. You’ve got mom and dad, and remember, I’ll call you every chance I get.”
Gregory just sat there and hugged her. He didn’t want to let go. He thought the longer he held on, the less Vanessa would want to leave. He thought that the longer he held on, the higher the chance would be that she would stay and not go to London. Vanessa was the only one he trusted completely. Their parents had never hurt them but he just didn’t trust them the same as he trusted Vanessa.
She knew everything. If the new person in school was an annoying little shit, he told her. If he was being picked on, she was the first person he went to for help. He didn’t know what he was going to do without her to confide in 24/7. But he had to try and stay strong, he’d stay up and wait for her calls, he’d text her to say good morning whenever she woke up.
“Hey, Greg. Look at me bud. We still have 2 weeks before I've gotta leave. Let’s make the most of it ok? It’s still summer so we can do this. We’ve got 2 whole weeks!” Vanessa hugged him tightly. She wanted to make sure to do as much as she could with him before she had to leave. He was her little brother after all, and while they had had their moments, they were honestly closer for it.
“Hey Gregory, gimme your phone for a second bud.” Vanessa asked.
“Why?” Gregory replied curiously.
Vanessa pulled a photo of the two out of her pocket and grabbed a pair of scissors from Gregory’s desk and cut the photo in half. She put the side with her in it into the back of Gregory’s phone case and put the half with Gregory in it into the back of her phone case then handed his phone back to him.
“See!” Vanessa smiled. “Now no matter where we are, we'll always be together in some way. You’re my little brother, ok Gregory.” She pulled him in and hugged him. “I’ll come back as soon as I can. I promise. Like I said. I’ll call you as much as I can.”
*****
Two Weeks Later
Vanessa woke up to her alarm. It was 4am and her parents told her to wake them up so they could drive her to the airport along with Gregory so the four of them could all say goodbye.
Vanessa woke up her parents who then started to get ready, then Vanessa went in and sat beside her little brother.
“Hey superstar, it’s time to wake up. I had a thought that you might have wanted to come see your big sister off.”
Gregory woke up, rubbed his eyes and took in what his sister had just said. He just sprung his arms round Vanessa’s neck and hugged her tightly while sobbing quietly. He didn’t want to say goodbye to his sister. While it was only temporary, he’d rather it be non-existent. He’d rather she didn’t have to leave.
He was scared in case something was to happen to her while she was away. He couldn’t let go of her until Vanessa finally spoke after what seemed like an eternity.
“Hey c’mon bud. I’ve got to get ready so we can go. I’ve also got to do a few things. C’mon, I can give you plenty of cuddles and hugs on the way. Ok buddy?”
Gregory finally let go, his face was red and his eyes were puffy from crying. “Ok” he said quietly.
Vanessa walked back to her room and put a final few things into her suitcase before zipping it up and dragging it down to the hallway.
Vanessa then went back upstairs to finish getting ready and put on a shirt, a pair of jeans and a hoodie then went back into Gregory’s room and he was just sitting there, curled up in a ball crying.
Vanessa went back over to him. “Hey, you ok lil bro?” She attempted to hug him but he got up and pushed her away “No I’m not fucking ok. You know that. Just leave me alone.” Vanessa was hurt. She wasn’t sure whether to leave him alone or not.
She walked out of Gregory’s room, closing the door behind her and as soon as she got a considerable distance away she broke down. She walked downstairs and sat on the sofa and waited for her parents to come downstairs so they could drive her to the airport.
She wasn’t sure if Gregory was going to go with them now, but she truly hoped he would. She didn’t want to leave to go to the airport without Gregory because she wanted him to be there when she went through the gate.
She just sat there crying in her seat with her luggage by the door as she waited for her parents and hoped that her little brother would come with them. She didn’t realise how much her leaving to go to a different country had hurt him. There was no other choice now. She had to go. Her parents would be so disappointed if she didn’t and it was her dream school. She just wished that Gregory wasn’t mad at her.
