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ONE.
Chan didn’t want to do it.
It was literally the last thing he wanted to do.
But he loved Minho too much to let things stay the same.
When did Minho even have more than four hours of sleep last? Between his three part-time jobs, the demanding school load that any other graduating student had, his commitment to the animal shelter, and his relationship with Chan, the younger was spread way too thin. And Minho’s enthusiasm & commitment could only sustain him for so long when it was way too many priorities versus one man.
Something’s got to give.
Only, in this case, it was a someone . Chan.
It wasn’t the smartest, most practical way to go about making sure someone had enough time to sleep and take care of oneself, but it would be effective. Chan was sure of it.
He had to break up with Minho and return back all the time and energy he’d been hogging from the younger.
As much as it tore the older apart, he knew how much time their relationship demanded from Minho, given the younger’s love language - Quality Time at the top of the list. And he knew that even if he proposed that they see each other less for Minho’s sake, that the younger would refuse - his devotion to Chan shown through and measured by hours spent together.
But it also stung to see the dark circles around Minho’s eyes, the younger’s weight falling, and just his immune system suffering from having too much on his plate.
“When was the last time we ate anywhere this fancy?” the younger spoke, tired eyes looking around the restaurant where they never ate before as he sat himself down across his boyfriend.
Chan faked a tight-lipped smile, already dreading what he was about to do. “Minho, I have something to tell you.”
Could it have been the somber tone in his voice? Or his downcast eyes? The way he’d been picking on his food and had not taken a bite? Or did they really know each other well enough that Minho’s head was already whipping towards him with an astonished look that rearranged his handsome features into that of horror?
Perhaps, five years of being best friends and three years of dating was indeed enough to know what was on the other’s mind like one knew the back of his own hand.
The flash of realization on Minho’s face quickly turned into alarm and it hurt. It hurt to look at Minho and see how much pain he was causing him.
“Hyung… Don’t do this. Please .”
Minho definitely and already knew that Chan was breaking up with him.
“Minho-”
“Do you not love me anymore?!”
“Minho, please-”
“Because I don’t believe it, hyung. I won’t.”
“ God ,” Chan breathed, running a shaky hand through his hair. This was hurting him as much as it was probably hurting the younger. “ No , god. I love you so much.”
“Then tell me why, hyung.”
“Can’t you just trust me on this, Min?”
“Whatever it is, we don’t have to break up, hyung. I don’t want to! No way!”
“Neither do I,” Chan confessed in a whisper, giving Minho a little bit of hope that was immediately squashed when the older continued, “But we need to.”
Minho hung his head and scoffed, self-deprecating.
And in the stretched moment where Chan’s hand just itched to caress the younger’s hair & face, he almost changed his mind and went back on his words.
“This isn’t it, hyung,” the younger whispered, not making it any easier for the older.
So Chan could only reach a hand out to cup Minho’s cheek and pull his face up so that their eyes met. “When the time is right… When time is something we- you have…” Chan promised after a moment of hesitation from the younger’s part to meet his gaze, “I will pursue you again. And when I do, I will never let you go.”
“You don’t have to let me go now.”
“I do.”
TWO.
It was only understandable for two people who had so much history between them to stay away from each other for only so long; all awkwardness gone the moment they first laid eyes on each other.
It was some months after the breakup, during Minho’s graduation. Chan’s eyes bashful & wary as they met Minho’s warm & forgiving ones. Both gazes longing & familiar.
But things didn’t unfold the way Chan had planned them to when a man with youthful, rounded but handsome features wrapped his toned arms around Minho’s shoulders and squeezed fondly. Too fondly for someone who Chan didn’t even know was in Minho’s life.
“Uh, Channie hyung, this is Jisung,” Minho’s stare flickered with uncertainty as he introduced the man beside him. “My boyfriend.”
And Chan had never felt regret weigh so heavily on his shoulders than when he saw Minho looking at the other man with a softness he thought was reserved just for him.
“Han Jisung,” the man introduced himself. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Minho hyung, Bang Chan-ssi.”
And Chan couldn’t say a word, rendered speechless by a combination of shock and heartbreak - understandably so - until he realized that the other man was waiting for him to shake hands with him. So he swallowed down all lingering feelings as he finally started to realize that there was no more getting Minho back…
(He cried himself to sleep that night. But no one needed to know that.)
