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You should be happy. You know you should be happy. You should be ecstatic. Your best friend is engaged! He’s marrying the love of his life! If only it was you.
Marc shares the big news at one of his typical evening parties. He gathers the crowd, an arm around Celine’s waist as she shows off the ring he’d given her. It’s flashy, gaudy, absolutely not her style but she seems so happy to be wearing it. And your best friend turns to you, flashing you one of his signature million dollar smiles and what are you supposed to do? Tell him how you’ve been in love with him since you were children? Tell him you’ve hoped against hope that he would wake up one day and realize you were the woman he wanted all along?
“I’m so happy for you, Marc.” You smile and pray to whoever’s listening it doesn’t look as pained as you feel inside.
Marc claps you on the back. “I’m sorry for keeping it a secret from you, old friend. I wanted it to be a surprise!”
“W-Well it certainly was. How long have you been planning this?”
“Is it cheesy to say I’ve been thinking about it since the day I met her? Because that’s what it feels like. Even before we were together, I think I always knew.”
You swallow the lump in your throat, turning away to hide your watery eyes. “Well congratulations, my friend, I know you two will be very happy together.”
“Thank you. Now I simply must go find Will, I need to ask him about some ideas I have for the wedding.”
Marc runs off and you weave your way through the crowd to get to the bar. You take one of the glasses of champagne on the counter and throw it back before grabbing another.
“Whoa there, the party’s barely even started.”
Damien leans against the bar next to you, setting his cane down on the counter. He looks at you with gentle eyes, resting a hand on your shoulder.
“I’m sorry, I know this must be hard for you. I wanted to tell you but he made me swear not to tell a soul before the announcement. You know how Marc can be with his dramatics.”
“You knew?”
“He asked for my permission.”
“And you gave it to him?”
“They would’ve just done it anyway, it’s not as if Celine cares about my opinions on who she marries. I doubt she even wanted Marc to ask me, but you know he’s a fool for tradition.”
Sighing softly, you tilt your head back to stare up at the ceiling.
“Come now, old sport, you’ll find someone eventually.” He leans in to whisper quietly. “You could do better anyway, Marc’s choice of jewelry is absolutely atrocious.”
That pulls a laugh out of you.
“I suppose you’re right. That ring is awful. I’m surprised she accepted it.”
He shrugs. “Love makes you do silly things.”
“Speaking of which, where’s that attorney friend of yours?”
A blush spreads across his cheeks and he turns his head away.
“W-Why do you ask?”
“Nooo reason…only that I heard a rumor someone caught you two sneaking off together.”
“Th-That was purely a misunderstanding! I was…giving them some advice on a case.”
“I didn’t know you specialized in legal advice now.”
“W-Well…”
You chuckle. “Relax Damien, your secret is safe with me as long you introduce me at some point. Marc speaks very highly of them.”
“I suppose I can manage that. I’ll see if they can find time in their busy schedule.”
Over his shoulder, you see Marc and Celine smiling happily, chatting with a group of guests. He leans down to press a kiss to her lips, the look in his eyes one of unadulterated love and affection. It makes you feel sick.
“I…I’m going to get some air.”
“Alright, but you’d better be ready to play me at the tables later. My friend has been showing me a few of their tricks.”
You grab a third flute of champagne and push yourself away from the bar, shouldering through the mess of people filling the room. The crisp night air is a welcome change as you step out onto the terrace, taking a deep breath of the cool air. It’s quiet out here, finally giving you space to think.
You want to go home. You want to curl up in bed and never leave your house again that way you never have to see Marc or that lovesick smile that’s been plastered on his face ever since he and Celine got together. Guilt churns in your stomach. You should be happy for him. He’s your best friend, you want him to be happy above all else. But why couldn’t he be happy with you? Why couldn’t he love you?
Someone else steps outside and you sigh, hoping they’ll get the memo and leave you alone.
“I’m surprised, usually you’re the life of the party.”
You spin around to see Marc standing behind you. You can’t meet his eyes, scared the tears will fall if you do. He moves closer, putting a hand on your shoulder.
“Something’s the matter, I can tell. What’s wrong? Are you upset I didn’t tell you? I promise it’s nothing personal, I wouldn’t have even told Damien if I didn’t need to ask his permission.”
“I’m not upset, Marc, I just needed to get some air.”
“Which is only something you do when you’re upset. Talk to me. You know you can tell me anything, you’re my best friend.”
“I…” You shake your head. “Really, it’s nothing. Go back inside, I’m sure Celine is looking for you.”
“I refuse to leave until you tell me the truth. Tell me what’s wrong, please.”
Tears threaten to spill from your eyes and your hands ball into fists. You just want him to go inside and leave you alone. You want him to forget about you, because that would be easier than having to be reminded everyday that he could never love you the same way. Maybe it’s the stress or the alcohol in your blood, but you can’t take it anymore.
“What’s wrong is I’m in love with my best friend. What’s wrong is I have to watch the man I love be in love with someone else. I have to spend the rest of my life knowing I was never good enough!”
As soon as the words have left your mouth, you regret them. He looks at you with something akin to pity but much more distraught. Marc speaks your name softly, reaching out for you but you pull away from him.
“I-I’m sorry,” you say softly, “I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not your fault. I…I just want you to be happy, even if that happiness doesn’t include me. I just want you happy.”
To your surprise, Marc wraps his arms around you, pulling you into a tight embrace.
“I’m sorry, truly I am, I can’t imagine what you must be feeling. But you can’t think for a second that just because I don’t…return your feelings that you aren’t a part of my happiness. You can’t honestly believe that.”
“I…well…”
“You are one of, if not, my oldest friend. You have been with me through thick and thin. The love I have for you may not be the same love you feel for me, but it’s still love all the same. And no one could take your place in my life, ever.”
There’s no holding back the tears now and you don’t want to. You smile despite them, looking at this man who has been such a huge part of your life.
“Thank you.”
“Anytime, old friend. Now, I do believe Damien was setting up a round of poker and I may or may not have a few new tricks up my sleeve to make sure he loses.”
“You didn’t.”
He pulls an ace from his sleeve. “Oh I certainly did.”
“Alright, I’m sure between the two of us, we’re bound to rob him of every penny he has.”
“That’s the plan.” Marc offers you his arm. “Shall we?”
“We shall.”