Her parents came downstairs “Where’s Gregory?” they asked. Vanessa turned to face them, her eyes and face red from crying “He’s in his room. I doubt he’ll be coming to the airport but give it a couple minutes.”
“Right, the most we can wait is five minutes, if we wait any longer you’ll miss your flight.” Her father said. “While we wait, double check and make sure you have everything, I won’t be able to drive back to the house if you’ve forgotten something kiddo.”
“Ok dad!” Vanessa double checked her suitcase, then her pockets. “Hold on dad, I need to run upstairs to grab my phone and a couple other things.”
She walked back upstairs and went into her room and grabbed her phone power bank and a couple other small trinkets. A necklace, a couple rings and a bracelet. She walked out of her room and went towards Gregory’s room.
She carefully opened the door to see Gregory still sitting on his bed. She knocked, then opened the door. “Hey buddy, can I sit down?” Gregory nodded and she sat beside him. No sooner had she sat down did Gregory throw his arms around her.
“I’m so sorry sis, I didn’t mean it. I’m so so sorry.” He hugged her. “Hey, look at me bud. It’s ok. Now, do you wanna come downstairs and come to the airport with me?” Gregory nodded and they both walked downstairs together.
“Are you kids ready to go?” their dad asked. “Yeah, we are dad.” Vanessa said before starting to wheel her suitcase towards the car and putting it in the trunk and getting into the back seat with Gregory and sitting beside him.
She put her arms around him and he put his head on her shoulder, and no sooner had he done this, he had fallen fast asleep. Vanessa just let him lie. He had had a difficult morning and she knew that things weren’t about to become any easier for him after her departure. She put her hand on his head and let him sleep.
Her parents went to put on music in the car and Vanessa tapped them and pointed to Gregory and mouthed “He’s asleep, I don’t wanna wake him.” Their parents nodded and just kept driving.
They eventually made it down to the airport and Vanessa tapped Gregory. “Hey bud, we’re here.” Gregory slowly woke up and looked at Vanessa. “We’re here?” he asked innocently.
“Yeah, we are bud.” Vanessa sounded sad and on the verge of tears. Their dad interrupted. “Hey Vanessa, c’mon. We’ve gotta get you checked in before the gate closes. You and Gregory can talk while we’re walking. I’ll get your bags kiddo.”
“Thanks dad.” Vanessa slightly forced a smile then she and Gregory got out of the car. Her and Gregory walked right beside each other talking and hugging. As the time got closer Vanessa became more and more unsure of whether she really wanted to do this.
Her dad helped her with her bags and brought them to security. That was as far as they could go. Vanessa gave Gregory a hug before saying “If you ever need me I’m only a phone call away ok? I’ll always be here for you and I know it’s gonna be hard but I’ll be home for Christmas for a couple weeks. You’ll see me soon.” She hugged him as he started crying into her clothes and wouldn’t let go.
Their dad pulled Gregory off of Vanessa. “Let’s go.” Vanessa stared at her father in disbelief. “Do not. Pull my little brother. Don’t even think about it David.” Her glare was piercing. He let Gregory go and Gregory ran to Vanessa and hugged her and whispered “P..please don’t leave me..”
He looked up at her with a look of begging in his eyes. She held back her tears to stay strong to not make Gregory cry more. She whispered back “I’m sorry buddy, but I have to go. I promise you I will call you every day once you get out of school.” She hugged him and then hugged their mother before glaring once more at their dad before taking her bags and walking through security and walking to her terminal.
Gregory’s mother held his hand as they walked out of the airport and back to the car. “I’m sorry your dads acting like this kiddo. He just isn’t ready for your sister to leave.” She hugged him as they got into the car. Gregory’s dad walked up to the car and said to his wife “Faith, I’m going out for a drink. Just go home and I’ll find my own way back later.” He walked off and got into a taxi.
