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Boyfriend. The fact that this role is prescribed to Kiyoi in Hira’s life is still a thought that leaves him feeling giddy. The idea that he’s in a dream that could cruelly end any minute, is slowly ebbing away as the days go by. The excitement stays but the anxiety lessens every time he sees Kiyoi. Every smile, every touch and every word. As harsh as they may seem on the surface, those words laced with love and care are his biggest confirmation. Confirmation, that he never got in high school. Kiyoi, the beautiful man, is in love with him.
“What are you looking at?”
Kiyoi’s voice breaks Hira’s trance and brings him back to where he’s standing in front of his boyfriend’s practice room. A frown adorns his beautiful features as Kiyoi looks at Hira. When no answer comes, he speaks again:
“What’s going on in your stupid brain now?”
His words no longer have the harsh bite to them that they did in high school. It’s only been a few weeks since they started dating but a lot has happened. Hira and Kiyoi got to know each other. Not as the king and his servant, but as partners. Hira now knows what Kiyoi is like and he’s proud that he’s becoming a pro in recognizing what Kiyoi is like underneath the cold attitude. This fact alone would’ve been enough to send high school him in a frenzy. If the boy from back then could’ve seen the sides of Kiyoi he now sees daily. If he could hear the sweet nothings Kiyoi whispers in his ear when they cuddle late at night. Late at night when the moonlight and stars are all that stops the world from plunging into complete darkness. The moonlight, the stars and Kiyoi, because there is nothing that fills Hira with more warmth than to hear Kiyoi bluntly express himself. He doesn’t want to lose that, not even to his best friend.
Kazuki Koyama and Hira have started speaking again. Hira almost expected Kiyoi to order him to stay away from Kazuki. And whether it be bad habit or just the leftovers of the blind obedience he used to move under, Hira would’ve cut the other out of his life. But upon his boyfriend’s request, Hira talked about why Kazuki means a lot to him. They way he helped him during his lonely years. Years of wandering without purpose, desperately trying to get Kiyoi out of his mind. Kiyoi surprised both Hira and Kazuki by texting the latter that Hira would be going to dinner with him. Hira and Kazuki spent some time together over dinner upon Kiyoi’s request and decided to stay friends. Hira still decided to leave the photography club though. Now that he has his high school sweetheart back in his life he wants to spend as much time with him as possible. With the knowledge that Kiyoi isn’t disgusted with his presence but actually rather enjoys it, he now manages Kiyoi’s social media accounts. Discussing brand deals, figuring out the latest trends and of course taking pictures of his partner. It’s out of his comfort zone and he has messed up a few times but regardless of how many mistakes he makes, his boyfriend seemingly has no plans of taking this job away from him.
All of that has led to this point. Kiyoi is going to rehearsals for his play at the Silkroad café and Hira is meeting with Kazuki at his place to discuss the exhibition the photography club is holding. Although he wants to leave the club, even his love for Kiyoi can’t take away from the fact that he should probably finish this exhibition that they were planning together. As much as it isn’t his favourite thing to do, he did make a commitment to help them in this. Their relationship is still very new, so meeting with the man that has a crush on him doesn’t seem like a good idea. Kiyoi has said he doesn’t mind, grumbling something like ‘I don’t care what you do’ and ‘you’re still my boyfriend’, but Hira still has anxiety over it. He really doesn’t want to lose this thing he has with Kiyoi. He lost it once and now that he knows the feeling is mutual, he is adamant to keep it going.
“Disgusting!” Kiyoi suddenly yells, pulling Hira out of his thoughts and back to where they are still standing in front of the practice building.
“W-w-what do you…” Hira trails off as he sees the small smile in the corner of the boy’s mouth. He looks down at his fingers and slowly entwines them with Kiyoi’s. The fact that bold touches like this are now able to happen without Kiyoi getting angry is still making his heart beat faster. That feeling will probably never go away. He takes a breath and looks up to see the other looking at him patiently, waiting for him to speak.
“Koyama and I won’t take long; we just need to discuss some of the logistics of the exhibition since I missed the last meeting. If you want, you can- “Hira gets interrupted by Kiyoi lifting their entwined hands up to Hira’s lips. Hira slowly leans in and gently kisses their hands. Kiyoi smiles.
“My own boyfriend thinks I’m a jealous toddler who doesn’t understand the concept of friends, how disgusting.” He quickly shakes his head; he doesn’t think that at all. Kiyoi is really smart, smarter than most people give him credit for. He is the king after a- no he isn’t. Kiyoi isn’t a king. He has flaws, but none that are important in Hira’s eyes.
“Just do your best for the exhibition. I don’t want to be embarrassed by my own partner when I visit.” Hira barely has any time to react before Kiyoi presses his hands to Hira’s mouth one last time before turning around and going inside.
“I’ll do my best!” Hira screams at his back, Kiyoi waves at him without turning around and it brings a smile to his face. He will do his best. He won’t make himself a burden during his last activity with the club. He’ll do his best and show off his pictures to the best of his abilities. For Kiyoi. And for himself.