They were back to being the best friends that they were almost immediately, now that Minho had way more time after he’d relieved himself of some of his commitments to the animal shelter in exchange for his full-time job, and time with his boyfriend Han Jisung.
And Chan thought he was managing pretty well with finally doing what he should have done the moment he decided to break up with Minho - move on. And to be honest, he shouldn’t have been so stupid as to assume that Minho would catch on the fact that the breakup that Chan wanted was something more temporary, in the first place. He’d only wanted to give Minho his time & focus back on the things that should’ve been more important to him at the time.
But it seemed like Minho and him weren’t on the same page like he thought they’d always be.
Chan didn’t see much of Jisung though; Minho never towing his boyfriend along with him whenever they hung out, although Chan would insist, wanting to get to know Jisung more.
“You’re the first one I’m telling,” Minho whispered giddily, leaning over the table like an overexcited puppy and Chan had to chuckle. Minho and his innately adorable & animated character still managed to make his heart flutter.
It had been almost half a year since Jisung & Chan got introduced to each other, although the older between the two wasn’t sure how long before Minho’s graduation they’d been dating for.
“What?” Chan asked after a sip of his drink.
Minho held out his hand in front of Chan’s face wriggling his fingers impatiently. “Jisung proposed to me last night over candlelight dinner.”
Oh .
Time seemed to be at a standstill for a moment as the shiny band winked in mockery at Chan who stared back at it dumbly before he remembered the right thing to do.
He just had to remind himself that if the roles were reversed, Minho, too, would be happy for him. It didn’t mean it would be easy though.
“Oh my god,” the older stood, gathering Minho in his arms in a warm hug. He hoped he sounded sincerely happy for the younger despite the fact that suddenly, breathing seemed a bit too difficult. “Congratulations, Minho! I’m so happy for you! We have to tell the others to celebrate!”
The younger gaily wrapped his arms around the older, sinking in the embrace with a longing that no one could know. “Yeah, we have to,” he giggled against his best friend’s neck, “I just wanted to tell you first, Channie hyung.”
Chan held him by the shoulders and confessed, “I’m honored.”
“I’ll tell the others tonight,” Minho said. “Where should we celebrate? It will be a good opportunity to introduce Jisung to them, too, and the other way around!”
“My house is always open for you and your now-fiance. I’m sure Mom would be so happy, she’ll even insist to send over some food to my apartment.”
“Auntie would do that? All the way from Australia? Wait- You’ll do that for me?”
“Who are you talking to? I’m your best friend!”
I’d do that and many more, Minho. I’ll move on and support your future marriage with Han Jisung if that’s what made you happy.
I’ll do anything.
But, of course, when they later met with their other friends to share the news and extend the invitation for the celebratory dinner at Chan’s place, Seungmin had to boldly ask, “Is it not awkward?”
And everyone knew what he was talking about. Is it not awkward to celebrate your engagement to your fiance at your ex’s house?
Remind Chan to deck Seungmin for this later.
Minho though, instead of answering, looked to Chan to answer for the both of them. After all, they still sort of understood each other at a level that they didn’t share with anyone else.
Chan just smiled and shook his head, looking at Minho and declared, “I’m happy wherever and with whom ever Minho is happy. I’ll just have to find the second best boy in the world and marry him cos the first’s already married.”
Minho made a disgusted face at his best friend’s answer, but plastered himself onto Chan’s side anyway, “That’s sweet, Channie hyung.”
(Everyone watched in a mix of relief and confusion.)
THREE.
Both Minho and Chan were thankful & relieved that Jisung didn’t seem to mind the venue for the engagement dinner, easily going along with whatever floated his fiancé’s boat.
Chan wondered if it was just part of the guy’s personality, or if it was just that he didn’t really mind; because Chan knew he would hypothetically mind celebrating his hypothetical engagement at his hypothetical boyfriend’s ex’s home.
Now that brought him to the question of why he offered his apartment in the first place-
“Channie hyung!”
Minho’s voice cut through his trance and Chan turned to the source of the sound to see Minho dragging Jisung by the arm with a bottle of wine in the other.
“Hey, you,” he said with a smile as he and Jisung greeted each other with a polite smile and a nod, too.
