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When Jaehyun realized his feelings for his bandmate, it wasn’t really an earth-stopping moment. It was years after their debut. When everybody’s exchanged their Medium-sized shirts for Large, or playing video games for hitting the gym, when Jaehyun realized he wants more with Taeil he did not waste his time mulling over it. Okay, maybe he wasted a little time but only because he didn’t know how to bring it up to the elder without freaking him out. They were having a little drinking session the previous night- him, Taeil, Johnny and Yuta when the topic of relationships came up.
“I’m gonna do it,” Johnny says out of nowhere. Perhaps it was the beer talking.
“I’m going to tell Jeonghan I like him.”
“Good! Good~”
Jaehyun couldn’t help the soft giggle that escaped his mouth at the sight of Taeil’s heated face as he slurs the words.
“I told ya~ it’s good to just be honest with your feelings for him. It’s obvious he likes you too. He blushes every time you approach him it’s so cute~~”
The youngest of the group exchanged looks with the other two, all of them trying their hardest not to laugh out loud.
“You really think so hyung?” Johnny asked, amused, but also with a smirk on his face and Jaehyun thinks he knows where this is going so he prepares himself.
“Of course!” Taeil answers right away. “You would look so good together!”
“But hyung, what if you’re wrong? What if he doesn’t like me that way?”
“Well, then it’s his loss. You, my dongsaeng,” the eldest paused, leaning on Johnny’s side, rubbing his cheek on his biceps, “is a very good man. You’re kind, you’re gentle and you’re genuine. Anybody would be lucky to have you. And Jeonghan would be a fool not to see that. If he doesn’t reciprocate then it’s okay. What’s important is you told him what’s in your heart. It wouldn’t be good to live every day thinking about all the what-ifs.. and besides..”
All three of them stayed quiet waiting for the rest the eldest has to say but was only granted a light snore which made them all smile fondly at the sleeping man.
“Well, you heard the man,” Yuta says, the phantom of a smile lingering on his face.
“I like you,” Jaehyun holds his breath after the confession. He chanced upon the eldest in the kitchen alone, drinking from a glass of milk.
“You don’t really have a choice Jae?”
Taeil could have fooled him into believing that he doesn’t really know what’s happening if not for the blush on the elder’s cheeks and wavering eyes.
“You know what I mean,” he dares.
The elder took a deep breath before setting the glass down on the counter.
“What do you want me to say?” Taeil asks, looking everywhere but him.
“I…”
Right. What was I expecting after the confession?
“Look, Jae,”
Jaehyun waits for the elder the continue what he was gonna say. He didn’t expect the elder to reach for his hands while Taeil enumerates the reasons why he doesn’t think it’s gonna work out between them.
1. Age Gap
He’s always been fond of their eldest member. Taeil, although not the leader is just as dependable. He knows it’s because their most treasured vocalist (an opinion he shares with everybody in the group) thinks just because he’s the eldest, he has to act that way. He has to help Taeyong with keeping everybody in check, making sure everybody’s behaving okay especially when they’re in public. There are 23 of them now and everybody’s grown up so it’s not really that tedious to be the eldest but it wasn’t always like that. When they were doing their promotions thru NCT Life before their debut, there were only 13 of them but part of that 13 are Mark, Jeno, Jaemin, Haechan, and Jisung, the maknae barely 14.
"Oh the kids are so well mannered."
"Look at how cute they are!"
They are currently lined up to welcome the audience for one of their meets and greets.
“They should see us behind the camera. They should know the kids aren’t always this well-behaved,” Jaehyun chuckles hearing Taeil mumble under his breath. He knew the mathyung wasn’t joking but he also heard fondness as the eldest said those words.
“Ah hyung it must be hard for you,” he mumbles back, smiling at the other.
“It really is. So I beg you, please, Jaehyun-ah, be a good boy for hyung and behave yourself,”
Jaehyun knew the pout on his hyung’s lips are more for show than anything else but just like how he sensed the fondness earlier, he could hear the silent plea in this request. He beamed at the older before he answers him “I’m always a good boy hyung.”
His smile grew wider when Taeil ruffles his hair., returning his smile. “Yes you are.”