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Kiyoi puts down his phone camera after checking his appearance one last time. He used to check it religiously before leaving the house in high school. He didn’t know how deep Hira’s infatuation with him ran. If one bad hair day was enough for Hira to decide Kiyoi wasn’t worth the effort, he wasn’t going to risk it. Now that they are dating Kiyoi feels less of a reason to keep up the act that he doesn’t care. It still comes out when he’s embarrassed or angry but he’s slowly getting better. Besides, Hira has never really seems bothered by his way of speaking. He puts his phone away and contains his giddiness about seeing what Hira was working on while Kiyoi wasn’t in his life.
He smooths out his facial features to the best of his abilities and tries to look as unbothered as always. Not that there’s a point since Hira will know how he’s feeling with one look, but he doesn’t need everyone else to see how whipped he is. He follows the directions his boyfriend gave him and walks through the university. He tries not to think about what it would be like if he studied here with Hira. He has no desire to go for a higher education and with his grades in high school it’s logical that Hira does. But after years apart, some part of him wants to spend as much time together as possible. But as much as he orders Hira around to do things like get him a drink, he would never tell him to give up his education for him. He’s not motivated or enthusiastic for a lot so everything Hira truly wants to do, he’ll let him. That’s why he let Hira manage his social media accounts. He seems genuinely happy when he’s taking pictures of Kiyoi, so it seemed like the perfect job. And any excuse to have Hira’s eyes on him he’ll take.
“Welcome!” a woman at the entrance tells him as she hands out pamphlets with what the exhibition holds. Kiyoi takes it and nods politely but doesn’t even look at the pamphlet as he pockets it. He’s only here for Hira anyway, he doesn’t really know a lot about photography besides what Hira has told him and experience in photoshoots. It doesn’t take long for him to find Hira, mainly because Hira seemingly found him first. His big eyes already stuck on Kiyoi as if it’s the first time he’s seeing him. Even though they slept in the same bed yesterday, Hira still looks as love struck as he did in high school. Kiyoi relishes in the attention the way he never does with other people. He can feel more peoples’ eyes on him but can’t find it in him to care. He makes a b-line for where Hira is standing with the Koyama kid and other people Kiyoi only knows as his club members. Kazuki notices Hira staring and smoothly hides the hurt expression that threatens to take over when he realizes Hira abandoned him halfway through a conversation to stare at the one who just walked in. Kiyoi decides not to think about the pride that swells in his chest when he thinks about that.
“Kiyoi”, Hira greets breathlessly. Kiyoi nods at him and gives him a small smile before quickly greeting everyone else in the group. He met them for the first time not so long ago, so they acknowledge his existence and then return to their conversations when Kiyoi turns his back on them to listen to Hira. The one he assumes is the leader of the club keeps talking about how they should stand next to their own photos and answer any potential questions people have. Hira and Kiyoi completely miss the explanation about the booth with products for sale as they talk about how Kiyoi styled his hair differently today. Kiyoi notices they leader getting annoyed at the distraction, and he can even feel Kazuki glaring. He sighs before grabbing Hira by the arm and pulling him in to whisper in his ear:
“I’m going to take a look around the place, don’t embarrass yourself while I’m gone. I’ll be back in a bit.” He doesn’t wait for Hira’s response and just walks away, leaving a flustered Hira behind that gingerly touches his ear.
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He watches as Kiyoi walks away, slowly he returns his attention to the others who have since dispersed, clearly done with the briefing. He tries to focus on the exhibition and not Kiyoi’s beautiful face as he recalls what Kazuki told him yesterday. Right, stand next to the booth and answer questions about his pictures. This is far outside of his comfort zone, but he’s made a commitment and he’ll do everyone proud.
Or at least that’s what his brain tells him, his shaking hands and wobbly legs don’t seem to carry the same sentiment. His section is mostly filled with teachers and quick visits from strangers, where other people have groups of family and friends lingering in theirs. He doesn’t really mind and tries not to focus on Kiyoi. He still catches than man striding into the bathroom from the corner of his eye. It’s like his brain automatically tracks Kiyoi when he’s in the room with him. He’s so focused on trying to stay focused, that he completely misses the person walking up to him.
“Hi-hi! Still stuck behind that camera I see.” Shirota walks up to Hira without even glancing at the pictures he supposedly came for. Hira can feel the anxiety claw its way back up his throat.
“S-Sh-Shirota s-san, what are you doing h-here?” His voice comes out as quiet and slow as it did in high school. It’s as if the appearance of his old high school classmate was enough to send Hira spiralling back into that headspace. The last time he saw him was at graduation when he was still avoiding Hira’s gaze because he punched him. Yes, that’s the strongest memory Hira has of him. The way he dared to dump juice on Kiyoi. He still remembers the anger and bravery that filled his chest when he saw how Kiyoi simply stood there and took the abuse. But it seems that with the departure of Kiyoi, that bravery also disappeared.