Like he had predicted, Chan’s mom sent over some of Minho’s favorite dishes while Chan himself just popped open a bottle of champagne for everybody, and whipped up some steak that his ex used to always ask him to cook almost every night.
It was reward enough to see Minho’s eyes widen at the spread of his favorite food, before those same beautiful orbs landed on Chan’s with a tenderness that was positively disarming.
“ Thank you ,” Minho silently mouthed across the table as everyone helped themselves and filled their own plates. “ You’re the best ,” the younger added with the most subtle (the softest, prettiest) of side smiles.
If I’m the best, then why am I not the one you’re marrying?
And the older felt emotions choking him. Because one, he knew he wasn’t the best. He was the stupid boy who hurt and who let Minho slip through his fingers. He wasn’t the best - Minho was. Two, now Minho was Jisung’s. But three, Minho was still so beautiful. Fuck . Four, there was no getting Minho back.
So Chan just shook his head, scrunched his nose, and sent over towards Minho a crooked smile of his own, hoping the younger caught none of his inner turmoil as he blinked the longing away from his eyes.
“So,” Hyunjin began as soon as everybody started eating, sipping meticulously on his wine and eyeing the lovebirds over the rim of his goblet. “How did you two meet?” he asked Jisung whose arm was draped across the back of Minho’s seat.
It was Minho who answered. “He’s actually as old as you, Felix, and Seungmin. But he’d already earned his degree even before I did. This one’s a genius. He was the TA,” he explained, smiling at Jisung who let him speak. “And I was the student who begged his help to convince the professor to give me a special exam.”
“Minho hyung was charming,” Jisung added, “In more ways than one.”
And Chan waited for Jisung’s eyes to sparkle as they gazed upon Minho. But they didn’t. And Chan wondered why. How?
How can one be with Minho- How can one talk about Minho- How can one be set to marry Minho and not look and act like he was the luckiest person to ever exist?
Chan frowned and picked on his food. He wasn’t going to overthink it. Perhaps Jisung was just not the transparent, easy-to-read, expressive type.
Minho made the rest of the table laugh when he made gagging noises at the compliment, slapping his fiance’s chest with the back of his hand, and Chan just tuned everybody out, not trusting the direction of his own thoughts.
Yet he was pulled out of his trance when Seungmin elbowed him to the side to let him know that everyone was waiting for his input to the conversation. He floundered and looked at everyone’s confused face, not wanting to seem inattentive but also not having any clue what they were just talking about.
“I was just telling them that it was nice of you to let us announce our engagement to our friends here at your home,” Minho clued him in graciously. “With so many food, nonetheless.”
Your favorite food, Minho.
Chan chuckled, “Anything for you. And Jisung. Since he’s going to be part of the squad now.”
“Wow,” Seungmin singsonged, “That’s so cool of you, Channie hyung. Not all exes are as civil & friendly with each other like you and Minho hyung are.”
“Kim Seungmin-” Hyunjin interjected and was about to scold Seungmin for his lack of tact but Minho interrupted.
“It’s okay. Jisungie knows.”
And the man in question just nodded in confirmation, giving everyone a kind look as he chewed on his food, as if bringing up Chan & Minho’s history on the night they were supposed to be celebrating his engagement with Minho was the most mundane thing in the world. “It’s all cool,” he affirmed.
And again, Chan was thrown off kilter. No one was this chill- no. No one should be this chill about all of these at all.
“It’s good that Jisung knows,” Hyunjin quipped kindly, in a hurry to change the topic but Seungmin wasn’t done yet.
“Yeah, because we don’t,” Seungmin chuckled, as if there was a joke that only he could understand. “We just know they broke up. We never knew why.”
And for the umpteenth time, Chan wanted to give Kim Seungmin a piece of his mind. He started to panic a bit, casting an apologetic glance at Minho who was already staring at him with a pained look.
(He didn’t know that the look on Minho’s face said, “Neither do I.”)
“We had a misunderstanding,” Chan nervously chuckled as he tore his gaze away from Minho’s.
It was a misunderstanding. What he wanted was some months away from each other until Minho earned his degree. He didn’t think that the younger would replace him so soon when Minho was the one begging to stay in the relationship in the first place.
But none of these should still matter by now. At least, to Minho, for sure. He was the one set to get married.
But despite that, Minho still knew his ex-boyfriend. He was confused, because if there was anything that Bang Chan wasn’t, it was a liar.