It wasn’t until after their debut did the eldest relax a little. Promoting as NCT 127 somehow took some of the responsibilities over the younger ones away from him. He couldn’t see them often because of promotions but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think about them. He would check on them thru a group chat he made for the dreamies the moment he wakes up and will check on the replies once in the van in transit to the day’s schedule. There was not a fixed sitting arrangement in the van but he would always end up sitting next to the eldest and he would see how the eldest would type “make sure you kids eat before you head out,” or “renjun, please make everybody take their vitamins. make sure you take yours too,” or “jeno, don’t worry too much. hyung will take care of it” and Jaehyun couldn’t help but say a little prayer of thanks for having such a dependable mathyung for the group.
It wasn’t the pressure or anything of that sort that made Jauhyun mature faster than the rest of the boys. It’s wanting to help his hyungs with the other kids. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t get to be playful though. That’s always a given when it’s just them and no cameras constantly watching their every move. Watching Taeil be Taeyong’s shoulder to cry on when the going gets tough naturally brought the maturity out of him. He wants to be as dependable as Taeil. He wants to be somebody his dongsaengs can lean on when everything gets too much. He wants to take care of everybody the way Taeil takes care of them. And maybe, he wants more than anything to take care of their mathyung the most because who looks out for him when he looks out for everybody else?
So when that time Taeil got sick with the virus and had to isolate himself from the rest during their Nagoya tour out of all times, he knew how mentally exhausted the eldest is. His heart broke for the other when it was announced that NCT 127 will perform as 8 because of their beloved hyung’s condition. Taeil wanted the dome tour to happen for the longest time. He remembers seeing the eldest cry when they announced their first dome tour. He practiced the hardest, wanting to present a better version of himself to everybody that waited for them. But alas, all those sleepless nights, beaten and bruised, Rona had to fuck up.
Jaehyun made sure to knock on the elder’s door every day before they leave, asking him if he wants anything for when they got back. He would tell the elder to message him whenever and he would reply as soon as possible. He would make sure to remind their manager to have food delivered to Taeil exactly an hour before he was supposed to take his meals. And when they come back from the rehearsal, he would knock on his door again and they would chat a little behind closed doors. Taeil would send him off saying he should rest, that he must be tired, that he doesn’t have to worry about him because all he did was sleep and eat anyway.
And when Taeil was finally free from isolation, he was there waiting for him.
“I thought you guys went before me?” he asked when he saw Jaehyun waiting outside his door, all dressed and ready to go.
“They all did. I didn’t want you to go by yourself. Besides, I did promise you we’ll visit that Shiba Inu cafe.”
The smile he received was priceless.
2. Height Difference
It’s no secret that Taeil gets a little sensitive when it comes to his height. It wasn’t a real issue before since it’s normal to not be the same height as everybody else. And he likes spending time with the maknae line the most anyway because they are so cute! But when the maknae line started growing taller faster than the indoor plant his mom sent him for his room, he started pouting.
“Everybody else is taller than me now~ I miss having the kids lean on my shoulder when they’re tired~”
It shouldn’t be funny but Taeil said this while inebriated after one of their concerts. The mathyung tends to get a little emotional when he’s drunk which is why he avoids drinking as much as possible but the 95 line (yes, including Taeyong who is just as bad at drinking as he is) coaxed him into joining them. They’re just drinking in the dorm anyway.
Jaehyun helped him to his room when they all called it quits for the night.
“Jaehyunah~” Taeil calls while he’s tucking him in, “will you still lean on hyung’s *hic* shoulder when you’re feeling tired?”
The younger smiled fondly at him thinking how ridiculous the question is.
“Of course hyung, you know I always run to you when I have some things in my mind,” which is true. It’s no secret that most of them would come to the mathyung first if something was up. They know the pressure Taeyong is constantly being put under so they naturally run to the eldest first if they could help it.
“Maybe that’s why we’re all taller than you now… you had our weights on your shoulder all these years. All 22 of us. Even now, yours still are the shoulders we lean on when we’re too tired,” he couldn’t help but swipe the stray hair covering one of his beautiful eyes and tuck it behind his ears. “My shoulders are for you to lean on too. When you’re too tired, you can come to me too.”