When they arrived home Gregory went straight up to his room. He sat down on his bed and just stared at the wall. She was really gone. He wouldn’t be able to talk to her whenever he wanted because of the time zone difference.
A few days passed and Gregory hadn’t heard from Vanessa. He kept thinking to himself that she was just settling in which he was fine with, he didn’t want her to prioritise him over her trying to make friends over in her Uni. Nothing much happened between Vanessa leaving and the end of the summer holidays. Gregory just sat in his room except for an odd time when he had to go shopping for stuff for school.
****
One Week Later
Gregory arrived home from school and heard his mom on the phone to someone and walked into the house.
“Hey mom, I’m back from school.” Gregory called into the living room. “Welcome back hun,” Faith responded. “I think someone’s on the phone that you will probably want to talk to.”
Gregory flung his bag off almost knocking over the ceramic vase that lay in the hallway. It tapped against the wall. “Be careful with my vases Gregory.” Faith said as she rolled her eyes but was still smiling as her son entered the living room and sat down on the sofa.
No sooner had he sat down, his face morphed into a grin. “Nessa!” Gregory exclaimed. He smiled as he took the phone from his mom. “Lil bro, I’ve got to talk to mom about a couple things ok? Go upstairs and I’ll Facetime you in about 10 minutes ok?” Gregory nodded then exited the room, hoisting his backpack up onto his shoulders and walking up the stairs to his room.
He set his bag on his bed and pulled out his diary and checked what homework his teachers had decided to torture him with today. He sighed. Maths, Physics, Biology and French. Of course, his four least favourite subjects he moved over and slammed his head onto his bed accidentally hitting his head on his phone.
“Fuck.” he whispered. He knew his mother wouldn’t be too enamoured if she heard him swear to that degree. He took his folders out of his bag and set them in a pile on his desk and began to work through the mountain of work that his teachers had set him.
When he was around halfway through his work, he heard his phone ring on his bed. He rushed over to see who it was and it was Vanessa. He answered the call smiling happily “Nessa! Hi sis.” He was happy to talk to her after what seemed like forever.
Vanessa laughed. “Heya li’l bro. How’re you doing?” Gregory nodded. “I’m ok, I miss you a lot though.” His voice quietened slightly at those words. “I know kiddo, but hey look at it this way, I’m coming home for a couple weeks at Christmas so you’ll see me then, and I know I haven’t been good at calling but I promise I’ll try and call you when I can. Ok?”
Gregory seemed to perk up slightly. “Yeah, doesn’t mean I’m gonna miss you any less though. I wish you didn’t have to leave.” He was still smiling but you could hear his voice dropping off again. He sighed. “I should probably go sis,” after around 15 minutes. “Not like I overly want to but I have work to do for school.”
He looked sad. “Don’t worry bro. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Vanessa said, hoping to perk up her little brother even slightly. Days passed and Vanessa called Gregory almost every day just like she promised they could never really call for too long on weekdays because of Gregory having homework. It sucked. All Gregory wanted to do was talk to his sister but his mom always said “Homework first, talk to Vanessa later.”
He barely ever had any time to himself, he was either doing schoolwork, out with his mom or talking to his sister. He enjoyed being able to spend time with his family but he was slowly coming to the realisation that something was making him uncomfortable. He could never pick up on what it was. Nothing seemed right, his name, when his mother called him her “handsome boy”, even when people addressed him as “master” or just called him “he” in general. It was strange that he was still ok with being called “lil bro”.
He looked it up during one of the nights he was up late. “Why do I feel uncomfortable when I’m called he” or “Is it normal to feel out of place in your own body”. Each thing he searched led him down into a deeper rabbit hole. Everything was leading to nothing, dead ends. Nothing added up. One thing kept leading to another, nothing he found seemed even similar to what he was experiencing.