Minho had expected Chan to keep the reason behind why they broke up private, seeing as not even Minho had the luxury of knowing the whole reasoning behind it but what he hadn’t expected the older to do was make up some bullshit story about some ‘misunderstanding’.
Because there wasn’t one. At least, to Minho’s knowledge.
So Minho tried to catch his ex’s eyes across the table but Hyunjin had already successfully manoeuvred the topic into a toast “To Minho & Jisung’s future marriage!”
“To Minho & Jisung’s future marriage!” everyone cheered & toasted, sipping their drinks after.
Chan drank to that.
And Minho was still confused.
FOUR.
Of course, Minho’s best man was Chan.
So the older wasn’t the least bit surprised when one morning, he got a text from his best friend.
from 🐰🤍: I have an appointment at the tailoring shop for my suit exactly a week from now. Yours, as my best man, and the groomsmen's first fitting will be next time, but come with me, Channie hyung!
(I mean: Be available or I’ll whoop your ass.)
to 🐰🤍: What time?
from 🐰🤍: As soon as they open. 9:00am! Too early?
to 🐰🤍: No, I’ll just walk Berry an hour earlier than usual.
from 🐰🤍: Oh my god! Berry! My baby!
to 🐰🤍: She misses you.
from 🐰🤍: I didn’t see her during the engagement dinner :(
to 🐰🤍: I had checked her into a doggy hotel that morning cos I had to leave for Jeju the day after your engagement dinner.
from 🐰🤍: Oh :( I miss my baby :(
to 🐰🤍: I can bring her to the appointment if they allow pets.
(Minho’s next reply took a few minutes longer and for a brief moment, Chan was afraid he’d crossed a line or something.)
from 🐰🤍: Or I can meet you two at the dog park, walk Berry with you, drive back to your place to drop her off, and my baby and I can catch up while you freshen up for the appointment. Can’t have you smelling like dog drool and morning breath at the tailoring shop.
(Chan sighed in relief and berated himself for overthinking. This was Minho.)
to 🐰🤍: Hey! I always smell good.
from 🐰🤍: I know you do. See you at the park!
Chan’s heart might have skipped at Minho’s last reply. The traitor.
Yet still he begrudgingly changed Minho’s contact name to just ‘Lee Minho’ hoping it would help him some. Hope that such a trivial thing could wedge some healthy and necessary distance between Minho and Chan’s remaining & lingering feelings for him.
Their neighborhood where the park was, was safe & familiar. Much like Minho. Chan could show up wearing sackcloth and the younger wouldn’t mind. So because he was still sleepy, the older had only brushed his teeth, splashed some water onto his face, and wore a beanie and a bulky black hoodie over his sleep clothes.
Berry, a cute little Royal King Charles Spaniel, saw Minho before Chan did; pulling at the leash, and standing on her hind legs in excitement.
And so as Chan stood with his free hand inside the pocket of his sweatpants, he watched as Minho crouched to let the dog shower him with licks and kisses, jumping up at and around him with delighted whines and barks.
“I missed you, too, Berry,” Minho giggled, hands finding and rubbing along the dog’s soft fur, as the dog’s gleeful barking & jumping made Chan shake his head in amusement. “I thought you’d either not recognize me or smell my cats on me and not wanna get near me.”
Chan looked away from the scene. He didn’t even know Minho had finally adopted cats like he’d always wanted to.
“You literally just woke up, what, fifteen minutes ago?” That teasing tone was all too familiar, that Chan couldn’t help the playful scowl.
“Hey, I washed my face and brushed my teeth,” he grumbled.
“Yeah, but you still have pillow marks on your cheek, idiot,” Minho pointed out with a nod of the head, and an amused smile on his lips as he stood with a calmer Berry cradled in the crook of his arm.
Chan fought the urge to cover his face. It was no use. He audibly harrumphed to which the younger muttered, “Cute,” under his breath. Or was that just Chan’s imagination?
“Here,” Chan handed the end of the leash to Minho. “You can walk her.”
“Nonsense. She obviously doesn’t want to be let go & let down now,” Minho cooed against Berry’s fur.
And somewhere at the deep recesses of Chan’s mind, he was jealous at the affection that his dog was receiving from Minho.