After that night, Jaehyun became sensitive. When the teasing gets too much, especially at the expense of their eldest member, he would grab the eldest and wrap him in his arms. It doesn’t matter if it’s in front of the camera or not. He was scrolling thru twitter one time after he posted a message for the upcoming concert when he saw #JAEIL for the first time. He saw pictures after pictures of him hugging Taeil, mostly screencaps of their variety show where he was shielding the elder from the rest because of their teasing. Connected to the hashtag are #mustprotecttaeil #taeilsquad (which also shows Mark and Jungwoo) and #JAEILismyOTP. He didn’t know what OTP is but seeing the pictures with their captions makes his heart full but he has a favorite.
There were 4 different pictures, all of him in different phases of hugging Taeil. “Jaehyun really be protecting Taeil from everyone! This is my ship y’all don’t touch them! P.S. Their height is perfect for forehead kisses! JAEIL when??”
Forehead kisses. Jaehyun reads again and instantly feels his ears burning.
3. Jaehyun’s Visuals
This is the most ridiculous out of all the list, Jaehyun thought.
He doesn’t know why Taeil had to bring it up.
“You’re too handsome. I cannot stand next to you and not feel insecure. You’re tall, you’re young, you’re so handsome it’s just… I feel small next to you…"
Again, ridiculous.
If he’s being completely honest though, his first impression of the elder has nothing to do with his looks. But really, when you have a voice like Taeil’s, you can’t really blame him if that’s what struck him the most, can you? Also, He didn’t know ten years ago that he would grow up to be a male idol who is attracted to another man. Who knew, really?
He knew the mathyung is insecure about his looks. Taeil was with SM Rookies way before the others were but he wasn’t introduced formally until after a couple of years because he didn’t feel confident enough about his looks. But alas, he’s the eldest and the company already has big plans for them so he just had to suck it up and face the cameras.
Still, Jaehyun doesn’t get why. He would even argue that Taeil is even better looking than he is! His skin is golden! His eyes are brighter than the stars in the night sky! His smile makes Jahyun’s heart stutter. His side profile is just so delicious it makes him stare, which is how Johnny and Yuta found out about his crush on their mathyung by the way. So no, he does not get why Taeil is so insecure!
After their debut, Jaehyun saw how their insecure mathyung slowly but surely gained confidence. It’s many thanks to the members who constantly point out that the cameras are not doing their eldest member any justice. But of course, just that isn’t enough.
He couldn’t count the number of times Taeil looked anxious whenever they were gathered to film their reaction to their music videos. It came to a point when Jaehyun couldn’t bear watching their MV which they all worked hard for knowing he’s gonna see his face more times than he wanted to while the other members barely showed up. So maybe he does get it a little. Why Taeil is insecure.
He was scrolling Twitter again one day when he saw a thread on how the members look in person according to fans. What he saw written about Taeil put a face-splitting smile on his face.
The elder was described as being the member who is extremely attractive in person. One with a small face, big doe eyes, and a smile that rivals the sun. That they didn’t even recognize him as NCT’s Taeil when they saw them in person first because of how different he looks like in real life. How some NCTZens are collectively cursing all the cameras in the world for not giving Taeil’s visuals justice and he couldn’t help but think finally, these people get it!
Nowadays, #JAEIL has also become one of his favorite things to search on Twitter and he came across one post from a “JAEIL shipper” comparing their visuals based on a couple of still shots from one of their NCT Life episodes.
“While Jaehyun is obviously the handsome, pack alpha, Taeil is the beautiful, soft, caring Omega. Just look at him! This is the reason everybody’s in love with him! Jaehyun needs to step up his game!”
A week later they sat in a room again, Jaehyun sitting next to the eldest. It's time for another MV reaction. He reached for the elder's hand before it even started, squeezing from time to time. Every time Taeil appears on the screen Jaehyun made sure that he's the loudest. "Woah hyung! So pretty!", "Woah, I'm in love!", "This is definitely hyung's era. So beautiful!"
The blinding smile Taeil gave him is worth every teasing Johnny and Yuta subjected him to for the weeks to come.