He kept looking then when he was reading through and article he came across the term “non-binary” or “enby”. He looked into it more and discovered that everything this term described, he could relate to. He suddenly remembered his mom and dad talking about one of Vanessa’s friends, Morgan. He was born a girl and had transitioned into a boy. He was still waiting to get surgery but everyone called him he and used the name he’d asked to be called.
Gregory broke down crying silently, he didn’t know how he was going to bring it up to his parents or Vanessa. The only thing he could do for now would be to research everything and write out a small note on his laptop for when he was ready to tell them, he wasn’t going to tell anyone for a while though. He wanted to be 100% sure. As he researched further he found out the some people who are non-binary prefer to be reffered to as they/them apart from she/her or he/him.
Everything was coming together, it was finally making sense. For the next few weeks he kept searching up about his identity and was constantly finding new things and new sets of pronouns.
He'd found a set he actually felt pretty comfortable using. He decided on using they/them whenever they decided that it would be a good time for them to tell their family. They just weren't sure if they’d care enough to use their pronouns. Well they were almost 100% sure Vanessa would. But their parents were a different story, they didn’t know their views and it’d heard them refer to Morgan as she multiple times after he came out.
This whole situation sucked. They didn't want to admit it to themselves but they were scared. Gregory didn’t want to be in this position. They were constantly calling themselves he out of habit and it sucked. They wanted to just be “normal” and not have to deal with all of this but it decided to suck it up.
It was who they were and that wasn’t going to change, so it would just be better for them to figure it out fully and at least try to accept themselves for who they were.
The next couple days were difficult, even more so now that Gregory had figured out their correct pronouns and that they didn’t like masculine terms but instead preferred neutral ones. They just got through the day, nothing more they could do apart from just sucking it up for the meantime until they felt ready to come out. They really thought that they had figured out their whole identity but as Gregory discovered about a week later, this wasn’t the case.
Gregory was sitting in its homeroom with their friend group about to tell them about their pronouns. “Um, guys, can I tell you something?” Their voice was quiet and sounded scared and nervous but his friends were comforting all the same. “Yeah bestie, of course. You can tell us anything.” their best friend Allie piped up. “Ok, uhm..”
This was proving to be harder to say than what he first thought. “So, I’ve been kind of confused lately about my gender and stuff and I figured out that I’d feel more comfortable going by they/them. I wanted to ask if you guys could refer to me as either of those just because it would make me feel a lot more comfy.”
Allie jumped up and hugged Gregory. “Of course Gregs,” She smiled and wouldn’t stop hugging them. “You’re my friend and I'll always support you and be here for you.” She hugged them again.
A couple people in the group laughed. “You think we’re gonna support your kind?” Jasper said “Oh ok then Mr I wanna be called they. Have fun with all of the shit you’re gonna get for this one.” They all went to their seats as the teacher came in.
That day was hell for Gregory. They were constantly being picked on by their old friends and it was quite apparent that it wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. Gregory spent their lunch with Allie walking around the school avoiding the others, which didn’t last long. By the time she and Gregory had gotten a place to themselves the group had already come up to them and had started calling Gregory slurs.
That school day was absolute hell, no one would leave Gregory or Allie alone. Gregory’s mom was picking them up late so they had to stay behind for an hour after. Thankfully all of the bully’s had gone home at the normal time that day so they didn’t have to deal with them during that time.
The second Gregory’s mom pulled he ran to the car, put his bag in the trunk, hopped into the front and shut the door without saying a word. Faith picked up that her kid didn’t want to talk so she had to be content with the silent 30 minute car ride back to the house.
She could tell that Gregory was upset but didn’t want to force it out of them and knew that they would only talk when they were ready to so she left it for now.
They got home and Gregory went straight up to their room, not spending a moment to talk to their mom. Faith found this extremely strange as Gregory always spoke to her after school saying how their day had gone. She went to her kids room a short period of time later to find him in bed crying into his pillow. She sat down beside Gregory. “Are you ok kiddo? You’ve seemed down since you got into the car.”