It was hours later at the parlor when Minho brought up the question: “I’m not making a mistake, right, hyung?"
The attendant had drawn the curtain, probably at Minho’s request, but was still buttoning up Minho’s plain white shirt - one that was stretched so comfortably & so nicely across his chest and around his arms.
“Do you think I’m making a mistake here, Channie hyung?”
Tempted to calculate how long since Minho & Jisung knew each other before they began dating based on the question, Chan sat up on the fancy couch where he lounged, sensing from the hard set on Minho’s face that he was being serious.
But “ What ?” was all the older could mutter.
He knew Minho was really asking what he thought Minho was asking, but that didn’t mean it made sense.
Minho was anything but indecisive.
“I mean- Marrying someone who I just began dating months ago? It’s not a mistake, right?” Minho expounded, politely waving the attendant off, to finish buttoning his own shirt and cuffs up.
Does it feel like a mistake? Chan wanted to ask. Does it feel like it did when I thought I had to let you go? The same way it did for me when I realized Jisung wasn’t looking at you like you hung the moon, as he should have been? Does it feel wrong?
He knew Minho was asking him, not because the younger still had any lingering feelings for him, but simply because they were best friends. And that fact made Chan want to laugh and cry at the same time.
But Chan was not and was not about to be the type to ruin something good for anyone else just because he’d gone & ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to him - Minho. So he waited for his nonresponse to force Minho to look at him, and when the younger did, eyes all seeking & innocent, Chan forced himself to shake his head.
He really wasn't sure if Minho was making a mistake. Was there a way to tell? He only knew he was sure that he did - made a terrible, irreversible mistake - when he broke up with Minho years ago.
The younger kept silent. Huh . Chan’s answer should have worked like a balm, soothing Minho’s worries away.
And truthfully, under the scrutiny of those warm, familiar eyes, Chan wanted to say so much more, but he didn’t trust himself. So he was eternally relieved when Minho broke eye contact with a sigh of relief that didn’t sound quite right to the older’s ears.
“That’s good,” the younger chuckled nervously, “Because I trust you with my life, hyung. You could tell me to call it off and I wouldn't be wearing Jisung’s engagement ring by tonight.”
Heavens , if Chan didn’t almost choke at Minho’s declaration.
His best friend wasn’t one to exaggerate so the older knew he meant it. And hell if he knew what to do with that information.
“Literally,” Minho added, sounding more serious than any of them were ready for. “I’m serious Channie hyung.”
“I know, Min. I know.”
FIVE.
Two months before the wedding - which came three fittings, and about a dozen walks in the park with Berry later - Chan found himself in front of Minho’s apartment with Berry in his arms.
He knew he was in for a heartbreak today, but he knew he had to do this. It was the last step to finally letting go.
He stared at the doorbell button, then down to the door keypad. He had this totally ridiculous urge to try if Minho’s old door code still worked, instead of ringing the doorbell, but it was stupid….
It was stupid, yet he still did it. 3-2-5-3-2-5.
The month and date they first said their I love you’s to each other, followed by their birth dates. 25th of March. 3rd of October. 25th of October.
And the door did that successful beeping noise, telling Chan that it worked.
He gasped as the door gave, and gasped once more when it swung open to Minho who looked as flustered as Chan felt at being caught in the middle of his attempt of taking the liberty to invite himself in, rather than being a normal human being who rang the bell.
“Uh,” Chan trailed off, the one to snap out of their embarrassed trance first as Berry wriggled restlessly in excitement in her arms at the sight of Minho. “I didn’t think it would still work…”
“I, uhm, I hadn’t thought to change it. Sorry,” the younger chuckled guiltily, hand reaching out to scratch behind Berry’s ears “Does that bother you, Channie hyung?”
It doesn’t. But it doesn’t help me any. Not when my feelings for you should have been long gone.
He shook his head, and with a small, shy smile exchanged between themselves, Chan was invited inside.
“What?” Minho later deadpanned in confusion, almost uncomprehending, as Berry with her tail wagging, panted in excitement right at his face, wanting to be taken in Minho’s arms.
“Take her,” Chan repeated, extending her arms further so that the younger would finally take the dog’s small body from him.
“Why?” Minho asked obviously, yet he still took Berry in his arms, carrying Berry like he would a baby.