4. Differing Interests
Ask any member who they think the most competitive in the group is and they would probably put Jaehyun’s name on the top 3. There are more than enough clips and receipts to prove this. If there’s a competition within the group showcasing strength, visuals, heck even kitchen abilities, you can find him there and the man is brutal! He will give 100% of his energy in everything he does because that’s just how he is. He doesn’t half-ass anything. He guesses that’s why the fans would label him as a pack alpha alongside Johnny most of the time in their written fantasies (yes, he’s read about them but that’s another story).
And since he knows he will do everything to win, he has to have Taeil on his team if he could help it. He doesn’t trust himself not to let the team Taeil is a part of win. Whenever the staff would brief them about the game and how the team assignments would go, he would make sure to listen and would smile to himself whenever the choice for their team members is up to them. He will make sure to come on top so he can have his first pick and his first pick would always be Taeil under the disguise of “I have to have our lovely mathyung on our team, of course!”
Taeil, on the other hand, is not as competitive. That’s not to say that he doesn’t try though! If there’s anything Taeil doesn’t do, it’s not trying. In fact, he tries very hard in everything he does. He asked Johnny how to swim properly, he did mental maths on how he can make sure he’s faster in finishing the race than anyone else. He definitely tries! It’s just that, he doesn’t have the heart to be too physical, especially around the younger ones. Yes, they’re all bigger than him but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s the eldest, and sometime he couldn’t help but give way.
Another glaring difference between them is how they take skinship. Jaehyun isn’t exactly the clingy type and he definitely doesn’t give out the vibes of someone one can easily cling onto. The most body contact he would normally get is when they’re playing a round of basketball (or any physical games, for that matter) or if the service is too small to fit all of them comfortably. The only other time where he openly welcomes skinship is during their concerts and they’re just all having fun in front of the tens of thousands of fans that are extremely happy to see them. That kind of high makes him want to get closer to everyone.
Taeil, on the other hand, is like the center of gravity for skinship. The members would naturally gravitate towards him. The room could be as big as the concert hall but for some reason, the members will always be where their mathyung is. He lets the members pull him in a hug, kiss his cheeks, and lift him off his feet and you would almost never hear him complain. Yes, it’s cute but ever since Jaehyun realized his true feelings for the elder, seeing the members get too close to him makes him feel something along the lines of… well… upset.
“You’re just jealous, but hey, it’s normal since you like him,” is what Johnny told him when he chanced upon him sulking in the corner while they were taking a quick break from dance rehearsal. Haechan was being too clingy as usual and his giggles, while Taeil was ruffling his hair, made Jaehyun feel dizzy. He was so out of it that he unintentionally snapped at the maknae when he tried to be playful with him too. The change in the maknae’s mood affected the remainders of their practice hours that he couldn’t really blame Taeil when he glared at him through the mirror while they were finishing up the routine. He made sure to approach their mathyung after practice to apologize only to be told “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”
Taeil gives so much of himself away and it wouldn’t have been a problem if it’s only Jaehyun getting all of it. But that’s not the case, isn’t it? And Jaehyun, well, he’s a greedy guy.
After hearing everything Taeil said, he couldn’t help but laugh a little. He wanted to scream how ridiculous everything sounds to him but he doesn’t want to lose points by doing that so he told Taeil exactly why all those reasons he just enumerated are the same reasons why he should totally date him.
“I’m not rushing hyung,” he tells him after his litany. They are now seated side by side with Taeil’s head leaning on his shoulder while he plays with their interlocked fingers. “I’m not asking to be your boyfriend. I just want a chance to show you how much I meant everything I said.”
The weight on his shoulder disappeared and he came face to face with the elder.
“You’re not asking to be my boyfriend?” Taeil asked again.
Jaehyun shook his head, smiling at him. He cannot believe he finally got that out of the way.
“Well, not now. I haven’t shown you anything yet. But it would be nice if you’d agree to go out with me. Just the two of us.”
Taeil studies his face a little more before he stood up and took a couple of steps away from him. Jaehyun was confused and was already starting to panic when the other turns back around, a pretty smile on his pretty face.
“I’ll be ready in an hour.”