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“Masumi, darling… do you know anything about this?”
Unexpected doorbells could mean a lot of things, but Christophe was generally in the habit of answering. Missionaries could always use a cold drink and a friendly ear to talk to, and on a good day Christophe could either learn something or teach someone something. Salesmen usually got uncomfortable when Christophe started flirting with them after a couple tries at saying no, and Christophe got to make a point about the value of the word no. There were a couple times it backfired, but hey, Christophe got laid and still didn’t buy the product. Reporters were so used to having access to Christophe that they usually called first or made appointments anyway because they didn’t need to resort to tricks to talk to him. Surprise visitors were nearly always welcome and nearly always good about taking the hint if he said it wasn’t a good time.
This, though… he had just opened the door to… himself.
Masumi draped an arm around his shoulder. “Have fun, I have a skater to teach some choreography to, consider this payback for you managing to get tickets to my tour to Sam and Dean.”
~~~One Week Earlier – Leo and Guang Hong’s Bachelor Party~~~
“Hey, I have a question for everyone, now that we’re all drunk enough that Yuuri and Guang Hong won’t be sputtering about the idea,” Phichit said. “Some of you I suspect I already know the answer, but I’m still asking because I’m curious and want to know if I’m right.”
“Oh no. I’m not drunk enough that you don’t have to answer first,” Guang Hong protested. “Please tell me this isn’t going to tell me something about Leo that’s going to end up with the wedding being called off?”
“Nah… well, probably not,” Phichit admitted. “The scenario’s a bit sci-fi, so the chance is never likely to come up, so even if you two are fundamentally opposite in your approach, you should be able to get over it. The one thing I can think of would be one of you getting outed as homophobic, and, well…” He waved a hand around the room. “I know it’s possible to be both gay and homophobic, but considering your friends, I’m not seriously worried.”
“Okay. Ask away, but you answer first unless Chris or Viktor decides to jump in.” Guang Hong downed the dregs of his current drink that he’d been sipping, replacing it with a fresh one.
Phichit shrugged. “Okay. The question is: would you fuck a clone of yourself? And my answer is why stop there? I’d get a whole bunch of clones so we could have a great big clone-fucking orgy, because that sounds like a blast. Leo, you’re the honoree who’s more comfortable with a question like this, so…?”
Leo shook his head. “I wouldn’t. Compatibility issues that I’d prefer not to go into in detail.” He shot a look at Guang Hong.
Guang Hong downed half his beer. “It’s okay, Leo, I don’t mind them making the connection, and I know you don’t mind discussing your sex life with people here. You can say that you’re the world’s most useless top so you only ever bottom, and it’s not gonna work with your clone.”
“Fair enough then.” Leo kissed Guang Hong’s cheek. “So now that you’re talking, answer the question?”
“I dunno… it’s a clone of me, so it’s basically masturbation, right? Just enhanced by having a whole separate body.” Guang Hong flushed. “Who’s next?”
Everyone turned to look at Christophe, but it was Viktor who jumped in. “I wouldn’t.”
Everyone’s heads whipped around, except for Christophe who had an idea where this was going. He snuck a look at Yuuri, who was calmly leaning against Viktor. Phichit was the one who spoke up. “You’re gonna need to explain that one, I think, Viktor. You always had the rep as down for anything, and I can’t imagine Yuuri would call it cheating.”
“Three phases here. First, when I was young and actually kind of a playboy, why waste time on myself when I could be with someone who might do something surprising? I can’t surprise myself! Second, when I was still playing the playboy but was bored and tired of it all… I didn’t like myself much, and fucking myself wouldn’t have been any fun. And then, third… okay, if Yuuri wanted us to do stuff with each other while my clone and I were both fucking him, I could see that happening, but not just the two of us.”
“Okay, see, that’s more what I would have expected from Yuuri,” Phichit said, reaching out to gently pet Viktor’s head. “So Yuuri, am I right?”
“When I was younger, if an older clone had come to teach me stuff, I would have gone with the it’s basically masturbation and gone along with it to be better prepared when Viktor noticed me,” Yuuri admitted. “But a clone of myself as I am now or was at the time? Probably not.”
“And then of course I’m pretty sure we all know what JJ’s going to say, so JJ, care to surprise us?” Phichit teased.
JJ shook his head. “He may be my clone, but he’s no longer me, so I would not fuck my clone. It would be cheating on Belle, and I would never do that. Even if you do look at as masturbation, the Church discourages that, too, so…”
“Yeah, about what we figured,” Otabek said. “I’d do it.”
“You would?” Yuri said. “Why?”
“Because with my clone, I could test out various fantasies to see if they’re actual kinks or things that need to stay in my head without having to worry about teasing if something goes horribly wrong. You wouldn’t?”
“No?” Yuri scoffed. “The world can’t handle two of me in one room. It’s be like introducing antimatter to matter. It would just be weird as hell and I don’t wanna.”
“Fair,” Seung Gil agreed. “I wouldn’t either, because that would be gay sex and I’m not gay.”
“Wait, you’re not?” Michele said, dropping his drink. “You’ve told Sara about four different times that you are!”
“I told Sara that I’m not interested in women,” Seung Gil deadpanned. “I’m attracted to them, much to my great annoyance, but that doesn’t mean I’m interested in doing anything about it.”
Everyone turned to stare at Phichit. “What? Neither of us mind the shipping because we both know the truth, and it keeps people from getting even more invasive of either of our love lives.”
“So, Michele, would you fuck a clone of yourself? And more interestingly, would you let Sara fuck a clone of herself?” Seung Gil asked.
“Sara can fuck anyone she wants to,” Michele said through great effort. “I wouldn’t do it because it would be like having sex with your twin and that’s weird.”
“Agreed,” Sara chimed in after a moment of silence. “Emil?”
“Hell yeah. Who’d know how to fuck me better than me?” Emil winked at Sara. “Honestly, I’m surprised this group is so anti-clone-fucking aside from Phichit and Otabek. Mila? Balance out the numbers a bit?”
“Hey, don’t forget Guang Hong!” Mila said, causing him to squeak and protest. “I dunno, what if my clone is evil? I have a strict no-evil policy after that one asshole.”
“Well, Emil, if it makes you feel any better… getting fucked by my clone is a fantasy of mine,” Christophe drawled. “I’m sure that comes as a shock to everyone, after all, basically everyone else in the skating world who’s interested in men has fucked me at some point, why should I be any different?”
“Seriously, you’d be into it?” Masumi asked, mischief gleaming in his eyes. “If it’s not really a fantasy of yours, you probably shouldn’t lie right now.”
~~~Now~~~
“You know, I just assumed that you were going to…” Christophe started, but he trailed off as he realized the problem with the scenario. Getting back into his current form would be difficult, and then there would be many questions to answer. “Never mind. Thank you for this.”
“You’re quite welcome.” Masumi dropped a kiss on Christophe’s cheek as he pulled on his coat. “And now, I really do have to go.”