The older sighed, arms folded across his tummy in a self-soothing stance as he steeled himself from snatching Berry back.
Chan didn’t want to do it.
It was literally the last thing he wanted to do.
But he loved Berry too much to let things stay the same.
“She’d become almost depressed whenever we get back home after our regular walks at the dog park. Like she misses you terribly all the time.”
Minho only raised a brow at him. Obviously, that explanation wasn’t sufficient to answer why Chan was giving up the care of Berry to Minho.
“I’ll feel bad keeping her any longer,” the older continued. “You love her. And she loves you-” Chan had to take a deep breath. His voice was starting to break. He hated parting and farewells so much. He almost can’t take this.
And as if Minho didn’t know that - he did know it, of course - the younger pressed, “And you don’t love her as much? You don’t love her anymore?” Rhetorical. Minho knew the answer, of course.
Chan’s chest tightened. His mind ran. “O-Of course not. I love her… It’s just that- It’ll be extremely selfish of me to keep her… She’s miserable with me.”
“And you don’t think she will also be miserable when she realizes you’re abandoning her with me?”
(They were still talking about Berry, right?)
“She won’t be,” the older asserted, “She-”
“No, Channie hyung.”
Chan fell silent.
“You don’t know that, hyung. You never know how the decisions that you make for others would affect them.”
A pained gasp was heard. Chan’s.
Somewhere between the lines, it had become about them.
That he’d really hurt Minho so much. So much that Minho, who was set to get married in two months, still remembered the pain, and was apparently, not above reminding Chan of that.
Minho put the dog down slowly and let her sniff every corner of Minho’s furniture to familiarize herself with the once-familiar place. Berry might be a little surprised to know that there were three cats somewhere around the house - Soonie, Doongie, and Dori. He’d have to introduce the three to Chan eventually also.
But right now, he settled with running his hand through his hair. God, he didn’t mean to open old wounds.
“Did you have to make it sound like I’m such a bad person?” Chan mumbled, shrinking onto himself and taking a small step back, feeling defeated and kind of speechless altogether.
The younger only sighed. That was not his intention, but the way Chan was making a decision for Berry really struck a familiar chord in him.
Still, the last thing Minho wanted was to give away dregs of what should have long been hidden away. And he has a particular distaste to being the reason Chan was hurting or sad, too.
“I’m stupid, yeah. But I’m not bad, am I?” Chan uselessly grumbled. “Am I? Bad? Am I a bad best friend? Was I a bad…-”
“I never said that. Never thought that even, Channie hyung.”
The older doubted that. Minho was a wonderful person- no, Minho was the most wonderful, most understanding, forgiving person he knew but even an angel like him surely would see the unfairness of how Chan bad broken up with him, right?
“Really?” Chan asked, thirsty for the affirmation. “Not even when-”
“Not even then.”
Silence. Like the calm of the sea. Deceivingly quiet on the surface. Possibly frighteningly turbulent beneath.
And Chan, with the inkling that there’s never going to be an opportunity to say this again, took a deep breath and promised, “If he breaks your heart, I will break his ridiculously handsome face, Min. Then you’ll probably have to bail me out of prison.” He sniffed exaggeratedly, feeling his emotions, tears, and snot coming to the surface.
“You would do that?”
“I would do that and more…”
“Hmmm,” Minho hummed, noncommittal. Almost skeptical, and Chan wouldn’t stand for that.
“I’m serious, Minho. There’s no way I’d be left to search high & low for only the second best boy in the world, because the actual bestest boy - you - had already settled for someone who doesn’t treat you like you’re the next best thing after sliced bread.”
For a moment, Minho’s eyes wavered as they stared back at him and to be honest, Chan didn’t plan to spill all that, but whatever. It wasn’t like he was lying anyway.
It wasn’t like it would change anything anyway.
“You’re crazy,” the younger finally settled with a chuckle, the ghost of a small smile dancing at the corner of his lips.
“No, I’m serious. Deadass.”
“Then why did you never think to get back together with the best boy?”
“I have. But I couldn’t be the idiot who breaks his heart twice.”
“So tell me why you even had to break his heart the first time, hyung.”
+ 1.
Unlike the last time, Chan didn’t attempt to let himself in, and rang the doorbell like a normal person this time instead.
His hands were full anyway. Of Minho’s favorite food.