“I-I’m fine..” Gregory muttered “Just please leave me be, I don’t want to talk about it.” Faith looked at Gregory. “Are you sure kiddo? You can talk to me if need be.” Gregory sighed, “I said I’m fine.” Their tone changed, they sounded angry and this sudden change of attitude was not like them. She got up and left the room and went downstairs to the living room.
Hopefully Gregory will come talk when he’s ready. She thought. She checked the time, 7:13pm. Vanessa normally calls before this, Faith picked up her phone from the coffee table and checked for any missed calls. None. It was strange. Vanessa normally would rarely not call.
Jesus Christ Faith, stop worrying. She’s 20, she can take care of herself. She felt like she was being stupid worrying. It felt pointless but she still did it. After all Vanessa was still her child whether she was an adult or child, at university abroad or at home. No matter what, she was still going to worry.
Gregory slowly began to retreat back into his shell over the next month and before Faith knew it, he was barely leaving his room. Well, not that she noticed. It was hard. She missed the playful, happy kid she raised. She had no idea what was going on, nothing was adding up, it just wasn’t making sense.
It was a couple days after this before Gregory finally came down to her and spoke to her. “Mom? Can I talk to you about something for a minute?” They sounded scared and unsure. “You can always talk to me hun,” Faith responded as Gregory sat down next to her. “What did you want to talk about? They took a deep breath before taking a note out of their back pocket. “It’s a bit hard for me to talk about so this is really the only way I could tell you.” Gregory’s voice shook before passing the note to their mother.
After a short while, which felt like forever to Gregory, Faith started to tear up. “Are you ok mom?” they asked cautiously. “Yes, yes, I’m ok love.” She flung her arms around them. “Of course I’ll respect your pronouns love, you’re my child. Nothing you do could ever make me stop caring about you. I'm so sorry about those assholes at your school. I won’t say anything to the school if you don’t want me to.”
Gregory nodded which signified to Faith that they didn’t want her to do anything so she hugged them and they sat and watched a movie together.
The next day Gregory woke up to having 5 missed calls from their sister. They rubbed their eyes and dialled Vanessa’s number.
She picked up. “Hey lil bro, mom told me about last night about your pronouns and the bullies. I’m so sorry I can’t be here for you right now Gregs. I can’t wait to get my hands on those assholes who’ve been hurting you.” She smiled and cracked her knuckles which made Gregory laugh even though they knew their sister was being deadly serious.
Vanessa ended up laughing too. “What have you been up to though little bro? We haven’t been able to talk much, I’m so sorry about that. Uni’s just been hectic.”
Gregory sighed slightly. “How many times do I need to remind you that you don’t need to justify or explain yourself to me sis? If you were here I’d 100% whack you over the head with my stuffies.” Vanessa laughed. “ I know you would. Which is exactly why I’m glad I’m not over there right now.” She said light-heartedly and laughed. “Oh my god, you bitch.” Gregory replied, they were laughing as well.
It was nice getting to talk to Vanessa after a while. Although they still missed her being there in the country and being able to talk whenever, but it was the best both of them could do for now even if it was 1 or 2 calls every week or so.
“Back to my question, you little shit. What have you been up to?” Vanessa spoke again, interrupting Gregory’s train of thought. “Not much if I’m going to be honest sis, with everything that’s happened I’ve been spending the majority of time in my room. So I’ve done literally nothing but eat, sleep and do schoolwork.”
“I’m sorry lil bro. But hey, look at it this way, I’m going to be coming home very soon for 2 weeks and then we can hang out all you want.”
Both of them laughed and the mood seemed to lighten slightly.
“And you can bet that I’m going to annoy the hell out of you sis.” Gregory laughed again.
“And you can bet I’ll do the same right back you little shit.” Vanessa retaliated.
