Work Text:
Sometimes when Soojin feels too numb, or when she feels like the void in her chest is too prominent for her liking, she thinks, and she thinks some more.
It doesn’t help that much. The numbness only spirals into frantic overthinking; it only serves to add more guilt to the never-ending pile of things that Soojin has done, is doing, and will ever do.
Soojin keeps a blank face, mindlessly staring at the plain ceiling while her brain further makes itself stressed.
She could always reach out to her members, but she quickly pushes that thought. She doesn’t want to stress them out, nor does she feel like they’d fully understand her.
They don’t even know about this in the first place. That’s not their fault that they don’t understand though.
Hell, most of the time, Soojin doesn’t even understand herself.
Everything just feels so heavy, coupled with the horrible feeling of never being enough for her fans, her friends, for everyone.
Maybe, she should get diagnosed or something. Maybe, she should tell Soyeon.
Soyeon would understand, wouldn’t she?
As if on cue, her bedroom door opens to reveal none other than Jeon Soyeon herself.
“Hey, I can hear your thinking all the way from the living room.”
Soojin stops staring at the ceiling, she shifts her gaze towards the figure leaning on her doorframe.
“Oh, sorry about that.” Soojin’s voice was hoarse, it had been a while since she talked.
“Were you crying?” That made Soojin confused, she sits up. Ready to deny what Soyeon had just said.
“What? Crying? I wasn’t cr—“ Soojin brings her hand to her face, she was indeed crying. She didn’t notice it but there were damp streaks on her face.
“Oh.”
“Soojin, is everything alright?” Soyeon closes the door, the light from the living room gone. The younger’s expression, despite it being pitch black in the room, is laced with worry. Both of them in the same dark atmosphere when Soojin was thinking too much.
The younger of the two joined Soojin in her bed, laying next to the older while Soyeon waited for a response.
“Honestly? No.” Soojin lays down again, facing Soyeon who was already facing her.
“Wanna talk about it?” Soyeon whispered delicately, as if those words were meant to be heard by Soojin and Soojin only.
“It’s just,” Soojin lets out a sigh. “I don’t know what I’m feeling, Soyeon.”
Soojin is met with Soyeon’s eyes, the younger sending her an understanding look. Soojin feels a lump form in her throat, months had gone by without properly crying; and here she was, finally letting it all out.
Soyeon brings Soojin closer, wrapping the older in a hug. Soojin buries her face in the younger’s neck, tears fall onto Soyeon’s shoulder.
For a few minutes, only the soft sound of the air conditioner and Soojin’s sobs.
Soyeon breaks the silence, “I’m always here for you, alright? Not as just a leader but a friend as well.” The younger raises her hand to gently trace the cross tattoo on Soojin’s back.
Friend? It leaves a bitter taste in Soyeon’s mouth but, for now, it’s the least of her worries.
Soojin gives a light nod, her sobs becoming softer as time passes by.
“Soyeon?” The older croaks out, her voice wobbly from the crying.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.” It’s uttered softly, and Soojin meant it with all the sincerity she can give.
Soyeon only smiles, hugging Soojin a little more tighter.
The older falls asleep in the younger’s arms, Soojin’s grip on Soyeon’s hoodie is lighter as Soojin peacefully surrenders her thoughts for a good night’s sleep.
Soyeon looks at Soojin as if she hung the moon and the stars. A look far too laced with admiration to be just friends.