He’d come here after receiving a text from Jisung that read, “Minho needs someone to be there for him tonight. Also, I really hope you won’t break my face.”
And if that wasn’t a glaring confirmation that Chan’s biggest fear had become reality, he didn’t know what was.
Han Jisung had called off the engagement, and had broken Minho’s heart.
Chan chose to not reply, grabbing a hoodie and his keys instead to make several trips to make sure he had each and every one of Minho’s favorite comfort food to bring before he headed to the younger’s place. Besides, he wasn’t sure if he was in the right headspace to say anything that was less than mean. He will give Han Jisung hell. Next time.
Jisung promised.
Tonight, it was imperative and urgent that he be there for Minho.
“Channie hyung?” the door was opened by a Minho who looked… fine.
Puzzled, Chan floundered for something to say.
“What’s all… that?”
The older looked down at his hands and blushed. “Jisung told me-”
“Ugh,” Minho grunted in frustration, opening the door wider. “I asked him not to tell anyone.”
What?
“Come in, hyung.”
“I asked him not to tell anyone,” Chan echoed Minho’s words around a mouthful of chicken as the younger easily teased him about something that had occurred earlier that week. As if he came here for nothing more than just playful banter.
“I can’t believe I’ve never even received a drunk text from you, but Jisungie already did,” Minho laughed.
“He promised not to tell!”
“Yeah, it seems like my ex fiancé is bad at keeping secrets & promises.”
Chan had drunk texted Han Jisung, on the day of what was supposedly his anniversary with Minho had they not broken up before the younger’s graduation.
(to Han Jisung: I wiill break your handsome fave id you as muh as make Munho cru, you lukcu bastard.)
And apparently, Jisung had not kept their agreement to not tell Minho about that drunk text. He just hoped that the lengthy conversation they had the day after where a more sober Chan gave Jisung the talk, was still under wraps though.
“Wait-” Chan told Minho in the present, both to ease his own frets and really because he was here to supposedly nurse Minho’s supposed-to-be broken heart. “This ain’t about me. Tell me what happened between you two.”
It kind of is about you, Channie hyung , Minho wanted to say but whatever loomed upon them was something they needed easing into.
“You don’t look heartbroken at all, and I don’t know what to make of that,” Chan confessed.
“It was a mutual decision,” Minho sighed, inching backwards so that he was still sitting on the floor, back against the sofa. “Although he initiated the conversation that led to it…”
“Mm-hmmm.”
“Jisung and I... We loved each other, don’t get me wrong, Channie hyung.”
Chan cleared his throat and kept silent so the younger would continue.
“We just don’t think we have the exact kind of love that will last for as long as we both want our marriage to. We…” Minho’s voice seemed to soften and shake at the same time. “He said he knew that he wasn’t my Greatest Love, though I said we could try.”
Chan stopped chewing.
“But he said he couldn’t give me the love he realized I deserved; the kind that he knew someone else is capable of giving me. And that that person really was not and could never be him.”
It’s me! Chan wanted to say, recalling how his sober conversation with Jisung went; how he begged in tears for Jisung not to make the same mistake he did of letting Minho go because, in his own words, “Men as precious, handsome, funny, and kind hearted as Minho come along only once every hundred years. He has the most beautiful soul, Jisung, and it would be plain stupid for you to make the same mistake I did. Don’t subject him to the same hurt I stupidly did before, please. You will almost not be able to live with it. Trust me.”
“Bang Chan-ssi..”
“No. You have to promise me, Jisung, that you will try to put Minho’s happiness on top priority always. Please. Promise me.”
So Chan realized two things.
One, Minho had resumed eating quietly; not really waiting for him to respond but pensive & thoughtful, as if he was mulling over his own words. Two, Jisung really must have told Minho everything - not just the drunken text.
Oh, dear.
“Minho, I’m sorry this happened to you and Jisung,” Chan breathed, picking up the pizza crust he’d disposed earlier from the lid of the pizza box to mindlessly nibble on it. Maybe he was avoiding looking at Minho, maybe not. “You were engaged to him for heavens’ sake. You can’t seriously tell me that this doesn’t-”
“It really doesn’t, Channie hyung. I’ve had worse breakups before…”
Well. I deserved that, Chan thought.