Both of them were so glad to finally have a coherent conversation for the first time in about 2 months because neither of them were really ever able to because of the 5 hour time zone difference.
They wished they could talk more but they made do with what they were able to manage and it just made them all the more excited for when both of them were finally able to talk. It was nice.
Gregory looked at the time. 2am. Their smile dropped slightly. “I should probably go sis, it’s 2am here.”
“Go get some sleep bub, we can call tomorrow. It is the weekend after all.” Vanessa nodded. This seemed to cheer Gregory up and the smile slightly returned after she had finished speaking.
“Ok sis, I love you. I’m gonna go and head to sleep because I’m honestly about to pass out.” They smiled and said goodnight to each other.
Gregory set their phone down, plugged it in and rolled over and the second their head had hit the pillow they fell asleep.
Over the next few weeks they called 2-3 times a week and spoke about what they were up to and about how school and their friends were doing.
It was growing closer to when Vanessa was coming home for Christmas. Gregory got very excited and could barely contain himself. They planned a whole welcome home party for their sister.
They’d been waiting for 3 months to be able to see Vanessa again and wanted to make sure she knew she was missed.
Time coming up to the day when she was going to be coming home went so slowly. Gregory just wanted time to speed up. It was so annoying because they just wanted to see her.
They woke up on the day Vanessa was due to come back at 5am. The plane was due in at 7am and Gregory and Faith wanted to make sure they were both there the very second Vanessa stepped out of the gateway.
On the way to the airport Faith could tell that Gregory was nervous. “Hey, it’ll be fine kiddo. Vanessa will be excited to see you. You know how your calls have gone.”
This cheered them up significantly and they started smiling slightly as they pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car. 6:30am.
Gregory had so many butterflies in their stomach sitting in arrivals waiting for Vanessa to walk through so they could hug her. It felt like forever they’d been waiting so they checked the time on their phone. 7:05.
Great, the plane was running late. They didn’t want to wait much longer but aye, it was going to be worth it. No sooner than they’d thought that, they saw Vanessa walk through the gate with a wide grin on her face.
“Nessa!!” Gregory exclaimed. They ran over to her as she dropped her luggage just outside the barriers and picked them up and enclosed them into a tight hug.
Vanessa looked down to see tears streaming down her little brother’s face. “Hey, it’s ok superstar, I’m here now.”
They looked up still crying but didn’t say anything, they just continued to hug her. Vanessa smiled, “It’s ok bub, I’m here.”
She couldn’t think of anything else to stay even though they’d been apart for months but she was happy to see her little brother again so she just stopped talking and let Gregory stop the hug when they wanted.
She then hugged her mother and they all walked out of the airport with Vanessa’s luggage, packed it into the car and began the drive home.
Gregory ended up falling asleep on Vanessa’s shoulder in the back seat on the long drive back but she didn’t mind.
*****
Christmas Day
“Wake up sis!!” Gregory yelled as they jumped onto their sister’s bed at 6am.
“Go away bro, it’s only 6am,” Vanessa moaned tiredly “Mom isn’t even awake yet. We can go down and open presents when she’s awake. Just go back to sleep.”
“Finnneee.” Gregory pouted as they walked out of their sister’s room and went back into theirs and continued to sleep.
They didn’t wake up again till 10am when Vanessa walked into their room. “For someone who was so eager to open presents at 6am this morning you seemed pretty content sleeping.” She teased.
“Oh shush sis,” they replied and they clambered out of the bed “I’m awake now so let’s go and open the presents.”
Vanessa laughed and pulled him up and practically dragged him downstairs, a type of behaviour Gregory would have normally expected of themselves and reacted with a confused but tired laugh.
As they sat opening presents Gregory smiled and was just glad to have their sister back again. Even if it was only for a week or two. The day was filled with fun and laughter between opening presents and having family over for dinner.
It couldn’t have been better. But Vanessa was back and to them that was the best Christmas present they could have gotten.