“I was in the area when I ran into a friend of mine, he said his club was holding an exhibition at his university. Who knew our little Hi-hi also showcased his silly photos here?” Hira’s brain was filled with so many thoughts and none at the same time. As Shirota spoke, he could feel Kazuki’s eyes on them. While Hira struggles to form a response, he feels the familiar hand on his back as Kazuki appears with his familiar polite smile. There’s a twinge of anger to it only for those who know how to look for it. Clearly Shirota didn’t notice it as he just chuckles and doesn’t even give Kazuki a chance to speak.
“Aww, who’s this? I’m Shirota, an old classmate of Hira’s. Did you get a boyfriend? Did you finally finish running after Kiyoi?” He directs the last two things at Hira and Hira tenses when Kiyoi’s name is brought up. This, Shirota does notice.
“Alright, no need to get wound up. I was just curious what happened. Did Kiyoi finally get rid of his stalker, or did you realize how mediocre he is?”
He shouldn’t punch him. They are on campus at a university event, it would definitely draw unwanted attention. But he brought Kiyoi’s name up in such a way. Maybe that’s what he’s trying to do. Get Hira in trouble by starting a fight. If he does something now there will definitely be enough witnesses to say Hira threw the first punch. Luckily Kazuki, ever the diplomat, answers for him.
“What happened between him and Kiyoi-san is their business and no one else’s.” Hira is happy he defended them because his confidence in getting a sentence out without stuttering is very low.
“I’m Kazuki by the way, I’m also displaying my photos in the exhi- “
“I heard you two are dating now?” Shirota says, completely ignoring Kazuki. “How did that happen?” Hira tries to answer.
“K-k-Kiyoi is- “
“I mean he’s probably just amusing you. Entertained by how you trail behind him, he can’t possibly be in love with you- “
“SHIROTA-SAN!” Hira vaguely registers Kazuki screaming but his head is on a different planet. Whenever he’s around Kiyoi he can’t bring himself to think about such things but whenever he leaves, the doubts creep up. Every I love you, how sincere they may be meant, gets twisted. Does Kiyoi really not love him. No, Kiyoi is a lot of things but not a liar, he wouldn’t lie. But what does Hira have to offer Kiyoi?
His breathing quickens and he feels like his lungs are being filled with water. He grabs his chest desperately trying to keep his head above water. The king can’t be in love with someone like him, he deserves better.
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That toilet might’ve singlehandedly convinced Kiyoi that he never wants to go to university. From now on, whenever he’s doubting his career path he’ll just think about that disgusting smell of piss.
As he starts thinking about whether he’s been gone from Hira long enough, his phone vibrates. He can’t stop the disappointment when he sees it’s not from Hira. He groans before accepting the call.
“Hello Kazuki-san, wh- “
“Come to Hira’s booth quickly, something happened to him.” Kiyoi’s head starts spinning. His eyes immediately scan the room, desperately looking for his boyfriend. HIS boyfriend. Whoever hurt him will learn the consequences from messing with the person he loves. He finally spots Hira; he vaguely registers Kazuki saying something on the phone but before he knows it, he’s running. Ignoring the people he bumps into and the people staring. Hira’s hunched over clutching his chest, something’s wrong. As he approaches, he’s surprised to see Shirota there. Did he do something?
“Ah Kiyoi? Here to support your bOYfrIEnD? I can’t believe you’re actually dating him dude.” He waltzes straight up to Shirota with the simple plan to punch him in the face but one gasp from Hira is enough to derail those plans. He ignores both Shirota and Kazuki, who’s worryingly rubbing Hira’s back in a desperate attempt to calm him down. He grabs Hira by the arm and pulls him outside. He pushes people aside in a way that would be deemed rude in any other situation. Kiyoi can’t bring himself to care though. He pushes open a door to the hallway and is happy to find it mostly empty. He immediately turns to Hira who seemingly just registered that it was Kiyoi that pulled him away. For once he tears his eyes away from Hira’s enchanting gaze. He grabs him and tackles him into a hug.
“I love you Hira, I love you so much you disgusting idiot. I did back then, I do now, and I will in the future. Nothing will change that. I love you so much.” He repeats that and similar things over and over again.
Kazuki, who followed the two to the hallway watches as Kiyoi whispers I love you in Hira’s ear like a mantra. He never liked Kiyoi, he was arrogant, rude and frankly not worthy of dating Hira in his opinion. But this sight, Hira cuddled in Kiyoi’s arms and slowly calming down, makes him realize something. He realizes, Kiyoi loves Hire the same way he does, looks at him with the same love in his eyes. Hira will be fine. If he’s going to be in anyone’s arms, it should be Kiyoi’s.
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I love you Hira
The thought slowly sinks in as his rationality comes back. Kiyoi tried to call him, Kiyoi wanted to be with him, Kiyoi kissed him. That’s right, Kiyoi loves him. Enough to hug him in a place where someone could see them easily. Enough to know that what Hira needed was to get out of the crowd of watching eyes. Enough to quietly slip him a tissue because he knows he needs it.
I love you too
He doesn’t stutter when saying this. These words that he’s been preparing for years, feel comfortable to say only to Kiyoi. Other people call it fake. Other people say Kiyoi doesn’t love him. But Hira knows;
Kiyoi, the beautiful man, loves him. More than anyone else