And to be honest, Chan wasn’t ready for this conversation. Ironically though, he couldn't stop his masochistic self from responding with a, “At least he told you the reason why he’s leaving you, yeah? Whereas I… well, you know how that went down and I was a selfish-”
“Shut up. You are the most selfless person I know, Channie hyung. You couldn’t be selfish if you tried.”
“Watch your superlatives. You still exist, Lee Minho.”
Minho smiled- no, they smiled at each other for a moment. Thankful for the banter; the playful relief, but then the younger’s face sombered up as he sighed.
“Even if Jisung had not told me why you broke up with me, I still wouldn’t have believed that you really had a selfish reason for breaking up with me then.”
“So he did tell you…”
“Yup. Everything.”
Chan hung his head and tossed the uneaten pizza crust back onto the box. “I’m sorry. For not telling you.”
“As you should be,” the younger laughed mirthlessly. “Even though it was clear you hadn’t fallen out of love with me. It was torture not knowing - why, and what you wanted in the long term. But I, too, am sorry.”
“Minho, there’s nothing for you to be sorry about-”
“I would have been utterly shattered, too, had you appeared on my graduation with a date. A replacement for me.”
“You didn’t know. I had no right to be mad that you’ve moved on.”
“That’s just it, Channie hyung. I didn’t move on. I hadn’t moved on.”
Time seemed to stop at Minho’s confession, and treacherous hope blossomed in Chan’s chest it hurt.
It was electric how their gazes clashed at that moment, as a soft gasp left Chan gaping, while Minho’s eyes remained hardened as if he wanted the words to really sink in.
And sink in it did as the older’s eyes became glassy.
“Can you be selfish just this time, Channie hyung?” Minho asked with a broken voice. It sounded like he was pleading.
“Huh?”
“Forget that my ex fiancé just called off our engagement. Forget how you left me. Forget everything and be selfish, and be with me again.”
“Lee Minho…”
“It’s about time we drop the whole act, yeah?”
And Chan counted all the times he did something for Minho; all the times he put Minho first before himself. Perhaps the younger was correct. Perhaps he was more selfless than he gave himself credit for. And perhaps being selfish this time will make him finally happy (again).
He rose to his feet, and Minho instinctively did the same as he padded towards the younger so that they were standing face to face.
“If you’ll allow me…” Chan breathed, peering at Minho whose eyes were brimming with tears now. “If you’ll take me again…”
Minho intertwined their hands and squeezed reassuringly. “You can always be selfish with me, Channie hyung,” he said before he wrapped his arms around the older’s neck, burying his face into the crook. “I’ll take you. I’ll choose you again. A million times over, Channie hyung.”
A loud whoosh of relief escaped Chan and his arms, trembling as they were, came around the younger’s frame, pulling closer & tighter. “I will never let you go again, fuck .”
“You didn’t have to the first time, babo .”
The older chuckled and planted a long yet soft kiss onto the younger’s temple. A silent thank you. I’m sorry. I love you.
And as the younger shifted so that he was holding Chan’s face in his hands to plant a long yet chaste kiss onto his lips, the older knew what it meant. Sshhh. It’s okay. I love you, too.
This time, it was Chan who bent down to bury his face onto the younger’s neck. “I’m so fucking sorry-”
“Ssshhhh. I know you are. And you’ll have plenty of time to grovel, Channie hyung. Trust me,” Minho had the audacity to giggle.
“Hmmm. Yeah, I’ll have an entire lifetime.”
“Yeah?”
“You like the sound of that?”
“Yeah.”
And even as Chan bent down to grab the younger’s thighs which instinctively wrapped around his small waist at the motion, he couldn’t believe it.
So he walked them to the bedroom with Minho clinging onto him like a cute baby koala, and ignored the happy tears blurring his eyes.
Minho began kissing all over his face. Pausing and focusing too long once he got to Chan’s lips, nibbling and tasting.
Chan couldn’t believe he really has this again. He couldn’t believe he has another shot at marrying the best boy in the world. Soon , if Minho would allow him to be selfish so soon after getting back together.
*
Jisung’s face was far too pretty to break.
Besides, he didn’t actually break Minho’s heart.
Jisung just called them “shameless” for getting back together so soon after he broke off his engagement with Minho.
The two couldn’t contest that if they tried. When it came to each other, they were shameless. And selfish.
Perhaps being selfish isn't always so bad.